Reflections on Gentleman Doms

I remember when this thread was just green grass and open fields ... :)

Great to see activity here from odd time to time, reading back through old posts I’ve missed.
 
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Just as class is something one is born with and not into, the title of gentleman is given and not assumed.

And it’s not something you judge by external appearances either. It’s even possible for a man who wears a grey suit with brown shoes to be a gentleman. Or so I’m told...
 
If one is truly a gentleman it would seem it bad form to declare one’s self a gentleman. This is where actions speak louder than words...

It is unbecoming, but quoting Cervantes; you can be called and gentleman and a scholar
 
This thread :heart:

Claim her, love her tenderly, fuck her ferociously, show her affection and compassion, calm her fears, spoil her with consistency, protect her, don’t let her go. That, Sir, is what being a man is about.​

Love this indie.


...and to Callmetim and Honey....I have no regrets about pulling this thread from the dark recesses of Lit and attempting to keep its ember glowing softly...
~c
 
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Seven Deadly Sins of a Dominant

1. Inconsistency - If a dominant is inconsistent in applying and checking up on his or her rules, it makes the submissive not know whether to bother following them or not, and if he or she is inconsistent in their expectations of the sub, the way they treat him or her, and how they apply their dominance, it is very unsettling for the sub, and he or she cannot possibly grow or flourish in such a relationship.

2. Apathy - if a dominant does not care much about his or her sub or their relationship, they are not going to invest the large amounts of time and energy that power-exchange dynamics need to thrive.

3. Carelessness - This may seem similar to ‘apathy’, but in this case, I am referring to a dominant who does not think through his or her actions or take the required amount of care during scenes.

4. Dishonesty - Openness, good and effective communication are even more vital in a power-exchange relationship than in a vanilla one, because at times the sub will literally be putting his or her safety into the hands of their dominant, and he or she needs to know that they can trust him or her 100%, and that they have been honest with them about their intentions and feelings, and that he or she will respect their limits, if he or she is allowed them, and that they will answer her questions and concerns truthfully.

5. Violence - I am talking about the more abusive type of action where a dominant lashes out whenever he or she becomes angry, and takes his or her rage out on a sub in a physical manner, acting in an uncontrolled way during scenes, causes harm and lasting damage to the sub as a result, and uses their power to intimidate and beat down rather than to control in a consensual manner. It is a difficult line to describe, but i know it is there and i hope that others understand the point I am trying to make.

6. Uncertainty - If a sub gives over control to a dominant, he or she expects him or her to lead, guide, train, and give orders and rules and directions; if the dominant does not know what he or she wants from him or her, does not set any rules or guidelines, is continually changing their mind, leaving him or her to make their own decisions, or worse, still asks him or her what they want and/or think for every situation, it becomes pointless.

7. Arrogance - I think there is a big difference between confidence and arrogance, and too much arrogance can be dangerous in a power-exchange relationship, as it can make the dominant believe he or she is invincible, and that they can do anything they like, and that he or she is the only person that matters; that it should be all about him or her. Ultimately, it can make him or her blame the sub for their own mistakes, neglect their needs entirely, attempt things he or she really is not capable of or competent at, putting the sub at real risk, and turn into the type of person that nobody respects or likes or wants to be around, let alone have a relationship. I think a good dominant needs to keep a tight rein on his or her arrogance, and not let it become too much.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN​
 
Love this indie.


...and to Callmetim and Honey....I have no regrets about pulling this thread from the dark recesses of Lit and attempting to keep its ember glowing softly...
~c


Good.

I would have let it die a long time ago, for my own reasons. Thank you for being a faithful steward.:rose:
 
What is a “Gentleman”?

This is an interesting query on a multitude of levels. I can only answer from my perspective, yet I feel these attributes would be for any male, who other’s feel is a gentleman. First and foremost, a gentleman is an earned moniker given by others and NOT self imposed. It is determined by our unwavering actionable commitment over and above our words. It is a voluntary “choice” not simply a passage through bloodline.

1. I believe true unadulterated “Self-Respect” is the one true quality a gentleman must always possess… Why? Because this shows the outside world, “Who a man truly is, what they allow and NOT allow in their life.” In other words, “Defined boundaries.”

2. "Integrity“… When a man carries through displaying his words and actions both publicly AND privately the same quality of self. This is his integrity. Being a passionately driven businessman determined to "get the job done” at all costs AND having this same intensity with his private relationships is his integrity. His words AND actions will mirror themselves. Saying one thing publicly and doing something privately is deceitful and poor integrity.

3. "Kindness“ at all cost. Not superficial niceness… Deep considerate civility and kindness. Anybody can be nice and within some circumstances this is enough, yet it shows little depth and connection to others’ emotional well-being with meaningful empathy and consideration. It is a placating tactic and nothing more. Make someone "feel” they are loved and worthy over superficially placating others. Knows and uses well groomed manners in all environments. Versed in speaking well of janitors and CEO’s in their settings. With appropriate ‘please’ and 'thank you’

4. "Honor“…. Say what you will do and "DO IT!” Don’t quibble, waiver or make false promises. Make your word a true bond. People may NOT like your forthright candor or style, yet when they KNOW who will diligently get the job done CONSISTENTLY every single time, not swayed by peer pressure or popular opinion, honor is sealed in cement.

5. "Chivalrous“… Unpretentiously giving up of self for the sake of others’. Raising the defeated up and commending them of their valiant efforts. [Sports figures and players used to actually do this. It’s getting harder to find this anymore.]

6. ”Active Listener/Effective Communicator“… Closing one’s mouth and listening with both ears. Opening eyes and observing all the subtle nuances of body language. Mirroring back the words said with empathy and meaning. Well spoken and articulate.

7. ”Humble“… Knowing and admitting personal mistakes/flaws. Knowing how and when to show humility. This is NOT naivety or being gullible.

8. ”Generous“… with time, wisdom, and resources. Looking for ways to help others benefit. A servant leader, and his purposeful commitment to interpersonal kindness creating a positive environment.

9. ”Positive“… Contagiously, Infectious and gracious attitude towards life and people.

10. ”Lifelong learner“… Maintaining a true teachable posture. Learning something new and putting it into practice every day. Emotionally secure, mentally acute, well informed, and never ashamed to ask for help.

11. ”Confident“… Knows full well the value of what he offers and brings to the table. Seeking competence NOT perfection in others as well as himself. Is purposeful and intentional in efforts.

12. ”Courageous“… willing to and stepping into environments potentially tenuous or hazardous to his physical, emotional and mental well-being.

13. ”Humor“… a lighthearted jovial mannerism, quick sacastic wit not to mention how to weave an erotic flavorful spin into any given conversation.

I am a male by birth and making these an active part of everyday practice is my choice and privilege to give of myself to others.

essay by @apassionateman (tumblr blog)​
 
The disturbing thing about so few men bein a gentleman is that it’s should be such a natural and comfortable role for a man.
 
This is an interesting query on a multitude of levels. I can only answer from my perspective, yet I feel these attributes would be for any male, who other’s feel is a gentleman. First and foremost, a gentleman is an earned moniker given by others and NOT self imposed. It is determined by our unwavering actionable commitment over and above our words. It is a voluntary “choice” not simply a passage through bloodline.

1. I believe true unadulterated “Self-Respect” is the one true quality a gentleman must always possess… Why? Because this shows the outside world, “Who a man truly is, what they allow and NOT allow in their life.” In other words, “Defined boundaries.”

2. "Integrity“… When a man carries through displaying his words and actions both publicly AND privately the same quality of self. This is his integrity. Being a passionately driven businessman determined to "get the job done” at all costs AND having this same intensity with his private relationships is his integrity. His words AND actions will mirror themselves. Saying one thing publicly and doing something privately is deceitful and poor integrity.

3. "Kindness“ at all cost. Not superficial niceness… Deep considerate civility and kindness. Anybody can be nice and within some circumstances this is enough, yet it shows little depth and connection to others’ emotional well-being with meaningful empathy and consideration. It is a placating tactic and nothing more. Make someone "feel” they are loved and worthy over superficially placating others. Knows and uses well groomed manners in all environments. Versed in speaking well of janitors and CEO’s in their settings. With appropriate ‘please’ and 'thank you’

4. "Honor“…. Say what you will do and "DO IT!” Don’t quibble, waiver or make false promises. Make your word a true bond. People may NOT like your forthright candor or style, yet when they KNOW who will diligently get the job done CONSISTENTLY every single time, not swayed by peer pressure or popular opinion, honor is sealed in cement.

5. "Chivalrous“… Unpretentiously giving up of self for the sake of others’. Raising the defeated up and commending them of their valiant efforts. [Sports figures and players used to actually do this. It’s getting harder to find this anymore.]

6. ”Active Listener/Effective Communicator“… Closing one’s mouth and listening with both ears. Opening eyes and observing all the subtle nuances of body language. Mirroring back the words said with empathy and meaning. Well spoken and articulate.

7. ”Humble“… Knowing and admitting personal mistakes/flaws. Knowing how and when to show humility. This is NOT naivety or being gullible.

8. ”Generous“… with time, wisdom, and resources. Looking for ways to help others benefit. A servant leader, and his purposeful commitment to interpersonal kindness creating a positive environment.

9. ”Positive“… Contagiously, Infectious and gracious attitude towards life and people.

10. ”Lifelong learner“… Maintaining a true teachable posture. Learning something new and putting it into practice every day. Emotionally secure, mentally acute, well informed, and never ashamed to ask for help.

11. ”Confident“… Knows full well the value of what he offers and brings to the table. Seeking competence NOT perfection in others as well as himself. Is purposeful and intentional in efforts.

12. ”Courageous“… willing to and stepping into environments potentially tenuous or hazardous to his physical, emotional and mental well-being.

13. ”Humor“… a lighthearted jovial mannerism, quick sacastic wit not to mention how to weave an erotic flavorful spin into any given conversation.

I am a male by birth and making these an active part of everyday practice is my choice and privilege to give of myself to others.

essay by @apassionateman (tumblr blog)​

**************

Damn cassie, did you get this man's number? Does he have a brother? Hell, a dad, uncle, cousin??

It's funny, but I was just discussing a similar subject with a friend. We were questioning if men like this still exist and how can we ensure these qualities in the men of tomorrow. I know it's somewhat cliche, but I would like a man who measured up to my DAD!! ...and no, I don't have a Daddy complex or anything. I just loved everything he stood for, about, and was as a man, a husband to my mother, a father to us, and a grandfather, and friend to others.

Of course, there are a few other things I would add to "my man" :devil:... that would make my daddy blush and shake his head at me, but in the end, I'd get his blessing! He'd want me to be happy in every way possible. :rose:

Thanks for sharing the post.

~Apple:rose:
 
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I don't think a gentlemanly character comes naturally, although i do think it comes more easily to some than to others.

I think those qualities have to be taught, practiced, internalized, desired, sought after, and then continually refined. Integrity has to be something that a man wants as an end in itself, not only for what it can bring him.

Good character stands up under pressure, and it stands the test of time.
 
I don't think a gentlemanly character comes naturally, although i do think it comes more easily to some than to others.

I think those qualities have to be taught, practiced, internalized, desired, sought after, and then continually refined. Integrity has to be something that a man wants as an end in itself, not only for what it can bring him.

Good character stands up under pressure, and it stands the test of time.

It is something that I continually strive for. Sometimes I achieve it, and fail miserably other times.
 
"Boys will tell you, 'You deserve better.' A man will make himself better to deserve you."

@the-poetic-dominant
 
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