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Old 02-25-2018, 05:06 AM   #1
tomlitilia
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Referring to persons by their relation or characterists. Too much?

In a different thread a while back, someone pointed out it's weird to refer to someone as e.g. "her husband" if the character has been introduced before and we know they are married. I realize refer to characters by their relation ("his wife", "her secretary") a lot, mainly to not repeat the same names over and over, and at the same time avoid pronoun confusion. Similarly, I often refer to characters by their characteristics ("the blonde", "the tall woman"), which also serves the purpose of painting pictures.

Question: Based on the below story, do you think I'm overusing these tricks? The specific story involves (in a rather mild bdsm context, if it matters) a lot of woman-woman interaction, which is where "her" on its own can be confusing.

https://www.literotica.com/s/above-a...nd-ch-01-of-04
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Old 02-25-2018, 08:50 AM   #2
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I don't find it weird, in fact, I think it's a good tool to maintain a consistent pov. Every time you say "her husband" you are reinforcing to the reader that you are taking the wife's perspective.

And I did not think you overused the device. I doubt I would have noticed it if I wasn't looking for it.
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Old 02-25-2018, 11:25 AM   #3
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I use it much less in heterosexual one-on-one, but when there are multiple sex partners, or same sex partners, it's absolutely critical to keep the players straight without constant repetition of the names. It also draws attention to the character traits/relationships in the middle of the sex scene, which is another tick of the boxes to keep them from fading into a clash of faceless sex dolls.

It doesn't bump for me in your story. To me it feels perfectly natural for a BDSM story. Stressing that relationship provides an air of dominance that might be too much in a story without the power play, but meshes nicely in this story.
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Old 02-28-2018, 01:45 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MelissaBaby View Post
I don't find it weird, in fact, I think it's a good tool to maintain a consistent pov. Every time you say "her husband" you are reinforcing to the reader that you are taking the wife's perspective.

And I did not think you overused the device. I doubt I would have noticed it if I wasn't looking for it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RejectReality View Post
I use it much less in heterosexual one-on-one, but when there are multiple sex partners, or same sex partners, it's absolutely critical to keep the players straight without constant repetition of the names. It also draws attention to the character traits/relationships in the middle of the sex scene, which is another tick of the boxes to keep them from fading into a clash of faceless sex dolls.

It doesn't bump for me in your story. To me it feels perfectly natural for a BDSM story. Stressing that relationship provides an air of dominance that might be too much in a story without the power play, but meshes nicely in this story.
Thanks both of you. I will continue to unabashedly avoid pronouns in the same manner
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Old 02-28-2018, 07:00 PM   #5
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No, you are not over-using the device at all. Almost all the time it is "Jennifer" or Hannah." You are right to do it this way, rather than the confusing and amiguous "she put her... on her ...".
It's a good story, though I don't find it very believable.
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Old 03-11-2018, 12:10 PM   #6
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As has been pointed out, some reference to a character's relationship is what drives home the point of the encounter. For example; in The_shadow_rising's stories, he uses phrases like "boyfriend's friend" to amplify the taboo nature of the encounter. These references can be as abused as any, but in a prolonged sex scene some repetition is bound to crop up.

I haven't written any stories since high school, but I do recognize when something appears clunky or out of place. If the references are not repeated excessively and the characters are easily recognizable, then the author is giving me a good accounting of his intentions.
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Old 03-16-2018, 03:17 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MelissaBaby View Post
I don't find it weird, in fact, I think it's a good tool to maintain a consistent pov. Every time you say "her husband" you are reinforcing to the reader that you are taking the wife's perspective.

And I did not think you overused the device. I doubt I would have noticed it if I wasn't looking for it.
This x2.

Mixing names and relationships is a great idea. Even better if you can mix aways to describe the character in with the noun.
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