Why do we like being submissive?

Frankly, I like to be told what to do. Because I love his response when I do it.

Wild_Honey_66 said:

I am untethered, I am entirely vulnerable. And yet, he holds me.

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With the right person, submission feels like this. And it makes me feel safe and whole.

As "something-other-than-a-submissive," I confess that I've read this thread through with a great deal of curiosity. I mean, intellectually I know maybe a little bit more than the average bear about the psychological and societal underpinnings of submission and what makes it so appealing for some. At least I generally got those questions right on tests...

However, I sometimes despair that I will ever completely understand it. It's just so counter to everything inside me. Asking me to do something and appealing to my strength will usually work. Trying to make, much less force me is just going to end up with both of us sorry and sore. (And typically more "them" than me.)


Any road, my point is that I, for one, appreciate the quiet strength and dignity so many of you who feel this need sharing just what it is that you feel. And I know you didn't do so for me or for others like me, but to help others like yourselves trying to grapple with their own internal struggles. Regardless, though, I for one do appreciate your strength and openness in sharing.

PuckIt said:

As "something-other-than-a-submissive," I confess that I've read this thread through with a great deal of curiosity. I mean, intellectually I know maybe a little bit more than the average bear about the psychological and societal underpinnings of submission and what makes it so appealing for some. At least I generally got those questions right on tests...

However, I sometimes despair that I will ever completely understand it. It's just so counter to everything inside me. Asking me to do something will usually work. Trying to make, much less force me is just going to end up with both of us sorry and sore. (And typically more "them" than me.)


Any road, my point is that I, for one, appreciate the quiet strength and dignity so many of you who feel this need sharing just what it is that you feel. And I know you didn't do so for me or for others like me, but to help others like yourselves trying to grapple with their own internal struggles. Regardless, though, I for one do appreciate your strength and openness in sharing.

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I am often more than a little curious about what's going on in the 'other's' head, something that I've said a few times. I understand, that it's the nature of the beast so to say. But submissive's are (usually) so transparent and giving... i guess it just adds to the power imbalance.

I appreciate your thoughts here because while I'm submissive - I'm also curious to a fault

Submissive

There is no aim for me I like a man to have some control over my body there needs to be trust and a lot of trust in real not online chat. For me to serve and do want he wants me to do to his body. To pleasure arouse him but to feel agreement and comfatable in sexual activities. For him to say what he wants sexually to be done to me that is being dominate sexually .

Submission is the core of my sexuality. I can rise to any need or challenge in the rest of my life and run the fuck out of it. Usually within my other personal relationships I am the strength, the stability, the glue holding things together and keeping everything cool. But to feel free and safe enough to express myself sexually with depth and intensity, I need to empower my partner and trust in him/her completely. It's that depth, that intensity that I crave along with the mental release from continuously spinning plates.

Sub

I'm just beginning to explore my sub side. I've been an type A executive for 30 years. IDK, there is something that gets me going, servicing a Dom either M or F.

Again, just started to enjoy my sub side.

CurvyShadow said:

With the right person, submission feels like this. And it makes me feel safe and whole.

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I concur!!! Blissfully

aluzion said:

What do you feel when you are being /humiliated/dominated?
What is the feeling and the aim of being submissive to another person? How does it feel good?

Let's all share our feelings.

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I look for thee eroticism,obedience,

Knowing I am pleasing and being trained in the way I am supposed to be

Knowing I have done been told, being a good sissy

Dbscbigi said:

I'm just beginning to explore my sub side. I've been an type A executive for 30 years. IDK, there is something that gets me going, servicing a Dom either M or F.

Again, just started to enjoy my sub side.

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This is not at all unusual. Many executive types, who have stressful lives, where they hire and fire and have a lot on their minds during their day to day lives prefer to be submissive in their sexual lives.

It doesn't always work out that way, but many times it does. I think the subconscious mind has something to do with this. It knows when you need release from that stress and it ends up where you prefer someone else taking over the control in your sex life.

I've been with several executive ladies who either owned a company or were high enough up on the executive ladder that they were very submissive in their sexual lives. Men are no different.

I agree with most of these posts saying its who we are. I have better orgasms when my partner is in charge of them. Part of it is being told what to do. Most of it is the trust we share. I trust him to bring me the pleasure I so desire. He trusts me to communicate properly with him.And my submission pleases him. We never cuddle or anything while were in a D/s mood. But I feel just as close to him when I'm his sub, if not closer.

I'm not always submissive.
But sometimes I need to let go.
I need control to be in someone else's hands.
Or, sometimes better, I need control to be taken from me.
I need her to make me helpless, powerless.
I need what I call 'the freedom of the victim'

There's just something so erotically exciting about ceding complete control to someone else with the full knowledge and agreement that you will do whatever they order you to do and allow them to do to you whatever they desire. I agree to serve as their plaything.

Katykaboomu said:

For me, being submissive is a need: to serve and please a man. To let go and enjoy release of the outside world. It is about being not what I need to do for the world, but just Sir.

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With the right person, it’s about letting go and being completely helpless and having no say because I consented....

DVS said:

This is not at all unusual. Many executive types, who have stressful lives, where they hire and fire and have a lot on their minds during their day to day lives prefer to be submissive in their sexual lives.

It doesn't always work out that way, but many times it does. I think the subconscious mind has something to do with this. It knows when you need release from that stress and it ends up where you prefer someone else taking over the control in your sex life.

I've been with several executive ladies who either owned a company or were high enough up on the executive ladder that they were very submissive in their sexual lives. Men are no different.

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I concur,
Have been in a position of power at work for many years, and have to make stressful and hard decisions constantly, as well as hold my household together, family together (financially), take care of everything.

In the bedroom, I don't want to be provider, I want to be pampered, coddled, told what to do and how to do it, resign from any decision making whatsoever...

I want to be treated like a lady.

sub2femdom said:

I concur,
Have been in a position of power at work for many years, and have to make stressful and hard decisions constantly, as well as hold my household together, family together (financially), take care of everything.

In the bedroom, I don't want to be provider, I want to be pampered, coddled, told what to do and how to do it, resign from any decision making whatsoever...

I want to be treated like a lady.

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Barring the "like a lady" part, I could've written that.


When I submit, it's to empty my mind and escape life. I'm there for pleasure, I don't want to assimilate it to management decisions, or house finance or childcare. I want to be someone's fucktoy

P R E C I S E L Y

ropebunny87 said:

Exactly...it's the fact that He's completely taken over my being, and has a direct connection to what's going on in my head, and with a look can send shivers through my body. It's the fact that I *want* Him to know me completely, and at my most vulnerable. I have met a few people who were submissive solely in the bedroom, but for me it's beyond that. Of course I derive pleasure from being submissive sexually, but I also get extreme pleasure knowing that I've done something to make Him happy outside of the bedroom.

Again...so hard to put into words, because it's not something that can really be explained (at least not for me...) it's mostly the connection, and the feeling I get...it's a natural groove that we both fit into....

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The loss of control and feelings of helplessness are a powerful aphrodisiac for me. When I'm bound, restrained or held down and I know I can't move, there's a feeling over being overwhelmed, like being swept up in a powerful tidal wave that is impossible to swim against.

My heart beats faster, my body temperature goes up, I feel feverish and copious amounts of adrenaline end up in my bloodstream.

In many ways the thrill I get from being helpless, punished and dominated is probably similar to the thrill people get from being on a roller-coaster, being helplessly hurled through the air, yanked around at and spun about at 140 mph.

Of course, (most) people don't get sexually aroused at being helplessly rocketed through the air by a roller coaster, however, the overwhelming loss of control is similar and the best illustration I can think of to explain how I feel when I give up control to a master or mistress.

spankednaked said:

The loss of control and feelings of helplessness are a powerful aphrodisiac for me. When I'm bound, restrained or held down and I know I can't move, there's a feeling over being overwhelmed, like being swept up in a powerful tidal wave that is impossible to swim against.

My heart beats faster, my body temperature goes up, I feel feverish and copious amounts of adrenaline end up in my bloodstream.

In many ways the thrill I get from being helpless, punished and dominated is probably similar to the thrill people get from being on a roller-coaster, being helplessly hurled through the air, yanked around at and spun about at 140 mph.

Of course, (most) people don't get sexually aroused at being helplessly rocketed through the air by a roller coaster, however, the overwhelming loss of control is similar and the best illustration I can think of to explain how I feel when I give up control to a master or mistress.

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Being helpless also makes me feel really, really good. Especially if exposed to a beautiful domina

For me I get great pleasure in serving and seeing a Lady happy. I want so much to feel her guidance and control as I strive to make her happy.

Stevew0073 said:

For me I get great pleasure in serving and seeing a Lady happy. I want so much to feel her guidance and control as I strive to make her happy.

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Exactly this. I'm caged at work today, because a fellow Lister wanted me to.


I'd love nothing more than to meet her, stay caged and be her sex slave for the day.

Be a massive stress relief

If you can convince yourself that someone else has complete authority over you and you must obey them and do whatever they order you to do then you carry no responsibility for your behaviors and you can perform the most degrading acts that you secretly want to do and incur no blame.

hi

SalvDali said:

I asked my wife this question when we started this journey. After pondering it for a few minutes she said " You know how people always say life was easier when they were a child and their parents made all their decisions for them. It's the same thing to me. "

Made sense to me. Even more so when I looked at my wife and our life through those eyes. She had always looked to me to make big decisions. She had almost always done what i wanted over what she wanted. It wasnt really going to change the dynamics between us so much as just add to them.

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As close as I've seen an answer that makes sense to me. At work I had multi million dollar decisions to make on a daily basis. Decisions I make can affect hundreds if not thousands of other's lives. So when I get home after a week on the road and board meetings etc. . . . last thing I want to do is make another decision. What to eat, what to watch, where to go, which hole? Not sure why I crave humiliation or why I love being a cuckold. That probably stems from being raised by a group of men hating women. Or having a sister who bullied me my whole life. I'm a case eh?

sterculius said:

If you can convince yourself that someone else has complete authority over you and you must obey them and do whatever they order you to do then you carry no responsibility for your behaviors and you can perform the most degrading acts that you secretly want to do and incur no blame.

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May I 'ditto' this quote. xoxo

For me, it was a realization as I got older.

I've never been that 'alpha male' in vanilla life, but also I've had an enormous amount of responsibility on my shoulders since I was 18. My first several girlfriends just happened to not drive, many of them not work either, so I had to take care of them financially. Many of them took advantage of me being a 'nice guy', and all of them eventually cheated on me.

It took me years to realize that 'nice' was a bad habit. But anyhoo, I naturally had to be aggressive at workplaces, being ultra responsible, and prove myself reliable in leadership and management roles. I eventually worked my way up to the executive level. All the while, my wife didn't drive, didn't work (she did work when I met her), but something about me made women think they could just sit back and be taken care of, so after many years, I demanded she get her license, and more or less strong-armed her into it. She now works full time, and has for years.

So.. sorry this got long. I realized that I as always a beta-type male, and my first submissive play was simply bliss. No decision making, no responsibility for anyone's pleasure, even my own. I get butterflies when commanded to perform acts, and do so willingly, and feel so perfectly natural being submissive in the bedroom.

In my vanilla life, I am more of a control freak, I know how the world works, and how to get things done, so I am I guess an A-type executive in that world, and fully accept it, but in a different world, where the wife was the high paid executive? Oh yes, I could live in that world, and be her bitch, oh yes.