justin_in_cary
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2012
- Posts
- 18
Southerngal-
The conflicted emotions you describe, of being flattered that your husband would be confident enough in you to want to see you with a male or female lover while at the same time in some ways not wanting him to let you do that, is what is known as typical human emotions, they often are contradictory and irrational. I think the second emotion is a part of yourself in effect saying "if he really loves me so much and desires me so much, how could he ever allow someone else to touch me"....In effect, it is projecting that a partner who would be willing to let their other half have sex with others can't really care all that much about them, because someone who really lusted after their other half would put them under lock and key.........too, it could also be part of yourself in effect wanting him to say no, because you have your own worries about potentially doing something like that...
Keep in mind that most of us are brought up to look at our spouses and sexual partners as unique to ourselves, as 'ours', and it is kind of natural to look at someone who doesn't seem to fit this mold and say "hmm, why doesn't he see me as being 'his' like that, what is wrong with me/him that he would be willing to do that".....it is kind of like a typical NY'er, when someone does something nice for you the first reaction is "what does that person want from me", rather then assuming they are simply nice.
For my part, I am glad your husband and you can talk about these things, get a charge out of them and not go ballistic over it, as many spouses would. Husbands and wives both often have the first thought that if you talk about others being involved, it means there is something wrong with them, etc.....the fact that you guys can talk about it, and maybe fantasize about it, is way cool, because that can always be fun even if you never decide to try it.
If you do decide to go down that road, then what is key is to talk about it, and also to make clear that either of you can back out, stop it, without repercussions, if they are uncomfortable. There can be pitfalls to these kinds of things, if one partner is more into it then another, or if one person gets lost in it it can turn the other person off, but that is where communication comes in. It is interesting that your husband seems more into watching you rather then participating (especially if it was you with another woman), a lot of men I know who have done or desire a MFF threesome tend to see it as the two women pleasuring him, he seems more getting off on the idea of watching you get pleasure. The teasing aspect sounds a little bit like a mild form of a cuck fantasy, but in the end what matters is what makes you two rock.
Whatever you end up doing or not doing, it sounds like you two are handling things the right way, communicating and talking about your fantasies, committing to each other's pleasure and whether it happens or not you'll prob have a lot of fun. Yes, threesomes or sharing or whatever has its pitfalls, I have seen marriages blow up because of it, I have seen wives fall in love with a guy they were having sex with (with hubby's blessing/him watching or participating or not), I have seen a husband supposedly okay with it be angry about it, didn't communicate, and that anger split them up, have seen a wife divorce a husband who was into swinging and didn't notice she wasn't, but in those cases the couple had serious problems communicating, and in several of them they prob would have eventually split anyway IMO....but also know couples who ended up trying this who found a lot of fun and heat in their relationship over doing these things.
My only advice is have fun with it, talk about it openly, and whatever you do make it what works for you, the moralizers, the ones pitching gloom and doom, those telling you you should have a poly relationship, whatever, aren't living your life, you are. And if the only thing that comes out of this is you and your hubby find out you both have interested, perverted, twisted thoughts, you are better off then 99.9% of the couples out there who have those fantasies, don't talk about them with each other, and then blame each other cause their sex life is so boring
Best summary I've seen so far, props to you!