How to look after your fapping hand

I’ve noticed a number of threads asking for masturbation ideas, or asking others to share how they wank.

With all this fapping going on, I was quite surprised that nobody has brought up the importance of conditioning and staying in tip-top for polishing the banister, or rowing the girl in the pink canoe.

Does one just sidle up to the starting line and expect to complete a marathon without stretching, warming up, and maybe running a mile or two in the days leading up to the race? Of course not!
Having a wank may be like riding a bike, but if you want to stop just leisurely pedaling around the seawall, and pop some serious wheelies worthy of the X-Games, you got to get in wank-shape.



The devil may make work for idle hands, but active hands make for happy wank hands, and these will be able to pull you through to the highest of orgasmic pinnacles. Sign your hands up for sports or activities.



Be sure to include activities that incorporate the surrounding muscle groups. Nobody wants a cramp just as the toes start curling.





Just as important as working out, is rest and down time for recovery. Make sure you pamper your hands, let them feel like a queen for the day. Be selfless when treating your hands to some much deserved downtime. And remember - every knuckle rub doesn’t have to lead into self-gratifying sex, you know.





Also, don’t be a possessive shit when it comes to your fapping hand. Sometimes your hand needs a little ‘me’ time. Leave it be, and let it enjoy its fantasies and imaginings.





This will likely result in a playful, more adventurous hand, which will make your time together more intimate and fun.




Like most wonderful things in life, moderation is the key. Overdoing things can lead to injury.





Keep your hand in tip-top tugging form and you will always fap like a champ.





Feel free to share any tips or tricks you use to keep your fapping hand in shape.

HAPPY WANKING!

Thank you for the tips so far. Do you have any advice for when my hand gets jealous of my vibrator?

SunDevilGirl said:

Thank you for the tips so far. Do you have any advice for when my hand gets jealous of my vibrator?

Click to expand...

Slap the shit out of it and tell it to quit being a flapping twat.

SunDevilGirl said:

Thank you for the tips so far. Do you have any advice for when my hand gets jealous of my vibrator?

Click to expand...

You're most welcome! Thank you for your question.


The root of jealousy is usually fear. Fear of loss of the relationship between you and your fapping hand, fear of losing self- respect, and even fear of losing ’face’ (what will your other, non-fapping hand think?).

If your hand only sees you sexually active with your vibe, then the hand’s jealousy may be justified. If this is the case, you may have to re-evaluate the relationship between you and your fapping hand.

Now, let’s see if we can help your fapping hand rub off jealousy.

• First, stop comparing your hand to your vibe. Each bring different qualities to your fap sessions, and is important that you appreciate each for their unique contribution to achieving ‘OH FACE’. Sure the vibe has batteries, but it doesn’t have sensitive fingers and an opposable thumb. Let you faphand know you recognize and appreciate this.
  
• Secondly, don’t play games. Remember that jealousy is uncomfortable for your fapping hand too, and you shouldn’t exploit this to manipulate the one you want manipulating you later. Asking your fapping hand to hold the lube or batteries while the vibe works the short strokes is just bad form.
  
• Lastly, when assessing the relationship between you and your fapping hand, spend a bit of time assessing yourself. Make sure you are not pushing any jealousy ‘buttons’, and you aren’t doing anything while fapping that may make your hand feel insecure (ie – when the vibe is not close by while showering, do you reach for the handheld showerhead with your non-fapping hand, or is you fapping hand delegated to holding the door frame while you press your pelvis against the washer, during the spin cycle).

HAPPY WANKING!

Zeb_Carter said:

Slap the shit out of it and tell it to quit being a flapping twat.

Click to expand...

Just stick it in the hole in the area and enjoy both.

polishing the banister, or rowing the girl in the pink canoe.


These are some enlightening visual aids. Thanks for the medical information.
And my mommy told me I'd never learn anything by getting on porn sites.

Even us older masturbators need a refresher course now and them. I thought I had carpal tunnel from playing with my compter mouse. Now I realize too much right handed masturbation is causing the problems.
Now as I type, I am typing with my right hand pointy finger and masturbating left handed. I feel better already.
However this is strange to my penis and my left hand. It's almost as if a stranger was getting me off. I am not gay and don't want to experience a real stranger polishing my banister.
Perhaps I should switch hands in mid-masturbation now and then to get used to this.

Again thanks. You've been a big help.
Oppps. What a mess!

Conditioning helps.

Strive for something between the woman who looks ready to pour a hot drink in your lap and the fella passing a mother of a kidney stone.

Gorilla zone is for experienced, professional fappers only, and could result in serious personal injury.

What of the dangers of over-conditioning?

Let's say you have developed good speed, nice reciprocating technique, but perhaps too much stamina?

Assume chaffing causes one to need to pause a day or two?

Should one soldier through and develop some calluses on the affected appendage, investigate lubrication deficiencies, or dial it back a bit?

I'm asking for a friend.

I have to sand down my callouses or I rub my self raw, even with lube.

I really feel like you should've come to the expert (me) for advice on this, Em.

The best thing you can do is become ambidextrous and masturbation.

Alternating relieves the stress on your dominant hand.

Oddly enough it feels quite different.

Lord Pmann said:

I really feel like you should've come to the expert (me) for advice on this, Em.

Click to expand...

I thought of reaching out, but a wee, lustrous bird told me you'd left the HT, floated away, and were now fappin' it over in the Playground.


HT PG


I think it is a little too saccharine over there for the likes of me.



That being said, I know of no other more qualified - based on experience alone - who could speak to the proper care and conditioning of the fapping hand, than the Lord of the Sovereign State Self Stimulation, Lord Pmann.

Thanking you in advance Your Lordship, for any advice, tips, and words of ejaculatory erudition.

Emerson40 said:

I thought of reaching out, but a wee, lustrous bird told me you'd left the HT, floated away, and were now fappin' it over in the Playground.


HT

PG


I think it is a little too saccharine over there for the likes of me.



That being said, I know of no other more qualified - based on experience alone - who could speak to the proper care and conditioning of the fapping hand, than the Lord of the Sovereign State Self Stimulation, Lord Pmann.

Thanking you in advance Your Lordship, for any advice, tips, and words of ejaculatory erudition.

Click to expand...

I don't look on the HT much anymore. Mostly GB or the PG. But I'm always willing to help out some fellow wankers.

I personally like to use a glove when I wank. Of course, it's made of the softest whale foreskin available. If it gets a little crusty, just put some mink oil on it.

Well, I'm sure that YOU fap a lot, Emerson.

Cause no woman in her right mind (including your wife) would want to sleep with you.

Do us all a favour and ask your doctor to start you on androcur, instead of cyberstalking women on porn boards, you stupid creepy fuck!

Just an update:

Even after I skyped with a trusted forum member and I uploaded heaps of pictures and no one else doubts my identity, Emerson is still stalking me with all sorts of sleazy trailer-trash type inuendoes (most of them involving anal sex).

Under the same pretense that he's trying to out a "racist female impersonator", and with the full endorsement of a few other GBers (who giggle at his stalking and insist that I "love it" whenever I'm trying to shake him off my back).

I'm not going to leave the GB because racists and white trash like you want me to do it, Emerson. The other posters make it so worthwhile for me.

LOL The survivors of this election thank you.

hashtag45 said:

Just an update:

Even after I skyped with a trusted forum member and I uploaded heaps of pictures and no one else doubts my identity, Emerson is still stalking me with all sorts of sleazy trailer-trash type inuendoes (most of them involving anal sex).

Under the same pretense that he's trying to out a "racist female impersonator", and with the full endorsement of a few other GBers (who giggle at his stalking and insist that I "love it" whenever I'm trying to shake him off my back).

I'm not going to leave the GB because racists and white trash like you want me to do it, Emerson. The other posters make it so worthwhile for me.

Click to expand...

Bumping an old thread and trolling him desperately for attention was part of your masterplan to "shake him off your back?"

It's usually foolish to presume to speak for others, but I'd be shocked if anyone on the board was at all sympathetic about your self-imposed "plight."

Shocker!

Look who's defending and enabling trailer trash again!
GB creeper nomber two.

Fuck off my back, Que. And that goes for all your alts and multiple personalities too.