Keroin
aKwatic
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2009
- Posts
- 8,152
What Made You Smile/Laugh Today?
- Thread starter HottieMama
- Start date
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Chiara_searches
no longer
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- Feb 5, 2011
- Posts
- 1,426
^
^
^
That made me laugh.
And I smiled today from numerous fun things happening from as early as 6:30 a.m., onto 11:00 a.m., on to 1:15 p.m., and on...just good stuff.
^
^
That made me laugh.
And I smiled today from numerous fun things happening from as early as 6:30 a.m., onto 11:00 a.m., on to 1:15 p.m., and on...just good stuff.
kiwi_submissive
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2010
- Posts
- 3,490
Those are the best days, sometimes lots of little smiles are better than one big one.
Kurokami
An Erotic A.I
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2011
- Posts
- 1,296
Watching a movie (that I had already seen) with my girl which features a deaf/mute character momentarily. After discovering that this character is in fact deaf AND mute, she turns to me and says something that I'm sure she'll be very proud of in days to come. I'm certainly not going to let her forget it in a hurry: "He's deaf, AND he can't hear?"
Classic. I gave her a strange look and started laughing, and it took her a while to figure out that she had fucked up. God damn I love that woman.
Classic. I gave her a strange look and started laughing, and it took her a while to figure out that she had fucked up. God damn I love that woman.
punkreader
Experienced
- Joined
- May 21, 2011
- Posts
- 63
^ Hahahaha! That's an interesting one, for sure! 
Realizing that in the area I moved to, we really are surrounded by idiots. No, really.
For me, it was getting to recount the recent story of me sitting at a table at lunch waiting for my friends, working on my laptop, studying or something. And this girl coming up to me, clearly younger, and asking me why I have a computer (I'm the only student in the school that has one 24/7, and the school provides it). I patiently explain that it's because "my hands don't work quite right" (I have CP, and they spasm constantly, making writing by hand for any extended period of time hard), and that it makes writing hard. Her response? "So (pause)...you're retarded?"
I just barely managed to not hurt her.
Realizing that in the area I moved to, we really are surrounded by idiots. No, really.
For me, it was getting to recount the recent story of me sitting at a table at lunch waiting for my friends, working on my laptop, studying or something. And this girl coming up to me, clearly younger, and asking me why I have a computer (I'm the only student in the school that has one 24/7, and the school provides it). I patiently explain that it's because "my hands don't work quite right" (I have CP, and they spasm constantly, making writing by hand for any extended period of time hard), and that it makes writing hard. Her response? "So (pause)...you're retarded?"
I just barely managed to not hurt her.
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
^ Hahahaha! That's an interesting one, for sure!
Realizing that in the area I moved to, we really are surrounded by idiots. No, really.
For me, it was getting to recount the recent story of me sitting at a table at lunch waiting for my friends, working on my laptop, studying or something. And this girl coming up to me, clearly younger, and asking me why I have a computer (I'm the only student in the school that has one 24/7, and the school provides it). I patiently explain that it's because "my hands don't work quite right" (I have CP, and they spasm constantly, making writing by hand for any extended period of time hard), and that it makes writing hard. Her response? "So (pause)...you're retarded?"
I just barely managed to not hurt her.
That's a little bit like the time someone who didn't know Aspergers Syndrome was on the Austism Spectrum asked if one of my children would "ever be able to live alone like normal people?" He has a genious-level IQ, loves to cook, and is on the high school robotics team, you fuckwit.
punkreader
Experienced
- Joined
- May 21, 2011
- Posts
- 63
One of my best friends has Aspbergers, and I love him to death. People are idiots when it comes to anything special needs-related, no? I absolutely love dealing with administrators, who, because they see nothing wrong, come up with their own assumptions about what I need and don't need (or even better, can and can't hear, with hearing aids) and then don't tell me. I find out about these things in meetings, and then have to "correct" their thinking. Also, no one seems to be able to grasp two very simple things related to me in school: I don't like to be touched (Sensory Integration Dysfunction) and that I actually do have constant severe pain and fatigue - I just don't let them see it. I've been pounding it into their heads for years, that, yes, I do have all the things all these doctors say I do, and I can fucking feel that my body doesn't work right. I don't need them to determine that for me!
They're a riot.
I absolutely love dealing with administrators, who, because they see nothing wrong, come up with their own assumptions about what I need and don't need (or even better, can and can't hear, with hearing aids) and then don't tell me. I find out about these things in meetings, and then have to "correct" their thinking. Also, no one seems to be able to grasp two very simple things related to me in school: I don't like to be touched (Sensory Integration Dysfunction) and that I actually do have constant severe pain and fatigue - I just don't let them see it. I've been pounding it into their heads for years, that, yes, I do have all the things all these doctors say I do, and I can fucking feel that my body doesn't work right. I don't need them to determine that for me! They're a riot.
seela
Quark Thief
- Joined
- May 14, 2010
- Posts
- 9,814
A dream I had.
It started off with me being in jail and ended with my boyfriend taking me to a small airport and stuffing pancakes down my panties. Because no one wants to fuck a woman with a cooch that smells like pancakes, therefore he wouldn't have to worry about my chastity.
A lot of weirdness happened between the jail bit and the pancake bit, but the pancake line is what cracked me up so much, that I woke up laughing.
I need to lay off the flu medicine.
It started off with me being in jail and ended with my boyfriend taking me to a small airport and stuffing pancakes down my panties. Because no one wants to fuck a woman with a cooch that smells like pancakes, therefore he wouldn't have to worry about my chastity.
A lot of weirdness happened between the jail bit and the pancake bit, but the pancake line is what cracked me up so much, that I woke up laughing.
I need to lay off the flu medicine.
DeepGreenEyes
Whittled
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2007
- Posts
- 8,499
Yes! When I play Candyland, I always use a crack pipe for the green gingerbread man!
I heartily endorse recreational remote-controlled dye packs.
omgitselaine
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2009
- Posts
- 14,190
The beautifuuul weather we're having and going to have this weekend
DeepGreenEyes
Whittled
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2007
- Posts
- 8,499
You know, I was going to make a stupid joke about maple syrup and lube.
But I'm not.
Nope.
Because to insert that, even in a backhanded way by saying that I am not going to insert it, compromises the utter perfection of your post.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
A "joke" e-mail sent from a friend ...
$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 58 , not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.
P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate!!!!!
$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 58 , not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.
P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate!!!!!
scarletnym
Loving Pet of Chgris
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2009
- Posts
- 7,877
Rewatching the video of my dumbass brother getting kicked by a horse that the gallons of liquor told him he should try to ride. ahhh...life is good.
kiwi_submissive
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2010
- Posts
- 3,490
Candyland must be an American thing, I don't think I have ever seen it here.
Those dye packs sound like alot of fun, where can I get some? I was thinking of the BB gun but that could leave some bruising.
FungiUg
Waves at Cats
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2001
- Posts
- 10,242
There's a Candyland half way between Hamilton and Auckland.
kiwi_submissive
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2010
- Posts
- 3,490
The game or a lolly place...might have to add that to my list of things to check out up that way. I might have a look at Te Warewhare today and see if I can find it.
FungiUg
Waves at Cats
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2001
- Posts
- 10,242
The latter.
DeepGreenEyes
Whittled
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2007
- Posts
- 8,499
Well, you are in luck, kiwi. A big-budget action film may bring the magic of Candyland to your shores.
"On February 5, 2009, Universal Pictures announced plans to film a movie based on the popular Candy Land board game. Etan Cohen, a writer on both Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa and Tropic Thunder, has been hired to write the screenplay. Kevin Lima, of Enchanted, will direct. Abel and Glenn Berger, the screenwriting team, write: "We don't see it as a movie based on a board game, although it has characters from that world and takes the idea of people finding themselves in a world that happens to be made entirely of candy where there are huge battles going on," Berger tells EW. "We are going for real comedy, real action, and real emotions at stake."
And your point is?
kiwi_submissive
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2010
- Posts
- 3,490
Well, you are in luck, kiwi. A big-budget action film may bring the magic of Candyland to your shores.
"On February 5, 2009, Universal Pictures announced plans to film a movie based on the popular Candy Land board game. Etan Cohen, a writer on both Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa and Tropic Thunder, has been hired to write the screenplay. Kevin Lima, of Enchanted, will direct. Abel and Glenn Berger, the screenwriting team, write: "We don't see it as a movie based on a board game, although it has characters from that world and takes the idea of people finding themselves in a world that happens to be made entirely of candy where there are huge battles going on," Berger tells EW. "We are going for real comedy, real action, and real emotions at stake."
And your point is?
I would feel incredibly guilty if I did that.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
I thought of you NZers when I read this article this afternoon:
Casino staff forced to wear flea collars at Auckland's SkyCity Casino
WORKERS at a casino in New Zealand's largest city have been forced to wear flea collars to work in a bid to ward off fleas.
The alarming report follows news of similar infestations forcing nurses at some Auckland hospitals to adopt a similar course of action in December - sparking a warning from health authorities against humans wearing the pet collars, which emit toxins, the New Zealand Herald reported today.
Employees at SkyCity Casino were spraying themselves with insect repellent and wearing pet flea collars around their ankles to ward off fleas, according to Unite Union national director Mike Treen.
He said staff had been complaining about infestations on the casino floor "for years" and that although the business had been undertaking a cleaning process, "it doesn't seem to be working".
SkyCity management told the Herald the casino floors were cleaned every day and it was not aware of any complaints about insect bites.
The facility, which also features a convention centre, bars, restaurants and hotels, is the only casino in Auckland.
SkyCity Entertainment Group has casinos in three New Zealand cities - Auckland, Hamilton and Queenstown - while in Australia it owns properties in Darwin and Adelaide.
Above is the full article, but the original Herald-Sun article is at the link in the headline. WORKERS at a casino in New Zealand's largest city have been forced to wear flea collars to work in a bid to ward off fleas.
The alarming report follows news of similar infestations forcing nurses at some Auckland hospitals to adopt a similar course of action in December - sparking a warning from health authorities against humans wearing the pet collars, which emit toxins, the New Zealand Herald reported today.
Employees at SkyCity Casino were spraying themselves with insect repellent and wearing pet flea collars around their ankles to ward off fleas, according to Unite Union national director Mike Treen.
He said staff had been complaining about infestations on the casino floor "for years" and that although the business had been undertaking a cleaning process, "it doesn't seem to be working".
SkyCity management told the Herald the casino floors were cleaned every day and it was not aware of any complaints about insect bites.
The facility, which also features a convention centre, bars, restaurants and hotels, is the only casino in Auckland.
SkyCity Entertainment Group has casinos in three New Zealand cities - Auckland, Hamilton and Queenstown - while in Australia it owns properties in Darwin and Adelaide.
Chiara_searches
no longer
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2011
- Posts
- 1,426
Enjoyment in throwing down a gauntlet...sort of how I did in February. Might not take me anywhere this time, but I so loved drawing a line in the sand and saying "I dare you." Actually, I really doubt it will take my anywhere this time...it was just fun to tell someone off in my "I think I have some smarts" way.
Mz_Cunningham
Abandon Universe!
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2011
- Posts
- 1,563
Being asked by my slave, "Mistress, does your computer have a USB port, I need one to charge my kindle"
Made me laugh my ass off for several minutes
Made me laugh my ass off for several minutes
kiwi_submissive
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2010
- Posts
- 3,490
I love it, a new fashion statement maybe.
Keroin
aKwatic
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2009
- Posts
- 8,152
After a small eternity, my partner and I finally finished the massive load of revisions to the novel manuscript!
Now I have two weeks to spit polish and shine the fucker before it goes back to the agency. (And somehow I have to explain why it's now 40 pages longer...ffffffuuuuuuuhhhhhhhk).
*works up mouthful of spit and grabs a cloth*
Now I have two weeks to spit polish and shine the fucker before it goes back to the agency. (And somehow I have to explain why it's now 40 pages longer...ffffffuuuuuuuhhhhhhhk).
*works up mouthful of spit and grabs a cloth*
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