Sexless marriage ... just can't take it anymore!

[YankeeGirl74]

Originally Posted by monique1971

[*]It's always so annoying when, as a woman in a sexless marriage, I see guys saying stuff like "have you tried to spice things up?" Hah. Lingerie, candles, toys, porn, sexy pics of myself, you name it. Things got so spicy it was like an Indian restaurant. Nothing helped. It adds insult to injury when you imply that the only reason our husbands don't fuck us is because we're boring.[/list]

Monique, I LOVED that comment. Thanks for the needed laugh (because I agree with every single word of it.).

[WillSeeking]

Originally Posted by YankeeGirl74

Monique, I LOVED that comment. Thanks for the needed laugh (because I agree with every single word of it.).

Yankee wait, I thought you were suppose to wear the lingerie, stockings and heels for me.



sigh

[YankeeGirl74]

Originally Posted by WillSeeking

Yankee wait, I thought you were suppose to wear the lingerie, stockings and heels for me.



sigh

Yeah you seem to think that....and yet.....nope!

[WillSeeking]

Originally Posted by YankeeGirl74

Yeah you seem to think that....and yet.....nope!

No Cadbury egg for you then.

denied

[YankeeGirl74]

Originally Posted by WillSeeking

Yankee wait, I thought you were suppose to wear the lingerie, stockings and heels for me.



sigh

Originally Posted by WillSeeking

No Cadbury egg for you then.

denied

Thank goodness I'm a strong headed woman who thought ahead and has her own stash and can take care of herself!!!!

[allnightguy]

OY, my Cabernet must be talking to your Pinot Grigio. If you're anywhere near the DC area we can help each other

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

[Kissmykitty]

Originally Posted by Officegurl

I'm pleased to see that someone else gets infuriated with the comments such as "Have you tried this?" as if the woman is ultimately responsible for the quality of the couple's sex life. It's very easy to try too hard and that is such a turn off. What we all want is the spontaneity of passion. Not hours spent doing this and that to spice up something that's already dead and gone.

Thanks Officegurl!
As a wife in a sexless marriage believe me I have shouldered the "blame" for this problem long enough! Men need to step up too and think about what will keep their wives from jumping into the bed of another. Marriage "could" be fun and "exciting" but it takes two people who are willing to put in the work to keep it. Cheating is not a longer term solution but geshhhh who wants to walk through life without any spark of sexuality?

[free_and_easy]

Agree that responsibility needs to be taken... And sometimes its the other way around... For very good reasons in my wife's case

[WillSeeking]

Originally Posted by YankeeGirl74

Thank goodness I'm a strong headed woman who thought ahead and has her own stash and can take care of herself!!!!

LOL....foiled again.

A strong headed, independent woman is the best though. Enjoy your day.

[Led_Astray]

Another guy in the same boat.

I love my wife (we have been together 15 years), and I absolutely dote on our little boy, and would hate for anything to happen to split up our family.

But the sexual side of our relationship had died down to less than 4 times a year *before* our son was born, 5 years ago (a minor miracle), and since then we've maybe made love 3, 4 times? The last time must have been over a year ago, I honestly couldn't say for sure.

We've discussed it and she says she understands my frustration but she isn't willing to do anything about it. And I don't mean I expect her to lie back and think of England - I'd like her to enjoy it at least as much as I do - I mean she won't consider talking to her GP or any kind of counselor.

Meanwhile I'm living like a monk.

I kinda just put up with it because I have some self esteem issues and felt it might be my fault. Maybe, I though to myself, I've just become physically unattractive as I've aged?

But recently, at a party with non-mutual friends I met a young lady who made it *very* clear that she wanted me sexually. I turned her down but now I know that somebody (a very attractive girl many years my junior) can find me sexually desirable I'm finding I have sex on my mind nearly all the time.

I've turned to online sexual roleplay (feel free to PM me, ha ha) as a way of "cheating without really cheating" but really? Its a good safety valve but long term I just know that it's not going to be enough and I have no idea what I am going to do about it.

[Jay Richards]

Led Astray, I could have written your words to the letter. I write stories here and many have to do with my frustration and fantasies about reconciliation. In one story she comes to me and asks me to meet her upstairs, where she fulfills all of my masturbatory dreams.

[YankeeGirl74]

Originally Posted by WillSeeking

LOL....foiled again.

A strong headed, independent woman is the best though. Enjoy your day.

I'll agree to that!

[Jewdles]

Achingyearning, give your friend a hug from me please when you next see him - but only if in private, in which case you might want to warn him first it's coming lol.

It's a tough place to be, that aching to be desired and touched. Let him know someone does care.

That's it

Jude

P.S. Does anyone else wish there were ' Like 'and 'I Don't Buttons' on here lol

[free_and_easy]

Originally Posted by Jewdles

Achingyearning, give your friend a hug from me please when you next see him - but only if in private, in which case you might want to warn him first it's coming lol.

It's a tough place to be, that aching to be desired and touched. Let him know someone does care.

That's it

Jude

P.S. Does anyone else wish there were ' Like 'and 'I Don't Buttons' on here lol

The voting buttons ain't such a bad idea...

[AllenWmsUSA]

Sexless marriages are not unusual. And it becomes more common as couples get older. No big news there.

If you have kids, you grin and bear it. That's what I am doing.

I also took control of the situation by telling her that having vanilla sex once every few months when, for whatever reason, she wanted to...was dysfunctional and pathetic and I wouldn't settle for something so lame. No sex is better than that.

[JohnGalt2009]

First of all, I am sorry to hear about your situation.

Perhaps a positive is that in discussing it, you open up a topic that I believe many are dealing with. I know that I certainly am.

Selfishly speaking, I'm curious to discuss this and understand the feedback from the female side of things. I'm married, I love being married, I love my wife dearly, we get along great, love being around; but she has zero interest in sex. None. zip. Nada. Yet sadly, when we do have sex, she enjoys the hell out of it. Unfortunately, it is a one side event. Meaning, she gets hers; me, not so much.

So I want to understand how it could be that a woman could be in a relationship with a man who has no desire. I do not understand the no desire part from a male point of view. Because I do not get any, "getting some" is always at the forefront of my mind!

With all of that said, do you have any habits that you think may "annoy" your husband? Does he have any habits or hobbies that distract him?

[jhuson]

totally sexless? That sucks.

[fullservice65]

I'd love to talk to just about any of the women here. I think (almost) all relationships have this problem at one point or another. Sometimes we go astray and realize how much we value what we have, even if the sex still isn't there; other times, we realize the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence.
I don't want to be an opportunist, but I would like the women who have written here to PM me. We might have a connection; we might not. Either way, we should have fun exploring.

[curiousdad001]

Originally Posted by Kissmykitty

Thanks Officegurl!
As a wife in a sexless marriage believe me I have shouldered the "blame" for this problem long enough! Men need to step up too and think about what will keep their wives from jumping into the bed of another. Marriage "could" be fun and "exciting" but it takes two people who are willing to put in the work to keep it. Cheating is not a longer term solution but geshhhh who wants to walk through life without any spark of sexuality?

yup, the guy needs to "man up".. so to speak
but I still see / know so many guys who are cheating .. and their wives are working out, looking great and adventurous.
stupid guys..
but I've been approached by one of the ladies I know..it was much fun and satisfying for both of us.

[EpicureanCynic]

It is a shameful, but far too common, truth that in our society (perhaps in most societies because I have difficulty thinking of one that isn't like this) the woman is ultimately blamed for most of the problems in a marriage.


I think, what is a woman supposed to do? When there is resentment in a relationship, when there is an unequal balance of power, certainly a few silky thongs and a blow job aren't going make things better. When a man loses respect for a woman - often because he despises the shell of a person she has become because of his treatment - then blames her for problems, the lack of intimacy, and dead sex life...well, at the end of the day thats our fault.

We don't raise boys to be better and we don't raise girls to expect more.

[gentle_mr411]

No judging here..... That's part of what makes this site so freakin' AWESOME.

I hate to see a young lady not appreciated.

A for your troubles.

[intriguedlady]

Wow while it's a relief to see that I am not the only one in this situation, it means that there are others who suffer the same marital existence. I am one of those as well. Married for over 9 years to a great man. Every other aspect of our relationship is ideal with that one exception. That one exception has become the 500-lb gorilla in the room that we can't get around, even after counseling, medical help etc.
Lit helps "augment" that which is lacking at home and you just continue on.

[bknight2602]

Been there and done that for 30 yrs. Find some relief carefully, but do it.

[talldad1]

Originally Posted by Officegurl

I'm in a very similar situation. Even the Pinot Grigio makes an appearance in my life. The difference is that we don't have children so it's easier for me to walk away, which I am doing.

Are you going to remain in an unhappy environment for your child? Very soon your child will sense the tension and unhappiness.

I agree with this completely.

[Lit_Wetawd]

You should take this thread to the GB where you can find some really sympathetic people with various expertise who will give you great advice.