Old reader, new writer. Need help with first submission please

Hot69jay

Virgin
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Aug 4, 2016
Posts
13
Hi all,

I've been reading all your lovely stories for many years and thought it about time I put fingers to keys myself. I have written a few shorter works but was recently inspired about a couple of hapless female travellers lost in the dark woods only to be saved by our hero. Only there's some twists and turns... The first draught is 3/4 finished. I've slightly run out of steam and feel like I need some guidance and if possible a little support to finish in light of editing and structure, I've not had and English education other than schooling but I'm very willing to learn and passionate about ideas. The plot is complete but need a little help I guess.

I have tried emailing a few volunteer editors but not heard anything back, hense my post here. I very much appreciate the help is free and would be greatful to even get some pointers.

So I thought I would post the first part (1 of 5) here and see if any of you fine folk would pitch in. I have written 1-4 parts and some of 5.

I humbly await you response. Yours cordially. Jay
 
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Wood you dare - Introduction (part 1)

Ominous black clouds rolled over the hilltops into the forrest below, a dark and brooding veil below a coffin lid sky. The harsh winds fingers wildly caressing the tree tops, a dark green sea waving in the cold malice of the brewing storm...

The static heavy reception over the news report coming from Gabe's car stereo wasn't good. The black mass above mirroring the reporters warning of impending down pour and five other different variations on how we were fucked Gabe thought to himself as the first rain drops hit the windscreen. "That might just mess up my plans!" The headlights cut through the screen of rain, carving a slice out of the darkness, the muddy road twisting and turning through the pine wood avenues. He thought to himself 'I should have taken that next road on...', glancing over to the dishevelled map sitting on the passenger seat amongst his collection of carabiners, climbing books, a compass and various bits of rope that occupied the cab seat most of the time. Taking intermittent snatches of ordinance survey info every so often, puzzling at where the hell he was as he knew this area very well, Gabe didn't notice the form up ahead in the road through the cloudy smeared screen. He looked up and not 30 feet in front of his pickup two people huddled under jackets waving insanely in the middle of the road jumped into his vision. Gabe was pretty dexterous, it was his training as a climbing instructor. He knew more that most you need to react quickly when danger prevents itself unexpectedly. He pumped the break, the noise of gravel and mud hitting the wheel arches as he skidded and turned the wheel to the left and the counter to the right, broadsiding to a dramatic halt no more than two feet from the near victims in the night.

A rapping on the window, snapped Gabe back to his senses, his vision full of panicked faces, waving hands... And were they girls faces he saw? "Jesus man, you nearly hit us" he heard through the window, a slight accent he didn't quite catch. He popped the door, the cold rain slicing through the gap and stepped out of the truck to be greeted by two girls, either one no more than 20 years old wearing hiking trousers and boots and nothing more than tee-shirts and trying desperately to shield their heads with what looked like a picnic blanket.
 
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By the way. This story plays with the notion of power and submission between three characters. There is bondage content, voyerism and a log cabin.
 
Hey there.

I understand from your message that you're just starting out writing (correct me if I'm wrong). I have to say you have quite some talent. Even though there were some grammatical errors and illogical sentences in the part you posted, I really see the potential for a great story here.

I would love to help you finish and polish this story. Leave me a reply below or send me a PM if you're interested.
 
Hey there.

I understand from your message that you're just starting out writing (correct me if I'm wrong). I have to say you have quite some talent. Even though there were some grammatical errors and illogical sentences in the part you posted, I really see the potential for a great story here.

I would love to help you finish and polish this story. Leave me a reply below or send me a PM if you're interested.

Hi Taken.

Thanks for your interest and your speedy reply. I guess I'll post the rest of the story (so far) here in case others want to have a look at it but I'm definitely happy you are looking at it... It's in rough form, I keep finding mistakes every time I read through it. So here the rest. I'll post the conclusion so you get the plot after.

And thanks. Really appreciate. J
 
Edited... Sorry... You will have to wait for the finished thing!
 
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So the plot twist is Gabe has engineered the whole thing. He's really a banker with a wife at home (a bit risky but I like to thrill!) he owns the cabin, the sign that's fallen down says 'Gabe's cabin...' And there's hints in it if you read back. I want to build on this and put a few more hints in so when you finish you are like.. Oh yeah!! So all this comes out when he's laid in bed with the two girls asleep and he's laid there grinning. Knowing the electric fuse is in his pocket etc etc... I don't know if you want to P M me to discuss further or how to send me back corrections? Thanks Taken
 
I also realise I'm not speaking from one person. I like jumping for head to head, it seems to work for me in this one, describing each other's senses and perspectives. You tell me if its ok?
 
Not sure if posting your whole story like this here is a good idea, but that's up to you. I think the first part is enough to post get editors interested, without giving away the whole story. Sorry if I sound paranoid, but I've had my experiences with people who steal the story of someone else and claim it as their own. Since I'm pretty new to this site I'm not sure if that's a problem here, but it never hurts to be careful.
 
Not sure if posting your whole story like this here is a good idea, but that's up to you. I think the first part is enough to post get editors interested, without giving away the whole story. Sorry if I sound paranoid, but I've had my experiences with people who steal the story of someone else and claim it as their own. Since I'm pretty new to this site I'm not sure if that's a problem here, but it never hurts to be careful.


Point taken as I'm new to this side of things. I'll amend. Thanks
 
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Not sure if posting your whole story like this here is a good idea, but that's up to you. I think the first part is enough to post get editors interested, without giving away the whole story. Sorry if I sound paranoid, but I've had my experiences with people who steal the story of someone else and claim it as their own. Since I'm pretty new to this site I'm not sure if that's a problem here, but it never hurts to be careful.

Posting a story isn't allowed on the forum. The maximum is roughly three paragraphs.
 
Wood you dare - Introduction (part 1)

Ominous black clouds rolled over the hilltops into the forrest below, a dark and brooding veil below a coffin lid sky. The harsh winds fingers wildly caressing the tree tops, a dark green sea waving in the cold malice of the brewing storm...

Three paragraphs is the maximum you can post on a forum. Please edit your post or I (EF moderator) will have to make the changes.
 
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