Sanctioned extra-marital fooling around?

KimGordon67 said:

It isn't different. I don't *need* an emotional connection, but I think it makes the sex better, and certainly the sorts of things I'm doing with the BF wouldn't be possible (for me) if there wasn't something more than just sex.
As I'm sure I said earlier, I don't think love/affection/caring is a finite resource ... but time is.

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My intent is to relate that as a man I also find the sex better if there is an emotional connection. That connection can take many forms and might not even be possible without that connection. But it need not be exclusive and as you have reiterated the emotion is most certainly not finite.

KimGordon67 said:

I somehow only just found this comment ... I think to some extent there wouldn't be much point for me if the sex wasn't qualitatively different. There's a lot of things I want from #2 relationship, but definitely 'something different' is high on the list - otherwise it wouldn't be worth the complexity of the situation. I get asked from time to time if I think my husband might be interested in our sex life having a more power/control dynamic to it ... the short answer is, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't, he's just not wired that way, and the slightly longer answer is that I'm not sure I would either - it just wouldn't fit well with the rest of our relationship.

I also think that makes it easier to maintain the two relationships - I'm quite clear that there isn't really 'spillover' in terms of what I want from each of them.

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I can fully understand that. Is it a case though (and I'm asking a question here, not stating a view disguised as a question) that #2 relationship gives you what you'd like to have had in #1 relationship?

To enlarge on my original thought, I find that in my relationships I take on a similar role in them, even if the people are very different and even if I love them for very different reasons. Similarly, I can't see someone like Policywank, for example, having a different sexual dynamic in each of her various relationships. I find that I don't have multiple relationships because I want something different sexually from each of them but because I want to experience something different as far as the relationship as a whole is concerned and because I love the people involved in different ways.

Green_Knight said:

I can fully understand that. Is it a case though (and I'm asking a question here, not stating a view disguised as a question) that #2 relationship gives you what you'd like to have had in #1 relationship?

To enlarge on my original thought, I find that in my relationships I take on a similar role in them, even if the people are very different and even if I love them for very different reasons. Similarly, I can't see someone like Policywank, for example, having a different sexual dynamic in each of her various relationships. I find that I don't have multiple relationships because I want something different sexually from each of them but because I want to experience something different as far as the relationship as a whole is concerned and because I love the people involved in different ways.

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They are definitely different, but I wouldn't want what I have with #2 to be part of my marriage. It wouldn't work, and it wouldn't feel right. They're both great in their own ways, and I'm good with that.

about 15 years ofmultiple partners

within a few weeks of marriage my wife met one of her old boyfriends and they had sex.Although we are passionate about each other my wife has had sex with around 8 guys over the years. She was quite a lasss before we were married and I am not a very good bed partnerA small penis (bit less than 4" at full stretch) and for some reason just not too good at the whole thing.
Of the 8 or so men she has been with 4 were long relationships and indeed one is still going on with her and both are well into their sixties. They meet often smd she has been on holiday with him and it works well she is satisfied sexually (very) but she says she could never live with him for more tha a week they would kill each other.
It works well for us I am however quite submissive sexually all thought not in other aspects of life. We hqve however been lucky with the men in her life most not Wanting to take her away from me permanently. The only time it nearly came to a break up was with a divorce guy. She said he was superb in bed with a large willy and she foune she did have feelings for him. She came to me one day and said she thought she was pregnant and if she was she was going to leave me for him. VERY fortunately things did not work out and we remained together but it was about 18 months before we setled down together. So be very careful who you get involved with

suckerman said:

within a few weeks of marriage my wife met one of her old boyfriends and they had sex.Although we are passionate about each other my wife has had sex with around 8 guys over the years. She was quite a lasss before we were married and I am not a very good bed partnerA small penis (bit less than 4" at full stretch) and for some reason just not too good at the whole thing.
Of the 8 or so men she has been with 4 were long relationships and indeed one is still going on with her and both are well into their sixties. They meet often smd she has been on holiday with him and it works well she is satisfied sexually (very) but she says she could never live with him for more tha a week they would kill each other.
It works well for us I am however quite submissive sexually all thought not in other aspects of life. We hqve however been lucky with the men in her life most not Wanting to take her away from me permanently. The only time it nearly came to a break up was with a divorce guy. She said he was superb in bed with a large willy and she foune she did have feelings for him. She came to me one day and said she thought she was pregnant and if she was she was going to leave me for him. VERY fortunately things did not work out and we remained together but it was about 18 months before we setled down together. So be very careful who you get involved with

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I've mostly had open relationships my entire adult life, although in my case both sides get to fool around. Losing her to someone else is always a danger. And it happened to me once. But once a girly becomes open to multiple guys she seldom goes back to being a good girl

Agree with you

Yes that is always a potential problem but apart from that one instance we have been trouble free. I guess partly as I have no need or desire to have affairs outside our marriage apart from a continuing relationship with a friend and fairly close neighbour. He and I have been friends with benefits for some years now.
I am rather lucky I suppose in , as I said, the fact that I am quite sexually submissive and enjoy the cuckold relationship with my wife. And its not just a necessity brought on by my being unable to satisfy her. In that case corrosive jealousy would raise its head. I guess not having sex more than about once per 3 or 4 weeks takes the pressure off me and penetrative sex only hapens about 4 to 6 times a year

suckerman said:

Yes that is always a potential problem but apart from that one instance we have been trouble free. I guess partly as I have no need or desire to have affairs outside our marriage apart from a continuing relationship with a friend and fairly close neighbour. He and I have been friends with benefits for some years now.
I am rather lucky I suppose in , as I said, the fact that I am quite sexually submissive and enjoy the cuckold relationship with my wife. And its not just a necessity brought on by my being unable to satisfy her. In that case corrosive jealousy would raise its head. I guess not having sex more than about once per 3 or 4 weeks takes the pressure off me and penetrative sex only hapens about 4 to 6 times a year

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Everyone has their own thing. One of my lovers had a submissive bf who would cook and serve us dinner. Then I would take K to the bedroom and fuck her loudly so that he knew I was doing his gf.

We are very open, She can do what ever she wants as long as there are no secrets between us. i know that i cannot satisfy Her so She is free to hunt wherever She wants as long as She is careful.
She has even brought several home and i have had the pleasure to help Her satisfy them.

SissySalina said:

We are very open, She can do what ever she wants as long as there are no secrets between us. i know that i cannot satisfy Her so She is free to hunt wherever She wants as long as She is careful.
She has even brought several home and i have had the pleasure to help Her satisfy them.

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What does she look like?

openness

My wife and I are fairly open about what she gets up to always telling me shes meeting someone and usually early on in the relationship where she is going. She has never included me and doesnt tell me everything that goes on . Quite often doesnt tell me anything unless she wants to. But that generally suits us but I would give a testicle to have seen her with a man but that not going to happen.
We have done quite a bit with regard to having a good time and often have done the clean up thing!
For a little while now we have brought wearing a chastity cage into our life. As I explained earlier there is no need for this as far as other women are concerned but she refuses to believe that when she is out I dont have a marathon wanking session. The only problem is that sometimes I go to visit my friend and he is confronted with a caged cock.

Life Interferes

I wrote some time ago that I had a lovely experience with a married woman whose husband gave her permission to play. We have not gotten back together, but stayed in contact via a chat room. He told me recently that her (adult) daughter had died and that she (they) were dealing with that. And that is the main reason why we have not gotten together again. I commiserated with him and he unburdened a lot of things. And I have sent them (her) a sympathy card.

My point in writing this: when you enter in to someone else's life (even if only for 'fooling around'), you will encounter the ups and downs of their lives. People get sick, or other problems arise. It would be a pretty hard boiled person to ignore those things that affect someone you (mainly) have sex with. So, be prepared....

txgent101 said:

I wrote some time ago that I had a lovely experience with a married woman whose husband gave her permission to play. We have not gotten back together, but stayed in contact via a chat room. He told me recently that her (adult) daughter had died and that she (they) were dealing with that. And that is the main reason why we have not gotten together again. I commiserated with him and he unburdened a lot of things. And I have sent them (her) a sympathy card.

My point in writing this: when you enter in to someone else's life (even if only for 'fooling around'), you will encounter the ups and downs of their lives. People get sick, or other problems arise. It would be a pretty hard boiled person to ignore those things that affect someone you (mainly) have sex with. So, be prepared....

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Nicely put !

bump ...

Justfantasies said:

What does she look like?

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She is about 5' 6" with auburn hair cut Egyptian style to her shoulders. Weight is between 120 to 125 with measurements of about 36D/28/35. Cute little nose and a great pierced navel.

suckerman said:

within a few weeks of marriage my wife met one of her old boyfriends and they had sex.Although we are passionate about each other my wife has had sex with around 8 guys over the years. She was quite a lasss before we were married and I am not a very good bed partnerA small penis (bit less than 4" at full stretch) and for some reason just not too good at the whole thing.
Of the 8 or so men she has been with 4 were long relationships and indeed one is still going on with her and both are well into their sixties. They meet often smd she has been on holiday with him and it works well she is satisfied sexually (very) but she says she could never live with him for more tha a week they would kill each other.
It works well for us I am however quite submissive sexually all thought not in other aspects of life. We hqve however been lucky with the men in her life most not Wanting to take her away from me permanently. The only time it nearly came to a break up was with a divorce guy. She said he was superb in bed with a large willy and she foune she did have feelings for him. She came to me one day and said she thought she was pregnant and if she was she was going to leave me for him. VERY fortunately things did not work out and we remained together but it was about 18 months before we setled down together. So be very careful who you get involved with

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Ha ha - funnily enough "I could never live with him - we'd kill each other within a month" is something I often say about the BF. It's one of the benefits of getting older that you can recognise that sort of thing, and not confuse awesome sex compatibility with an all-&-everything sort of compatibility.

Update

Just over a year since I first made this thread, and it seemed time for a bit of an update. Basically, things are going well. We (me and my husband) had a fairly rocky time at the end of the last year - for matters entirely unrelated to the non-monogamy - and started seeing a counsellor. While we were talking about that, I said 'how do you want to approach the whole boyfriend situation', and he said 'I don't think we need to bring that up - it's not really on my list of issues'. We've been great since then, due to the counselling and a couple of other things ... I don't know what's changed. Maybe nothing. Maybe it just took time for his (my husband) to really understand that he is the most important person to me, and that having another relationship doesn't threaten our marriage ... and makes me happy.

The relationship with the BF isn't always easy, but mostly it's great. We probably don't see each other as often as we'd like - every 4-6 weeks - but we make up for it when we are together. I guess he'll meet someone who's more available eventually, but in the mean time I'm enjoying him as much as I can.

The really interesting thing for me (apart from the hot monkey bruisy sex I get every 4-6 weeks ) is that, yes, I can honestly love two people, and have actual relationships with two people without it detracting from either one of them. I guess the situation with the BF would be 'more' if I wasn't with someone else, but I'm not entirely sure that 'more' would be a good thing. And the relationships are entirely different, in just about every way imaginable ... except they both make me happy and make me laugh, and I genuinely care about both them.

Life is strange. But sometimes quite cool.

hi

Justfantasies said:

Everyone has their own thing. One of my lovers had a submissive bf who would cook and serve us dinner. Then I would take K to the bedroom and fuck her loudly so that he knew I was doing his gf.

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i am thrilled by this post.

my wife and I are ok with passes

Sam2125 said:

my wife and I are ok with passes

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I guess that might have been an answer to my original question but things changed quite a bit after that

Would it be wrong, if you were unhappy & looking for affection, emotion & passion? My husband tells me that(in a past relationship) he went to swinger parties & had multiple sex partners. I feel that I need an emotional connection, or a lot of booze in order to enjoy sex with someone new. My husband claims that if I just wanted to “get my rocks off” with someone else, he wouldn’t care. I have a very hard time believing that but strongly considering the suggestion. So what’s my problem?? I want emotion, affection & passion.

Lapis41 said:

Would it be wrong, if you were unhappy & looking for affection, emotion & passion? My husband tells me that(in a past relationship) he went to swinger parties & had multiple sex partners. I feel that I need an emotional connection, or a lot of booze in order to enjoy sex with someone new. My husband claims that if I just wanted to “get my rocks off” with someone else, he wouldn’t care. I have a very hard time believing that but strongly considering the suggestion. So what’s my problem?? I want emotion, affection & passion.

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My wife has permission and has used it. But not very often.

Lapis41 said:

Would it be wrong, if you were unhappy & looking for affection, emotion & passion? My husband tells me that(in a past relationship) he went to swinger parties & had multiple sex partners. I feel that I need an emotional connection, or a lot of booze in order to enjoy sex with someone new. My husband claims that if I just wanted to “get my rocks off” with someone else, he wouldn’t care. I have a very hard time believing that but strongly considering the suggestion. So what’s my problem?? I want emotion, affection & passion.

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The problem is that you are human!

I went through a period of very random hook-ups, one nighters, even paid encounters - while the thrill of going about it all was exciting, it left a bigger void in me and a realization that what I am seeking is not sex, but connection. Yes, there is still a thrill about hook-ups and the whole act of seduction, teasing, and flirting - I do love that, but even that was mostly missing from my encounters, mediated by apps and online connections.

But there is another aspect to this which is your relationship with your husband and his desires/interests. My gut sense (and I may be way off, so my apologies in advance if I am) is that he is encouraging you to "get your rocks off" with a hook-up so that he can do the same. It would legitimate his desire for swinging and hooking up with others. Seems like a whole lot of communicating should be done to explore what it is both of you are seeking and how to fulfill each others's needs.

Dollie

Dreamer110 said:

My wife has permission and has used it. But not very often.

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After many long years of my husband, his male friends, and men I didn't know I finally gave in to try with a good friend while my hubby and his wife watched. At that time I was almost too old for intercourse. But after that hot afternoon I did it with another friend. And still after many more years, many friends old and new, a husband who had prostate surgery so is out of the real sex, I'm still giving it a try with other old friends back in the midwest where we moved because we got too old.
It's probably wrong but in a few years we'll all be dead and from the news we are normal.
I didn't need other men then and I don't need them now. But it's sure been fun and I still have my husband's blessings.

Dreamer110 said:

My wife has permission and has used it. But not very often.

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I find the concept of 'permission' extremely problematic. I don't can't now remember if this was discussed earlier in the thread (and I'm really quite surprised it's resurfaced at all). But my husband doesn't, and never has, given me 'permission' to do anything - even he says he's not 'letting' me do anything. I say something like 'So I'm thinking about XYZ - how do you feel about that', and he tells me how he feels, and I take his feelings into account when making the decision that I make.

I have said things like 'If you want me to stop doing ABC, I will', and we've had a conversation about that ... but in the end he's said 'It's not really fair if you stop doing ABC just because I'm not happy about it - then you're compromising how you want things to be, and that's not any better than me compromising how I want things to be'.