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What does being submissive mean to you?

I think I've changed. When I was younger, I was super submissive sexually. For me, then, it meant always giving in and receiving pleasure from giving in to the commands of your owner. And, although I enjoyed giving into the requests, now that I'm older I view it as a partnership - a bit of give and take. I still enjoy being directed sexually, but feel more comfortable saying no and suggesting what I might enjoy more, which previously I never did. I still want to see myself as submissive, because that gives me the most enjoyment. But, perhaps I'm something else or perhaps the definition has changed for me, as I grow and get older -
 
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htester said:
I think I've changed. When I was younger, I was super submissive sexually. For me, then, it meant always giving in and receiving pleasure from giving in to the commands of your owner. And, although I enjoyed giving into the requests, now that I'm older I view it as a partnership - a bit of give and take. I still enjoy being directed sexually, but feel more comfortable saying no and suggesting what I might enjoy more, which previously I never did. I still want to see myself as submissive, because that gives me the most enjoyment. But, perhaps I'm something else or perhaps the definition has changed for me, as I grow and get older -
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For me, as a dominant, I think it's about satisfying your submissive more than they would ever satisfy themselves, so yes denial of what they crave, but only as part of the the tease of providing it

All too often others feel dominant is about subjecting others to their will (what you describe in your younger years) but I believe you are at the best bit of submissiveness, not that you are moving off it : you know what you like and don't like. Hope your dominant can read this and then play with you around your wants
 
Iris_66 said:
For me, as a dominant, I think it's about satisfying your submissive more than they would ever satisfy themselves, so yes denial of what they crave, but only as part of the the tease of providing it

All too often others feel dominant is about subjecting others to their will (what you describe in your younger years) but I believe you are at the best bit of submissiveness, not that you are moving off it : you know what you like and don't like. Hope your dominant can read this and then play with you around your wants
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Ha. Thanks, Iris. Sending hearts your way :)

:heart::heart:
 
To me, being submissive is getting on my knees and begging for my wife's pussy. Her sticking it in my face to sniff only. Or on knees sucking a dominant man, and making sure I swallow to show total respect.
 
htester said:
I think I've changed. When I was younger, I was super submissive sexually. For me, then, it meant always giving in and receiving pleasure from giving in to the commands of your owner. And, although I enjoyed giving into the requests, now that I'm older I view it as a partnership - a bit of give and take. I still enjoy being directed sexually, but feel more comfortable saying no and suggesting what I might enjoy more, which previously I never did. I still want to see myself as submissive, because that gives me the most enjoyment. But, perhaps I'm something else or perhaps the definition has changed for me, as I grow and get older -
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It always changes for all of us. Dom sub or regular life. You have a good head on your shoulders. There is nothing wrong with you being a sub. Enjoy those times. When I become a sub it happens in my mind and my girl can have anything she wants but she also takes care of me. That's the important part.
 
Being new to this site and after having read a few threads, how does a D/s relationship work if it is purely online?
 
runsilent said:
It always changes for all of us. Dom sub or regular life. You have a good head on your shoulders. There is nothing wrong with you being a sub. Enjoy those times. When I become a sub it happens in my mind and my girl can have anything she wants but she also takes care of me. That's the important part.
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Ha. Best of luck to the both of you :) Being sub definitely gives me the most pleasure. Some people are upset that I don't submit on _every single little thing_ but as you stated, it just depends on your frame of mind.
 
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It’s makes me feel alive inside.

Which is probably why I feel “dead” inside. No one to submit too, and my spouse doesn’t seem to understand.
 
Stevew0073 said:
I have been submissive for many years but haven’t served a lady in a few years and as I put my self back out there looking to serve again I have noticed differences. So what does being submissive mean to you. For me it isn’t all fun and games but a relationship of trust and respect. I want so badly to please and make a lady happy. To me it is about her and doing all I can to make her happy. It isn’t about what she does to me or how she might control me but about putting her first and being a gentleman. I feel if she is happy she will understand what I need to be satisfied and how best to make that happen.

What are your thoughts?
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too me ot means I wonder justwhat is comeing next
 
cuck72 said:
To me, being submissive is getting on my knees and begging for my wife's pussy. Her sticking it in my face to sniff only. Or on knees sucking a dominant man, and making sure I swallow to show total respect.
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due to surgery wife cant have sex,and wont. I have a neighbor lady who I visit sometimes who introduced me to eating cum from her pussy,just my own cum after I fuck her while her hubby watches me clean our mixed cum all from her pussy,i lick her clean,so exciteing knowing her hubby is watching.
 
thighlicker85 said:
due to surgery wife cant have sex,and wont. I have a neighbor lady who I visit sometimes who introduced me to eating cum from her pussy,just my own cum after I fuck her while her hubby watches me clean our mixed cum all from her pussy,i lick her clean,so exciteing knowing her hubby is watching.
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Sounds an amazing relationship, glad for you.

Years ago, I had a close female friend. We were both horny, however she stated she'd not let me fuck her, ever as it'd be weird.

However, for one amazing year I was her oral and fingers sex slave. She'd literally text me and say; "I need to get off, when are you picking me up?"


Then we'd go somewhere in the car or to mine. And she'd have leisurely orgasms a plenty care of my hands or mouth.

Never was allowed inside her.

90% of the time I was clothed, she wasn't.

Couple of times she edged me as I pleased her. But she had zero interest in my orgasm. It was purely to keep me eager, and begging for release.

Often if lose my trousers, boxers tenting, wet spot, and she'd laugh at how horny I was.

I was twice her height/weight and I'd kneel before her for hours, as she relaxed on the sofa, legs splayed, naked, me servicing her however she wanted.

She loved to be edged and have rolling orgasms across an afternoon or evening.

By the end, when she was spent I had to beg, a lot, and she'd give me a HJ.. if I was lucky.

Other times I'd have to wank, at a pace she declared and cum where told to.

Sometimes over her feet or legs, other times my hands. Always had to be licked up.

Once I exploded as she edged me, side by side, covered her tiny body and beautiful lingerie. I was severely chastised verbally. Made to beg to play again
 
Stevew0073 said:
I have been submissive for many years but haven’t served a lady in a few years and as I put my self back out there looking to serve again I have noticed differences. So what does being submissive mean to you. For me it isn’t all fun and games but a relationship of trust and respect. I want so badly to please and make a lady happy. To me it is about her and doing all I can to make her happy. It isn’t about what she does to me or how she might control me but about putting her first and being a gentleman. I feel if she is happy she will understand what I need to be satisfied and how best to make that happen.

What are your thoughts?
Click to expand...

I'm not very good at broad questions like this, but I'll try. After writing this whole post, I realized that it was quite long, so I came back up here to add a note that I've put a tl;dr version at the bottom for those who don't care to read more than a couple of paragraphs.

In the broadest terms, to me being submissive means that I feel fulfilled in romantic and sexual relationships by bringing pleasure to my partner(s), by having my control taken away with my consent, and by submitting to the will of another. Being submissive means, in a very real way, being given permission to experience and enjoy my emotions and things that society considers wrong (e.g. masochism and humiliation) and to be myself.

In a lot of ways, being submissive is about getting my own needs met. I don't feel happy or whole without submission, I can't orgasm without the help of a dominant partner, etc. Being submissive meets those needs, and I can't really be truly happy or emotionally or sexually fulfilled without it.

However, it's also about the needs of my partner(s). I have my preferences and certain needs, e.g. bondage, submission not being limited to bedroom-only, and impact play, but a lot of my submission is dependent on how my partner prefers to dominate. My nesting partner is also my primary dom, and my relationship with him is very different from my relationship with my other partner.

My nesting partner is... well, a term I've recently seen used is "reaction slut," meaning not quite sadist, but really into getting a reaction. He does all sorts of things to get the reaction he's looking for, and he likes all sorts of reactions. For instance, he'll kiss the back of my neck just so because he knows it makes me giggle and break out in goosebumps, he'll stick his finger in the space behind my knee and wiggle it because he knows it's like nails on a chalkboard for me and it makes me squeal and squirm, or he'll tie me up and flog me because he wants to see my pain reactions. He especially likes when an impact scene hits a particular point where I just start giggling uncontrollably. Submitting to him often means holding still (or being bound so that I have to hold still) and letting him do things just to get a reaction from me, and it means not holding back my reaction so he can enjoy it.

My nesting partner is also my daddy dom, so submitting to him also often means accepting his guidance in certain matters (though since I'm more experienced in BDSM, he accepts my guidance in a lot of ways, too), letting him dote on me and do things for me even though I'm perfectly capable of doing them for myself, and being cute frequently. These things make me happy for me (because I like having a daddy-type of dom), but they also make me happy because they make him happy, because it makes him feel good to take care of his possessions.

By contrast, my other partner lives in another state and is mostly dominant with me because he wants to meet my needs. His actual primary kink is women's orgasms, and he knows I can't orgasm without dominance, but he really likes that he can make me orgasm for hours at a time and that he can make me orgasm without any touch at all, so he meets my need to get his need fulfilled. I reciprocate by submitting to his need to give me as many orgasms as possible, and there have been several times when I'll spend 5-8 hours in multiple orgasms until I can't move or even speak, and I have trouble walking for days afterward. After a few hours, it's really not as fun as it sounds, but I do it anyway because he likes it so much.

Like my daddy, my other partner (who prefers no honorific) enjoys taking care of me, so submitting to him often means doing things that benefit my mental health. For instance, he has a "first picture rule", meaning that I have to send him the first picture I take without looking at it or re-taking it to get the perfect positioning. This is because he noticed I get insecure about my body, so he wanted to help me build self-esteem by looking at me at my "worst" and pointing out the ways in which I'm still beautiful until I can see those things, too.

I imagine if I found a partner who got off on rituals and service, I would probably be just as willing to find reasons to enjoy those things, though I don't think I would be compatible with someone who always kept things clinical and cold or who wanted me to be high-protocol all the time. I can be submissive 24/7, but I can't do a relationship where I feel like my partner believes I am beneath them anymore than I could do a relationship where my partner expected me to be monogamous.

The tl;dr version for those who don't want to read all of the above:

I guess, if I had to sum it up in one word, being submissive means being malleable. It means being able and willing to adjust your expectations and desires (but not your core needs) and put someone else's pleasure and comfort above your own. It means allowing yourself to change in small ways to become exactly what someone else needs because you want to make them feel as fulfilled as they make you feel. It means submitting yourself to a person and allowing them to mold you into the shape they find most beautiful.

However, malleable does not mean breakable. Submission to me does not mean being a doormat or putting your own needs on the back burner or acquiescing to things you're not comfortable with. Things you don't like? Sure. I absolutely hate "squidging" (what my daddy calls it when he sticks his finger behind my knee or in the crook of my elbow and wiggles it). I loathe it with a passion. But it doesn't make me feel unsafe or emotionally uncomfortable. I speak up when either of my partners does something that is not ok with me or if I have a legitimate need that isn't being met, I get feisty and talk back (within the bounds of our relationship; I would never knowingly push them until they actually got pissed off with me), and I give my opinion when asked even if I know it directly opposes their own opinions.
 
QuasiSemiDemiEsqueIsh said:
I'm not very good at broad questions like this, but I'll try. After writing this whole post, I realized that it was quite long, so I came back up here to add a note that I've put a tl;dr version at the bottom for those who don't care to read more than a couple of paragraphs.

In the broadest terms, to me being submissive means that I feel fulfilled in romantic and sexual relationships by bringing pleasure to my partner(s), by having my control taken away with my consent, and by submitting to the will of another. Being submissive means, in a very real way, being given permission to experience and enjoy my emotions and things that society considers wrong (e.g. masochism and humiliation) and to be myself.

In a lot of ways, being submissive is about getting my own needs met. I don't feel happy or whole without submission, I can't orgasm without the help of a dominant partner, etc. Being submissive meets those needs, and I can't really be truly happy or emotionally or sexually fulfilled without it.

However, it's also about the needs of my partner(s). I have my preferences and certain needs, e.g. bondage, submission not being limited to bedroom-only, and impact play, but a lot of my submission is dependent on how my partner prefers to dominate. My nesting partner is also my primary dom, and my relationship with him is very different from my relationship with my other partner.

My nesting partner is... well, a term I've recently seen used is "reaction slut," meaning not quite sadist, but really into getting a reaction. He does all sorts of things to get the reaction he's looking for, and he likes all sorts of reactions. For instance, he'll kiss the back of my neck just so because he knows it makes me giggle and break out in goosebumps, he'll stick his finger in the space behind my knee and wiggle it because he knows it's like nails on a chalkboard for me and it makes me squeal and squirm, or he'll tie me up and flog me because he wants to see my pain reactions. He especially likes when an impact scene hits a particular point where I just start giggling uncontrollably. Submitting to him often means holding still (or being bound so that I have to hold still) and letting him do things just to get a reaction from me, and it means not holding back my reaction so he can enjoy it.

My nesting partner is also my daddy dom, so submitting to him also often means accepting his guidance in certain matters (though since I'm more experienced in BDSM, he accepts my guidance in a lot of ways, too), letting him dote on me and do things for me even though I'm perfectly capable of doing them for myself, and being cute frequently. These things make me happy for me (because I like having a daddy-type of dom), but they also make me happy because they make him happy, because it makes him feel good to take care of his possessions.

By contrast, my other partner lives in another state and is mostly dominant with me because he wants to meet my needs. His actual primary kink is women's orgasms, and he knows I can't orgasm without dominance, but he really likes that he can make me orgasm for hours at a time and that he can make me orgasm without any touch at all, so he meets my need to get his need fulfilled. I reciprocate by submitting to his need to give me as many orgasms as possible, and there have been several times when I'll spend 5-8 hours in multiple orgasms until I can't move or even speak, and I have trouble walking for days afterward. After a few hours, it's really not as fun as it sounds, but I do it anyway because he likes it so much.

Like my daddy, my other partner (who prefers no honorific) enjoys taking care of me, so submitting to him often means doing things that benefit my mental health. For instance, he has a "first picture rule", meaning that I have to send him the first picture I take without looking at it or re-taking it to get the perfect positioning. This is because he noticed I get insecure about my body, so he wanted to help me build self-esteem by looking at me at my "worst" and pointing out the ways in which I'm still beautiful until I can see those things, too.

I imagine if I found a partner who got off on rituals and service, I would probably be just as willing to find reasons to enjoy those things, though I don't think I would be compatible with someone who always kept things clinical and cold or who wanted me to be high-protocol all the time. I can be submissive 24/7, but I can't do a relationship where I feel like my partner believes I am beneath them anymore than I could do a relationship where my partner expected me to be monogamous.

The tl;dr version for those who don't want to read all of the above:

I guess, if I had to sum it up in one word, being submissive means being malleable. It means being able and willing to adjust your expectations and desires (but not your core needs) and put someone else's pleasure and comfort above your own. It means allowing yourself to change in small ways to become exactly what someone else needs because you want to make them feel as fulfilled as they make you feel. It means submitting yourself to a person and allowing them to mold you into the shape they find most beautiful.

However, malleable does not mean breakable. Submission to me does not mean being a doormat or putting your own needs on the back burner or acquiescing to things you're not comfortable with. Things you don't like? Sure. I absolutely hate "squidging" (what my daddy calls it when he sticks his finger behind my knee or in the crook of my elbow and wiggles it). I loathe it with a passion. But it doesn't make me feel unsafe or emotionally uncomfortable. I speak up when either of my partners does something that is not ok with me or if I have a legitimate need that isn't being met, I get feisty and talk back (within the bounds of our relationship; I would never knowingly push them until they actually got pissed off with me), and I give my opinion when asked even if I know it directly opposes their own opinions.
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Very well put, thank you!
 
runsilent said:
It always changes for all of us. Dom sub or regular life. You have a good head on your shoulders. There is nothing wrong with you being a sub. Enjoy those times. When I become a sub it happens in my mind and my girl can have anything she wants but she also takes care of me. That's the important part.
Click to expand...

Excellent thought! My lady can have anything she wants, whenever she wants, wherever she wants and she always takes care of me.
 
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Completely belong to the dominant man, obedient to him, never saying no, in or out of bed, and trusting him to take care of you (physically and emotionally)
 
QuasiSemiDemiEsqueIsh said:
I'm not very good at broad questions like this, but I'll try. After writing this whole post, I realized that it was quite long, so I came back up here to add a note that I've put a tl;dr version at the bottom for those who don't care to read more than a couple of paragraphs...
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for sharing this: it's been enlightening. For example, I didn't know that submission could be necessary, besides enjoyable.
 
SubmissiveMiss said:
No two humans are exactly the same so it makes sense that no two submissives would be either. For me at the very core of it I want to please, I want to provide pleasure for my partner and submit to the use of my body for their pleasure. I of course have my limits; urine and feces, branding, being bled, those are all very much off limits for me, more extreme types of play like electricity are things that I would submit to only with someone I trusted implicitly.

Trust is such a key word here. I've gotten a million messages that just start of telling me what they'd force me to do, and I'm sure there are submissives who enjoy that, but for me and all others I know there has to be a bond, trust, communication, boundaries in place before jumping into any such sexual encounter.
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Most 'doms' don't know what they are talking about. They do not GET that the mutual connection is the thing. A kinky and delightful form of reciprocity. Too subtle for neanderthals.
 
seela said:
I think to me being submissive is just a core trait to my personality. I'm submissive differently to different people and my submissiveness is by no means restricted to relationships only, but I guess ultimately it all boils down to me being a doormattish people pleaser, and my submissiveness isn't only about sex.

I get a ridiculous amount of satisfaction from being able to help someone and make their day a little easier, even if it's a total stranger. I like putting other people's wants and needs ahead of my own, and within an established D/s relationship (whatever that means) I'm willing to go that much farther outside my comfort zone to make sure that person's wants and needs are being met.

But a huge part of my submissiveness is also sexual. Being submissive means also being submissive in sex and getting my rocks off in awesome ways, and that's really the bee's knees!

I hope you find the person you're looking for! Just remember that dominant people aren't mind readers. She might not know what you need or how to satisfy you without you telling or showing her, no matter how happy she is and how much you put her first. :)
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This is exactly what I feel! Being a male is tough though as I feel there is an expectation for me to be more dominant in the bedroom which is not my normal preference.
 
There are so many things within a lot of posts that make sense to me. It's part of my want and need to show affection with acts of service, whether they're sexual or not. I get a deep seated feeling of contentment and completeness when I serve a Dom faithfully and satisfactorily. It's a feeling I need in my life.
 
For me being submissive involves committing to another person that I'll agree to perform whatever sexual act that they instruct me to do to them or to another of their choosing. From that point on, refusal is not an option. Given that understanding, I incur no guilt for my actions. The responsibility belongs to the one in charge.
 
SubmissiveMiss said:
No two humans are exactly the same so it makes sense that no two submissives would be either. For me at the very core of it I want to please, I want to provide pleasure for my partner and submit to the use of my body for their pleasure. I of course have my limits; urine and feces, branding, being bled, those are all very much off limits for me, more extreme types of play like electricity are things that I would submit to only with someone I trusted implicitly.

Trust is such a key word here. I've gotten a million messages that just start of telling me what they'd force me to do, and I'm sure there are submissives who enjoy that, but for me and all others I know there has to be a bond, trust, communication, boundaries in place before jumping into any such sexual encounter.
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Of course there has to be these things. Those guys just don't know what they are talking about with their ridiculous macho fantasies.... can get a little tedious...
 
It's interesting reading some of the comments. For some people, being submissive is a core personality trait and for others it's being submissive in a sexual setting. I suppose for some it's who they are 24/7 and for others it's more of an erotic game for lack of better term.

I've had lady friends who were submissive and some who were pretty "dominant" and others who go both ways. There is a difference in being a submissive versus being a bottom versus a top. To me, bottom and top tend to define who's in charge or who's being submissive in a particular scenario. I've been with women who are in real life, quite strong and dominant and in charge with respect to their jobs. Yet in a sexual setting, they are quite submissive as a choice.

What I prefer is a woman who "chooses" to be submissive in a sexual setting but in other settings in real life are my equal intellectually, financially, and even in their gender role. I remember one woman in particular that was a vice president of an advertising company who was indeed in charge on a daily basis. However, when we entered a motel room, her demeanor changed and she essentially became a slave. Yet, her decision to do so was NOT to please me per se, but to enjoy the giving up of control for her own erotic enjoyment.

I've had many discussions about DS and Top/Bottom with various partners. I never liked "doormat" people or submissive people in real life, but can enjoy the dynamic in an erotic encounter yet do NOT like it if it comes across that it's for me. I want to know that a woman is behaving as a slave slut by her own decision and for her own enjoyment and satisfaction. Sort of "use me because I enjoy being used not because you enjoy using me." I'm sure to some people that makes no sense but to me, it's quite clear.
 
SubmissiveMiss said:
No two humans are exactly the same so it makes sense that no two submissives would be either. For me at the very core of it I want to please, I want to provide pleasure for my partner and submit to the use of my body for their pleasure. I of course have my limits; urine and feces, branding, being bled, those are all very much off limits for me, more extreme types of play like electricity are things that I would submit to only with someone I trusted implicitly.

Trust is such a key word here. I've gotten a million messages that just start of telling me what they'd force me to do, and I'm sure there are submissives who enjoy that, but for me and all others I know there has to be a bond, trust, communication, boundaries in place before jumping into any such sexual encounter.
Click to expand...

My view is that that it is not in anyway (not that you said it was) a slave master relationship, but much more of competent leader with a follower who has decided that the leader is worthy to be followed. I think way too many guys get confused and want power without taking up responsibility.
 
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