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The Long Road Home (closed)

"I think it applies perfectly. Things have gotten out of hand in your own mind out of guilt and a few reminders here and there. You think the whole world is out to get you, so you shut everyone out, when really it's only a few stubborn nay-sayers who refuse to see the good that you've brought about. You saved Monaghan from the roughest winter it's seen in decades, and the people are grateful. The rest of Ireland has taken notice, especially your uncle and several lords who once sent men to fight against you. People are beginning to forgive you, Sarah, but the more you push away the rest of the world, the harder it's going to be to see that. You're even pushing Ian away, and he's trying to show you all the good that's come of all your work. But you won't forgive yourself. It's almost exactly like breaking that glass case, but back then, it was Stephen trying to show you that all you'd done to make up for your mistake, and you pushed him away too."
 
"If Ian really cared so much, he wouldn't balk when I talked about marriage." She said softly, letting Shia know just a little of pain that was in her heart.

She had grown up a hopeless romantic that believed in fairy tale endings. Her prince had broken her heart and she had done enough damage to herself as well. She wanted that man that could sweep her off her feet, but Ian wasn't that man it seemed.
 
"But I thought you didn't want to get married so quickly," Shia offered, just like Ian would. "I don't think he's quite used to how you change your mind. Not to mention, with you being so focused on your work, I'd think the last thing you'd want to do is spend time and money on a wedding when the people's wellbeing means so much to you. It's not just Ian who's confused about what you want and when."
 
"Who said I would waste money on a wedding?" Sarah asked, looking at Shia. "All I need is a priest and my husband to be. I don't need a dress. I don't need a ring. I need him to bloody ask me!"

Sarah's temper boiled over as she said that, her voice rising before she made herself calm down. "I'm tired of being the whore."
 
"No one who matters, except for yourself, believes that about you." Shia sighed and rose, pressing a kiss to her forehead before he turned to leave her. It was odd for him to leave without helping her reach a conclusion or some kind of understanding, but the few times he did, it usually meant that he felt he needed to do something else to help her reach that point. He and Ian ended up missing until late that evening, when Sarah finally saw them return to the garden through her window. The two said goodnight and Ian leaned on the stone garden wall with his tobacco pipe, gazing quietly up at the stars. He wasn't seeking any guidance, only looking on to see what the sky would tell him in its own way. He was also quietly considering whether he should wait til morning to talk to Sarah again.
 
Sarah knew when Shia and Ian had returned. She had already dressed for bed and was still brooding as she watched the two of them talking before Shia left Ian alone. She should have gone out there to talk to him, but her stubborn pride made her stay put. She sat in a chair by the fire and pouted.
 
Ian glanced to Sarah's window, and he could see her lit by the firelight inside. So, pipe in hand, he rose to come to her window and he tapped on the glass lightly to get her attention, motioning as if to ask if she'd open it up and talk to him. He had a serene expression on his face and the tiniest hint of a smile from a peaceful good mood. Apparently Shia must've said something calming to him.
 
Sarah was seated in her plush green chair before the fire when she heard the door open. Glancing towards it, she saw Ian step into the room with a calm expression. Whatever Shia had said to him seemed to have had a positive effect on him. She wondered what it was, but she remained silent, turning her eyes back towards the fire as she brooded.
 
Ian walked over to the fireplace, tapping ashes from his pipe into the hearth before he put it away into his vest and drew out a young sprig of early spring lavender. He laid it on the arm of the chair beside Sarah but said nothing, and he sat down on the edge of the hearth off to the side. After a long silence, he murmured, "I take it yer still mad a' me."
 
"I'm not mad." Sarah said simply as she looked down at the sprig of lavender that he placed on her chair. "I'm just sitting here quietly."

She knew that he could see through her lies and her moods didn't frighten him. He was the one man that never seemed to have a problem with her being moody and dark.
 
"Mhm. I bet." Ian leaned forward, resting his head on his hand as his elbow was propped on his knee. He studied her face in silence for a while before he came forward, sinking to his knees before her and resting his head in her lap with a soft sigh. "I love ya... an' I'm sorry I cause ya so much grief..." Shia must've told him what she'd said about wanting to be married. "I'm pretty terrible at keepin' ya happy. Hell, I'm surprised y'don't 'ave me thrown out sometimes. I just 'ope y'know that I'm tryin' my hardest... Sometimes I need ya t'tell me what you want. I'm a little too slow t'keep up some days."
 
Sarah was quiet for a long moment as Ian rested his head against her lap and told her everything that was on his mind. She should apologize. Her conscience demanded that she tell him that she was sorry, but something kept her quiet.

"You do make me happy, Ian." She said in the smallest voice. "But I can't make you tell me what I want to hear."
 
"What is it tha' you want to hear, love?" Ian asked softly. "I can't promise ya I'll agree with everythin', but odds are, I'm not sayin' somethin' I should be sayin' to you." He took her hand and pressed a kiss to her skin.
 
"It would defeat the purpose to tell you what I want to hear." Sarah said as Ian took her hand and kissed her pale skin. "Ian, just say what's in your heart."

She needed to hear how he felt. She needed to be reassured that he wanted the same things that she did in life.
 
Ian then took both of her hands, sitting back on his knees to look up at her. "I... I've been talkin' with yer parents an' Shia lately... they all asked me what I want from a life with you, especially yer father. 'E's worried tha' I'm not shapin' up t'be the man fer 'is little girl. I told 'em all the same thing; I want t'be th'man who supports you an' walks beside you rather'n behind 'r in front. I want t'be your husband, an' the father t'your children if y'decide to 'ave them. Really... I just want to be your man, nothin' more, because you always let me be who I am rather'n expectin' me t'change everythin' for th'sake of image."
 
Sarah listened to Ian talk and she actually felt tears prick her eyes as he finally finished. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his own, all of her hurt and anger washing away in that single moment. She felt guilty that she had doubted him at all.
 
Ian lifted a hand, letting his fingers run through her hair slowly as he kissed her whole-heartedly in return. He couldn't help feeling guilty that he'd not told her these things clearly enough before. It had been his intention all along to simply be her man and nothing else. As their lips parted, Ian pressed his forehead to hers with a soft grin. "Tell me a little sooner next time I'm bein' completely oblivious, aye?"
 
"I'll give you a good knock in the head." Sarah said softly as she looked into his eyes after he kissed her forehead. "I want to marry you, Ian. I want it to be soon."
 
"I'll go talk to the priest at the nearest church tomorrow and set it up. Just tell me now what you want and I'll make it happen." Ian once more laid his head in her lap. "Anything at all."
 
"I just want you, Ian." Sarah said softly. "You know I'm not a person who likes too much fuss when it comes to ceremonies."
 
"I know, but y'know yer mother and father would never forgive us if they didn' get to come to your wedding, however simple. Hell, if I 'ad my way, we'd grab them an' run down t'the church right now." He rose without letting go her hands.
 
Sarah was quiet as Ian stood up and looked down at her, swearing that he would marry her tonight if she wanted. Is that what she wanted? She didn't know and it was difficult to decide. She wanted to be married to him badly, but she had never thought about what her parents would think if she decided to run off and do it without them.

"I can wait." She murmured softly, her eyes showing that doubt.
 
"We're not gonna run off without 'em," Ian promised her with a smile. "Y'oughta get some sleep, love. We'll talk to yer parents tomorrow."
 
"I can't sleep unless you're there with me." Sarah said softly as he looked down at her with a smile. "As infuriating as you are sometimes, I have found that I can't sleep when you aren't beside me."
 
"Sounds good t'me." Ian leaned down to pick her up out of the chair, carrying her toward her bed. He gave her another of his handsome grins and laid her down against the soft covers before crawling up beside her. He pressed light kisses to her neck and her lips as if in thanks for giving him another chance.
 
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