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Ask / Tell Uncle Jett ...

stickygirl said:
Sheesh...ignore him ;) Choose a nice glass, fill it with all the water it will take and you can gulp it, sip it, gargle - there are literally dozens, no hundreds, of ways of enjoying a refreshing zero carb snack.
She has kids - she doesn't do sex anymore: the kids are hyper on food ;) :rolleyes: :cool:
Click to expand...

BAHAHAHA!
 
Dear Unrequited Lover,

I can answer this one for Uncle Jett.

Just tell me how you feel about me. Simple.

;) :D

Lexie
 
Rainshine said:
Don't come the raw prawn with me. I've got your number. *squint* ;)
Click to expand...

Well, I've Googled Tim Tam, and then had to Google the raw prawn thing, would you quit talking Aussie to me? Oh that's right, you can't. I'm glad you got my number anyway. :kiss:
 
Dearest Uncle Jett,

When a girl finds out that a friend started a fun thread FIVE DAYS ago and she only just discovered it, should she be irked or embarrassed? I find myself a little of both. :D

Utmost respect,
Fellow Sillybritches :rolleyes:
 
The thread's all quiet for a couple days and then it explodes while I'm away!
Please be patient. Uncle Jett will answer your questions later today. :)
 
Rainshine said:
Dear Uncle Jett,

Now that you're my Uncle, I suddenly feel a little..... incestuous. How do I deal with these new and conflicting emotions?

Yours,
Conflicted Niece.

PS. Remember that time Adre stole your Tim Tams? No? Well he did. Leave me the ocean front property. :D
Click to expand...

Dear Rainshine,

Come over to the couch.

Now lie down and relax.

No, no it's not that sort of couch session. We're just going to have a little discussion.

Now, tell me about these slightly incestuous thoughts. How do they make you feel?

*45 minutes later*

Well, I deduce that your incestuous feelings are actually a mask for your Tim Tam addiction. That you are prepared to frame Adre - who clearly has no understanding of what Tim Tams even are - indicates the depth of your chocolate biscuit depravity.
I would not feel comfortable leaving you the ocean front property until I have clear evidence of your ability to manage your Arnott's cravings.

I wish you well in your rehabilitative endeavours.

Uncle Jett
 
lexieredefined said:
Dear Uncle Jett,

There is the boy at work and he keeps pulling on my ponytail. Why does he do that?

Struggling to keep every hair in place,
Lexie
Click to expand...

Dear Lexie,

The easy part of the answer is that he does it to get your attention. The more difficult part is understanding what he wants from you.

a) He likes you. Boys can feel awkward about communicating their emotions, especially in front of friends or colleagues. This is a way in which he expresses his feelings without appearing 'soft'.

b) He's being playful. He likes you as a friend and this is the boy equivalent of showing affection. Better than a punch on the arm. Maybe.

c) He's a jerk!

The solution - confront the problem. Ask him privately why he does it. You may find he needs time to think it through himself. Don't ask him in front of others. You won't get an answer or, if you do, it probably won't be the real one.

Alternatively, start wearing you hair differently to reduce the 'pullability'.
Add volume to your pony so it's less rope-like; fasten it low then clip it back up so that the length is shorter; wear it up in a bun ...

.. or braid some barbed wire into the centre as a 'fun surprise'. :D

Uncle Jett
 
stickygirl said:
Dear UJ

Can you tell me the correct form for kissing as a greeting? Whenever I guess it is just a solitary peck, I find some old dear dragging me back to kiss the other side. The other day I was startled to find a third being given and wondered if I was if it was a game of kiss-pong.
Is there a way of politely declining extra kiss demands without causing offense? Or should I up the game by tonguing?

PS someone had drawn a beard on the rubber ducky - I don't know if this helps

Thanks
Click to expand...

Dear Sticky,

Greetings differ from culture to culture.

Where kissing is an acceptable form of greeting, it is almost always informal - reserved for family and friends. A handshake (right hand) is the most common form of formal greeting.

Kiss-greetings can be one cheek or two, sometimes even three.

Kissing - or indeed even touching - is inappropriate for greetings in some cultural situations.

Being aware of the differences will help you avoid awkwardness in social situations.

Here's a handy guide for more info: http://pocketcultures.com/2010/07/14/kiss-hug-or-shake-hands/

If you're uncomfortable with the kiss-greeting you can:

a) Attempt the beso-beso version (air kiss)
b) Allow one cheek kiss then gently hold the other person away from you. A smile at the same time reassures that you are not rejecting their greeting.

Sometimes though you'll just have to suck it up, er, as it were.
I would definitely avoid tongue though. Especially for elderly relatives!

Uncle Jett
 
Adre said:
I told you I'd put you over my knee if you ever breathed a word of that. (Now if I just knew what the hell a Tim Tam was:confused:)
Click to expand...

Now, now, children. If you're going to fight, take it outside!

Adre, I think you have an answer; but for others' benefit, this is a Tim Tam:

http://nyceats.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/us-vs-australia-tim-tams-013.jpg

It's a chocolate coated, chocolate cream chocolate biscuit produced in Australia by Arnotts, a a subsidiary of the Campbell Soup Company.
Tim Tams come in various flavours and are available as the traditional biscuit or in snack-pack styles.
They're also used as an ingredient in themed baked goods, deserts and cafe-style milk drinks.

Highly recommended for chocaholics.

Uncle Jett
 
blulilacgrl said:
Dear Uncle Jett,

What do you do when your New Year's resolution was to abstain from carbs and your husband is bringing home pizza for the kids? I know I shouldn't. But I really really really want some and find my resolve weakening.

White knuckling it Litster
Click to expand...

Dear Blu,

You have a couple of options, some of which have been suggested already further up the thread.

a) Make your own healthier-style pizzas. I note flatbread has been suggested. We do this at home and it's great.
b) Do more exercise to work off the extra carbs.
c) Eat the pizza topping, but not the base / crust.
d) Agree on an alternative take-out option which is lower-carb.

Uncle Jett
 
BradBigBrain said:
Uncle Jett,

I don't know what to do. I am so enamored with her. But I don't know if she is with me.

~ Unrequited lover
Click to expand...

Dear BBB,

Man up and ask her.

I suggest a sensitive, respectful approach to begin with.

"Soooo ... wanna fuck?" may not get the desired outcome and could result in personal injury.

Good luck!

Uncle Jett
 
PlayfulLittle1 said:
Dearest Uncle Jett,

When a girl finds out that a friend started a fun thread FIVE DAYS ago and she only just discovered it, should she be irked or embarrassed? I find myself a little of both. :D

Utmost respect,
Fellow Sillybritches :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Dear Sillybritches,

It was supposed to be a serious thread. Apparently.

*shrugs*

I apologize for not telling you, but the thread was really designed for people looking for advice who may not know me as well as you.
You know you can always PM me at anytime, my friend. :kiss: :heart:
 
Whew, I think I've answered everyone. Please let me know if I missed your question in error.
 
Dear Uncle Jett,

Just a note to say I think you're doing an excellent job on your new thread..Keep up the good work!

Minnie
:rose:
 
Dear Uncle Jett,

I posted very shortly after you created this thread that I would like to assist you. I have even made relevant suggestions to a post.
However, after reading how this thread's tone is, and especially how it is a part of your resolution to be more positive and helpful to your fellow Litster, I am now questioning if it is appropriate to do so.

The best way to resolve this is to be honest, upfront, and direct. So I ask:
Should I post on your thread responses to other people's questions?

Sincerely yours,

Too Polite for My Own Good
 
L8tnIt said:
Dear Uncle Jett,

I posted very shortly after you created this thread that I would like to assist you. I have even made relevant suggestions to a post.
However, after reading how this thread's tone is, and especially how it is a part of your resolution to be more positive and helpful to your fellow Litster, I am now questioning if it is appropriate to do so.

The best way to resolve this is to be honest, upfront, and direct. So I ask:
Should I post on your thread responses to other people's questions?

Sincerely yours,

Too Polite for My Own Good
Click to expand...

Dear L8tnIt,

By all means, please continue to post responses. :)
The thread's in its infancy so I'm trying to give it some attention.
I don't mean to imply that I'm superseding any advice you wish to give.
If anything changes I'll drop you a PM.

Thanks for asking - and posting. I appreciate it.
 
stickygirl said:
Dear UJ
thank you for your thread and I hope you didn't mind me offering helpful anti-pizza advice. I thought you'd be in bed and it seemed pretty urgent :p
Sticky x
Click to expand...

Not at all. Anyone is welcome to post helpful advice, particularly for emergency situations.
 
Rainshine said:
I'm glad you're educating yourself, you'll need it now you've been duped from your inheritance. :devil: :D :heart:
Click to expand...

Right, well, I'll have a can of Foster's and throw a shrimp on the barby for me. BTW, I was defending Aussie wimmies on another thread this morning, so you owe me. (Well, to be truthful, I was mostly defending Elle Mac., but just the same...):eek:
 
Adre said:
Right, well, I'll have a can of Foster's and throw a shrimp on the barby for me. BTW, I was defending Aussie wimmies on another thread this morning, so you owe me. (Well, to be truthful, I was mostly defending Elle Mac., but just the same...):eek:
Click to expand...

LOL. All Aussie women are as sexy as Elle and all us blokes are as hunky as Hugh Jackman.

Truth.

Just ask Uncle 'The Stud' Jett.

:D

PS: 'Wimmies' in Aussie slang is 'Sheilas'.
 
stickygirl said:
Dear UJ
Is it true you call condoms 'sellotape' and sticky tape 'durex' in Australia?
Click to expand...

Dear Sticky,

Only when we can't find the Glad Wrap and a rubber band. ;)
Although 3M do make a brand of 'Magic Tape', so you never know.

Uncle Jett
 
Jett_73 said:
LOL. All Aussie women are as sexy as Elle and all us blokes are as hunky as Hugh Jackman.

Truth.

Just ask Uncle 'The Stud' Jett.

:D

PS: 'Wimmies' in Aussie slang is 'Sheilas'.
Click to expand...

Hi Jett:)

Speaking of him, I just saw Les Mis the movie, and he was incredible! Thanks for the tip on Sheilas, that could be key to winning the heart of Rainshine:cool:
 
Adre said:
Hi Jett:)

Speaking of him, I just saw Les Mis the movie, and he was incredible! Thanks for the tip on Sheilas, that could be key to winning the heart of Rainshine:cool:
Click to expand...

Bonus hint: No it wouldn't. :rolleyes:
 
Dearest Uncle Jett..:kiss::rose::kiss::heart::kiss:

Is it true that all you Aussies a Kiwis are kinky fucks? I mean, holy cow.. I don't think I've met one yet who would stay in the missionary position for very long... (Ok, Not really complaining here..:devil:) and was wondering if it was an evolutionary thing down under?

Signed,

Up Against a Wall and Loving It
 
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