Pretty please, play with me.

Of course

I would never think of posting it without including at least a link to your post...

slut 'ku

Lauren

Sternest taskmistress
wielding her whip. Sonnets rule
her kinky/cool world.

Judo

Futuristic slut
chrome plated nookie leaking
electric juices

Redwave

close your eyes, open
your mouth. I’m sure his thing will
pop into your head.

Eve

First among women
Eager, she awaits spanking
Her apple turns red.

Karmadog, you're a Haiku Slut!

(I'm really enjoying calling everyone a slut. )

Re: slut 'ku

karmadog

his slut/friend haiku
do not fool those who know him -
he writes of himself

Re: Re: slut 'ku

TheDR4KE said:

karmadog

his slut/friend haiku
do not fool those who know him -
he writes of himself

Click to expand...

LOL

Yep, what he said...



On a related subject, I belive I found a way of getting all those stanzas we wrote for the sonnet together in a single poem. I'm currently editing to make it more tight and congruent, but should be done with it tonight, probably within submission time, unless someone wants to change it further.

karmadog

his slut/friend haiku
do not fool those who know him -
he writes of himself

Click to expand...

If asked to testify, I'll go Enron all over the place.

karmadog said:

If asked to testify, I'll go Enron all over the place.

Click to expand...

That reply would have looked better on three lines:



asked to testify
the dog went enron on us -
all over the place






aaahhh haiku
make me feel better -
even silly ones

New form

Here it is. I had to invent a new revolutionary poetic form in order to enclose all the wonderful stanzas you have created. It is a freakish mutant fusion of the classic and english sonnets, and this 20 iambic pentameters estravaganza, respects a very tight rhyming scheme: ABBA CDDC CDE CDE ABBA EE. As you can see, each of the five rhyming sounds appears four and only four times. I named this new weapon of ours the "Hynde Hypersonnet". Its first target:


Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet

If you were to come meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave

A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my wade.
So follow close this silent path, unafraid,
Before it fades from view and light grows dim

And yet I know that it would be too grim,
For many times my pure heart has been betrayed
Why do I leave it open, let hurt subsist?

I feel my breath go out in but a whim
My question's answered soon as it is made
Better be left bleeding, than never missed

Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.

Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."


----------------------------

There are a couple of things that need adjustment, but it's beyond my ability:

Better be left bleeding, than never missed
and
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."
are not iambic; can anyone think of a way to do it? Is there any other thing any of you would like to change?

Good, good job, Lauren. I like the hypersonnet. And I like what you did with my stanza.

I submitted Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet to see if we can have it posted tonight. If anyone wants to change anything, we can always edit it later, right?

Or we can edit it now. I guess it wasn't submitted in time...

Where is everybody? Judo, our Sonnet Queen, any changes? And when you're done with this, could you please check my "Dolce color d'orïental zaffiro" sonnet?

Re: New form

Lauren.Hynde said:

Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet

If you were to come meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave

A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my wade.
So follow close this silent path, unafraid,
Before it fades from view and light grows dim

And yet I know that it would be too grim,
For many times my pure heart has been betrayed
Why do I leave it open, let hurt subsist?

I feel my breath go out in but a whim
My question's answered soon as it is made
Better be left bleeding, than never missed

Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.

Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."


----------------------------

There are a couple of things that need adjustment, but it's beyond my ability:

Better be left bleeding, than never missed
and
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."
are not iambic; can anyone think of a way to do it? Is there any other thing any of you would like to change?

Click to expand...

-------
changes:

Better be left bleeding than never missed.

can be:

Abandonment's preferred before not missed.

-------

Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."

becomes:

Of many lips - those thousand never kissed."

-------
Other suggested changes:

If you were want to meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave.

A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my shade.
With silence go and seek me unafraid.
Before I fade from view and light grows dim.

And yet I know that it would be too grim
For many times my heart has been betrayed.
So, why do I risk love, lest hurt subsist?

I feel my breath expire on but a whim.
My question's answered soon as it is made
Abandonment's preferred before not missed.

Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.

Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of many lips - those thousands never kissed."

I like the changes, Judo

Eve, RW? What do you say? Can I submit this?

I'm not in this, but isn't this line awful grammar?

If you were want to meet me in the

Click to expand...

I think the original better. I don't think y'all need to be a slaves to the iamb. Other than that, I really like it.

karmadog said:

I'm not in this, but isn't this line awful grammar?

If you were want to meet me in the

I think the original better. I don't think y'all need to be a slaves to the iamb. Other than that, I really like it.

Click to expand...

Ohhhh, iamb slaves! lol
I think sonnets are very difficult. Judo, is okay to cheat a little and go with If you were to come meet me in the eve? I'm okay with either version.

Hollywood Redwave

I too like the first version better. But hey, I've lost creative control of the project, the producers are jerking me around on my contract, Wicked Eve has a bigger trailer than I do, I'm constantly being upstaged by all these women . . .
I'm outta here. Show me the money! Where's that worthless agent of mine?

OK, I'm submitting Judo's version minus the first quatrain change:

Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet

If you were to come meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave

A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my shade.
With silence go and seek me unafraid.
Before I fade from view and light grows dim.

And yet I know that it would be too grim
For many times my heart has been betrayed.
So, why do I risk love, lest hurt subsist?

I feel my breath expire on but a whim.
My question's answered soon as it is made
Abandonment's preferred before not missed.

Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.

Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of many lips - those thousands never kissed."

More HR

Oh, please. That wanton hussy Judo has warped my words maliciously. She's out to get me, I tell ya! Drat you, you evil woman!


I would never pen a flowery phrase like "lest hurt subsist." And what is this: "Abandonment's preferred before not missed"? I have no idea even what that's supposed to mean! And it's supposed to be an improvement over my original line: "Better to be stabbed and bleeding, than inert"?

It's a plot, I tell ya, a conspiracy against me. Judo is the evil mastermind of a vast underground organization of bisexual women dedicated to one purpose, and one purpose only: the destruction of REDWAVE. I'm not sure whether Lauren and Eve are her willing accomplices or unwitting dupes.

Actually, I was the one who changed your verse first, from

"Better to be stabbed and bleeding, than inert"
to
"Better be left bleeding, than never missed"

for rhyme purposes. And you must remember, you wrote it as a closing stanza, but in the final version it ended up closer to the middle, so changes had to be made. I has affraid to edit your work too much, but I agree that, in this context, Judo's verse works.

And stop whining! You'll be starting the next group poem, so you'll have final editorial control then...

I can't whine?

But Lauren, I like whining . . . whine, whine, whine . . . My entire life distills to a fine Jewish whine. I'm not Jewish, but I'm kind of an honorary Jew. Oy veh!

O God, this is horrible. I've been JUDO-ized!

Red, go back to your place under my bed and don't come out until I order you to!

I see the poem is finally online! And I noticed there were several slut sonnets on that first page of new poems. Judo, Lauren is the slut fest over?

Whores of Poetry: A Slut Terzanelle

The whores of poetry call
to lovers Rhythm and Rhyme
who stand idly in the hall

Hurry, scurry and climb
on their iambic feet
to lovers Rhythm and Rhyme.

Ode and Sonnet compete -
dirty verses in motion
on their iambic feet.

They give Rhythm a notion
when they flash and sway -
dirty verses in motion.

Suggestions of four-way -
poets with naughty words
when they flash and sway.

"We love what we heard,"
the whores of poetry call.
Poets with naughty words
who stand idly in the hall.

Re: I can't whine?

REDWAVE said:

O God, this is horrible. I've been JUDO-ized!

Click to expand...

And you thought I was out-of-town already and you could just get away with this, huh, RW?

I foresee big, masonite paddles in your future.


- Judo

WickedEve said:

Judo, Lauren is the slut fest over?

Click to expand...

Are we dead? How can it be over?


- Judo

WickedEve said:

Judo, Lauren is the slut fest over?

Click to expand...

huh... no...

For the readers that are just too lazy to look through the New Poetry list, read and vote for:

Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet by The Poets

Sonnet Sluts by Lauren Hynde

23rd Century Sonic Sluts! by JUDO

Sonnet Slut's Sonnet Declaration by JUDO