Misfire

Background.

It was a whirlwind of a meeting. Two of us in relationships, we meet and made a go out of it. The sex was absolutely incredible. She was into oral, giving and receiving both with equal fervor. Open for all suggestions and willing to do almost anything.

Skip to the future add 3 kids and 11 years.


Sex is okay there is still a want to do it and it happens fairly regular.

Whats wrong?

She seems to have an adversion to me going down on her. She claims that she is embarrassed after pregnancy and is very shy about and always turns me down when I ask. Giving me oral, it used to happen as a primer. Now I have to ask for it and the response is I want it inside and she makes that happen. We have sex. Its nice and it takes how ever long it takes. She comes I come we clean up and go to sleep or start the day.

My question is how do I get her to allow me to go down on her. I can understand she wants to shower and be clean. I personally dont care. Her saying she is dirty is not really dirty but I can understand. Its that when she is clean she is still embarrassed about what I dont know she won't say. The second is to get her to give me a long BJ instead of a few licks and I want it inside.

Yes I understand time and romance and I have made this work. She seems to have lost interest in BJ's and is no longer wanting me to go down on her.

How can I fix this? Make it better? Whats made her change.

Lotsa white gals are uptight about letting their husbands lick their cunts fulla black luv. Its okay if another white guy does the clean up, but they respect their husbands too much.

Jcallny

I understand the dilemma that you find yourself in, as I am suffering much of the same.

Wife no longer seems all that interested in oral on either direction. Or at least she doesn't want to finish with me going down on her.

I've spoken with her about it in a neutral environment, without distractions. Much of it came from post pregnancy self image. Afraid that she doesn't look as good, etc.

Another part was that she doesn't think we have time, so sex is always rushed. Which in turn she doesn't want to cum in my mouth as it may take to long. Her mind is constantly worried that she's taking too long to finish, so she can't.

I am working it out with my significant other, but the lessons learned from myself is this.

1. Set aside the time, block it off, whatever...just make it 'us' time. No pressure of rushing to the next thing in our busy lives.

2. Negative self imaging. Look, we are not all going to be our rock star, 24 hour erection selves that we were when we are younger. Both men and women age and you need to be able to be happy with what stares back at you in the mirror.

Talking this out between each other has helped. I am still hiking that mountainous trail still with her and her reflection, haha. She just doesn't like what she sees.

3. I have the impression the lack of BJs in my life personally is then perhaps my wife feels obligated to then have me go down on her (and vice versa of perhaps why she doesn't want to cum when I am going down on her).

That is a problem in which I have attacked head on (I know, I know...it's a softball, I couldn't help it). Communication with my wife has helped, but it's getting over that hump (I'll stop, promise) that is the ordeal.

I do wish you luck and know that you're not alone in your conundrum.

Sounds like she is insecure. Like so many other threads here, the only solution is to talk about it.
She is probably worried she looks or feels different after kids. Kegel exercises or even weights can help strengthen things up.
Personally I love sucking cock and I expect it to turn into full sex. So I understand how she may start a bj then beg for it. I do, too!
There has to be a balance. If you can't talk to her about it then show her. Reassure her every inch is beautiful and still desirable.
Good Luck!

Yes

What everyone has written is correct. Its mostly hinged on body issues. That's what gives her the mental block. Even after the post baby weight has been lost she is insecure. Not that I am going anywhere but after years of talking I works like it to start sinking in. Hopefully it will.