Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > Poetry Feedback & Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 11-23-2014, 01:51 PM   #1
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
Secret's Rebirthing.

I once knew a man,
He hated what he loved.
And the ones who loved him served him.
They realshed in self hatred for who they were.
He mocked them for their sexes,
Made them submit to their reflexes.
They didn't run, but who could blame them.
They loved the way he shamed them.
He hated what he loved.
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-04-2014, 10:51 PM   #2
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-23-2014, 12:26 AM   #3
Cycle Tom
Literotica Guru
 
Cycle Tom is offline
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 1,808
Unhappy

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1millionsecrets View Post
Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.
Very beautiful and erotic.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-23-2014, 01:03 AM   #4
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
Thank you sweetheart.
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-23-2014, 10:39 PM   #5
UnderYourSpell
Gerund Whore
 
UnderYourSpell's Avatar
 
UnderYourSpell is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 14,818
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1millionsecrets View Post
Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.
I prefer this one although I do think 'Love me gentle' should be 'Love me gently'.
__________________
Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-24-2014, 12:45 AM   #6
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I prefer this one although I do think 'Love me gentle' should be 'Love me gently'.
I did that on purpose. It is part of the interpretation of the poem. Thank you though.
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-30-2017, 02:53 AM   #7
lustatsea
Literotica Guru
 
lustatsea is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: at that part of your core that makes you tingle then convulse in delight
Posts: 2,775
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1millionsecrets View Post
Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.
Glorious. So sensual. Love it.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-28-2017, 12:40 PM   #8
sexygoon
Really Experienced
 
sexygoon is offline
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 168
Very nice
__________________
Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever.

Supplier of lingerie to any lady who asks. The only catch is you have to send me pics
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-29-2017, 10:57 AM   #9
hedonisatlurist
Really Really Experienced
 
hedonisatlurist's Avatar
 
hedonisatlurist is offline
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 373
I am in love with you, your delightfully inticing
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-24-2018, 06:31 AM   #10
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
Your body is my shelter, I find comfort in your bones.
Your ribcage the hollow prison, where your heart won't be alone.
I'll swim through your blood, a toxin in your veins.
I'll suck you dry, until you cry, and shoot nothing again.

But if you ever leave me, Love; just to rot inside your grave...
I'll burn down the whole damn world too.
I will never behave.
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-24-2018, 06:34 AM   #11
hedonisatlurist
Really Really Experienced
 
hedonisatlurist's Avatar
 
hedonisatlurist is offline
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1millionsecrets View Post
Your body is my shelter, I find comfort in your bones.
Your ribcage the hollow prison, where your heart won't be alone.
I'll swim through your blood, a toxin in your veins.
I'll suck you dry, until you cry, and shoot nothing again.

But if you ever leave me, Love; just to rot inside your grave...
I'll burn down the whole damn world too.
I will never behave.
Your words are so erotic
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-10-2018, 10:10 PM   #12
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
I am but an elegant rose.
Plush, pink, petals dripping dew.
But not the delicate flower, am I.
For sharp thorns may bite you.

I am a dancing river.
Crisp, carnal, curves winding down.
Aqua flowing gives birth to currents.
In saturation you may drown.

I am a peaceful night.
Mauve, mammose, moons skyward drawn.
Seek your pleasures in brief shadows.
For darkness always leaves at dawn.
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-13-2018, 09:34 AM   #13
hedonisatlurist
Really Really Experienced
 
hedonisatlurist's Avatar
 
hedonisatlurist is offline
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1millionsecrets View Post
I am but an elegant rose.
Plush, pink, petals dripping dew.
But not the delicate flower, am I.
For sharp thorns may bite you.

I am a dancing river.
Crisp, carnal, curves winding down.
Aqua flowing gives birth to currents.
In saturation you may drown.

I am a peaceful night.
Mauve, mammose, moons skyward drawn.
Seek your pleasures in brief shadows.
For darkness always leaves at dawn.
Delightfully enticing, you have a way with words, that I have no chance of matching. I do write erotic stories though
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-13-2018, 07:46 PM   #14
PervyBiGirlForReal
Virgin
 
PervyBiGirlForReal is offline
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 16
Big UP!

It's lovely. Respect!

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1millionsecrets View Post
Slower, slower now love.
I'm still soft and fragile.
Love me slowly, taking everything from me,
All at once.
Bury your secrets in my flesh.
With a touch of your fingers tips.
My skin burning and alive.
Each brush, stroke, thrust, bite, kiss...
A whimper.
Love me gentle, feeling each muscle squeeze,
All their own.
Bury your body within me.
With a touch of your tongue.
My skin burning and alive.
Mark me deeply, filling my core to the brink and beyond.
Love me, and in turn I'll love you.
__________________

maniac extraordinaire
tender as the frailest of flowers
hard as a coffin nail
a girl child full of wonder
a woman working her way


GIRLS
COMPETE WITH EACH OTHER
----------------------------------------------------------
WOMEN
EMPOWER ONE ANOTHER

  Reply With Quote

Old 08-14-2018, 04:47 PM   #15
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
Quote:
Originally Posted by PervyBiGirlForReal View Post
It's lovely. Respect!
Thank you sweetheart! Message me sometime, and we could discuss how I could improve.
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-15-2018, 04:25 PM   #16
champagne1982
Dangerous Liaison
 
champagne1982's Avatar
 
champagne1982 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,444
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I prefer this one although I do think 'Love me gentle' should be 'Love me gently'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1millionsecrets View Post
I did that on purpose. It is part of the interpretation of the poem. Thank you though.
In that case, maybe make all the other instructions nouns versus adjectives? As in:
Love me slowly becomes Love me slow, and
Mark me deeply to Mark me deep
Welcome and thanks for your poetry.
__________________
Get Carrie'd away.
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-17-2018, 07:36 PM   #17
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982 View Post
In that case, maybe make all the other instructions nouns versus adjectives? As in:
Love me slowly becomes Love me slow, and
Mark me deeply to Mark me deep
Welcome and thanks for your poetry.
That would be a good way to edit it, but one of the cool things about poetry is that it either follows many rules or none.
There can be grammatical errors all over the place if I so wish. Hence freestyle poetry.

Thank you though, very much for your input.
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-18-2018, 12:49 AM   #18
UnderYourSpell
Gerund Whore
 
UnderYourSpell's Avatar
 
UnderYourSpell is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 14,818
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1millionsecrets View Post
That would be a good way to edit it, but one of the cool things about poetry is that it either follows many rules or none.
There can be grammatical errors all over the place if I so wish. Hence freestyle poetry.

Thank you though, very much for your input.
So you're saying you can write gobbledygook and it would still be poetry if you care to call it such? That's all very well if you're writing for yourself only but readers do like to understand it.
.
Up you there and stand astride,
no hiding of your slatherings,
we'll have not ploppy goodlewooks
for shitty legs foul makes our beds!
__________________
Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits

Last edited by UnderYourSpell : 08-18-2018 at 12:53 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-18-2018, 04:58 PM   #19
Angeline
Poet Chick
 
Angeline's Avatar
 
Angeline is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Jazzonia
Posts: 25,938
Hi and welcome. Just my opinion but the idea that anything goes because it's free verse is limiting, not freeing. The point of sharing writing is communication: even if all you want to communicate is a feeling or idea, whoever reads it needs to understand it. Otherwise your communication and therefore your poem, story, note, whatever has failed. I'm not against a grammatical mistake in the right context and I make up words in poems whenever I want, but I do try to make sure readers will understand.

I'm curious as to whether you edit for anything in a poem beyond spelling or punctuation. And if you never explore ways to make your words clearer or more interesting or otherwise better, how do you grow as a writer? How do you improve? Maybe you don't care, which is fine and certainly your business, but then why bother sharing? Or alternatively why not share on the personals forum where people will mostly praise you?

Like I said it's your choice but all the good poetry I've ever read, especially stuff masquerading as "free" verse, was written with intention.
__________________
Terry

Poems
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-18-2018, 09:00 PM   #20
UnderYourSpell
Gerund Whore
 
UnderYourSpell's Avatar
 
UnderYourSpell is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 14,818
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
Hi and welcome. Just my opinion but the idea that anything goes because it's free verse is limiting, not freeing. The point of sharing writing is communication: even if all you want to communicate is a feeling or idea, whoever reads it needs to understand it. Otherwise your communication and therefore your poem, story, note, whatever has failed. I'm not against a grammatical mistake in the right context and I make up words in poems whenever I want, but I do try to make sure readers will understand.

I'm curious as to whether you edit for anything in a poem beyond spelling or punctuation. And if you never explore ways to make your words clearer or more interesting or otherwise better, how do you grow as a writer? How do you improve? Maybe you don't care, which is fine and certainly your business, but then why bother sharing? Or alternatively why not share on the personals forum where people will mostly praise you?

Like I said it's your choice but all the good poetry I've ever read, especially stuff masquerading as "free" verse, was written with intention.
I'm glad somebody could explain better than I can because IMHO the OP has no idea what freestyle/free verse poetry actually is.
__________________
Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-18-2018, 09:06 PM   #21
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
I never said I wasn't open to fixing errors, or growing as an author. I edit my posts constantly because of typing errors, and grammatical mess ups. The poem in question is still understood the way it is written. My point still gets across. I do not change works for the exact reason, you would change them. Growth.

If I look back on something I have written, errors assumed by readers or not, I can see what I've done wrong in it. I don't edit and hide behind tools used to change text. I accept the fact that it may not be up to par, and use the assumed mistake as to not repeat it.

On the topic of understanding. There are older text, with more advanced wording and sentence structures that individuals of lower IQ cannot understand. Does that mean an author would lower their quality of writing to be understood, or accept the fact that his or her works can only be read by a certain audience.
I am in no way comparing my awkward sentence in a silly smut poem to any great works of old. Instead I'm attempting to convey my understanding, people write to express ideas. They don't write for people to just, understand them. Sometimes it takes an open mind to get what the author is trying to say.

Another thing, why in the world is it really such a big deal? It's still a basic idea, and the point has gotten across. Plus, the "error" has been addressed several times previously.

I also attempt to expand my vocabulary, and communication abilities every day. I use my errors in my previous works to help me grow as a writer. I also leave the evidence of my growth for everyone to see. You can put your offending curiosities to rest. Thank you for your input...
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-18-2018, 09:10 PM   #22
Angeline
Poet Chick
 
Angeline's Avatar
 
Angeline is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Jazzonia
Posts: 25,938
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I'm glad somebody could explain better than I can because IMHO the OP has no idea what freestyle/free verse poetry actually is.
Either that or she is just writing for herself, which is fine. She didn't ask for feedback so I won't hijack her thread anymore (sorry Ms Secrets!).

Hey it's the poetry forum. We're opinionated here!
__________________
Terry

Poems
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-18-2018, 09:12 PM   #23
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
A free verse poem has no patterns, rhyming patterns or otherwise musical patterns. So no, the poem with the error in it isn't technically free verse.
Do you feel better now? I do understand what free verse is. I'm not as incompetent and ignorant and you are implying...
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-18-2018, 09:13 PM   #24
1millionsecrets
Uncredited Princess.
 
1millionsecrets's Avatar
 
1millionsecrets is offline
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: My own little world, but it's okay they know me here.
Posts: 2,251
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
Either that or she is just writing for herself, which is fine. She didn't ask for feedback so I won't hijack her thread anymore (sorry Ms Secrets!).

Hey it's the poetry forum. We're opinionated here!
Sorry if I seemed defensive. But thank you for your feedback.
__________________
Click Me
I Am Honey Thick.

I just want you to play with me...
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-18-2018, 10:47 PM   #25
Angeline
Poet Chick
 
Angeline's Avatar
 
Angeline is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Jazzonia
Posts: 25,938
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1millionsecrets View Post
Sorry if I seemed defensive. But thank you for your feedback.
You're welcome. I didn't mean to imply anything about you having a lack of understanding or a low IQ or anything nefarious. I just didn't understand why someone would knowingly leave errors in and say that's ok because it's free verse. I mean ee cummings, for example, did all sorts of funky things in his free verse poems but they weren't errors that he just left there. They were intended. And I've never heard of someone leaving an error in for growth and so that they don't make it again, but I am a great believer in "to each her own."

As to why it matters it's because this is the poetry forum and words in poems tend to fascinate people here. If you went through our archives you'd find a great many discussions like this. Again I apologise if I seemed rude. That was not my intent at all.
__________________
Terry

Poems
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:45 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.