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Dear Clowns

IhateClowns said:
Dear Pretty Lady,

I was thinking about you today. I have a new phone after mine got dropped in a cup of beer. I lost all my numbers. Message me sometime soon so we can catch up. Hope you are well.
Click to expand...

Dear clowns,

At least your phone went out in the noblest of fashions.
And I do hope those were good thoughts. Very good thoughts.

Good to see you around,

Me x
 
aussiegeekygal said:
Dear clowns,

At least your phone went out in the noblest of fashions.
And I do hope those were good thoughts. Very good thoughts.

Good to see you around,

Me x
Click to expand...

Dear You,

And it wasn't none of that pansy lite beer shit either. Guinness fucks up iPhones if you're stupid like I am.
 
Dear Clowns,

Why must you show up when I'm on sabbatical? How can I get on the "IHC sighting" list for notifications?

It's good to see you, hun.

Not really here,
VT
 
aussiegeekygal said:
Dear clowns,

Do you own anything that can swim?

Smugly floating through life
Click to expand...

Dear Smugger,

My B cups are very bouyant. They're also mesmerizing when I'm in the pool because the hair around my nipples dance provocatively in the water.

Signed,

Drain Clogger
 
ViciousTease said:
Dear Clowns,

Why must you show up when I'm on sabbatical? How can I get on the "IHC sighting" list for notifications?

It's good to see you, hun.

Not really here,
VT
Click to expand...

Dear I see you, but I don't really see you because your here when your not here,

I can get you a pager.

Will that work?
 
IhateClowns said:
Dear I see you, but I don't really see you because your here when your not here,

I can get you a pager.

Will that work?
Click to expand...

Dear Clowns,

Only if you can remember how to send "hello". I'm old school.

Signed,
We called 'em "beepers" back in my day
 
ViciousTease said:
Dear Clowns,

Only if you can remember how to send "hello". I'm old school.

Signed,
We called 'em "beepers" back in my day
Click to expand...

Dear Beleeper chick,

I bet you were the type that put your beeper in your panties and asked your boyfriend to page you over and over. My suggestion is next time he does it put it on vibrate. It will make for a whole new way of getting paged.

Signed,

Digitally challenged, with very think long digits.
 
Dear clowns,

I accidentally squirted my husband in the eye with milk whilst trying to perform and underwhelming taint suck manouvre. Any tips on how to live down the shame (and pointers to cure temporary blindness)?

Cheers,

Dribbling Aussie
 
aussiegeekygal said:
Dear clowns,

I accidentally squirted my husband in the eye with milk whilst trying to perform and underwhelming taint suck manouvre. Any tips on how to live down the shame (and pointers to cure temporary blindness)?

Cheers,

Dribbling Aussie
Click to expand...

Your husband cannot possibly be mad at you, and you have no reason to feel an ounce of shame. You sound like a great wife.:)
 
Dear Clowns,

A friend finally agreed to let her husband have her hiney hole. He loves it so much, he no longer wants anything to do with her pretty kitty. He only wants the tooter.

What can she do to get him back into her bush and out of her tush?

Fondly,
Why Do People Tell Me This Stuff
 
Suz_anne said:
Dear Clowns,

A friend finally agreed to let her husband have her hiney hole. He loves it so much, he no longer wants anything to do with her pretty kitty. He only wants the tooter.

What can she do to get him back into her bush and out of her tush?

Fondly,
Why Do People Tell Me This Stuff
Click to expand...

Dear Suz_anne,

Looks like IFC's on a sabbatical, so I hope he doesn't mind if I help out in his absence. Though my wisdom is but a pale shadow in comparison, perhaps your friend may find something useful in it (though if she does it'll be a miracle).

OK, the obvious ones first:

a) Do some landscaping in the front yard. It's a bit hard to get to the front door if the garden's overgrown.
b) Make the back yard less attractive. Don't bother cleaning up, just let it go. Be aware however that the neighbors may complain about the smell.

Now for the less obvious but really cunning ones:

c) Use some of those fake warts and halloween make-up to give her rear entrance a frightening diseased-looking make-over. Suddenly kitty's looking a hole lot more attractive! (see what I did there)
d) Get her mother and her mother-in-law's face tattooed on each butt cheek. She won't have to look at them but it'll be a major turn-off for hubby!
e) Outsource the anal activity as, for example, in this story. Not that I would have read it, of course. Jett is a good boy. :rolleyes:
f) Eat lots of chili. Self-explanatory.

Anyhoo, I hope your friend finds some relief one way or the other.

Signed,

Well-intentioned
 
Suz_anne said:
Dear Clowns,

A friend finally agreed to let her husband have her hiney hole. He loves it so much, he no longer wants anything to do with her pretty kitty. He only wants the tooter.

What can she do to get him back into her bush and out of her tush?

Fondly,
Why Do People Tell Me This Stuff
Click to expand...

What the dude above me said.
 
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