COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Subspace

honeybee_345

honeybee_345

Really Experienced
Joined
Oct 1, 2014
Posts
270
I am new to the wonderful world of BDSM and am curious about subspace.
I'd like for this thread to provide a space to talk about personal experiences as well as questions and theories on the subject of subspace.

Who has experienced subspace and what was your experience like?
How did you get into subspace?

Looking forward to learning with you!
 
honeybee_345 said:
I am new to the wonderful world of BDSM and am curious about subspace.
I'd like for this thread to provide a space to talk about personal experiences as well as questions and theories on the subject of subspace.

Who has experienced subspace and what was your experience like?
How did you get into subspace?

Looking forward to learning with you!
Click to expand...

I think it can be different from sub to sub (or person to person really, my Top gets TopSpacey too lol) and from time to time. I have different kinds of subspace. One is from heavy, thuddy impact play, where I tend to get giddy and giggly and laugh a lot. Each additional thump or bump makes me giggle more. Intense pain especially combined with mindfucking tends to get me to a more traditional "go away and float" subspace. That is the kind that leaves me with shaky legs and a feeling of airheadedness almost afterwards. That's the one where I need chocolate, and affection afterwards. I've recently started doing breath play as well (choke out on the carotid arteries rather than true breath play) and that makes me feel very calm and peaceful afterwards. Almost subspace-y but yet not. I also tend to be floaty enough I need help walking for a bit afterwards.

The truly deep internal shared subspace with my Top only happens when we play alone, not in public. I think I can't "let go" enough in public to do that, but when I am alone with him, he knows me well enough to know just how far to push me without pushing too far and I trust him completely so I can just relax and go with the waves of whatever comes at me at that moment.
 
Thank you for the response. I know that shaky leg feeling well. Its a favorite of mine.
I have not experienced subspace because I require a high amount of pain in the bedroom and have not been with a partner that matches that need. One day....one day....

This gives me new questions. What about aftercare? I like that you mentioned chocolate and cuddling :)
Any Dom's care to comment on their aftercare procedures?
Any sub's have experiences in subspace and/or aftercare that worked for them?
 
Honeybee, did you check the library at the top of the thread? I seem to have seen information on your question there, or possibly do a search. Best of luck on your quest.
 
honeybee_345 said:
Thank you for the response. I know that shaky leg feeling well. Its a favorite of mine.
I have not experienced subspace because I require a high amount of pain in the bedroom and have not been with a partner that matches that need. One day....one day....

This gives me new questions. What about aftercare? I like that you mentioned chocolate and cuddling :)
Any Dom's care to comment on their aftercare procedures?
Any sub's have experiences in subspace and/or aftercare that worked for them?
Click to expand...

I require a LOT of pain for true subspace as well. So far my best D/s partnerships have not involved sex and I can't wait to see what that adds to the dynamic as well. Chocolate seems to be pretty universal, but I know for me I tend to get chilly, so I like a cuddly blanket, and i want to be stroked and cuddled and loved on. I don't always get that, depending on where we are and how busy we are, but that's what I need and love to get. :)
 
I'm sad to see there are not more responses here. I would have loved to have seen this thread take off. :rose:
 
All_4_Love said:
I'm sad to see there are not more responses here. I would have loved to have seen this thread take off. :rose:
Click to expand...

Same here - although from a somewhat different perspective! It is fascinating to understand what is happening when one gets it right.

Always a delight to see you, madam. <Raises hat.>
 
DesEsseintes said:
Same here - although from a somewhat different perspective! It is fascinating to understand what is happening when one gets it right.
Click to expand...

Indeed, I can only imagine so, Des.

Always a delight to see you, madam. <Raises hat.>
Click to expand...

<kneels before you in utter reverence>

And you the same, kind Sir, only more. :heart:
 
I developed a [possibly annoying] pragmatic attitude about subspace very early on.

It's an endorphin hit. Biochemically, X happens, flooding the body with Y hormones/ etc, and Z [subspace] is the result.

I don't consider it to be a "goal" or even anything close to "the point" [of BDSM], much less a "priority"... If I don't hit that fuzzy-headed space, no biggie; my subspace is an afterthought, in the big picture sort of way. If I do hit that fuzzy-headed place, my lover tended to just chuckle, and take pride in their abilities. ;)

Of course, I'm also the sort of person who doesn't expect "aftercare". We might lay tangled up in bed for a bit, talking books, philosophy or politics... but it's just as likely I'll get him a drink of water, make sure there's an ashtray nearby (one of my former lovers smoked), and go make dinner while he relaxes or takes a shower. Being fawned over, or tended to would probably irritate the hell out of me, though. lol

I did notice that I handled the transition back to everyday responsibilities/ reality more easily, if I grabbed a chocolate dipped ice cream cone on the way home. I considered that to be more ritual/ habit/ routine, than aftercare...
 
CutieMouse said:
I did notice that I handled the transition back to everyday responsibilities/ reality more easily, if I grabbed a chocolate dipped ice cream cone on the way home. I considered that to be more ritual/ habit/ routine, than aftercare...
Click to expand...


Wait, wait, wait...you are on to something here. We can get desserts and goodies and feel no guilt by calling them aftercare? Sign me up!!! lolol (just kidding...)
 
At times with vanilla partners who made me squirt repeatedly for hours I have gotten fuzzy headed, wobbly legs to the point of falling, and a light/airy/endorphin feeling. I wouldn't call this subspace (because there was no D/s component or pain, which I love) but is this what some experience when getting close???

Thank you all for the responses <3
 
Is it possible that subspace could be brought on by a psychological stimulus versus being solely a physiological response?
 
All_4_Love said:
Is it possible that subspace could be brought on by a psychological stimulus versus being solely a physiological response?
Click to expand...

From what I've read there has to be a physical component to release endorphins and adrenaline...
 
honeybee_345 said:
From what I've read there has to be a physical component to release endorphins and adrenaline...
Click to expand...

It's an interesting phenomenon.

I vaguely recall reading something that had almost served as a warning to online Doms to watch their sub closely and remain in close contact after online encounters; however, it wasn't clear as to whether physical pain was involved.

I ask because I experienced something that left me very disoriented the next day. I didn't submit or have direct interaction with a Dom, so to speak. I did have a very intense reaction to something that occurred online, though. The next day, my speech was a bit off. I was spelling common words incorrectly. I was generally very "hazy" for lack of a better word. My emotions were off the charts. I cried a lot.
 
All_4_Love said:
It's an interesting phenomenon.

I vaguely recall reading something that had almost served as a warning to online Doms to watch their sub closely and remain in close contact after online encounters; however, it wasn't clear as to whether physical pain was involved.

I ask because I experienced something that left me very disoriented the next day. I didn't submit or have direct interaction with a Dom, so to speak. I did have a very intense reaction to something that occurred online, though. The next day, my speech was a bit off. I was spelling common words incorrectly. I was generally very "hazy" for lack of a better word. My emotions were off the charts. I cried a lot.
Click to expand...

That's an interesting reaction... I wonder if there were other factors in place. Did you eat/sleep enough?
 
honeybee_345 said:
That's an interesting reaction... I wonder if there were other factors in place. Did you eat/sleep enough?
Click to expand...

No, not the night that it happened. I was in a very high state of arousal and fantasizing that night. I hardly slept at all.

The next day, I plummeted. I started crying inconsolably and then I started having the disorientated feelings, inability to concentrate, etc.

Oddly, and embarrassingly enough to describe, it almost felt like a nervous breakdown, if you will.
 
Gosh, I hope that's not what it was, now that I look back after some time has passed. I was okay later that day. I got through it, thank goodness. I've never experienced anything like that again.
 
All_4_Love said:
No, not the night that it happened. I was in a very high state of arousal and fantasizing that night. I hardly slept at all.

The next day, I plummeted. I started crying inconsolably and then I started having the disorientated feelings, inability to concentrate, etc.

Oddly, and embarrassingly enough to describe, it almost felt like a nervous breakdown, if you will.
Click to expand...

Lack of proper food and sleep can produce numerous effects on the body, particularly after exertion- good sex. I'd be willing to bet this played a large role in what you experienced. However I'm no doctor and am just speculating/thinking aloud. Was your overall experience before and after positive or negative? Would you want to experience it again? How often do you usually go without sleep?
 
All_4_Love said:
Is it possible that subspace could be brought on by a psychological stimulus versus being solely a physiological response?
Click to expand...

I believe it can. I don't think subspace is always the same, or the same for every person. I don't think it only occurs when there is endorphins, etc. Therefore if something very intense happens for you, I believe you can have sub drop in the proceeding days after that event. JMO.
 
honeybee_345 said:
At times with vanilla partners who made me squirt repeatedly for hours I have gotten fuzzy headed, wobbly legs to the point of falling, and a light/airy/endorphin feeling. I wouldn't call this subspace (because there was no D/s component or pain, which I love) but is this what some experience when getting close???

Thank you all for the responses <3
Click to expand...

It sure is for me!! I have been able to become "spacey" from physical impact play and from some other activities that weren't physical. Most of the time, it is after impact play, but not always. But oh my, the shaking, the wobbly legs, the lightheaded feeling, the almost dizziness...it's the oddest feeling.
 
I don't hit subspace with impact play unless it is mixed with internal electroplay. Sometimes I hit subspace in rope, sometimes I don't and sometimes in predicament bondange when I am meant to be doing a houdini escape routine and I just hit lala land and can't even try to escape.

No rhyme of reason and if I get there then I get there and if I don't then it's not something that worries me. Better to enjoy the experience than stress out about that sort of thing.
 
I don't want to dominate (sic) this thread, because it really isn't about me or people like me. But it is certainly true that, with a Dominant and submissive both in tune, who know each other deeply and have a profound trust, and who are experienced in non-physical Dominance, that sub-space can be reached without obvious physical impact. It takes longer as a rule, and happens less frequently, but I have experienced it at times. I have also known the right words and commands bring a sub to the very edge of orgasm, so that even a brush of the hair or a light kiss on the lips can send her over the edge. The mind is itself a physical organ, after all. It would be fascinating to wire up a D/s or M/s couple to an EEG or similar, to see how subspace aligns with and is different from orgasm. As far as I know it has never been done, but I would volunteer like a shot.

Oh - and I agree with those who say that subspace should not be the inevitable end-aim of every session. Too many Doms will push too far and fast if they believe that, and find it hard to understand that it is not all about them.

Anyway - that's my contribution ended. I shall withdraw to the shadows and watch this fascinating discussion continue. Thanks to all involved.
 
DesEsseintes said:
I don't want to dominate (sic) this thread, because it really isn't about me or people like me. But it is certainly true that, with a Dominant and submissive both in tune, who know each other deeply and have a profound trust, and who are experienced in non-physical Dominance, that sub-space can be reached without obvious physical impact. It takes longer as a rule, and happens less frequently, but I have experienced it at times. I have also known the right words and commands bring a sub to the very edge of orgasm, so that even a brush of the hair or a light kiss on the lips can send her over the edge. The mind is itself a physical organ, after all. It would be fascinating to wire up a D/s or M/s couple to an EEG or similar, to see how subspace aligns with and is different from orgasm. As far as I know it has never been done, but I would volunteer like a shot.

Oh - and I agree with those who say that subspace should not be the inevitable end-aim of every session. Too many Doms will push too far and fast if they believe that, and find it hard to understand that it is not all about them.

Anyway - that's my contribution ended. I shall withdraw to the shadows and watch this fascinating discussion continue. Thanks to all involved.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the response DesEsseintes. I agree it would be interesting to see an EEG of D/s brains during a scene to compare subspace and orgasm. Maybe one day our dreams will come true...

I'm glad the point was brought up about not making subspace, or orgasm for that matter, be the aim of every play session. I think the intimacy of just being or lightly playing with a partner can be just as errotic and stimulating as sex itself. In different ways, of course.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

M
Diving into bdsm whithout damaging a relationship
Replies
14
Views
440
Bella857Donna
Bella857Donna
D
Mummification questions
Replies
0
Views
123
dkgoogle
D
K
BDSM & Autism: Part 3
Replies
4
Views
354
goldytheGoldfish
goldytheGoldfish
K
BDSM & Autism and me--hello!
Replies
11
Views
427
Bramblethorn
Bramblethorn
K
BDSM & Autism: Intro
Replies
3
Views
332
dschuetz68
D
Back
Top