Lost my mojo - will it come back?

BSwett060 said:

I agree with Fara. No strings makes it just another bodily function, like sleeping, eating, farting, IMHO. Feelings make it more than that.

Good luck to you.

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I don't want it to be more than that.

I think.

twister947 said:

"No strings", for me, translates to unmoored. If I was already in an emotionally vulnerable state, it would be a no go.

Take care of yourself, Cookie.

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It's so interesting you say this, twister. I've been thinking a lot about being untethered. How I'm missing that feeling of being grounded. Having that person in my life who makes my life feel solid.

Thinking about those feeling in context of THESE feelings -- proceeding with care seems smartest.

Thanks.

Bramblethorn said:

Sort of? Different circumstances though.

I've been with my partner for longer than some of the posters on these boards have been alive. It's working pretty well - not perfect, the usual challenges you get when you live with somebody forever, relationships take work and we've had our ups and downs. But all in all, mutual support looking to grow old(er) together.

We're poly and I also had a long-distance relationship for about ten years. We didn't see one another much but it was an important part of my life and it ended badly. I'll skip the messy details but it was painful and left me feeling very sad for a long time. I think you and I talked about grief a while back, and a lot of what I was saying in that discussion came out of that. My partner was great and supportive through all this, but it still left me low for... years, I guess.

A couple of years later, I had a work trip to Europe. I had an email friend over there and we'd been flirting for a while, and we (with my partner's blessing) agreed to meet up for a couple of days and see what happened.



It didn't magically fix everything, nothing does that. But it was fun, and helpful for a bruised ego. Two bruised egos really, since my friend was also recovering from a broken relationship. Call it one step in a long journey of moving on. And then I went home again.

I don't know how much of that translates to your situation, but, well, that's the experience I had.

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I had the opportunity to be with someone I've known for a few years. We've had a friendship, have flirted a bit. We were going to meet in April. It felt safe. I couldn't go through with it. I wasn't ready. He understood and I think was a bit relieved. It felt too planned.

But this kind of encounter feels like it could be helpful. Thanks for sharing.

I like the sentence "And then I went home again." That you had home to go back to.

cookiecat said:

...I'm bringing it up because I'm thinking about sex more. Or atleast my lady parts are. And that feels good.

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It is turning already. Don't be surprised that the "mojo" just may be different in some way that you never expected.

I have gone through several "where did it go" rotations one the years. My advise is just hang with it, keep an eye open and, I don't know, catch up of your reading - or something.

(((hugs)))

cookiecat said:

Having that person in my life who makes my life feel solid.

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I experience that space after loosing a "someone" as being wide open - too fucking wide open and vulnerable and exposed at times.

But given time, well, you know....

cookiecat said:

Not sure if this should be here or in Talk.

I've lost my sex mojo!

Have you ever been in a weird sex rut? What did you do to get it back??

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Cookie, you haven’t lost some intangible sex wizardry. You lost something much more profound and important. Someone. So, it will take time and a lot of sorting to get back to some semblance of centered. Things probably still tend to go from okay, to off the rails, to the plane has crashed into the god damn mountain, back to okay, multiple time a day depending on the position of the sun. There’s nothing wrong with that, and you’ll feel alright and ready for making fuck when you do. It’s still there, as you’re now aware, other things just got in the way.

Hell, it took me years and a metric fuck ton of ugliness to even come close to normalcy. And you’re better’n me

cookiecat said:

I don't want it to be more than that.

I think.

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Look, you handle it how you want to. If you just want a physical encounter with no strings, go for it. BUT, you better be damn sure that it’s actually what you want. It’s easy to romanticize these things, or to do things out of a desire to just feel something, but those are often lies or traps we set up for ourselves to keep us exactly where we are or justify behavior. You know I’m not accusing you of either, not my place, just trying to give a different perspective. You can’t beat yourself up or feel guilty about living your life, it’s not fair to you.

You do what you gotta do friend, it’s your life, and it’s often sad, confusing, uncomfortable, heartbreaking, sticky, desperate, and plain old difficult. But that’s part of what makes figuring it out and finding the things that work or make us happy worth it.