Your favorite feelings on first session with new sub or Dom? Soundoff!

Anxious? Nervous? Anticipation?

RachelNova said:

Anxious? Nervous? Anticipation?

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I love the disappointment. Awkwardness. It takes a while to learn someone new. And in some rare cases small times where you think, "Hey, this could work." I love testing them.

Telling them I like to be tied, they have no clue how, of course. I leave a book with them on it and give them 2 weeks to brush up. I don't tell them it's a test. Do they take initiative? Most times no. They continue to do things unsafe and insist they know what they're doing. I love the last time I see them and sneak the book out. I enjoy the satisfaction I have left, they realize at some point it's gone and I am too. I don't really need to say a word.

There are a lot of inexperienced wanna-be's out there but I'd prefer to meet a man outside of the BDSM parameters. Meeting people based on sexual needs feels a little awkward. The sites are mostly awkwarddd. I don't enjoy discussing sex too early with a man.

Now it's mostly dealing with my controlling nature and dominant tendencies. I am having a lot of trouble finding something I want. Someone as dominant as me would be nice. Not in a me vs. them context. Moreso, in a companionship way where we both enjoy scenes and play, our needs are met...and, really, fuck the lifestyle stuff. I really need a normal equal relationship with good sex. Pretty much.

I don't do the promiscuity stuff. So I am always looking for a consistent partner in crime who likes to keep things interesting. Which is why I can put up with our first times being awkward. It's new. It's gonna take a while to feel things out.

I think

This was why my first time is etched so hard in my brain. Wasn’t planned, thought I was going on regular date. Shock and awe serious Domination.

RachelNova said:

This was why my first time is etched so hard in my brain. Wasn’t planned, thought I was going on regular date. Shock and awe serious Domination.

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I really hope that you were not harmed or traumatized. Consent is crucial. It can't just be something that someone drops on you in the middle or a first date. There is a lot of negotiation involved where you arrange this type of thing face to face with someone.

GaleaFiguro said:

I really hope that you were not harmed or traumatized. Consent is crucial. It can't just be something that someone drops on you in the middle or a first date. There is a lot of negotiation involved where you arrange this type of thing face to face with someone.

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No it was with consent and awesome

RachelNova said:

No it was with consent and awesome

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Alright. As long as you feel you were respected and you gave consent.

GaleaFiguro said:

I really hope that you were not harmed or traumatized. Consent is crucial. It can't just be something that someone drops on you in the middle or a first date. There is a lot of negotiation involved where you arrange this type of thing face to face with someone.

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My experience is that there can be a lot of negotiation involved, but there doesn't have to be.


To answer the OP, my favorite feeling has to do with trust.

When I'm with someone new, there is that base level of trust present, because if there weren't, I probably wouldn't be with them in the first place. But at the same time because it is someone new, someone I don't know through and through, I can't really be sure of their actions and reactions. So I guess my favorite feeling is trusting, but also kind of feeling unsure if I should trust.

seela said:

My experience is that there can be a lot of negotiation involved, but there doesn't have to be.


To answer the OP, my favorite feeling has to do with trust.

When I'm with someone new, there is that base level of trust present, because if there weren't, I probably wouldn't be with them in the first place. But at the same time because it is someone new, someone I don't know through and through, I can't really be sure of their actions and reactions. So I guess my favorite feeling is trusting, but also kind of feeling unsure if I should trust.

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SMH.

Yes. Yes. There does have to be negotiations done in person with a partner. Even that silly 50 Shades of Grey book explicitly covers a BDSM checklist. There is a reason for this, so consent can be established FACE TO FACE and you do not get hurt.

I worry for some of you. Genuinely.

I have a suspicion you aren't very clear on what BDSM is exactly if you don't know the basics and ground rules to put there to prevent getting you injured, assaulted, killed, trafficked, enslaved (for real, no joke), or otherwise traumatized.

http://www.bdsmwiki.info/images/1/1a/TheDifferenceBetweenBDSMAndAbuse.jpg

..... OOPs replied to wrong thread......

But since I am here. Awkward and anxious would defiantly be the words for my only first time with a new sub. Since I have had one (my wife) and it was our first time together. I had overplanned to begin with. The restraints I set up were the only thing that went well lol. I had purchased some cheap nipple clamps that wer fun once we got them adjusted just right. It really just turned out to be kinky sex with some bondage. It was great fun still but I was comparing it to the holy grails of shit I had read here or seen in a movie or porn of course. I can only imagine how different it is going into it when both parties have experience or hell even one of us having experience could have been much crazier but we got a memory we will never forget. It was still great fun and it opened a door to a wonderland we have barely ventured into.

GaleaFiguro said:

SMH.

Yes. Yes. There does have to be negotiations done in person with a partner. Even that silly 50 Shades of Grey book explicitly covers a BDSM checklist. There is a reason for this, so consent can be established FACE TO FACE and you do not get hurt.

I worry for some of you. Genuinely.

I have a suspicion you aren't very clear on what BDSM is exactly if you don't know the basics and ground rules to put there to prevent getting you injured, assaulted, killed, trafficked, enslaved (for real, no joke), or otherwise traumatized.

http://www.bdsmwiki.info/images/1/1a/TheDifferenceBetweenBDSMAndAbuse.jpg

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Thanks for you concern, but it's a little misplaced here.

I think I'm pretty well versed on what BDSM is and isn't for me, what my preferences are, how to go about finding partners that are a good fit for me and how to keep myself safe.

The only BDSM ground rule that I'm familiar with (and care about) is that there has to be consent, and in my experience giving consent doesn't have to require lengthy negotiations. It can, sure, but it doesn't have to. Your experience is different and that's perfectly fine. We're different people, after all.

I have noticed that online and here on Lit as well people see red flags everywhere and things going the slightest bit wrong is often interpreted as abuse. It all seems very black and white, whereas the reality in my experience is a little less...clear-cut I guess.

**

Sorry for the threadjack, RachelNova.

I think the topic of this thread is interesting and I hope more people will contribute despite this slight thread derailment here.

seela said:

Thanks for you concern, but it's a little misplaced here.

I think I'm pretty well versed on what BDSM is and isn't for me, what my preferences are, how to go about finding partners that are a good fit for me and how to keep myself safe.

The only BDSM ground rule that I'm familiar with (and care about) is that there has to be consent, and in my experience giving consent doesn't have to require lengthy negotiations. It can, sure, but it doesn't have to. Your experience is different and that's perfectly fine. We're different people, after all.

I have noticed that online and here on Lit as well people see red flags everywhere and things going the slightest bit wrong is often interpreted as abuse. It all seems very black and white, whereas the reality in my experience is a little less...clear-cut I guess.

**

Sorry for the threadjack, RachelNova.

I think the topic of this thread is interesting and I hope more people will contribute despite this slight thread derailment here.

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Agree. 100%.

seela said:

Thanks for you concern, but it's a little misplaced here.

I think I'm pretty well versed on what BDSM is and isn't for me, what my preferences are, how to go about finding partners that are a good fit for me and how to keep myself safe.

The only BDSM ground rule that I'm familiar with (and care about) is that there has to be consent, and in my experience giving consent doesn't have to require lengthy negotiations. It can, sure, but it doesn't have to. Your experience is different and that's perfectly fine. We're different people, after all.

I have noticed that online and here on Lit as well people see red flags everywhere and things going the slightest bit wrong is often interpreted as abuse. It all seems very black and white, whereas the reality in my experience is a little less...clear-cut I guess.

**

Sorry for the threadjack, RachelNova.

I think the topic of this thread is interesting and I hope more people will contribute despite this slight thread derailment here.

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Read a book. One that isn't erotica. About BDSM. They exist. Non fiction, even. Come back when you do so.

GaleaFiguro said:

Read a book. One that isn't erotica. About BDSM. They exist. Non fiction, even. Come back when you do so.

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So, because seela disagrees with you, you imply she’s uninformed?
The title says “feelings.” She said how she feels.
Can you read?
Don’t worry about us subbies. We’re doing just fine.

Farawyn said:

So, because seela disagrees with you, you imply she’s uninformed?
The title says “feelings.” She said how she feels.
Can you read?
Don’t worry about us subbies. We’re doing just fine.

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No, silly woman, you don't understand the depths of homicidal and immoral depravity that bdsm can lead to!
Upon the initiation of bdsm-styled intercourse, all parties are required to sign various lawyer-reviewed consent forms with third party witnesses present. To prevent any signatories falling too far down the rabbit hole. If youre not careful; first you're being tied to a bedpost in your bedroom, one thing leads to another, and before you know it you'll find yourself trapped in a shipping container with 50 other unfortunates heading to Somalia on an unregistered freighter.

I'm not really a dom but I have a guy whos a sub and the first time I reenacted some doms lines I copied from some orn, he suddenly went wild with excitement!! I loved it, but I still feel like I sound fake when I say the words...

GaleaFiguro said:

Read a book. One that isn't erotica. About BDSM. They exist. Non fiction, even. Come back when you do so.

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This is totally out of line. For a long-time lurker, you may not have picked up on board norms or dynamics. Your way works for you, great. Others practice BDSM differently, great. SSC is paramount, but other than that there is not one right way.

To the thread topic, my favorite early feeling when with a new partner is letting go.

ToPleaseHim said:

This is totally out of line. For a long-time lurker, you may not have picked up on board norms or dynamics. Your way works for you, great. Others practice BDSM differently, great. SSC is paramount, but other than that there is not one right way.

To the thread topic, my favorite early feeling when with a new partner is letting go.

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Yes I agree ton of vulnerability both sides.

Blue said:

No, silly woman, you don't understand the depths of homicidal and immoral depravity that bdsm can lead to!
Upon the initiation of bdsm-styled intercourse, all parties are required to sign various lawyer-reviewed consent forms with third party witnesses present. To prevent any signatories falling too far down the rabbit hole. If youre not careful; first you're being tied to a bedpost in your bedroom, one thing leads to another, and before you know it you'll find yourself trapped in a shipping container with 50 other unfortunates heading to Somalia on an unregistered freighter.

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Cornsilience Blue Corn Chip, you make me smile.

ToPleaseHim said:

This is totally out of line. For a long-time lurker, you may not have picked up on board norms or dynamics. Your way works for you, great. Others practice BDSM differently, great. SSC is paramount, but other than that there is not one right way.

To the thread topic, my favorite early feeling when with a new partner is letting go.

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Letting go. That fits.

Farawyn said:

Letting go. That fits.

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Letting go is it. Most of my BDSM activity is relegated to fantasizing, so when I have an opportunity to submit in real life I relish experiencing bonds that I didn't fashion myself with a necessary way to free myself; I revel experiencing pain that I do not control. I can achieve a bit of that in online roleplay, but not to the extent it can be done in real life. There is always excitement, though, when I'm first with a Domme, whether in real life or on cam, when she commands me, "Strip!" At that point I realize I have submitted to her control.

Blue said:

No, silly woman, you don't understand the depths of homicidal and immoral depravity that bdsm can lead to!
Upon the initiation of bdsm-styled intercourse, all parties are required to sign various lawyer-reviewed consent forms with third party witnesses present. To prevent any signatories falling too far down the rabbit hole. If youre not careful; first you're being tied to a bedpost in your bedroom, one thing leads to another, and before you know it you'll find yourself trapped in a shipping container with 50 other unfortunates heading to Somalia on an unregistered freighter.

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You need to google bdsm resources. You have an elementary understanding and making me seem out of line just shows ignorance on your behalf.
I do hope you *coincidentally* find the right person to explore your needs with that doesn't see you as the perfect prey animal. Because that is what you look like to me.

Stay ignorant and it's only a matter of time before someone sees the same thing I do and doesn't try to educate you instead of take advantage.

I'm done with this thread.

GaleaFiguro said:

You need to google bdsm resources. You have an elementary undetstanding and making me seem out of line just shows ignorance on your behalf.
I do hope you *coincidentally* find the right person to explore your needs with that doesn't see you as the perfect prey animal. Stay ignorant and it's only a matter of time.

I'm done with this thread.

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I got choke fucked last week.
Call 911!

Farawyn said:

I got choke fucked last week.
Call 911!

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Please see 'After the Lovin'' thread in Cafe.

msub50some said:

Please see 'After the Lovin'' thread in Cafe.

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That’s a beautiful thread.

It’s hard for me to answer OP’s question. My first real life BDSM experience with a Dom was also all about falling deeply in love with Necro. So, letting go and feelings of finally being home, after years of unhappiness.

Farawyn said:

That’s a beautiful thread.

It’s hard for me to answer OP’s question. My first real life BDSM experience with a Dom was also all about falling deeply in love with Necro. So, letting go and feelings of finally being home, after years of unhappiness.

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I can understand how that could be difficult for you. As an earlier post said, everyone is different. That is the value in sharing like this, though. It does us all good to develop a better understanding of others feelings.