Secret's Rebirthing.

1millionsecrets

Uncredited Princess.
Joined
Oct 4, 2013
Posts
2,394
I once knew a man,
He hated what he loved.
And the ones who loved him served him.
They realshed in self hatred for who they were.
He mocked them for their sexes,
Made them submit to their reflexes.
They didn't run, but who could blame them.
They loved the way he shamed them.
He hated what he loved.
 
Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.
 
Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.

Very beautiful and erotic.
 
Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.

I prefer this one although I do think 'Love me gentle' should be 'Love me gently'.
 
Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.

Glorious. So sensual. Love it.
 
Your body is my shelter, I find comfort in your bones.
Your ribcage the hollow prison, where your heart won't be alone.
I'll swim through your blood, a toxin in your veins.
I'll suck you dry, until you cry, and shoot nothing again.

But if you ever leave me, Love; just to rot inside your grave...
I'll burn down the whole damn world too.
I will never behave.
 
Your body is my shelter, I find comfort in your bones.
Your ribcage the hollow prison, where your heart won't be alone.
I'll swim through your blood, a toxin in your veins.
I'll suck you dry, until you cry, and shoot nothing again.

But if you ever leave me, Love; just to rot inside your grave...
I'll burn down the whole damn world too.
I will never behave.

Your words are so erotic:heart:
 
I am but an elegant rose.
Plush, pink, petals dripping dew.
But not the delicate flower, am I.
For sharp thorns may bite you.

I am a dancing river.
Crisp, carnal, curves winding down.
Aqua flowing gives birth to currents.
In saturation you may drown.

I am a peaceful night.
Mauve, mammose, moons skyward drawn.
Seek your pleasures in brief shadows.
For darkness always leaves at dawn.
 
I am but an elegant rose.
Plush, pink, petals dripping dew.
But not the delicate flower, am I.
For sharp thorns may bite you.

I am a dancing river.
Crisp, carnal, curves winding down.
Aqua flowing gives birth to currents.
In saturation you may drown.

I am a peaceful night.
Mauve, mammose, moons skyward drawn.
Seek your pleasures in brief shadows.
For darkness always leaves at dawn.

Delightfully enticing, you have a way with words, that I have no chance of matching. I do write erotic stories though ;)
 
Big UP!

It's lovely. Respect! :rose:

Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.
 
I prefer this one although I do think 'Love me gentle' should be 'Love me gently'.

I did that on purpose. It is part of the interpretation of the poem. Thank you though.

In that case, maybe make all the other instructions nouns versus adjectives? As in:
Love me slowly becomes Love me slow, and
Mark me deeply to Mark me deep
Welcome and thanks for your poetry.
 
In that case, maybe make all the other instructions nouns versus adjectives? As in:
Love me slowly becomes Love me slow, and
Mark me deeply to Mark me deep
Welcome and thanks for your poetry.
That would be a good way to edit it, but one of the cool things about poetry is that it either follows many rules or none.
There can be grammatical errors all over the place if I so wish. Hence freestyle poetry.

Thank you though, very much for your input.
 
That would be a good way to edit it, but one of the cool things about poetry is that it either follows many rules or none.
There can be grammatical errors all over the place if I so wish. Hence freestyle poetry.

Thank you though, very much for your input.

So you're saying you can write gobbledygook and it would still be poetry if you care to call it such? That's all very well if you're writing for yourself only but readers do like to understand it.
.
Up you there and stand astride,
no hiding of your slatherings,
we'll have not ploppy goodlewooks
for shitty legs foul makes our beds!
 
Last edited:
Hi and welcome. Just my opinion but the idea that anything goes because it's free verse is limiting, not freeing. The point of sharing writing is communication: even if all you want to communicate is a feeling or idea, whoever reads it needs to understand it. Otherwise your communication and therefore your poem, story, note, whatever has failed. I'm not against a grammatical mistake in the right context and I make up words in poems whenever I want, but I do try to make sure readers will understand.

I'm curious as to whether you edit for anything in a poem beyond spelling or punctuation. And if you never explore ways to make your words clearer or more interesting or otherwise better, how do you grow as a writer? How do you improve? Maybe you don't care, which is fine and certainly your business, but then why bother sharing? Or alternatively why not share on the personals forum where people will mostly praise you?

Like I said it's your choice but all the good poetry I've ever read, especially stuff masquerading as "free" verse, was written with intention.
:rose: :rose::rose:
 
Hi and welcome. Just my opinion but the idea that anything goes because it's free verse is limiting, not freeing. The point of sharing writing is communication: even if all you want to communicate is a feeling or idea, whoever reads it needs to understand it. Otherwise your communication and therefore your poem, story, note, whatever has failed. I'm not against a grammatical mistake in the right context and I make up words in poems whenever I want, but I do try to make sure readers will understand.

I'm curious as to whether you edit for anything in a poem beyond spelling or punctuation. And if you never explore ways to make your words clearer or more interesting or otherwise better, how do you grow as a writer? How do you improve? Maybe you don't care, which is fine and certainly your business, but then why bother sharing? Or alternatively why not share on the personals forum where people will mostly praise you?

Like I said it's your choice but all the good poetry I've ever read, especially stuff masquerading as "free" verse, was written with intention.
:rose: :rose::rose:

I'm glad somebody could explain better than I can because IMHO the OP has no idea what freestyle/free verse poetry actually is.
 
I never said I wasn't open to fixing errors, or growing as an author. I edit my posts constantly because of typing errors, and grammatical mess ups. The poem in question is still understood the way it is written. My point still gets across. I do not change works for the exact reason, you would change them. Growth.

If I look back on something I have written, errors assumed by readers or not, I can see what I've done wrong in it. I don't edit and hide behind tools used to change text. I accept the fact that it may not be up to par, and use the assumed mistake as to not repeat it.

On the topic of understanding. There are older text, with more advanced wording and sentence structures that individuals of lower IQ cannot understand. Does that mean an author would lower their quality of writing to be understood, or accept the fact that his or her works can only be read by a certain audience.
I am in no way comparing my awkward sentence in a silly smut poem to any great works of old. Instead I'm attempting to convey my understanding, people write to express ideas. They don't write for people to just, understand them. Sometimes it takes an open mind to get what the author is trying to say.

Another thing, why in the world is it really such a big deal? It's still a basic idea, and the point has gotten across. Plus, the "error" has been addressed several times previously.

I also attempt to expand my vocabulary, and communication abilities every day. I use my errors in my previous works to help me grow as a writer. I also leave the evidence of my growth for everyone to see. You can put your offending curiosities to rest. Thank you for your input...
 
I'm glad somebody could explain better than I can because IMHO the OP has no idea what freestyle/free verse poetry actually is.

Either that or she is just writing for herself, which is fine. She didn't ask for feedback so I won't hijack her thread anymore (sorry Ms Secrets!).

Hey it's the poetry forum. We're opinionated here! :kiss: :rose:
 
A free verse poem has no patterns, rhyming patterns or otherwise musical patterns. So no, the poem with the error in it isn't technically free verse.
Do you feel better now? I do understand what free verse is. I'm not as incompetent and ignorant and you are implying...
 
Either that or she is just writing for herself, which is fine. She didn't ask for feedback so I won't hijack her thread anymore (sorry Ms Secrets!).

Hey it's the poetry forum. We're opinionated here! :kiss: :rose:
Sorry if I seemed defensive. But thank you for your feedback.
 
Sorry if I seemed defensive. But thank you for your feedback.

You're welcome. I didn't mean to imply anything about you having a lack of understanding or a low IQ or anything nefarious. I just didn't understand why someone would knowingly leave errors in and say that's ok because it's free verse. I mean ee cummings, for example, did all sorts of funky things in his free verse poems but they weren't errors that he just left there. They were intended. And I've never heard of someone leaving an error in for growth and so that they don't make it again, but I am a great believer in "to each her own."

As to why it matters it's because this is the poetry forum and words in poems tend to fascinate people here. If you went through our archives you'd find a great many discussions like this. Again I apologise if I seemed rude. That was not my intent at all.
 
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