I've found a couple other posts that are somewhat relevant, but I figure someone might have advice on my specific question. I am partially thwarted in an honest attempt to get closer to my husband, sexually and otherwise, by the fact that he doesn't have the stamina to bring me to orgasm. I don't blame him. Even when I masturbate, it usually takes me at least half an hour. When he tries, doing exactly as I direct, what usually gets me off on my own, it can go upwards of an hour and he gets too sore to continue. He feels like a failure while I'm going out of my mind, turned on for a whole freaking hour.
I have tried to break my patterns when masturbating, not using a vibrator, thinking about different fantasies, watching porn, reading stories on here, doing it in places I don't usually do it, getting myself in the mood prior to starting, wearing different clothes than I usually do. I've tried trading off with him, letting him have breaks, but it hasn't ever happened on his turn, though it always seems like it could. I reassure him verbally that I'm happy with what he's doing, but since it's not actually bringing me to orgasm, it makes sense that he doesn't totally believe that. (I know how demoralized I'd feel if my blow jobs never "worked" and how good I feel about myself when they do.) My current theory is to try masturbating for only 20 minutes then stopping so that my body gets the idea that if it wants to have fun, that's all the time it has. I don't know if it's actually counter productive to leave myself frustrated or no, but I'm ready to try anything.
I think it's a mental block because when I do come, which ends up always by my own hand, the stimulation is not physically different than what was happening from the whole hour when I didn't orgasm yet.
I haven't ever felt close to orgasm by penetration, always clitoral stimulation. Penetration turns me on, but I'm not trying at this point to train myself into orgasm in a new way. I just want to train myself to let it happen without so much effort, and with my husband triggering it. He's totally hot in the geeky way I like and I trust him completely. He is merely faltering and losing the rhythm when he fatigues over time, but I don't know why I didn't orgasm already anyway. I can't help but think something is just wired wrong in me. But I want to have a positive attitude, not think about putting pressure on myself but think of it as just enjoying my sex life more, and believe that soon he can feel accomplished at pleasing me.
I have considered approaching this scientifically and changing variables one at a time, but now that he and I are really putting an effort into this I don't want to remain unsuccessful for too many months. It's been about 2 months so far of 1 or 2 attempts with him a week (we've got kids and jobs, etc, limiting our alone time). I want to try as many things as possible for proof of concept and figure out later what actually made it work. Any suggestions you might have for what I could try to rewire myself to come more easily would be appreciated. Or just anyone else that had a similar experience and was able to overcome it would be encouraging. Thanks.
I have tried to break my patterns when masturbating, not using a vibrator, thinking about different fantasies, watching porn, reading stories on here, doing it in places I don't usually do it, getting myself in the mood prior to starting, wearing different clothes than I usually do. I've tried trading off with him, letting him have breaks, but it hasn't ever happened on his turn, though it always seems like it could. I reassure him verbally that I'm happy with what he's doing, but since it's not actually bringing me to orgasm, it makes sense that he doesn't totally believe that. (I know how demoralized I'd feel if my blow jobs never "worked" and how good I feel about myself when they do.) My current theory is to try masturbating for only 20 minutes then stopping so that my body gets the idea that if it wants to have fun, that's all the time it has. I don't know if it's actually counter productive to leave myself frustrated or no, but I'm ready to try anything.
I think it's a mental block because when I do come, which ends up always by my own hand, the stimulation is not physically different than what was happening from the whole hour when I didn't orgasm yet.
I haven't ever felt close to orgasm by penetration, always clitoral stimulation. Penetration turns me on, but I'm not trying at this point to train myself into orgasm in a new way. I just want to train myself to let it happen without so much effort, and with my husband triggering it. He's totally hot in the geeky way I like and I trust him completely. He is merely faltering and losing the rhythm when he fatigues over time, but I don't know why I didn't orgasm already anyway. I can't help but think something is just wired wrong in me. But I want to have a positive attitude, not think about putting pressure on myself but think of it as just enjoying my sex life more, and believe that soon he can feel accomplished at pleasing me.
I have considered approaching this scientifically and changing variables one at a time, but now that he and I are really putting an effort into this I don't want to remain unsuccessful for too many months. It's been about 2 months so far of 1 or 2 attempts with him a week (we've got kids and jobs, etc, limiting our alone time). I want to try as many things as possible for proof of concept and figure out later what actually made it work. Any suggestions you might have for what I could try to rewire myself to come more easily would be appreciated. Or just anyone else that had a similar experience and was able to overcome it would be encouraging. Thanks.
. In my book, sex is about shared intimacy. If I get to cum at the end of it, whether told or not, it is the last thing I care about. I care about pleasing my partner and my partner pleasing me. But YKMV.
