CoyoteTales
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2004
- Posts
- 211
Could be any number of things...
A couple of things that nobody has yet mentioned and a few that some have, reinforced:
* Slow is better. Someone who is fairly new to sex is going to be fairly tight and it's going to be painful -- you're putting something somewhere that isn't used to it being there. I'd suggest that if you are giving her 'everything' on the first thrust, don't -- start with an inch or two, and set up a communications protocol beforehand -- 'wait/slow/okay'. Watch her face. If she's wincing, wait. Only when she says 'okay' should you give her more of you.
* Relax. Anxiety on both your parts is going to make both of you tense up and get ...well, pun intended... rammy. The key trick here is for her to untense internally -- if she's clenching up in anticipation of the pain, then there's going to be pain. One of my first lovers used to clench up so hard after she climaxed that it was painful to -me-. She got used to me over time, though, to the point where that stopped happening (and sex stopped being painful to her).
* Lube -- Yeah. For whatever reason, certain brands of lube, be it in a bottle or on a condom, are bound to react with certain people -- I'm one of them, and so was my ex-relationship. And nothing -- NOTHING kills the mood more than going, 'Erm... this burning... ow ow ow ow' and having to run to the shower.'
If there's pain involved and too much friction to penetrate, then you're going to want the lube -- that's what they make it for. (Not being patronizing -- I still use lube if my partner asks for it, no questions or fault ascribed.)
Oh. One other thing -- warm up the bottle a little bit -- cold lube can get you complaints about it.
* Fingers -- Are shorter than seven inches. Start with one inside her. Work up to two. Work them in and out of her. That accomplishes two things -- one, opening her up inside for the moment, and two, spreading her own natural lubrication around as much as possible. (You can also cheat and put lube on your fingers and prep things that way.)
* Getting the Point of Sex -- The point of intercourse (imho, very imho) is that connected state. Sure, the orgasm is the icing on the cake and the destination at the end of the journey, but you can get that with your hands and mouth just as much. So instead of going into rawr, piston engine mode, which might be part of the problem, just be with and in each other for awhile. I'm awfully fond of just cuddling without thrusting for awhile at first, myself -- and a slow grind can be less painful than repeated thrusting.
This goes double for you if you're pulling out before going off -- if you're not finishing inside of her, then you're doing it for the linking aspect. Get in, stay awhile, enjoy the countryside instead of doing the drilling for oil thing (*cheesy grin*) -- one of my old standbys is to initiate foreplay, round two while building anticipation for what I'm going to be doing to her -- eventually.
* Where the pain is -- If the pain is on initial penetration only, then that's a lube/experience/tension/vaginimus(sp?) problem. If it's on every thrust, then you might be hitting her cervix at the end of it. Which means you need to dial back the force of your thrusts a bit. (I've had this problem before myself, and I don't have your length.)
* Angle. Penetration angle actually makes a difference. I can't explain how to fix this well in text, but try putting a pillow under her rear/lower back to elevate it slightly above her shoulders on the horizontal plane, especially if you have a bed that has a lot of give to it. And repositioning her pelvis or yours right after initial penetration may be of some help, too. The point here is that you're trying to match the angle of her vagina with the force vector of your thrusts.
....gods, I sound like an engineer. >.>
Anyway. Hope this helps. It does get better, you just have to keep that communication up.
-CT
A couple of things that nobody has yet mentioned and a few that some have, reinforced:
* Slow is better. Someone who is fairly new to sex is going to be fairly tight and it's going to be painful -- you're putting something somewhere that isn't used to it being there. I'd suggest that if you are giving her 'everything' on the first thrust, don't -- start with an inch or two, and set up a communications protocol beforehand -- 'wait/slow/okay'. Watch her face. If she's wincing, wait. Only when she says 'okay' should you give her more of you.
* Relax. Anxiety on both your parts is going to make both of you tense up and get ...well, pun intended... rammy. The key trick here is for her to untense internally -- if she's clenching up in anticipation of the pain, then there's going to be pain. One of my first lovers used to clench up so hard after she climaxed that it was painful to -me-. She got used to me over time, though, to the point where that stopped happening (and sex stopped being painful to her).
* Lube -- Yeah. For whatever reason, certain brands of lube, be it in a bottle or on a condom, are bound to react with certain people -- I'm one of them, and so was my ex-relationship. And nothing -- NOTHING kills the mood more than going, 'Erm... this burning... ow ow ow ow' and having to run to the shower.'
If there's pain involved and too much friction to penetrate, then you're going to want the lube -- that's what they make it for. (Not being patronizing -- I still use lube if my partner asks for it, no questions or fault ascribed.)
Oh. One other thing -- warm up the bottle a little bit -- cold lube can get you complaints about it.
* Fingers -- Are shorter than seven inches.
Start with one inside her. Work up to two. Work them in and out of her. That accomplishes two things -- one, opening her up inside for the moment, and two, spreading her own natural lubrication around as much as possible. (You can also cheat and put lube on your fingers and prep things that way.)* Getting the Point of Sex -- The point of intercourse (imho, very imho) is that connected state. Sure, the orgasm is the icing on the cake and the destination at the end of the journey, but you can get that with your hands and mouth just as much. So instead of going into rawr, piston engine mode, which might be part of the problem, just be with and in each other for awhile. I'm awfully fond of just cuddling without thrusting for awhile at first, myself -- and a slow grind can be less painful than repeated thrusting.
This goes double for you if you're pulling out before going off -- if you're not finishing inside of her, then you're doing it for the linking aspect. Get in, stay awhile, enjoy the countryside instead of doing the drilling for oil thing (*cheesy grin*) -- one of my old standbys is to initiate foreplay, round two while building anticipation for what I'm going to be doing to her -- eventually.
* Where the pain is -- If the pain is on initial penetration only, then that's a lube/experience/tension/vaginimus(sp?) problem. If it's on every thrust, then you might be hitting her cervix at the end of it. Which means you need to dial back the force of your thrusts a bit. (I've had this problem before myself, and I don't have your length.)
* Angle. Penetration angle actually makes a difference. I can't explain how to fix this well in text, but try putting a pillow under her rear/lower back to elevate it slightly above her shoulders on the horizontal plane, especially if you have a bed that has a lot of give to it. And repositioning her pelvis or yours right after initial penetration may be of some help, too. The point here is that you're trying to match the angle of her vagina with the force vector of your thrusts.
....gods, I sound like an engineer. >.>
Anyway. Hope this helps. It does get better, you just have to keep that communication up.
-CT
