New Story: A family filled with deisre

any suggestion

Also if anybody has any suggestions for me to make the story better please let me know. I'm new at writing stories and any sort of feedback, both positive and negative, will be greatly appreciated.
 
hot35m said:
Also if anybody has any suggestions for me to make the story better please let me know. I'm new at writing stories and any sort of feedback, both positive and negative, will be greatly appreciated.

Let me start out with a positive note. The scene between the protagonist's mother and sister is good because it reveals details about them and their relationship by "showing" how they interact. It keeps the main character involved in the scene because he reflects that his mother has always been very straightforward in discussing difficult or embarrassing topics like sex. It also moves the plot forward by letting the main character discover something he didn't know about his mother and his sister, although all he does is use it for fantasy material at this point.

The mother puts on her clothes and leaves at the end of the scene, which surprised me a little. I thought his mom was getting ready for bed, so maybe it's earlier in the evening than I thought, or maybe she's going out somewhere...

Good start, hot35m. Please write more!

Zingiber
 
Thanks

Thanks it's always nice to get a little positive encouragement. I know the story needs more develpoment but I'm leaving it open hoping I can get some additions from other people. Feel free to add your own twist to the story also.
 
New addition

I just wanted to let everybody know that the story has been added to so go check it out.
 
Another new addition

The story just got added to again. GO check it out and add to it yourself to make this story great.
 
Bump

Just wanted to give this a bump really looking for input and additons from other people
 
A New Addition

I just added another chapter to the story. Please go check it out and I would ggreatly appreciate some addition from others.
 
A New Addition

I just added another chapter to the story. Please go check it out and I would greatly appreciate some addition from others.
 
just giving this a shameless bump, would love to have more added to it
 
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