Mental Illness

The Boy is making me a bit nuts.

His therapist and I had a "compare notes" session a couple of weeks ago, and he's been manipulating/ hiding things from both of us. We agreed I need to take better care of myself, because he's manipulating the situation to his benefit/ my detriment.

So, I worked up a plan (with her approval), and we started a daily "system" of tasks, work, etc he has to do. Basic life skills and functionality sorts of things, with consequences for blowing it off.

He did great. For a week. Then it wasn't really interesting anymore... then it was too hard... this past week has turned into threatening suicide because it's just.too.overwhelming.

Seriously. It took FOUR HOURS to get him to do the dammed dishes, because OMG KNIVES are in the kitchen and what if I accidentally decide to maybe cut myself howcanyouaskmetodothiswhenitmightleadtomyDEATH??????

So the autonomous list, broken down by hour, with daily assigned tasks, and "done" check boxes next to each task, to get him to do something OTHER than sit in his room playing video games and chatting online (because that environment is safe and he has complete control) was supposed to give me a little breathing room, and him a little accountability.

Instead, I spend half my day reminding him he has work to do. What work? Check your chart. Lather, rinse, repeat severnty-million times, sprinkled with (IMO faked) panic attacks, claims that it's too difficult (to sweep the floor), and drama filled threats of suicide.

Because I expect him to do more than sit in one spot, pushing buttons on the keyboard. Which leaves him feeling miserable, lethargic, and sad.

Alternatively, he could do the fucking list, which he openly admits leaves him feeling accomplished, happy, energetic and successful.

Except that it's so.hard.

WAH!

:headdesk:

[/rant over]

CutieMouse,

I feel your pain. *HUGS* I hope it gets better soon.

bluesky496 said:

i have been told that alcoholism, gambling addiction and even transvestitism are signs or rather can be signs of mental illness and i have also been told that they are a way of escaping from the pressures of modern living for a lot of people .
modern living is fraught with pressure to do better, to have a bigger car , a bigger television set , designer labels and many people seek a way of escaping that pressure and BDSM is in my opinion is one of those ways to escape the need to be in control in every day life but i am sure there will be those who disagree and have other ideas on the subject and accept that we are not all the same .

Click to expand...

I guess it depends how you classify mental illness. From a purely biological POV, if you were to classify it via long term (permanent or temporary) brain changes then yeah, any addiction can be a mental illness.

I do believe that addiction and sexually acting out (by which i mean acting out for that individual..something is used to harm themselves as much as it is to block negative feelings) is a secondary behaviour for other things. Trauma can cause significant brain injury and then addiction further compounds that brain injury. PTSD, addiction, eating disorders all cause/caused by changes in the brain's structure that remains until recovery occurs. Some people never recover but it is possible

bluesky496 said:

i have been told that alcoholism, gambling addiction and even transvestitism are signs or rather can be signs of mental illness and i have also been told that they are a way of escaping from the pressures of modern living for a lot of people .
modern living is fraught with pressure to do better, to have a bigger car , a bigger television set , designer labels and many people seek a way of escaping that pressure and BDSM is in my opinion is one of those ways to escape the need to be in control in every day life but i am sure there will be those who disagree and have other ideas on the subject and accept that we are not all the same .

Click to expand...

I always thought that transvestism was an absurd caricature. A man's harebrained attempt to mimic a woman. Whether it's genetic or not, who can tell?

I believe transvestism is mostly genetic and like most kinks that way. I believe putting down other people's kinks isn't kind or smart.

My daugther is doing better. Though she has spent too much and fooled around with a guy during her manic phase. She's gay so I didn't see that shit coming.

She is back at her apartment. Seems to be doing okay and yesterday actually applied for a job. Didn't see that coming but I'm thrilled!

Hoping the upward trend continues for a long time and when the next crash comes, it will be brief and not completely dismantle whatever she has managed to build.

My son lost his job. Looking with his two clinical anxiety issues is very hard.

My mother was told by her therapist she needs to be in assisted living. I'm not sure why a therapist would say that if they know my mom. She will never give up any control and is way too scared to do so.

My mother thinks she needs nursing home help. Again, she will never go. She did come over for easter. She attacked me as usual.

But overall upward swing with my girl makes me happy and hopeful.

Hugs for FurryFury

Life is such a roller coaster. Good to hear you are having some ups with your daughter.

Thanks!

ecstaticsub said:

Hugs for FurryFury

Life is such a roller coaster. Good to hear you are having some ups with your daughter.

Click to expand...

I don't know the actual correlation between mental illness and BDSM, but I do know that sadism and masochism were illnesses in the DSM up until the late 20th Century.

I'm submissive. I have ADD, Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features (paranoia, mostly)(no, not the tin foil hat kind), and anxiety. It wasn't until I started getting properly medicated that I fully realized my proclivity for submission.

I like giving the power over to someone else. Perhaps it's because when I do, the weight of all my overthinking is alleviated, and I don't have to focus on anything but the other person. And I love it. I'm masochistic, and the experience of pain can be actually be cathartic for me.

But the main reason I love BDSM is because of the intimacy --- and I once feared true intimacy (it literally made me nauseated). IMO, people are so alienated from themselves and each other in our society and in this day and age that even vanilla relationships lack the levels of intimacy that can be found in BDSM relationships. I think it's because people are afraid to be honest with themselves about what they really want, and thus are afraid to be honest with their significant others.

Additionally, I believe BDSM is one way to engage healthfully in a codependant relationship, if that makes any sense.

Also, I think most people are alienated from themselves and others, and that's a mental illness in and of itself.

I'm glad you have gotten the help you need and can enjoy intimacy now.

Currently I'm scared my girl might be headed into another manic episode but this time I don't have the med change to blame and so, if she is that could mean she has something more serious than I want to contemplate.

Meanwhile my mother is having a pity party and lying to herself and me about her abilities. I'm not playing. I'm tired of her targeting me and back stabbing me.

My new boss is just like my mom 20 years ago. She is paranoid, mean, jealous, bitter and absolutely not going to look within or try to change anything to make her life and that of those around her better.

My son is not doing much in looking for a new job. I knew with two kinds of clinical anxiety it would be hard but you have to find a way to live a life damn it.

VenusButterflies said:

I don't know the actual correlation between mental illness and BDSM, but I do know that sadism and masochism were illnesses in the DSM up until the late 20th Century.

I'm submissive. I have ADD, Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features (paranoia, mostly)(no, not the tin foil hat kind), and anxiety. It wasn't until I started getting properly medicated that I fully realized my proclivity for submission.

I like giving the power over to someone else. Perhaps it's because when I do, the weight of all my overthinking is alleviated, and I don't have to focus on anything but the other person. And I love it. I'm masochistic, and the experience of pain can be actually be cathartic for me.

But the main reason I love BDSM is because of the intimacy --- and I once feared true intimacy (it literally made me nauseated). IMO, people are so alienated from themselves and each other in our society and in this day and age that even vanilla relationships lack the levels of intimacy that can be found in BDSM relationships. I think it's because people are afraid to be honest with themselves about what they really want, and thus are afraid to be honest with their significant others.

Additionally, I believe BDSM is one way to engage healthfully in a codependant relationship, if that makes any sense.

Also, I think most people are alienated from themselves and others, and that's a mental illness in and of itself.

Click to expand...

FurryFury said:

I'm glad you have gotten the help you need and can enjoy intimacy now.

Currently I'm scared my girl might be headed into another manic episode but this time I don't have the med change to blame and so, if she is that could mean she has something more serious than I want to contemplate.

Meanwhile my mother is having a pity party and lying to herself and me about her abilities. I'm not playing. I'm tired of her targeting me and back stabbing me.

My new boss is just like my mom 20 years ago. She is paranoid, mean, jealous, bitter and absolutely not going to look within or try to change anything to make her life and that of those around her better.

My son is not doing much in looking for a new job. I knew with two kinds of clinical anxiety it would be hard but you have to find a way to live a life damn it.

Click to expand...

Thank you.

It absolutely drives me crazy when people are miserable and refuse to do anything to change it. People are very afraid to look inside themselves and face their own demons, not realizing that those demons are only as scary as you make them out to be. I always figured that if there is no reincarnation and this is the one chance I get, why should I be miserable. I think sometimes people are so busy scrambling to find meaning outside of themselves that they ignore what happens inside themselves.

I work with one girl who I'm pretty sure is bipolar II or cyclothymic, and she does not want to admit to that or go on medication, as though being on medication would reinforce the idea that she's "crazy" rather than that she's "getting better." It's mind-boggling to me. I want to crawl out of my skin when I'm sick, get very self-destructive, and find even the simplest things -- like just waking up in the morning -- difficult. I've ruined relationships, almost lost my job... Why would anyone want to continue feeling like that?

I've noticed that even bipolar people who are medicated still experience a mild mania -- especially in the spring. My IT guy has it, my friend's sister has it, and both of them still get a little manic. It just doesn't escalate into a full-blown episode. Hopefully that's all it is. That's manageable. I know I only have anecdotal evidence, but I hope it helps.

I'm sorry that you're surrounded by such chaos, and do hope you are able to separate from it from time to time. Sometimes, that's all you can do.

VenusButterflies said:

Thank you.

It absolutely drives me crazy when people are miserable and refuse to do anything to change it. People are very afraid to look inside themselves and face their own demons, not realizing that those demons are only as scary as you make them out to be. I always figured that if there is no reincarnation and this is the one chance I get, why should I be miserable. I think sometimes people are so busy scrambling to find meaning outside of themselves that they ignore what happens inside themselves.

I work with one girl who I'm pretty sure is bipolar II or cyclothymic, and she does not want to admit to that or go on medication, as though being on medication would reinforce the idea that she's "crazy" rather than that she's "getting better." It's mind-boggling to me. I want to crawl out of my skin when I'm sick, get very self-destructive, and find even the simplest things -- like just waking up in the morning -- difficult. I've ruined relationships, almost lost my job... Why would anyone want to continue feeling like that?

I've noticed that even bipolar people who are medicated still experience a mild mania -- especially in the spring. My IT guy has it, my friend's sister has it, and both of them still get a little manic. It just doesn't escalate into a full-blown episode. Hopefully that's all it is. That's manageable. I know I only have anecdotal evidence, but I hope it helps.

I'm sorry that you're surrounded by such chaos, and do hope you are able to separate from it from time to time. Sometimes, that's all you can do.

Click to expand...

Yes, yes, yes, yes. All this, right here. I've spent the majority of my life being miserable. Why the hell would I want to keep on that way?

And, unfortunately, I know of no one, no matter how medicated they are, who doesn't have episodes occasionally. Medicated episodes still beat the hell out of unmedicated ones, though.

It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.

Shit. My girl went off her meds this week. Now she is talking out of her head and wanting "help". Somehow she thinks talking to someone will help. Yeah. Right. I hate this. I'm going to have to move her home where she doesn't want to be but I can't trust her. She lied to me all week about how she was doing.

FurryFury said:

Shit. My girl went off her meds this week. Now she is talking out of her head and wanting "help". Somehow she thinks talking to someone will help. Yeah. Right. I hate this. I'm going to have to move her home where she doesn't want to be but I can't trust her. She lied to me all week about how she was doing.

Click to expand...

Oh no.... I'm so sorry.

She got so bad I tried to take her to a mental health ward. Tonight we spent 8 hours in the E.R. only to be told there were no mental health beds open in city. Since then she has gotten worse. I don't know what to do.

ecstaticsub said:

Oh no.... I'm so sorry.

Click to expand...

FurryFury said:

She got so bad I tried to take her to a mental health ward. Tonight we spent 8 hours in the E.R. only to be told there were no mental health beds open in city. Since then she has gotten worse. I don't know what to do.

Click to expand...

At the hospital where I work we allow mental health patients to stay in the ER for up to 3 days while waiting for a open bed somewhere.

The lack of mental health services throughout the US is appalling. I am sure you are exhausted and frustrated. and scared.

Is there a crises center in your area that you can call? Or take her back to the ER or another ER. Patients in over the weekend may be discharged today freeing up a place for her.

Damn, this long distance. I wish I was closer to you and could do something more useful than send you cyber hugs.

Trust your instincts, even when you are exhausted to do what you need to do for your daughter.

Yes. We could have stayed in the E.R. but she seemed calmer and we went home. Big mistake. Horrible night.

We are on the wait list for any beds that become available. Meanwhile I'm missing work and sleep. I might get fired over this.

Thanks. For caring though.

*HUGS*

ecstaticsub said:

At the hospital where I work we allow mental health patients to stay in the ER for up to 3 days while waiting for a open bed somewhere.

The lack of mental health services throughout the US is appalling. I am sure you are exhausted and frustrated. and scared.

Is there a crises center in your area that you can call? Or take her back to the ER or another ER. Patients in over the weekend may be discharged today freeing up a place for her.

Damn, this long distance. I wish I was closer to you and could do something more useful than send you cyber hugs.

Trust your instincts, even when you are exhausted to do what you need to do for your daughter.

Click to expand...

FurryFury said:

Yes. We could have stayed in the E.R. but she seemed calmer and we went home. Big mistake. Horrible night.

We are on the wait list for any beds that become available. Meanwhile I'm missing work and sleep. I might get fired over this.

Thanks. For caring though.

*HUGS*

Click to expand...

Have you maybe spoken to anyone at work about this? HR? Union rep? Supervisor? Most places have leave provisions for family emergencies. You may not be paid, but at least you'll have the job waiting for you once you get all this sorted.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your daughter, FF. I wish I could do more, but y'all are in my thoughts, at least.

My boss has actually been great. Technically, I'm not allowed to take any time off for any reason for a year but she's been great. Made me cry she was so nice.

Felix_Jones said:

Have you maybe spoken to anyone at work about this? HR? Union rep? Supervisor? Most places have leave provisions for family emergencies. You may not be paid, but at least you'll have the job waiting for you once you get all this sorted.

Click to expand...

Thanks. She is better. Hopefully it's all up hill from here. I'm keeping her home for at least two weeks.

BiBunny said:

Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your daughter, FF. I wish I could do more, but y'all are in my thoughts, at least.

Click to expand...

I have Asperger Syndrome with comorbid Tourette Syndrome. As a result, I am fidgety (few vocal tics, none of the humorous coprolalia stuff), and I still have no idea what offends people without them telling me. I cannot predict the reactions of other people when i do a thing, so it's pretty upsetting getting bullied, beat up, lied to, emasculated, ganged up on, tazed, etc. by people who could use their words like a grown up. Apparently this works okay with being a Dom as I care deeply about the well being of my partner but don't react as much to pain reactions until she uses a safe word, taps out, hyperventilates, coughs excessively, seems to be choking, etc.

come to think of it, being judged and bullied for most of my life outside of my family and close friends' vicinity might be why I get the catharsis in pain but don't have so much interest in humiliation, scat, etc.

Gluttonne,

That sounds like a very hard way to grow up and try to get along. *HUGS*

FurryFury said:

Gluttonne,

That sounds like a very hard way to grow up and try to get along. *HUGS*

Click to expand...

Somewhat. Before I hit puberty, I was one of the shortest kids in my class, not breaking 5 feet until high school. Afterward, I was close to average height and had a level of rage inside me that really cut down the bullying. Now only lifetime-committed armed bully types have much of a chance and my situational awareness is pretty good so only rarely does someone actually get away with messing with me.

Still have employment issues, but I recently found out that there are sites that cater to folks like me. I am fortunate to be relatively intelligent, with pqrents who made a good effort to ensure I always had resources by which to learn. It is speculated that Tesla, Einstein, Ben Frankil, Newton, and many other absent-minded professor types also had Asperger Syndrome.

I look at my pathological introversion and autistic pattern recognition and attention to details as a good thing. The social issues are tough but i have survived some fairly difficult situations and the long-term result of them has generally been greater preparation for similar situations. So I'm eccentric, a bit twitchy, and socially awkward at times. I am a pretty good judgeof character, have a higher than average IQ, am musically somewhat talented, well-endowed going by testemonial and measured specs, and am rather perceptive once you pull me out of a crowd. I will be okay

Thank you for your sympathetic/empathetic response. If more people prioritized that kind of approach to folks who are open about their issues, a lot more of us would be changing the world and/or getting laid instead of stopping progress and starting wars.

So true!

gluttonne said:

Somewhat. Before I hit puberty, I was one of the shortest kids in my class, not breaking 5 feet until high school. Afterward, I was close to average height and had a level of rage inside me that really cut down the bullying. Now only lifetime-committed armed bully types have much of a chance and my situational awareness is pretty good so only rarely does someone actually get away with messing with me.

Still have employment issues, but I recently found out that there are sites that cater to folks like me. I am fortunate to be relatively intelligent, with pqrents who made a good effort to ensure I always had resources by which to learn. It is speculated that Tesla, Einstein, Ben Frankil, Newton, and many other absent-minded professor types also had Asperger Syndrome.

I look at my pathological introversion and autistic pattern recognition and attention to details as a good thing. The social issues are tough but i have survived some fairly difficult situations and the long-term result of them has generally been greater preparation for similar situations. So I'm eccentric, a bit twitchy, and socially awkward at times. I am a pretty good judgeof character, have a higher than average IQ, am musically somewhat talented, well-endowed going by testemonial and measured specs, and am rather perceptive once you pull me out of a crowd. I will be okay

Thank you for your sympathetic/empathetic response. If more people prioritized that kind of approach to folks who are open about their issues, a lot more of us would be changing the world and/or getting laid instead of stopping progress and starting wars.

Click to expand...