I'm close to publishing the 4th installment in a series. I published the first 3 chapters without proofing. While I don't consider them disastrous, for this next chapter I'd like like a 2nd opinion.
I'm seeking feedback in the following areas:
* Awkwardly-phrased or unclear sentences.
* An irrational fondness for commas, and a general grammar sanity-check.
* I'm concerned the next chapter suffers a "plot surplus". I trimmed plot-details from previous chapters, which unfortunately resulted in a "plot backlog". I'd love to be told I'm wrong. But I at least need an 2nd opinion.
Below are a few links for previous chapters, to help any editors decide if they are interested.