Old 03-21-2018, 10:11 AM   #351
JCSTREET
Literotica Guru
 
JCSTREET's Avatar
 
JCSTREET is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tailwaters of Lake Ontario
Posts: 1,713
"Was it the unknown or
what I had smoked"

The question we have been asking since Enki walked the ancient paths of earth
__________________
STORIES AND POEMS

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them and women are afraid that men will kill them. Margaret Atwood

The problem with sex in the movies is that the popcorn usually spills.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-26-2018, 04:24 PM   #352
AlotLikePsyche
Literotica Guru
 
AlotLikePsyche is offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,946
Thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Groove View Post
I like the first one. It feels better and leaves more room for the reader.

I also like the suggestion regarding the metaphor line, it seems like you could just drop the "a metaphor of" and let it read simply, "You make my mouth..."

It's intense and we don't really want kisses to feel finished, do we?
Now that you mention it, no, not really.

And he usually does NOT go down on me after he kisses me in this very intentionally suggestive way, which is obviously cruel and unusual, and very much UN-fucking-finished in my mind...

But, Im getting off topic, so.

Thank you both, doc and cal, for the feedback. Its my first time to ask for some, and get some, so it is meaningful to me that you replied and helped. It makes me feel like a real poet. So, thank you for that.

I took your advice and landed on this. I like it better now.

Kissing You

Sometimes you part my lips,
Like a familiar road,
My cunt,
Your hair,
The ocean.
You taste my tongue,
Like it is the sky,
My clit,
Your own.
You make my mouth,
A messenger,
A meteor,
A myth.
Make me ache for it.
Hope for it.
Imagine it.
Know it.
__________________
Poems
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-26-2018, 06:14 PM   #353
JCSTREET
Literotica Guru
 
JCSTREET's Avatar
 
JCSTREET is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tailwaters of Lake Ontario
Posts: 1,713
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzara View Post
That Girl in the Sundress

does not resemble you
her hair is too straight, too light
to be your dark, rich waves.
She is too young, too blank
in experience of life
to taste like the wine of your kiss,
your conversation. But she is bare,
or nearly so, and her beautiful
shoulders and slim, tanned legs
make me think of sex, and so,
the way a grainy photograph
must serve at times for soul,
this is whyhowshe becomes you.
perfect, professional, publishable, prick-teasing, penetrating
__________________
STORIES AND POEMS

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them and women are afraid that men will kill them. Margaret Atwood

The problem with sex in the movies is that the popcorn usually spills.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-27-2018, 01:40 AM   #354
thespiceoflife
Really Really Experienced
 
thespiceoflife is offline
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: stuck in the middle
Posts: 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlotLikePsyche View Post
Now that you mention it, no, not really.

And he usually does NOT go down on me after he kisses me in this very intentionally suggestive way, which is obviously cruel and unusual, and very much UN-fucking-finished in my mind...

But, Im getting off topic, so.

Thank you both, doc and cal, for the feedback. Its my first time to ask for some, and get some, so it is meaningful to me that you replied and helped. It makes me feel like a real poet. So, thank you for that.

I took your advice and landed on this. I like it better now.

Kissing You

Sometimes you part my lips,
Like a familiar road,
My cunt,
Your hair,
The ocean.
You taste my tongue,
Like it is the sky,
My clit,
Your own.
You make my mouth,
A messenger,
A meteor,
A myth.
Make me ache for it.
Hope for it.
Imagine it.
Know it.

I adore this. The power and sensuality in such brevity. Keep it up. This certainly raised me
__________________
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-28-2018, 10:42 PM   #355
AlotLikePsyche
Literotica Guru
 
AlotLikePsyche is offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,946
Quote:
Originally Posted by thespiceoflife View Post
I adore this. The power and sensuality in such brevity. Keep it up. This certainly raised me
Thank you for the encouragement. It made my day.
__________________
Poems
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:56 PM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.