Help with posted story

arkangel55

Virgin
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Posts
7
Hi, I posted a story a few days ago and from the response it is missing something. It is already published as "Big Brazilian Cock." I did try reaching out to about 6 editors but received no responses. When I initially sent the request to the specific editor I was given 2 options. I responded using both of them just in case.

So now the story is posted unedited. I picked up a few of my smaller errors, but am apparently missing a connection in the plot or something. If it doesn't get a better response think I will pull.

Anyone interested in checking it out for me?

Thank you!
 
If it's already published here on Lit, post a link to the story if you want people to find it.
 
You definitely need an editor. The beginning is hard to follow and you jump back and forth from past to present. Can work, just not the way you have done it. Moving forward it is just a gratification story that falls short. You try for character development but it is way too short to define them properly. Grammar and punctuation lead me to believe English is a second language.

If you meant to leave the name Gabriel in the story then all is good. If you didn't then you missed a few trying to keep a name safe. Either way the main character's friend is identified poorly.
 
The issues I have pointed out any experienced editor can help with but you should find one who writes in the same genre. They would be able to help you build the story better as well.
Good luck.

Mav
 
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