As The Hospital Pervs

Nurse Janey: It is time for your Cocaine Drops Mr Smith.

Surgeon’s Song
~Sid Schwab

I’ve touched you places none can touch,
Known of things that can’t be known,
Seen the unseen.

This is given me by you
Weighty trust that’s built on air.
You have granted me your life
Neither of us knows why.

Delicate brutality, transgression deified.
An act I cannot understand.
The space between the two of us
Will disappear impossibly
At one end.

If I could, I’d be your eyes,
Teach you what you’ve let me learn.
Earth and coils, a robin’s egg,
Architecture built to fail.
The beauty here’s for none of us.
But here I am.

If you heard the words I spoke,
If I were to help you know
The breath I held when we were there,
Would you recoil and wonder how
You ever said yes?

Love A Nurse

Janey thought she was just a nurse, until she realized that life might not be all about wondering why the sympathetic nervous system compensates for perceived low cardiac outputs. So she closed the book on hemodynamics and started reading erotica.

I thought everybody in the trade wore Crocs.

SaintPeter said:

I thought everybody in the trade wore Crocs.

Click to expand...

I have worn them occasionally, but I like leather. My new shoes have arrived in the mail!
The crocs when I tried them actually did not comfort me for the full 13 hours, and the texture on the bottom hurt me...but I am a girl that wears her shirts inside out so the seams don't rub me.

Time To Get Clinical

Make Me Sleep

sweepthefloor said:

Click to expand...

Ha! My nurse best friend has said that to me on numerous occasions

sweepthefloor said:

Click to expand...

Love this thank you for posting

(and I love my Crocs..in surgery leather does not clean as well and 'water-proof shoe covers are a urban legend)

naughtycakes said:

Ha! My nurse best friend has said that to me on numerous occasions

Click to expand...

It is so true, and other body parts too.

LadyGreyFortress said:

Love this thank you for posting

(and I love my Crocs..in surgery leather does not clean as well and 'water-proof shoe covers are a urban legend)

Click to expand...

My pleasure. I never did think those little blue booties would work in the operating room, but I never asked anyone. I have often thought of OR nursing...My friend loves it there, she hated bedside.

Be A Nurse

Cutie MD

He is so cute. This Cutie MD might have been my first new nurse doctor crush. He has wavy short hair, parted on the side. He implants pacemakers and defibrillators into people’s chests. He looks cute in scrubs, if you can imagine that. It is not just that, he is quiet, and he smiles. He has those smiling eyes, that tell. We all know it is not what he looks like that makes him cute. It is all about the attitude.

He does not always draw little pictures, but sometimes he does. I will never forget the first time I saw those little stick figures. I was really giggling. I could not believe he would draw pictures in a medical chart. He wrote in the chart: “Tilt table test,” with the drawing underneath. I had never heard of a tilt table test before. I knew from the picture, he meant orthostatic blood pressure checks. Being nervous though, I asked this experienced nurse (I love her) and I showed her the orders, and she just smiled, and told me he was a charmer.

Sometimes on admission orders he will write a full page, and squeezed in at the bottom, after tests, labs, and medication orders, will be the words: thank you, or have a nice day, all scribbled in sloppy fashion. The unit clerk will call me and say: Janey what does this say? Thinking that it is some weird lab test. And then we look at him, the Cutie MD, standing over at the telemetry monitor station checking out heart rhythms, and he smiles at us.

I covered up his name to protect him, the innocent, of my perving mind, but hell yeah I took a picture. If I ever get burned out, tired, I will remember the cute stuff.

Oh and the order reads: “Bedside orthostatics q shift.”
Which means check the blood pressure, laying, sitting, and standing once a shift.
The pictures are just a special effect. I like it. Sometimes he draws, sometimes he just writes “Orthostatics q shift.”

sweepthefloor said:

It is so true, and other body parts too.


My pleasure. I never did think those little blue booties would work in the operating room, but I never asked anyone. I have often thought of OR nursing...My friend loves it there, she hated bedside.

Click to expand...

I adore the Operating Room, would not be in nursing if I could not be in surgery. It has its own unique set of challenges, what area of nursing does not? But at least we get to look "Fabulous" in our masks, very Scherazade-ish and not to mention being able to wear your hair up in curlers under our caps

LadyGreyFortress said:

I adore the Operating Room, would not be in nursing if I could not be in surgery. It has its own unique set of challenges, what area of nursing does not? But at least we get to look "Fabulous" in our masks, very Scherazade-ish and not to mention being able to wear your hair up in curlers under our caps

Click to expand...

Yes, I see the appeal! I am not fond of the orthopods though, I work cardiac. Are they tough to handle?

One of the many skills of nursing is handwriting interpretation.
I circled what I read to be: Heparin Fuck.

It actually says:
D/C (discontinue)IVs
D/C IV Heparin
Heparin Lock
Type and Cross Match
Transfuse 1 unit of Packed Red Blood Cells
Coumadin 5mg by mouth tonight
Stool for Occult Blood.

Yeah, can't really fuck heparin.

sweepthefloor said:

Yes, I see the appeal! I am not fond of the orthopods though, I work cardiac. Are they tough to handle?

Click to expand...

Orthopods are pussycats as long as you are conversant with power tools and know the difference between a chucked drill bitt and a trinkle one. Luckily we are small hospital, so no hearts or heads. My most hard to please surgeons are the Opthamologist. Very persnickity and egocentric, have to be half geisha, half Tabers, and half octopus to please them. No wonder I am exhausted after cataract day.

LadyGreyFortress said:

Orthopods are pussycats as long as you are conversant with power tools and know the difference between a chucked drill bitt and a trinkle one. Luckily we are small hospital, so no hearts or heads. My most hard to please surgeons are the Opthamologist. Very persnickity and egocentric, have to be half geisha, half Tabers, and half octopus to please them. No wonder I am exhausted after cataract day.

Click to expand...

Orthopods, I guess I can see them as big pussycats. This one orthopod looked cute with my pink bandage scissors in his big bone crusher hands.
Oh, I would love to work in a cardiac OR. I liked my surgical rotation at the heart hospital, it was totally nuts the way they cracked the chest and freaking iced it!
I could not imagine eye surgery, heck no. I am never doing that.

sweepthefloor said:

Orthopods, I guess I can see them as big pussycats. This one orthopod looked cute with my pink bandage scissors in his big bone crusher hands.
Oh, I would love to work in a cardiac OR. I liked my surgical rotation at the heart hospital, it was totally nuts the way they cracked the chest and freaking iced it!
I could not imagine eye surgery, heck no. I am never doing that.

Click to expand...

Funny you say that about eyes...the only rotation that drops even seasoned nurses. Have had to sit more than one old warhorse nurse on the floor with her head between her knees when they do the retrobulbar block, something about needles going behind eyes just distrurbs people, it just makes me want another cup of coffee cause I know I am gonna be in a quiet dark room with classical music playing for the next 30 minutes.

sweepthefloor said:

I don't have to role play, this is my job.

Click to expand...

Do many nurses turn these things into a fetish? What about women?

LadyGreyFortress said:

Funny you say that about eyes...the only rotation that drops even seasoned nurses. Have had to sit more than one old warhorse nurse on the floor with her head between her knees when they do the retrobulbar block, something about needles going behind eyes just distrurbs people, it just makes me want another cup of coffee cause I know I am gonna be in a quiet dark room with classical music playing for the next 30 minutes.

Click to expand...

Yeap, the needles in the eyes thing, I can not handle that, give me anything else but that!

Morli said:

Do many nurses turn these things into a fetish? What about women?

Click to expand...

I am honestly not sure, probably not. I just turn everyday happenings into something pervy, by brain default. Medical language is laden with sexual innuendos, or maybe I just insert that on my own, who knows? I like it though. Do women like it? I think so.

write right

When they write so that I can't read it I ring them and demand that they return and rewrite it so I can read it, as nothing will be done until it is legible. When they return I sit beside them and tell them how offended I am. I also tell them that if they can't operate a pen its difficult to imagine that they can operate a needle or a scalpel. I tell them I mastered the art of writing before I was 7, everything I wrote then was legible.
After that, I have no problem.
I loved it when one wrote digesic illegibly, I rang him and suggested that the doses for the digoxin he ordered were wrong. He was there beside me rapidly, collecting his serve. "Have we saved a life?" I asked him. How lucky it was he didn't have to write Dextropropoxyphene hydrochloride 32.5mg/paracetamol 325mg.