Ribbing your spouse about having sex with someone else

I just can't imagine someone ribbing their spouse about having sex with someone else. It's pretty common in the stories on LitE. Here's an example I read recently:

"Ok, it happened after a work party. One of Levi's co-workers was a woman who Levi always had the hots for. I'd always rib him on how much he wanted to have sex with her but it was always more in jest."

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I can't think of any time when I heard someone rib their spouse about wanting to have sex with someone else. Have I just not hung out with the right people?

I've heard when a woman can discuss sexiness of another woman with her husband. spouse. Like, "Boy, she has an ass on her!". But that's like aesthetic appreciation, I can very much appreciate the body of Tom Cruise the same way.

Never heard someone ribbing about having sex though. It's the one thing we don't want happening, so we would avoid instilling the thoughts. It's perfectly fine and understandable to think that another woman/man is beautiful or sexy though. It doesnt mean we ahve sex with them

8letters said:

I just can't imagine someone ribbing their spouse about having sex with someone else. It's pretty common in the stories on LitE. Here's an example I read recently:

I can't think of any time when I heard someone rib their spouse about wanting to have sex with someone else. Have I just not hung out with the right people?

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Hang on -- are you saying that there are stories on Literotica that aren't completely realistic?

8letters said:

I just can't imagine someone ribbing their spouse about having sex with someone else. It's pretty common in the stories on LitE. Here's an example I read recently:

I can't think of any time when I heard someone rib their spouse about wanting to have sex with someone else. Have I just not hung out with the right people?

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That's kinda weird to me...we kid each other all the time. Go figure. Different strokes, I guess.

8letters said:

I just can't imagine someone ribbing their spouse about having sex with someone else. It's pretty common in the stories on LitE. Here's an example I read recently:

I can't think of any time when I heard someone rib their spouse about wanting to have sex with someone else. Have I just not hung out with the right people?

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I've never had anyone I know in real life say they wanted to see that either...

Everything is a BIT glorified here Im sure...

Dollie

As far back as I can remember and as late as............. yesterday or today, my husband ribbed me about sex with other men. Either one on one or swapping. We even have stories about it.

Some members not living in mom's basement must live under rocks.

I'm with the OP on this one. Maybe I hang with the wrong crowds? The closest we get is teasing each other about lingering over half-naked (or fully naked) people on tv. "Do you want to watch this show, honey? It has boobs!" I can imagine us having conversations about random actors, but never, ever about people we know in real life. That would be horribly awkward.

Edit to add: I once had the chance to meet an actor from Spartacus in person and didn't because I really enjoyed ogling him on the show, incl full frontal. I just knew any face-to-face meeting would involve me turning bright pink and stammering incoherently.

8letters said:

...

Have I just not hung out with the right people?

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Correct. To each their own.

Denny

So------------- all of these Lit stories and thread comments never happened?

I'd say it's neither in the "never" nor the "common" category. I would go with "relatively rare", overall.

And among swingers and open marriage people (relatively rare as a group), still somewhat rare, but not as rare as the overall population.

"Some members not living in mom's basement must live under rocks. "
Well, - No.

My Ex would NEVER consider discussing sex with a third party.
Ye gods, she hated it if she caught me looking at another woman.

8letters said:

I just can't imagine someone ribbing their spouse about having sex with someone else. It's pretty common in the stories on LitE. Here's an example I read recently:

I can't think of any time when I heard someone rib their spouse about wanting to have sex with someone else. Have I just not hung out with the right people?

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My partner and I have been together almost twenty years; we're as married as Australian law allows.

We will happily rib one another about celebrity crushes etc. - although I'm going easy on that just now, because her main crush died recently.

If I'm interested in somebody we actually know, she'll probably rib me about that... and then invite that person over to our place for dinner/movie/board games/whatever so that I can get to know them better. But we wouldn't have that discussion in earshot of uninvolved third parties, which might be part of why you don't hear such things.

LIVINRFANTASIES said:

So------------- all of these Lit stories and thread comments never happened?

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I just cannot imagine a day when don't tease one another. Mine laughs like hell over something that happened last year. He went into a store and I waited in the car for him. While I was sitting there, this guy came strolling out and I watched him crossing the parking lot as he came towards me.

When he got close enough that I was wiping the drool from my chin, I did the polite thing and looked out my window instead of at him. While I was looking away, he did the unthinkable and opened the driver's side door and climbed inside the car with me.

Much to my embarrassment, this gorgeous hunk of a man turned out to be my own husband. I was so startled that it made me scream. Talk about being cold busted! He knew right away and called me out on it. The weird thing was it happened twice in less than a week! Now, he teases about it all the time. He's so cute when he's being arrogant.

My wife has done this a few times but it wasn't within earshot of anyone else.

My god, we do this all the time.

It's never serious (unless shes talking about Mark Ruffalo, which can be embarrassing, when he's standing behind you, as he was last year when I mentioned that )

I dunno, I always thought it was a symptom of a healthy relationship, to be able to talk about that kind of thing and joke about it?

We always know it's a joke though.

holliday1960 said:

That's kinda weird to me...we kid each other all the time. Go figure. Different strokes, I guess.

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LIVINRFANTASIES said:

As far back as I can remember and as late as............. yesterday or today, my husband ribbed me about sex with other men. Either one on one or swapping. We even have stories about it.

Some members not living in mom's basement must live under rocks.

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jezzaz said:

My god, we do this all the time.

It's never serious (unless shes talking about Mark Ruffalo, which can be embarrassing, when he's standing behind you, as he was last year when I mentioned that )

I dunno, I always thought it was a symptom of a healthy relationship, to be able to talk about that kind of thing and joke about it?

We always know it's a joke though.

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All this x100.

What else do healthy couples talk about during awards shows?

If nothing else, the line is an easy set-up. IF you and your spouse CAN tease each other about having sex with someone else, THEN . . . well, you get it.

Maybe not quite the same, but my wife and I will mention people we'd like to fuck. I'm racking my brain trying to remember a time when she (or I) said, "I know how much you want to do him/her . . ." Still, an easy set-up and I'm all for being easy.

holliday1960 said:

Much to my embarrassment, this gorgeous hunk of a man turned out to be my own husband. I was so startled that it made me scream. Talk about being cold busted! He knew right away and called me out on it. The weird thing was it happened twice in less than a week! Now, he teases about it all the time. He's so cute when he's being arrogant.

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Okay, that is just straight up adorable. I love that you got busted going slack-jawed over your own husband.

OliviaM said:

Okay, that is just straight up adorable. I love that you got busted going slack-jawed over your own husband.

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Thanks, Livie! (I figure if he still makes me feel that way after 21 years...he's got to be a keeper!)

So what do you mean by that?

8letters said:

I just can't imagine someone ribbing their spouse about having sex with someone else. It's pretty common in the stories on LitE. Here's an example I read recently:

I can't think of any time when I heard someone rib their spouse about wanting to have sex with someone else. Have I just not hung out with the right people?

Click to expand...

Okay... Here Goes...

My wife used to tease me relentlessly about a woman that used to hang out with us at coffee. This woman was around 40, almost pretty, and had a 'to die for' pair of legs and ass. Although this woman wasn't crass enough to come right out and say it, she made no bones about the fact that she wanted me. I think if she could have figured out a way, she would have peeled me away from my wife and kept me for herself.

My wife thought it was so funny that she never let me hear the end of it. One time my wife even said, "Hey look, your puppy is here." when this woman walked into the coffee shop. All of our friends busted out laughing at a joke we couldn't explain when the woman got to where we were sitting.

So yeah, it can happen. People can get teased about having sex with someone else, and not just in the 'hey that's your real girlfriend' joke when they see someone that's undesirable.

Oh wait... You didn't mean getting teased about actually fucking someone did you? No, that never happened.

FantasyXY said:

Okay... Here Goes...

My wife thought it was so funny that she never let me hear the end of it. One time my wife even said, "Hey look, your puppy is here." when this woman walked into the coffee shop. All of our friends busted out laughing at a joke we couldn't explain when the woman got to where we were sitting.

Oh wait... You didn't mean getting teased about actually fucking someone did you? No, that never happened.

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That's cute! Your puppy! I keep telling mine that he has such horrible taste in women that I get to choose the next one for him! And, he tells me I can't possibly have an affair without him knowing about it because he would have to drive me to meet the guy and wait for me in the car!

This site is overflowing with happy incest stories, rape turned into a welcome encounter, and women living as hucows, so it's a bit hard to see why couples teasing each other about sex with other people would stick out as particularly unrealistic.

I've been thinking some more on why this bothers me. I've never seen any articles on this subject, but I've read a few articles on sexist jokes such as this one.

Translating the research from sexist jokes to this, when the character Alyssa ribs her husband Levi about having sex with a co-worker she:
* Normalizes someone married having sex with a co-worker. Everybody does it
* Implies that she condones Levi having sex with the co-worker. It would be bad to do, but these things happen
* Implies that the idea of Levi having sex with a co-worker bothers her very little. The thought of it threatens her so little that she's able to make light of it

In LitE stories when someone ribs their spouse about fucking someone else, that person is doing all of the above things. The spouse always winds up fucking the person he/she was ribbed about.

Now you could say that by ribbing your spouse about him/her fucking someone he/she knows, you are sending the message that you trust your spouse so much that the idea of them cheating on you is laughable. But given how disastrous it would be if he/she took your joke the wrong way, I'd think any married person would stay far, far away from these type of jokes.

8letters said:

I've been thinking some more on why this bothers me. I've never seen any articles on this subject, but I've read a few articles on sexist jokes such as this one.

Translating the research from sexist jokes to this, when the character Alyssa ribs her husband Levi about having sex with a co-worker she:
* Normalizes someone married having sex with a co-worker. Everybody does it
* Implies that she condones Levi having sex with the co-worker. It would be bad to do, but these things happen
* Implies that the idea of Levi having sex with a co-worker bothers her very little. The thought of it threatens her so little that she's able to make light of it

In LitE stories when someone ribs their spouse about fucking someone else, that person is doing all of the above things. The spouse always winds up fucking the person he/she was ribbed about.

Now you could say that by ribbing your spouse about him/her fucking someone he/she knows, you are sending the message that you trust your spouse so much that the idea of them cheating on you is laughable. But given how disastrous it would be if he/she took your joke the wrong way, I'd think any married person would stay far, far away from these type of jokes.

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I believe you're trying to analyze this too much in the wrong direction. It's already been discussed that this premise of teasing the spouse about a potential hook-up is an easy set-up for a story. It has also been well recognized that LitE stories are rarely examples from real life, or are overly dramatized versions, a mix of fantasy, etc.

That said, couples in real life have different ways of communicating. Some people do joke to displace, but if that is recognized, then the couple can open a line of discussion for what underlying feelings are causing that joke. If there is a hint of jealously, doubt, or low self-esteem noticed within that joke by one partner, they can talk through those feelings, and try to fix any potential issues before those issues become larger within the relationship.

I don't think many of the couples actually teasing their partners in this way, are signaling some kind of hidden double meaning, but if one partner feels a double meaning may be involved, they can discuss that with their partner to provide a better understanding for both parties. If I was uncertain about a meaning of a tease, I'm going to have him clarify his meaning, not just assume what he meant, and I think most here would agree they do the same. It's not just the idea of whether or not cheating is laughable in that relationship, it's that joking can be a start point for broader conversations in couples willing to openly communicate.

That is not to say couples who do not joke like this are any more/less comfortable speaking to their partners. It's just what works for them to open up about potentially sensitive topics. Some people only want to discuss such things seriously, and that's fine too.

You also have to recognize that there are couples in open/poly/swinging/etc. relationships. Their methods of communication will also differ from couple to couple.

If joking this way does not work for you in your relationship, and makes you uncomfortable, then simply don't use that method of communication for yourself.

45 years married...there have been a time or two when she would poke me in the ribs about a hot looking slut across the room or I would whisper in her ear about the hunk at the bar. But that was way back when we were young and only as asides to each other, never to third parties.