Originally Posted by LightningSeed
I could tell just how personal this was for you. And it really was sweet and did have a solid buildup.
I think at times the conversations used words that didnít ring true. Famished. Fortuitous. Incorrigible. Maybe you do use those words, but at times that kicks me out of the plot and makes me aware that Iím reading a story.
My favorite image was the one girl in bed masturbating while listening to her friend do the same in the next room. The hottest line was ďNo one. But you.Ē
Thanks for offering it up for critique and Iíll look forward to reading more of yours.
I intentionally use the word fortuitous frequently! It's very useful. Though you're right, it does sound a little high falutin. I don't use famished or incorrigible as often.
Thanks so much for your compliments and sharing your favorite scene and line. Thank for reading!