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I'm going to a shrink & I need advice

Kim_Burly said:
I'll try and keep this brief. I was sooooooooo nervous going in. She understood that and she is not like shrinks I have seen in the past where they are cold and distant, she was kind and patient and she even made a few little jokes, which really put me at ease.

I had been doing a lot of introspection leading up to this appointment and I do think a lot of my current situation has a lot to do with my problems. When Sir and I got engaged we agreed that we would have a monogamous relationship. /QUOTE]

Ugh. As a Domme - this honestly makes me want to scream. The original contract was for the two of you to be monogamous.
Second, there is an issue of weight which your Dom is not happy with.

While Dominants are to bring their subs to greatness, sometimes there are lines NOT to be crossed. Anytime I hear a Dom want to control a subs weight - it makes me want to scream. Unless you are doing this in a healthy manner where your Dom treats you to a personal trainer and nutritionist - I just do not agree. I never will.

Monogamy is what you wanted. It is a hard line. Submissives many times give in, for that is their training. However, I have learned it makes them run like hell when they finally get some psych appointments under their belt.
My psychiatrist knows I am a Dominant. Yet we have discussed everything in the last 10 years. Even Subs that are bad for me.
I do this so I may be a healthy Domme. I can tell straight away if there will be issues.

If you want to get to the root of the issues - you need to be bold and discuss the reasons "why" your Dom wants you to see a shrink. Shrinks can't cure everything and sometimes there is nothing to be cured. You are beautiful the way you are and your Dom needs to accept that.
Click to expand...
 
The one thing I need from my more dominant boyfriend (I'm not the level of submissive you are) is his need and desire for me. I suppose in some ways it's a level of control, my being attractive to him and seeing him lust for me. I can understand how you must feel being in the situation you're in. In fact I only started feeling jealousy at all after I began to realize my submissive sexuality with my boyfriend.

Also, I agree with this, regardless of what you later agreed to:
MadeleineP said:
The original contract was for the two of you to be monogamous.
Click to expand...

But as for weight, perhaps OP is unhealthily underweight? That was automatically my first thought, although I can't assume that's the actual case.

Anyway, I'm very glad your therapist proves to be someone open-minded and someone you can be comfortable talking with. I hope you see the progress in yourself you want. :)
 
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MadeleineP said:
Ugh. As a Domme - this honestly makes me want to scream. The original contract was for the two of you to be monogamous.
Second, there is an issue of weight which your Dom is not happy with.

While Dominants are to bring their subs to greatness, sometimes there are lines NOT to be crossed. Anytime I hear a Dom want to control a subs weight - it makes me want to scream. Unless you are doing this in a healthy manner where your Dom treats you to a personal trainer and nutritionist - I just do not agree. I never will.

Monogamy is what you wanted. It is a hard line. Submissives many times give in, for that is their training. However, I have learned it makes them run like hell when they finally get some psych appointments under their belt.
My psychiatrist knows I am a Dominant. Yet we have discussed everything in the last 10 years. Even Subs that are bad for me.
I do this so I may be a healthy Domme. I can tell straight away if there will be issues.

If you want to get to the root of the issues - you need to be bold and discuss the reasons "why" your Dom wants you to see a shrink. Shrinks can't cure everything and sometimes there is nothing to be cured. You are beautiful the way you are and your Dom needs to accept that.
Click to expand...

Seeing a shrink for issues with getting back up to a healthy weight seems just as reasonable to me as seeing at PT and nutritionist.

Also, Kim_Burly pointed out that she wanted to open up the relationship. I see no reason why people shouldn't be allowed to change their mind about things and change the relationship if both want it.
Doesn't mean there can't still be difficulties you need to adress even if you do want to do it.
 
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MadeleineP said:
Anytime I hear a Dom want to control a subs weight - it makes me want to scream. Unless you are doing this in a healthy manner where your Dom treats you to a personal trainer and nutritionist - I just do not agree. I never will.
Click to expand...

Checking the OP's history, might have saved you a bit of screaming...

How to control my weight [3.24.2013]

Some of the OP's comments at that point in time, from that thread:

Kim_Burly said:
My diet is really a vegetarian diet with chicken and fish for protein. I do have deserts and occassional treats, but I run at least 5 miles on the treadmill, or roads when I can, every day. I am also doing Jazzercize 4-5 times a week.
Click to expand...


Well thanks Fire_Breeze, my BMI is in the 16s. I am eating about 1400-1800 calories per day. I really can't cut back on the cardio or I'll lose my momentum and motivation. I have just dabbled in the weight training, so I could cut back on that, especially if I need to eat like Mark Phelps. I really just want to firm up my chest to hopefully help my boobs look firmer. Even if this were an addiction of sorts, it's not a bad addiction.
Click to expand...

Sir is right, I have replaced alcohol with exercise.
Click to expand...

Her Master is sending her to a therapist, to help her develop a HEALTHY relationship with food and exercise. Hardly the "OMG those bastard male doms are such pigs! All they want is the hawtness on their arm, without any care or concern for their submissive's health!"
 
Madeline: While I am very, very submissive to Sir, my husband, he loves and respects me. I was not tricked or coerced into opening our marriage, quite the opposite. The fact is I can tell Sir I want to close it at any time and it will be so. He reminds me of this every now and then. You may be misunderstanding what open means in our marriage. Initially, we were always together when there was another/others involved. But as he is working, legitimately working 12-14 hours per day M-F and 8 on S & S, he has given me the freedom to be alone with my sub Lynn. Of course their are strings attached, but I get to spend some good quality time alone with her. He works from home on most days so the obvious solution was to have Lynn come to our house when the kids are gone, but that really cut into his work time, so now we do it at her house, since she is an empty nester. He is not out picking up women without me, which was my initial fear. While he is a handsome man, his tongue is pure gold, he could get laid anywhere, any time. But he has been true blue. He always wants me to go with him on business trips now that I no longer work. Alright, I think I've covered that.

Why does he want me to see a shrink? I am skin, bones and muscle. I had to throw that last one in their because I am in awesome shape, if I do say so myself. I easily qualified for the Boston Marathon for the 18-34 year old age bracket and I am 40+. But the real problem is that I am completely obsessed with my diet, exercise and my weight. I ran several full marathons this summer and I have beat some darn good female runners and then Sir told me no more, so I am missing the Chicago Marathon, which is right around the corner :(. I was thinking of working as a pacer, but that's out of the question now. I won't go into my exercise regimen because I don't want to come off as a bragger. I feel like I look good, but friends tell me that I look gaunt and Sir tells me that what I am doing is taking a heavy toll on my body, even though I feel great. My kids call me Skeletor.

So even though I have known he is right, I have been unable to moderate my diet and exercise. Sir freaked out when caught me throwing up after eating a piece of cheesecake. I didn't stick my finger down my throat, but between the fat, sugar and anxiety of eating a whole slice of Elias cheesecake, I lost it. That happens when I overeat or eat junk. That was the last straw for him, so now I am seeing the shrink. Because I need help modifying my behavior!



MadeleineP said:
Kim_Burly said:
I'll try and keep this brief. I was sooooooooo nervous going in. She understood that and she is not like shrinks I have seen in the past where they are cold and distant, she was kind and patient and she even made a few little jokes, which really put me at ease.

I had been doing a lot of introspection leading up to this appointment and I do think a lot of my current situation has a lot to do with my problems. When Sir and I got engaged we agreed that we would have a monogamous relationship. /QUOTE]

Ugh. As a Domme - this honestly makes me want to scream. The original contract was for the two of you to be monogamous.
Second, there is an issue of weight which your Dom is not happy with.

While Dominants are to bring their subs to greatness, sometimes there are lines NOT to be crossed. Anytime I hear a Dom want to control a subs weight - it makes me want to scream. Unless you are doing this in a healthy manner where your Dom treats you to a personal trainer and nutritionist - I just do not agree. I never will.

Monogamy is what you wanted. It is a hard line. Submissives many times give in, for that is their training. However, I have learned it makes them run like hell when they finally get some psych appointments under their belt.
My psychiatrist knows I am a Dominant. Yet we have discussed everything in the last 10 years. Even Subs that are bad for me.
I do this so I may be a healthy Domme. I can tell straight away if there will be issues.

If you want to get to the root of the issues - you need to be bold and discuss the reasons "why" your Dom wants you to see a shrink. Shrinks can't cure everything and sometimes there is nothing to be cured. You are beautiful the way you are and your Dom needs to accept that.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
Very well put. I've been in therapy since 2006. First step to any kind of change is proper self involvement.




[blunt warning]

Your Master, whom you have always sworn to love and obey (to the point of marrying the guy), has decided this is necessary. So my advice would be to drop the attitude, accept that you need help, and do the fucking work. And when I say "do the work", I mean "do the work". Not "do the work (while judging, criticizing, making excuses for yourself and finding excuses to ignore the person you're asking to help you)." Not "do the work (while pretending you don't have an eating disorder, or didn't replace a drinking problem with a food problem)." Just do the damn work.

CBT tends to be more effective than straight talk therapy.

Regardless, approaching therapy with a bad attitude, contributes to bad therapy. If you don't trust the therapists available to you, ask your Master to vet them for you - you trust him/ his judgement, right?

[/blunt warning][/QUOTE]
 
Think happy thoughts.

There was a time when there was such a thing
as "abnormal" sex, or "abnormal" sexual
orientations. There are now no "abnormal" sex
acts or orientations, and it is not thought
good that there ever were.

If you are not obsessed with sex with animals
or with children, there is no current social
standard whatsoever by which non-lethal BDSM
can be criticized. Unconventional sexual
orientations in some cases are protected
classes.

This protection probably does not extend (yet)
to BDSM. I don't know why your shrink would
not be able to deal with it. If she can't, it's
HER problem, not yours.

Don't worry. Be happy.

Kristie
 
Thanks everyone. We had session 2 today and I never thought 50 minutes could last so long. Every journey starts with the first step, blah, blah, blah.
 
tripleflip said:
Think happy thoughts.

There was a time when there was such a thing
as "abnormal" sex, or "abnormal" sexual
orientations. There are now no "abnormal" sex
acts or orientations, and it is not thought
good that there ever were.

If you are not obsessed with sex with animals
or with children, there is no current social
standard whatsoever by which non-lethal BDSM
can be criticized. Unconventional sexual
orientations in some cases are protected
classes.

This protection probably does not extend (yet)
to BDSM. I don't know why your shrink would
not be able to deal with it. If she can't, it's
HER problem, not yours.

Don't worry. Be happy.

Kristie
Click to expand...

I suppose this comment could be a sort of "work in progress", I hope. I have those too.

Kim_Burly said:
Thanks everyone. We had session 2 today and I never thought 50 minutes could last so long. Every journey starts with the first step, blah, blah, blah.
Click to expand...

I expect the shrink sees people who want things to get better quickly. That is probably not the case for the majority of people in therapy. So, for example, when you don't feel better by next Wednesday, she's hoping that you don't give up. You probably know that already though.
 
Kim_Burly said:
So even though I have known he is right, I have been unable to moderate my diet and exercise. Sir freaked out when caught me throwing up after eating a piece of cheesecake. I didn't stick my finger down my throat, but between the fat, sugar and anxiety of eating a whole slice of Elias cheesecake, I lost it. That happens when I overeat or eat junk. That was the last straw for him, so now I am seeing the shrink. Because I need help modifying my behavior!
Click to expand...

I'm still having a hard time understanding what's wrong. I'm thin too. Tall. Not in shape by any means. I don't exercise. Probably die of a stroke because I sit for long periods. I deal with anxiety and panic at times. Have for lots of years. It's my nature, and I manage it now. But anyways, I can't eat high-sugar things, like cake frosting. Or I'll get sick. Sugar and shortening (or lard) just sounds gross.

You're getting older. Your tastes and attitudes are changing with that. So you won't eat something that's not good for you without feeling like you've done something wrong. Obviously he's worried over your change in behavior, so he just might know best. I don't know.

We're all glad he cares. Certainly.

Being talked into panic by someone who just "knows" there's something wrong. That's my thing I guess, so my ears pricked up. That's all.
 
Since y'all were so supportive, I thought I would post a brief update. The therapy is going quite well. It is very, very, very hard and while I have not been 100% "cooperative", I am doing my best.

The good news is that I would say she is kink friendly, she didn't start that way, she was ambivalent at first. Then she began asking a lot of questions, very personal and intimate questions. I told her I was not comfortable revealing the level of detail she was requesting. She read me the riot act, basically saying "Answer my questions or go somewhere else". As it turns out she has a plan and apparently, she knows what she is doing. The upshot has been that we are following a good long term strategy and she says if I follow it, I can be done with therapy sooner than I expected. It is still strange and quite awkward when we discuss the most intimate details of my daily life. I find it humiliating, and not in a good way, but Sir and I agree that we are headed in the right direction, so I will carry on.

Sir is so pleased with my progress that he gave me permission to run in the Chicago Marathon tomorrow, but I don't have a valid entry :(. I'm a long way from done, but I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been much less anxious lately and I am not tripping over the little stumbling blocks that life puts in my path.

Thank you for listening. :heart:
 
Kim_Burly said:
Since y'all were so supportive, I thought I would post a brief update. The therapy is going quite well. It is very, very, very hard and while I have not been 100% "cooperative", I am doing my best.

The good news is that I would say she is kink friendly, she didn't start that way, she was ambivalent at first. Then she began asking a lot of questions, very personal and intimate questions. I told her I was not comfortable revealing the level of detail she was requesting. She read me the riot act, basically saying "Answer my questions or go somewhere else". As it turns out she has a plan and apparently, she knows what she is doing. The upshot has been that we are following a good long term strategy and she says if I follow it, I can be done with therapy sooner than I expected. It is still strange and quite awkward when we discuss the most intimate details of my daily life. I find it humiliating, and not in a good way, but Sir and I agree that we are headed in the right direction, so I will carry on.

Sir is so pleased with my progress that he gave me permission to run in the Chicago Marathon tomorrow, but I don't have a valid entry :(. I'm a long way from done, but I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been much less anxious lately and I am not tripping over the little stumbling blocks that life puts in my path.

Thank you for listening. :heart:
Click to expand...

That sounds great Kim!
 
Jumping in here kind of late, but I just wanted to say that I am impressed with your attitude, the work you are doing to help yourself get better, and with your Sir for being so loving and caring and taking such good care of you. I hope things get better and better for you.
 
I have had a couple of requests for an update. I am closing in on three months and it is going slower than I had hoped. Dr. Freud would be pleased with her (my shrink's) reasons for my issues, while I don't agree it's not relevant to making progress. I feel more secure about myself and in Sir's love, and I am more comfortable in being who I am. I'm still having trouble letting go of some of my past issues. I'd like to say I'm the model patient, but I'm not. I would grade the overall therapy at 70% successful, so far.

ETA: A big thank you for those that have been so supportive!
 
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Kim_Burly said:
I have had a couple of requests for an update. I am closing in on three months and it is going slower than I had hoped. Dr. Freud would be pleased with her (my shrink's) reasons for my issues, while I don't agree it's not relevant to making progress. I feel more secure about myself and in Sir's love, and I am more comfortable in being who I am. I'm still having trouble letting go of some of my past issues. I'd like to say I'm the model patient, but I'm not. I would grade the overall therapy at 70% successful, so far.

ETA: A big thank you for those that have been so supportive!
Click to expand...

Why are you going to a shrink sweet lady? I read your thread but I wonder what is happening with you inside?
 
Kim_Burly said:
I have had a couple of requests for an update. I am closing in on three months and it is going slower than I had hoped.


Kim, just remember that you don't need to run the whole race in one go, and you don't need to address all your 'issues' in one set of therapy sessions. I'm in my second phase of *constructive and helpful* therapy. Phase 1 10 years ago was to get my head round being a mom (I had an abusive childhood); Phase 2 is to help me move forwards into middle life and become more at peace with myself.

This time, the graphic equaliser is on max for your food issues, midi for the kink stuff but maybe minimum for other areas of your life. Don't force it if it's not progressing - but like you say, make sure you put as much effort in as you do your physical training. If you're not gonna run your PB this time and speed through your sessions, who cares? Chill out, kick back and actually enjoy the race. And remember, you can always run another race, have another set of therapy, at a different time in your future.

Keep being brave.
Tcx
Click to expand...
 
Kim_Burly said:
I have had a couple of requests for an update. I am closing in on three months and it is going slower than I had hoped. Dr. Freud would be pleased with her (my shrink's) reasons for my issues, while I don't agree it's not relevant to making progress. I feel more secure about myself and in Sir's love, and I am more comfortable in being who I am. I'm still having trouble letting go of some of my past issues. I'd like to say I'm the model patient, but I'm not. I would grade the overall therapy at 70% successful, so far.

ETA: A big thank you for those that have been so supportive!
Click to expand...

Progress is progress. Doesn't have to be perfect.
Just keep moving in the right direction and you'll get there.
 
Kim_Burly said:
Due to my inability to get back up to a healthy weight and even though I am not losing weight anymore, Sir has told me I must see a shrink. Let me preface this by saying that I saw some shrinks when my previous marriage was coming apart and as a teen and it has never gone well. As a rule I don't like them, I think that they are broken people too and they go into the field to cure themselves. Plus, they always want to obsess on placing blame. Were my parents perfect, no, but they are not to blame for my issues today, I am. Besides, who cares who is to blame, just help me get better.

So to please Sir and as long as I am going, I am going to try to make a sincere effort the make progress this time. I believe I will be able to put aside my dislike for shrinks. My question is, can I really make progress without being honest about the S&M aspect of our relationship? I am scared to death that as a mandated reporter, a shrink would turn Sir in for being an "abuser". On the other hand if I keep this part of myself from the shrink, can she really help me?

I did look for "kink friendly" shrinks, but they are all in the city and I got a very negative vibe when I went to see one of them for a consultation.

I am very worried about my first appointment this week and I don't know what to do. Sir said to trust my instincts about what to tell her and not be concerned about legal issues. He says if problems arise, we will deal with it then.

I would be grateful for any feedback.
Click to expand...

Cancel it. Psychoanalysis is a selfish, bourgeois indulgence that doesn't work.
 
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Yes you guys are right. That is one of my problems, that I am obsessive in my goal oriented behavior. I like to be able to see the graph always moving in the right direction. Sir has been good about keeping our lives simple for a while now. He did make one of my fantasies come true, which was absolutely mind blowing, and the fact he did it made me realize how much he loves me and that really took the edge off of my insecurity induced anxiety. If that makes sense. It's very hard and I'm sticking with it. Thanks for listening.
 
Think of the whole situation as being like a physical injury. Think about how long people are in PT/OT for issues like back injuries, hip replacement. It is the same thing with therapy. You sometimes have relapses in the healing process, it should be no different with your therapy. Just remember, the zeal to "be well" can cause additional issues. Had a rather uncomfortable injury several years back- kept trying to get back into running before I was ready. Finally let my body heal.

Let your mind heal.

If you care to share- what was the mind blowing activity? :devil:
 
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