Male and Female Bisexuality in the BDSM Lifestyle

I am a man with a strong affection for BDSM. I am switch but with a definite submissive tilt which is counter to my outward everyday personality. Several years ago while in a relationship with a woman who was the opposite of me (switch, domme tilt who acted more sub in everyday life) I experienced an epiphany of sorts. We would often play with toys and she would at times have me suck a strap on and we talked about but she never actually fucked me with a strap on.

One night whilst in the throws of passion she asked me if I would suck her strap on if it was on another person. We often talked about bringing another woman or couple into our bed but we broke up before we ever had the chance to do so. I of course said yes. In my mind I pictured her and another woman wearing a strap on. Then she asked me even if it was on a guy. We had both agreed that guy/guy stuff did nothing for us but I knew instantly where she was going. I asked her if she wanted to see me with another guy. She admitted she did and asked if I would consider it. I told her I might under the right circumstances. It was a strange revelation for me because I had honestly never considered it before that. We discussed and it became a common topic when we talked about fantasies.

In the years since I have come to terms that I am likely a bisexual man. My question is how accepted is bisexuality in the BDSM life style. I know that female bisexuality is openly accepted and often encouraged but the other way I suspect it it not as much so. Lately my fantasies have been both femdom and even being dominated by a man.

Human sexualilty-- and indeed all elements of human identity-- align along multiple axis'. Vanilla to BDSM is one. Het to gay is another. Cisgendered to genderqueer is yet a third axis-- any of these element can combine in any way, along with the whole rest of the id...

I would like to say that male bisexuality is more accepted in the BDSM world than the vanilla, because I would like to say that BDSM people are more exploratory of kink and more interested in alternative sexuality. But I have a sneaking suspicion that the segment of BDSM that calls itself "Leather" is queerer than the hetero BDSM group.

But maybe that's just the nasty winter weather talking...

bit of a side response-question...Why does it matter if it is accepted?

If it is what makes you happy, go for it

bhndblueyes88 said:

bit of a side response-question...Why does it matter if it is accepted?

If it is what makes you happy, go for it

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It doesn't matter to me. I was hoping to foster discussion which is what message boards and forums are all about.

HerLittlePiggy said:

It doesn't matter to me. I was hoping to foster discussion which is what message boards and forums are all about.

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My recommendation is also to not care. Even if that's a discussion killer. Are other people's phobias going to make you less cock-lovin'?

You'll meet every kind of person in kink, from male bisexual germs ewwww to people like me who will ONLY fuck bisexual men.

This thread is a lot more about male than female bisexuality.

Maybe this is not really the forum for this, but...

I'm male; I'm not entirely into BDS, although the (M) holds some attraction.

I had some notions of BDSM and/or something bi-sexual when I was younger, for myself, and some strong notions of bi-sexuality for my wife. My wife was extraordinarily sexy and yet somehow she selected as a best friend the sexist woman I ever saw; despite my explicit requests that she eh...explore her relationship with her friend; she never did. She wasn't enthusiastic about me exploring my side either. A disease I call: vanilliaese. She didn't agree with my diagnosis.

My wife was not into BDSM either, as a lifestyle. But boy...could she ever use bizarre sex - which I initiated - to make her feelings known when it really mattered - er, hurt.

Marquis said:

This thread is a lot more about male than female bisexuality.

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radepor said:

I'm male; I'm not entirely into BDS, although the (M) holds some attraction.

I had some notions of BDSM and/or something bi-sexual when I was younger, for myself, and some strong notions of bi-sexuality for my wife. My wife was extraordinarily sexy and yet somehow she selected as a best friend the sexist woman I ever saw; despite my explicit requests that she eh...explore her relationship with her friend; she never did. She wasn't enthusiastic about me exploring my side either. A disease I call: vanilliaese. She didn't agree with my diagnosis.

My wife was not into BDSM either, as a lifestyle. But boy...could she ever use bizarre sex - which I initiated - to make her feelings known when it really mattered - er, hurt.

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Ah well, that's always another side of the question; as a bisexual, must you practice?

Not every bisexual wants to step out on their mate. For them it means that they could have a mate of the same sex, if that person was right for them. Not all Bi's are sluts and horndogs!

And enquiring minds want to know; what kinds of wierd sex, huh huh?

Go for what makes you happy as you can't please all the people all the time, so best to please yourself. For us, although F is hetero, we welcome bisexual males on the occasions we have included others in scenes with us. For that reason we tend to attract those who want to explore or develop that area of their sexuality in a D/s context and have fun doing it.

Catalina

Hi I'm a bi guy learning or trying to learn my place in the bdsm world and I don't believe sexuality is any barrier it is just a matter of finding the right dom or sub that works for you.

I don't think there's any need to be either straight, gay, or bisexual - or whatever other titles you like to use.

Over on Fetlife I've come across labels such as heteroflexible and homoflexible - and I like 'em!! I'm straight, always have been. I only fancy blokes. And obviously only certain blokes.

But, I'm starting to see that if my dom wants it, I might well be able to take sexual pleasure from girls, at some point. I don't fancy girls, and don't particularly want to play with them, but I'm sure if they do the right stuff then I'll get off on it. That will probably, in my mind, make me 'heteroflexible' in that I fancy blokes, but can take pleasure from girls.

There are other things, such as pansexual....

So, yes, lots of different options and things to explore - and to be honest, at least over there, I'm coming across very few 'straight' people! I am a minority group, omg, lol!

anneski said:

I don't think there's any need to be either straight, gay, or bisexual - or whatever other titles you like to use.

Over on Fetlife I've come across labels such as heteroflexible and homoflexible - and I like 'em!! I'm straight, always have been. I only fancy blokes. And obviously only certain blokes.

But, I'm starting to see that if my dom wants it, I might well be able to take sexual pleasure from girls, at some point. I don't fancy girls, and don't particularly want to play with them, but I'm sure if they do the right stuff then I'll get off on it. That will probably, in my mind, make me 'heteroflexible' in that I fancy blokes, but can take pleasure from girls.

There are other things, such as pansexual....

So, yes, lots of different options and things to explore - and to be honest, at least over there, I'm coming across very few 'straight' people! I am a minority group, omg, lol!

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Thank you and I love your avitar.

HerLittlePiggy said:

Thank you and I love your avitar.

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Aww, thank you!

HerLittlePiggy said:

In the years since I have come to terms that I am likely a bisexual man. My question is how accepted is bisexuality in the BDSM life style. I know that female bisexuality is openly accepted and often encouraged but the other way I suspect it it not as much so. Lately my fantasies have been both femdom and even being dominated by a man.

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Hello HerLittlePiggy,

First of all, good for you! Kudos for being open to exploring who you are and what you want.

Personally, i don't think male bisexuality is accepted more "in the BDSM lifestyle" than any other lifestyle. i DO think more people are open about it because they can be open about many other things as well.

i know it's a double standard, but seeing two men together does not turn me on, while seeing two women together does. Now, seeing two men doesn't gross me out either. i say to each their own - and to whatever my Master wants. *smiles*

Those that said to be your own person and not care what others think, are the ones you should listen to. But you seemed to want a discussion, so i threw my two cents in for you.

I can imagin falling in love... or better said getting aroused by a man. My fiance knows that there might be some men I would like to get my hands on... but it will stay a fantasy or delayed for the unlikely event of a threesome. We discussed this some time ago and settled on the idea of an mmf-threesome, more people to please her

There are men, I would like to pin down and feel their bodies... bound and gagged I would like to play with their cocks... I like cocks or more correct, I like the idea of giving another man an orgasm... generally I like the idea of giving another person an orgasm I don't tend towards men, most often I don't feel anything for my own gender but there are exceptions like... insert some famous people here with real good looking bodies.

Today I would describe myself as an kinky pansensual/sexual polyamorous kind of guy that lives in an monogamous relationship and is happy with it.

I think most kinksters are a bit more open towards the whole gender-issue but I might be wrong. I don't know a lot of kinky people besides online-friends and 90% of them are very open and absolutly not homophopic.