Old 12-02-2009, 10:55 PM   #4101
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well that's quite the confession...you may be offended at the ambivalence though. as long as you're not too screwed up and you have dealt with it then ok. yes it's horrible that it happened to you, but why would you think anyone here was going to be disgusted or contemptuous towards you for it?? i'd want to know how you are before deciding to feel anything about it.
I am........ambivalent. I feel at times robbed, titilated, angry, or elightened.

We never spoke of it after that summer, and when I tried to forgive her on her death bed, she acted innocent. As if we didn't do those things.

It's shaped me, although I am not haunted by it. It is nice to be able to talk about it though.
I have a 20 something daughter and I have never had any thoughts in that regard for her. Her friends are another story though,
Although the subject continues to fascinate me, in a third person sort of way.
 

Old 12-02-2009, 11:00 PM   #4102
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The first woman I had sex with was my mother.
I was under age. A willing participant.
But it was abuse. I was led to believe that all families do this.
Honey, it wasn't your fault. I, of all people, understand this. I was abused by my teen girl neighbor when I was far from my teens. Anyone that judges you is shit, in my opinion *hugs* PM me if you ever need to.
 

Old 12-02-2009, 11:02 PM   #4103
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Originally Posted by PolyLvr View Post
I am........ambivalent. I feel at times robbed, titilated, angry, or elightened.

We never spoke of it after that summer, and when I tried to forgive her on her death bed, she acted innocent. As if we didn't do those things.

It's shaped me, although I am not haunted by it. It is nice to be able to talk about it though.
I have a 20 something daughter and I have never had any thoughts in that regard for her. Her friends are another story though,
Although the subject continues to fascinate me, in a third person sort of way.
then i'd say (given that small amount of info) that you're doing alright and carry on. no ire from my end. glad that you feel ok to talk about it at last though. pm me if you need a non judgmental ear to spew or vent on.
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Old 12-02-2009, 11:21 PM   #4104
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If they did I still wouldn't read them. I always put things together without the manual. LOL
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I usually put it together backwards.
See I knew there was something about you

and I love the way you put things together


 

Old 12-02-2009, 11:25 PM   #4105
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in my humble opinion

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Originally Posted by PolyLvr View Post
I am........ambivalent. I feel at times robbed, titilated, angry, or elightened.

We never spoke of it after that summer, and when I tried to forgive her on her death bed, she acted innocent. As if we didn't do those things.

It's shaped me, although I am not haunted by it. It is nice to be able to talk about it though.
I have a 20 something daughter and I have never had any thoughts in that regard for her. Her friends are another story though,
Although the subject continues to fascinate me, in a third person sort of way.
I feel bad for you that something so horrible happened to you, but from the little that has thus far been said, it seems as if you're dealing with it. I happen to know 2 people who have had similar experiences; one of them is dealing with it and leading a "normal" life, the other one is seriously messed up, to the point that she's been in and out of inpatient and outpatient psych care for years. Have you spoken to anyone in a professional capacity regarding this?
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Old 12-03-2009, 12:39 AM   #4106
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The first woman I had sex with was my mother.
I was under age. A willing participant.
But it was abuse. I was led to believe that all families do this.
That is tragic and you are blameless.

The blame sits squarely on the shoulders of your mother and one of the most heinous of crimes a person can commit is to rob a child of their innocence!

Have you gone to the cops?

Sorry but I am what I am and this type of crime makes my blood boil. If nothing else they can put you in touch with support agencys...

Failing that I'll listen to you if you want to talk.
 

Old 12-03-2009, 01:39 AM   #4107
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I confess that I'm tired. I'm tired of being led on, and I'm tired of being thrown aside like yesterday's garbage!

Is there something wrong with me? Really? Is there? I'm up front about things when I enter into a relationship with a woman. I don't hide the fact that I'm married and that my wife knows about this.

Is it so much to ask that, if you decide you want to call it quits, you have the common fucking decency to just tell me?! When I have to practically drag it out of you in IM, well, it's beyond fucked up.

I confess that I should stop admitting when things are going well, because that's a sure sign that all the shit will hit the fan. I confess that, right now, I feel absolutely fucking worthless because, yet again, someone I was really starting to care for decided that it wasn't working out, and seemed to think that basically ignoring me for a week was a perfectly acceptable way of letting me know.

Last but not least, I confess that I give up. I'm tired of being walked all over like this. It's been happening too much. I'm just tired of it. Maybe I should just do myself and the world a favor and go find a nice cave to hide in. I'm done.
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Old 12-03-2009, 01:50 AM   #4108
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Originally Posted by draconus_infernus View Post
I confess that I'm tired. I'm tired of being led on, and I'm tired of being thrown aside like yesterday's garbage!

Is there something wrong with me? Really? Is there? I'm up front about things when I enter into a relationship with a woman. I don't hide the fact that I'm married and that my wife knows about this.

Is it so much to ask that, if you decide you want to call it quits, you have the common fucking decency to just tell me?! When I have to practically drag it out of you in IM, well, it's beyond fucked up.

I confess that I should stop admitting when things are going well, because that's a sure sign that all the shit will hit the fan. I confess that, right now, I feel absolutely fucking worthless because, yet again, someone I was really starting to care for decided that it wasn't working out, and seemed to think that basically ignoring me for a week was a perfectly acceptable way of letting me know.

Last but not least, I confess that I give up. I'm tired of being walked all over like this. It's been happening too much. I'm just tired of it. Maybe I should just do myself and the world a favor and go find a nice cave to hide in. I'm done.
this is not nice. we've all been there and can sympathise fully. i'm sure that mrs draconus can cheer you up. big hugs and a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows on the way.....
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warning - i like lame jokes.

you're hanging out with us now, dignity's got nothing to do with it! syd - ice age 1

For each ecstatic instant
We must an agony pay
In keen and quivering ratio
To the ecstasy
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Old 12-03-2009, 02:18 AM   #4109
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Originally Posted by draconus_infernus View Post
I confess that I'm tired. I'm tired of being led on, and I'm tired of being thrown aside like yesterday's garbage!

Is there something wrong with me? Really? Is there? I'm up front about things when I enter into a relationship with a woman. I don't hide the fact that I'm married and that my wife knows about this.

Is it so much to ask that, if you decide you want to call it quits, you have the common fucking decency to just tell me?! When I have to practically drag it out of you in IM, well, it's beyond fucked up.

I confess that I should stop admitting when things are going well, because that's a sure sign that all the shit will hit the fan. I confess that, right now, I feel absolutely fucking worthless because, yet again, someone I was really starting to care for decided that it wasn't working out, and seemed to think that basically ignoring me for a week was a perfectly acceptable way of letting me know.

Last but not least, I confess that I give up. I'm tired of being walked all over like this. It's been happening too much. I'm just tired of it. Maybe I should just do myself and the world a favor and go find a nice cave to hide in. I'm done.
I confess that I will totally kick her in the knee - you are far too sweet & good natured to be treated so poorly, button.
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Old 12-03-2009, 03:51 AM   #4110
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I confess I can't sleep
 

Old 12-03-2009, 04:38 AM   #4111
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Originally Posted by draconus_infernus View Post
I confess that I'm tired. I'm tired of being led on, and I'm tired of being thrown aside like yesterday's garbage!

Is there something wrong with me? Really? Is there? I'm up front about things when I enter into a relationship with a woman. I don't hide the fact that I'm married and that my wife knows about this.

Is it so much to ask that, if you decide you want to call it quits, you have the common fucking decency to just tell me?! When I have to practically drag it out of you in IM, well, it's beyond fucked up.

I confess that I should stop admitting when things are going well, because that's a sure sign that all the shit will hit the fan. I confess that, right now, I feel absolutely fucking worthless because, yet again, someone I was really starting to care for decided that it wasn't working out, and seemed to think that basically ignoring me for a week was a perfectly acceptable way of letting me know.

Last but not least, I confess that I give up. I'm tired of being walked all over like this. It's been happening too much. I'm just tired of it. Maybe I should just do myself and the world a favor and go find a nice cave to hide in. I'm done.
If you had been hiding in a cave, non of us would have met you. And that would be a shame. You are a dear, sweet man and don't deserve to be treated like that. But I know how you feel. I made a similar post a few weeks ago. We shouldn't let others put a value on us but we do. We need to stop using others to define who we are and what we're worth. You would do no one a favor to hide. You'd be depriving the world of someone special. She's the one that should be hiding in shame. If she's so callous and cowardly that she can't behave as an adult, she shouldn't be pursuing adult relationships like that. I'm so sorry she hurt you. PM me if you need to talk
 

Old 12-03-2009, 04:57 AM   #4112
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i confess i am moved by what was above me we all are diferent in ways but we make up the world to hide in a cave would remove a peice of the puzzle stay out in the light somebody will miss you hope i said that right not the best at putting things down
 

Old 12-03-2009, 06:19 AM   #4113
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Honey, it wasn't your fault. I, of all people, understand this. I was abused by my teen girl neighbor when I was far from my teens. Anyone that judges you is shit, in my opinion *hugs* PM me if you ever need to.
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then i'd say (given that small amount of info) that you're doing alright and carry on. no ire from my end. glad that you feel ok to talk about it at last though. pm me if you need a non judgmental ear to spew or vent on.
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Originally Posted by welatshaw View Post
I feel bad for you that something so horrible happened to you, but from the little that has thus far been said, it seems as if you're dealing with it. I happen to know 2 people who have had similar experiences; one of them is dealing with it and leading a "normal" life, the other one is seriously messed up, to the point that she's been in and out of inpatient and outpatient psych care for years. Have you spoken to anyone in a professional capacity regarding this?
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Originally Posted by WA_cop View Post
That is tragic and you are blameless.

The blame sits squarely on the shoulders of your mother and one of the most heinous of crimes a person can commit is to rob a child of their innocence!

Have you gone to the cops?

Sorry but I am what I am and this type of crime makes my blood boil. If nothing else they can put you in touch with support agencys...

Failing that I'll listen to you if you want to talk.
It's odd. At times I am pissed about the lost innocence. But I was never very angry. I think being a somewhat twisted individual has maybe lessened it's impact. I am/was more upset by the fact they misled me, than by the actual acts.
I do know my Mom was bothered by what they had done, for many years. I also know that they both where in similar situations with older siblings, when they were kids. My mother had 3 older brothers who started on her before she was 10. My father had an uncle, a brother and a sister on him.

I never spoke to police about it, nor any therapists. Mom is dead, we had good relationship otherwise, right to the end. It's funny, but other than that summer, she was almost a saint. All their deviant siblings are dead, too.

One thing I do realize, being as close to this subject as I am, is how much it can change someone. Sitting here typing this, I think maybe I am bothered more than I thought, simply because I think about it almost daily. No drama or anything, but it's there. Anyways, I am absolute death on a.) Children. I love children and I am so thankful that I don't love them THAT way, after what happened. Consequently, IMO anyone who rapes or abuses a child deserves death. Period.
B.) People that take advantage of others. I have an abnormal hatred of thieves of all sorts. I'm a very laid back kind of guy most of the time, but I feel, a lot.

I also ramble apparently. This kind of thing goes on far more than anyone realizes. Some people come out almost unfazed. Some people get really messed up.

Anyways, thanks for listening/reading.
 

Old 12-03-2009, 06:20 AM   #4114
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I once stuck a candy wrapper in someone's open body before sewing it up.


The family doesn't know.
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Noone mentioned LadyReiha. This thread is officially moot.

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Old 12-03-2009, 06:27 AM   #4115
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I once stuck a candy wrapper in someone's open body before sewing it up.


The family doesn't know.
That's actually kind of funny. Just curious, why did you do that?
 

Old 12-03-2009, 06:30 AM   #4116
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That's actually kind of funny. Just curious, why did you do that?
I used to go to school for Funeral Directory and Psychology.

And one of our assignments was to do a "C cut" on a person's chest cavity, and I was chewing on a piece of candy which at the time my partner did the cut, the wrapper fell out of my hands and rested on top of the dead dude's exposed chest cavity. So I tucked it behind the exposed muscle and flesh and left it there because I was a stupid, immature 19 year old and thought it would be funny.
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Noone mentioned LadyReiha. This thread is officially moot.

♥♫♥Yes, I'm a Girl >.<♫♥♫

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Rei Rei's are notoriously known for stealing the desirable, delectable ladies of literotica and claiming them as their own. Beware! (Unless you want to take a Rei Rei on....♥♥♥ )
 

Old 12-03-2009, 06:38 AM   #4117
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The first woman I had sex with was my mother.
I was under age. A willing participant.
But it was abuse. I was led to believe that all families do this.
well having done with it the best thing is to get it out of your mind
 

Old 12-03-2009, 09:02 AM   #4118
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ICT the sun is beginning to shine outside and perhaps a bit in my mind as well. It's a new day, who knows what lies before me.

ICT it hurts me greatly and troubles my heart that someone reported/complained about my thread and caused it to be deleted. I hope whomever you are that you read this and know that you caused me pain. Perhaps that is what you wanted? I've never been anything but kind to people here and if I wronged you in some way I wish you'd come to me.

ICT that I wish the moderators would sit down and establish a firm protocol. I understand that the owners of this site have absolutely every right to delete threads... this is a free site so we don't have too many rights. I do however believe that everyone should be treated the same. Do not give some the opportunity to delete the pics you deem offensive and then delete others threads without any warning.

ICT yesterday I found out who my true friends are here at Lit... the one who sat up with me chatting until it was time to go to bed, the one who threatened to stage a revolt to make a point, the one who texted me a beautiful picture she took, the one who took time to comfort even though his life was in turmoil, the one that always makes me laugh, the ones that publicly showed their indignation, the ones that sent PM's, emails, and called. Thank you for reaching out to me and showing me what true friendship is.

ICT that's probably enough for one post and I'm already late for work.

AJ
 

Old 12-03-2009, 09:35 AM   #4119
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I confess that I'm tired, in as many contexts as one can imagine.
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Old 12-03-2009, 09:43 AM   #4120
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I confess that I'm tired, in as many contexts as one can imagine.
Ouch. I hope the coming weekend gives you some rest, of all kinds :-)
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Old 12-03-2009, 09:54 AM   #4121
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I confess that sometimes, just sometimes, thinks work out how you hope and that it is a pretty good damn feeling...
 

Old 12-03-2009, 09:54 AM   #4122
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I confess to hoping for another busy day at the store
 

Old 12-03-2009, 10:21 AM   #4123
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I confess that sometimes, just sometimes, thinks work out how you hope and that it is a pretty good damn feeling...
Care to share all that sunny optimism?

I could use a dose of it.
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Old 12-03-2009, 10:29 AM   #4124
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Care to share all that sunny optimism?

I could use a dose of it.
optimism - the sun will rise and set in it's usual spectacular fashion

- there will be at least one good song on the radio

- somebody, somewhere will think of you at least once
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For each ecstatic instant
We must an agony pay
In keen and quivering ratio
To the ecstasy
--- emily dickinson

slave of misterx1969
 

Old 12-03-2009, 10:32 AM   #4125
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optimism - the sun will rise and set in it's usual spectacular fashion

- there will be at least one good song on the radio

- somebody, somewhere will think of you at least once

Regarding the sun, that is very true. Thank you for perspective.

Regarding the radio, I'm listening to Martini in the Morning and -every- song is good. Nobody does it better that the old standards...Unfortunately, my iTunes library isn't cutting it at the moment, so thank god for the radio.

Regarding that last sentiment...*sigh* Hopefully, it's a good thought, at the very least.
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