How to Bring Out The Dom in Him

I have a male friend who has begun a very promising bi relationship with an old friend from high school. Since he is happy in his role of receiving his friend and pleasing him in every way he wants his friend to assume a Dominant role to his submissive one. But his friend is going to need some training in that department. Currently it is my friend topping from the bottom, making him cum on command. But he feels it is natural and proper to be the submissive one. How can he get his stallion to take the dominant bit and run with it?

sweettalk4u said:

I have a male friend who has begun a very promising bi relationship with an old friend from high school. Since he is happy in his role of receiving his friend and pleasing him in every way he wants his friend to assume a Dominant role to his submissive one. But his friend is going to need some training in that department. Currently it is my friend topping from the bottom, making him cum on command. But he feels it is natural and proper to be the submissive one. How can he get his stallion to take the dominant bit and run with it?

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Has he simply talked about it with his partner? Told about his own interests and asked about his partner's?

Not sure if he’s gotten into specifics but that’s a good idea. I know he has asked his permission on many things as he has assumed a submissive role. I will ask him. Thanks!

Very good advice. Thank you!

Aluris said:

Open communication. You really can't coerce someone into being dominant - it might work that way in books or movies, but in real life, it usually just leaves someone feeling confused in a sexual scenario. If your friend has expectations that they're not voicing then the expectations aren't going to be met. At least, not in the exact way they want.

If your friend has, by chance, talked about it with them already and it's a matter of the person just struggling to find their inner dom, maybe they can share some erotica or porn that represents what your friend wants them to do exactly. It can help to be given a visual guide. Getting in the dom vibe can make someone feel very vulnerable, especially if it's for the first time. Giving them material and support will help a lot in encouraging them out of what is their current safe zone.

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https://m.xhamster.com/photos/gallery/ruined-orgasm-8324090#
Something like this?

Being dominant in that context is kind of like performing a role, and especially if he's new and unsure, it can leave him anxious and self-doubting, which are pretty much the worst things for the role. Too many degrees of freedom all at once will leave him racking his brain for what he should do next, which doesn't help. It may be in there or it may not be, and the best they can do is try to find out - let the maybe-dom test the waters a little at a time.

Eliphaz said:

Being dominant in that context is kind of like performing a role, and especially if he's new and unsure, it can leave him anxious and self-doubting, which are pretty much the worst things for the role. Too many degrees of freedom all at once will leave him racking his brain for what he should do next, which doesn't help. It may be in there or it may not be, and the best they can do is try to find out - let the maybe-dom test the waters a little at a time.

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Excellent advice. Good common sense!

My perspective

... I'm sorry but you cannot teach/"train" someone to be either Dominant or submissive. There's a Domineering trait just as there's a trait of submissiveness and both are ingrained genetic characteristics, you either have it or you don't. That's just my personal opinion based on experience. And before anyone comes back with the "switch" response all that is is a limited form of Power Exchange. Thank-you for your courtesy.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1493376

412len said:

... I'm sorry but you cannot teach/"train" someone to be either Dominant or submissive. There's a Domineering trait just as there's a trait of submissiveness and both are ingrained genetic characteristics, you either have it or you don't. That's just my personal opinion based on experience. And before anyone comes back with the "switch" response all that is is a limited form of Power Exchange. Thank-you for your courtesy.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1493376

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Thank you and I apologize for my poor choice of words. I should have said “to see if he is Dominant. My friend wants to submit to him but he is manipulative in a sweetly seductive way

Definitely one worth speaking about with his partner. It might be that they've just fallen into the roles they're playing with at the moment without really negotiating much. Perhaps he even wants to be more dominant but isn't sure how it would be received. Talking directly about these things always works better than subtle clues or nudges.

This question comes up quite a bit irrespective of gender and orientation. Being dominant doesn't make one a reader of minds. Topping from the bottom is not giving general guidance as to what one requires or prefers, sexually.

Perhaps it would feel less like topping from the bottom if he clearly separated the discussion of such desires from play time. If it's in the middle of play it's going to feel a bit more like one is issuing demands.

That said, it would seem to me that if he needs an intermediary to ask strangers on the internet a sexual question it seems like he's going to have a bit of a tough time it making his needs known to his partner.

Wordsworth said:

This question comes up quite a bit irrespective of gender and orientation. Being dominant doesn't make one a reader of minds. Topping from the bottom is not giving general guidance as to what one requires or prefers, sexually.

Perhaps it would feel less like topping from the bottom if he clearly separated the discussion of such desires from play time. If it's in the middle of play it's going to feel a bit more like one is issuing demands.

That said, it would seem to me that if he needs an intermediary to ask strangers on the internet a sexual question it seems like he's going to have a bit of a tough time it making his needs known to his partner.

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Great advice. Thanks. I just took it on myself to try and get some ideas for him. I’m sure they are quite capable of working it out.

Lascivity said:

Definitely one worth speaking about with his partner. It might be that they've just fallen into the roles they're playing with at the moment without really negotiating much. Perhaps he even wants to be more dominant but isn't sure how it would be received. Talking directly about these things always works better than subtle clues or nudges.

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Yes they were friends first and this just happened. Great advice. Thanks

I tend to agree with those that said that being dominant or submissive is more of a natural trait than just being a top or bottom in a particular situation. I am more of a natural dom, but with certain women in certain situations, I could allow myself to be more of a bottom in order to enjoy specific things. In many respects it's more of a "topping from below" situation where you could be essentially ordering a sub to do certain "dominate things" to you because you want them. Example, getting a sub to spank you or flog you while telling you that your are a disgusting perv and filth monger..because you know you really are. How about "ordering" a sub to sit on your face and pee on you because you, as the one in charge, desire it? How about a domme ordering her slave to tie her up and fuck her mouth like a whore? Being the subject of traditionally submissive activity can be the desire of the dominate who controls the situation.

One of the women I knew was a very natural sub but when the "role" or "fantasy" called for her to top a scene, she could be very effective at it. She always said, "It takes a good top to understand how to be a good bottom and vice versa." I personally think switching can be both fun, exciting, and educational if you get my drift. I think you can "train" or educate a person on how to take different roles if need be or if desired to be; but dominance and submission are more natural traits. Any really good open relationship requires each to understand the other and be more than just willing, but happy, to do anything to assure the enjoyment and satisfaction of the other.