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Mental Illness

When you are the one with the mental disease it becomes very frustrating to deal with it. The meds cause side effects which in turn makes you take more meds it goes on and on. Sometimes the meds just quit working like they used to. Then there is for me dealing with I'm not the person I used to be, and coming to terms with it. That in itself can cause more depression. I find staying active physically, and mentally I can slow down some of the disease, lessen some of the side effects. I read everything I can on it. Talk to the doctors honestly and openly. It is hard not to quit at times but I try to keep trudging onward.
 
Ok, I have a serious question for everybody who's been burned by a crazy person in their lives.

Let's suppose that after a long period of introspection and treatment, this person realized just how awful she was and felt extremely bad about it. After more introspection, this person came to believe that she needed to do something about it, something to make amends.

If you were the person she'd hurt, would you rather she apologize to you (genuinely, not as a way of manipulating you further), or would you rather she just leave you in peace?

I have come to this crossroads in my life, and I can't decide which is the better path to take. Not for me, but for the other person(s).
 
livin1971 said:
When you are the one with the mental disease it becomes very frustrating to deal with it. The meds cause side effects which in turn makes you take more meds it goes on and on. Sometimes the meds just quit working like they used to. Then there is for me dealing with I'm not the person I used to be, and coming to terms with it. That in itself can cause more depression. I find staying active physically, and mentally I can slow down some of the disease, lessen some of the side effects. I read everything I can on it. Talk to the doctors honestly and openly. It is hard not to quit at times but I try to keep trudging onward.
Click to expand...

I have a great admiration for your courage. In my own challenges, I'm sure insignificant by comparison, I didn't want to talk about depression or anxiety or fear with anyone. And a "diagnosis" I would have hated, probably because it just sounds like something my ex- would have gladly stuck to me, and did a few times I guess (but that may be just what shrinks do, so can't really blame them I guess). But as a consequence, some distrust, it might have taken me longer to turn things around, understand why I was experiencing fear that I couldn't control, and "get out into the world" some to deal with it and make it less menacing. But that was (or is) my journey.

Seems like the OP's question might have been about any relation to mental illness and kink. I don't think I've helped answer that in any way.
 
BiBunny said:
Ok, I have a serious question for everybody who's been burned by a crazy person in their lives.

Let's suppose that after a long period of introspection and treatment, this person realized just how awful she was and felt extremely bad about it. After more introspection, this person came to believe that she needed to do something about it, something to make amends.

If you were the person she'd hurt, would you rather she apologize to you (genuinely, not as a way of manipulating you further), or would you rather she just leave you in peace?

I have come to this crossroads in my life, and I can't decide which is the better path to take. Not for me, but for the other person(s).
Click to expand...

It really depends. If she was that person, then I'd want her to show up on my doorstep with a toothbrush, a nitie and a smile. It's been a long time and we need to catch up.

I don't know how it sounds "boy I really screwed up back then". I've tried to say that a few times, in different ways, like "you were important and I didn't know it" but it seems to be words without ears - people have moved on and don't need anything from me anymore. There was a reason they did it then, and it's still true, so why do I still think of them kind of thing.

I suppose there's value in the other person knowing that it wasn't entirely their fault for losing you, or having the relationship end badly, that there was a reason, just in case they didn't know. You can sort of mend a hurt that way maybe, and unresolved invisible pain can affect your quality of life for a long time.

I don't think it would hurt any to try and explain though. As long as you have your motives down pretty well and can steer away from the unconscious [insert favorite bad behavior here] thing.

It sounds like a nice thing to do. But don't hurt yourself over the attempt.

I think your first responsibility should be towards yourself. Not in being selfish, but more of just like what you've already done.

:rose:
 
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box13 said:
It really depends. If she was that person, then I'd want her to show up on my doorstep with a toothbrush, a nitie and a smile. It's been a long time and we need to catch up.

I don't know how it sounds "boy I really screwed up back then". I've tried to say that a few times, in different ways, like "you were important and I didn't know it" but it seems to be words without ears - people have moved on and don't need anything from me anymore. There was a reason they did it then, and it's still true, so why do I still think of them kind of thing.

I suppose there's value in the other person knowing that it wasn't entirely their fault for losing you, or having the relationship end badly, that there was a reason, just in case they didn't know. You can sort of mend a hurt that way maybe, and unresolved invisible pain can affect your quality of life for a long time.

I don't think it would hurt any to try and explain though. As long as you have your motives down pretty well and can steer away from the unconscious [insert favorite bad behavior here] thing.

It sounds like a nice thing to do. But don't hurt yourself over the attempt.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much. Y'all have no idea how much your words help. :rose:
 
box13 said:
I have a great admiration for your courage. In my own challenges, I'm sure insignificant by comparison, I didn't want to talk about depression or anxiety or fear with anyone. And a "diagnosis" I would have hated, probably because it just sounds like something my ex- would have gladly stuck to me, and did a few times I guess (but that may be just what shrinks do, so can't really blame them I guess). But as a consequence, some distrust, it might have taken me longer to turn things around, understand why I was experiencing fear that I couldn't control, and "get out into the world" some to deal with it and make it less menacing. But that was (or is) my journey.

Seems like the OP's question might have been about any relation to mental illness and kink. I don't think I've helped answer that in any way.
Click to expand...

When i was Labeled I hated it. People put labels on others then they are some crazed manic or whatever. I felt I was put in a box. then I realized that with treatment and meds I could return close to who I was. My disease will not control me I will control it. It was through the help of family friends and doctors to get me to this point I still have a long way to go. Keep trudging the road. AS for my kink I had it before but I desire it more now. So it could be it or it could be I am just growing.
 
BiBunny said:
Ok, I have a serious question for everybody who's been burned by a crazy person in their lives.

Let's suppose that after a long period of introspection and treatment, this person realized just how awful she was and felt extremely bad about it. After more introspection, this person came to believe that she needed to do something about it, something to make amends.

If you were the person she'd hurt, would you rather she apologize to you (genuinely, not as a way of manipulating you further), or would you rather she just leave you in peace?

I have come to this crossroads in my life, and I can't decide which is the better path to take. Not for me, but for the other person(s).
Click to expand...

If you need to make the amends then do it. It will clear your concise. Ask what you can do to make it up. Be prepared for the worst, but it could turn out great. thats my 2 cents.
 
livin1971 said:
If you need to make the amends then do it. It will clear your concise. Ask what you can do to make it up. Be prepared for the worst, but it could turn out great. thats my 2 cents.
Click to expand...

I guess it really depends upon the kind of hurt inflicted. I can't see the wounds I have, and I would not know how to answer the question "what can I do to make it up to you". If I was still angry (and maybe stupid) then I worry it would just lead to a rather uncomfortable and unproductive conversation that was best avoided.

Well, except for her, and that would be, as I've said, to hold her again, like until the fir wore off, which is not an option at this point.

I don't get the idea that too many people have gone through life without some loss or rejection or doing some thing terribly wrong at some point. It's a bit like rain. It happens, and we shouldn't take it too seriously.

People are very frail. They make mistakes. We all do. Thankfully it's a rather big planet and we can kind of move a little when we need to.

The "I'm sorry. I was wrong." idea has some value though. I'm not sure if people who practice forgiveness need that though. I don't know if people who don't practice forgiveness will listen. But there's a lot I don't know.
 
BiBunny said:
Ok, I have a serious question for everybody who's been burned by a crazy person in their lives.

Let's suppose that after a long period of introspection and treatment, this person realized just how awful she was and felt extremely bad about it. After more introspection, this person came to believe that she needed to do something about it, something to make amends.

If you were the person she'd hurt, would you rather she apologize to you (genuinely, not as a way of manipulating you further), or would you rather she just leave you in peace?

I have come to this crossroads in my life, and I can't decide which is the better path to take. Not for me, but for the other person(s).
Click to expand...

You know, it really depends on the situation. Sincere apologies go along way. However, that would not work with a situation a friend of mine has. She ended a relationship of 10 or more years from someone who is alcoholic with a couple of mental illness labels. Even though the breakup happened three or four years ago, she hasn't seemed to let go. I haven't seen her but I can't help but wonder if I could trust her to be honest if I did see her. I still don't think if she were to apologize it would be to simply apologize.

Thinking back on that friendship, I would want to hear the apology because then I might know that she has moved on in more positive way.

Speaking from the side of being the one who's apologized after behaving badly, I mean it every time. I cringe to think of my behavior when I get out of control. I struggle to control myself and succeed most of the time. I can't help but worry that I'll do something exceptionally stupid again though. I just hope that I don't do things to manipulate. I don't think I do but I've been accused of that before and it stunned me. It scared me to think that I could be that way that perhaps it's a pattern of behavior I leaned young. However, I have to just tell myself that my intentions are what I intend and people may misinterpret them. I just have to try to be as open and honest as I can be.

Bunny, I hope none of this is offensive. I feel as though it is too long, rambling, and strays from the original question. Perhaps apologies are a means of letting go completely. I'll be thinking about you. :rose:
 
box13 said:
I guess it really depends upon the kind of hurt inflicted. I can't see the wounds I have, and I would not know how to answer the question "what can I do to make it up to you". If I was still angry (and maybe stupid) then I worry it would just lead to a rather uncomfortable and unproductive conversation that was best avoided.

Well, except for her, and that would be, as I've said, to hold her again, like until the fir wore off, which is not an option at this point.

I don't get the idea that too many people have gone through life without some loss or rejection or doing some thing terribly wrong at some point. It's a bit like rain. It happens, and we shouldn't take it too seriously.

People are very frail. They make mistakes. We all do. Thankfully it's a rather big planet and we can kind of move a little when we need to.

The "I'm sorry. I was wrong." idea has some value though. I'm not sure if people who practice forgiveness need that though. I don't know if people who don't practice forgiveness will listen. But there's a lot I don't know.
Click to expand...

This makes a lot of sense. I think the words can be meaningful to those that practice though. You're right that those that practice it wouldn't necessarily need it but they do allow the other person to know you realized it.
 
BiBunny said:
Ok, I have a serious question for everybody who's been burned by a crazy person in their lives.

Let's suppose that after a long period of introspection and treatment, this person realized just how awful she was and felt extremely bad about it. After more introspection, this person came to believe that she needed to do something about it, something to make amends.

If you were the person she'd hurt, would you rather she apologize to you (genuinely, not as a way of manipulating you further), or would you rather she just leave you in peace?

I have come to this crossroads in my life, and I can't decide which is the better path to take. Not for me, but for the other person(s).
Click to expand...

I think that if you owe someone an apology you should give it, whether it's going to fix things or not. And if things are really screwed up you need to know that an apology won't instantly fix things, that forgiveness is a process. Either way, you need to apologize, for YOU, because it's the right thing to do. The rest is in their field and all that.

That said, if you think this person doesn't want to see you or talk to you, make it a letter or email - it's less invasive and allows them to decide whether they want to see you.
 
box13 said:
I guess it really depends upon the kind of hurt inflicted. I can't see the wounds I have, and I would not know how to answer the question "what can I do to make it up to you". If I was still angry (and maybe stupid) then I worry it would just lead to a rather uncomfortable and unproductive conversation that was best avoided.

Well, except for her, and that would be, as I've said, to hold her again, like until the fir wore off, which is not an option at this point.

I don't get the idea that too many people have gone through life without some loss or rejection or doing some thing terribly wrong at some point. It's a bit like rain. It happens, and we shouldn't take it too seriously.

People are very frail. They make mistakes. We all do. Thankfully it's a rather big planet and we can kind of move a little when we need to.

The "I'm sorry. I was wrong." idea has some value though. I'm not sure if people who practice forgiveness need that though. I don't know if people who don't practice forgiveness will listen. But there's a lot I don't know.
Click to expand...

What I'm saying is looking at yourself how you hurt that person apologize for those things and ask what you can do to make it up. I suffer from PTSD from combat and a ton of other shit. I'm also a recovering alcoholic what I'm suggesting comes from AA. It worked for me and continues to work. My concise is clear. I still fuck up big time. But always admit to it and try not to do it again. Mental Illness is as real as any other. It takes more work than most physical diseases. As its not totally curable but you can return to some form of normalcy if there is such a thing LOL
 
I continue to admire the honesty and bravery on this thread. I mentioned eralier that exercise helped me tremendously (although, no, Gracie, I don't always love it. Sometimes it's sheer torture). I'm not offering a panacea for all anxiety or depression, but it is an interesting topic. I'm going to post occasional links to mental health articles or factoids I think might be of interest. Note: I am only a doctor of love.

Why exercise makes us feel good (apparently we are more confident submissive mice brains :rolleyes: )
 
DeepGreenEyes said:
I continue to admire the honesty and bravery on this thread. I mentioned eralier that exercise helped me tremendously (although, no, Gracie, I don't always love it. Sometimes it's sheer torture). I'm not offering a panacea for all anxiety or depression, but it is an interesting topic. I'm going to post occasional links to mental health articles or factoids I think might be of interest. Note: I am only a doctor of love.

Why exercise makes us feel good (apparently we are more confident submissive mice brains :rolleyes: )
Click to expand...

See, this continues to confuse me. Exercise NEVER makes me feel better. I don't EVER get a high or anything from exercise by exhaustion and a sore back. I hear rumor of an endorphin high and stuff, but I think it's just something that skinny people make up to try and get the rest of us to work out. *sigh*

I wanna endorphin high when I exercise. :(
 
I had a pretty bad childhood and a lot of issues, especially rage issues. When I was in a foster home they wanted to put me in karate. The social worker didn't like the idea. I would fight at the drop of a hat and did they need to teach me how?

But they took me anyway and I loved it. It wasn;t about learning to fight, but about discipline and respect(especially self respect) and I felt like I was part of something.

I've now been practicing for 30 years and when I start having bad spells from my past, nothing makes me feel better than working the bag and a good hard training session. If the body feels good the mind will usually follow.
 
My sister and I both suffer from loss of initiative when we get depressed. Can't move.

The nurses blithely tell us to exercise, and both of us have had to explain that not exercising is one of our warning signs of depression. It's kind of bizarre how hard that is for people to accept.
 
BiBunny said:
I apologize for reading it incorrectly.

The problem is that most people don't have experience with severe mental illness. Like you say, the majority of those in treatment have mild depression and/or anxiety issues. That's a good thing. Nobody should have to be severely mentally ill.

But when people generalize across the vast spectrum that is Mental Illness, that's can be harmful because they often assume that even those of us who are stark raving mad should be able to control it with a little self-discipline or whatever, which is fucking ridiculous. As you say, bipolar, schizophrenia, schizoaffective, etc. pretty much have to be treated with medication because they aren't situational problems.

Anyway, I'm sorry I misunderstood you. I've just been made to feel like a structural and chemical problem within my brain is my fault for so goddamn long that I tend to be touchy about it.

:rose:




I couldn't tell you about unipolar depression, but I do know that sleep disorders and bipolar are so closely linked that scientific opinion is split over which comes first, the chicken or the egg.

Bipolar and schizophrenia are weird creatures. In fact, bipolar's been shown to genetically co-segregate with pernicious anemia, an autoimmune disorder that destroys the part of your stomach that allows you to absorb vitamin B12 (and which will eventually kill you without B12 injections).

My grandmother had pernicious anemia (and was delusional), and everybody on that side of the family is as nutty as a goddamn fruitcake. More things that make you go hmm. There are a ton of other things, too, but that was just the first one that came to mind.

I really believe that there are just so many things that go into the makeup of a mental illness that it's pointless to try to pinpoint The Cause with the technology we have now. Concentrate on relieving symptoms and improving quality of life!
Click to expand...

Bibunny, no problem, I more then understand, with mental illness across the scale people don't know or understand but they apply all the crap that has been out there for years.,like telling someone the answer for deep depression is 'pulling yourself up by your bootstraps' or the old Puritan bullshit that mental illness is a failing or weakness (as a group, the Puritans as a group were people that if we could build a time machine and get rid of them, the world would be a lot better place, we still are paying the price for their idiotic, warped view of things). I lived with someone with deep mental illness, a paranoid schizophrenic who used to get psychotic episodes as part of that and I know only too well how rough it is and I respect anyone fighting the good fight and trying to get better. I saw a lot of people, including so called trained professionals, who had attitudes reminiscent of the 19th century, and I came damn close to kicking the crap out of a moronic priest who told my MIL (the one with the problem) that the answer to her problems was prayer, what fucking century is that church living in that they have cretins like that running around?
 
Stella_Omega said:
My sister and I both suffer from loss of initiative when we get depressed. Can't move.

The nurses blithely tell us to exercise, and both of us have had to explain that not exercising is one of our warning signs of depression. It's kind of bizarre how hard that is for people to accept.
Click to expand...

I know that feeling only too well, it is the ultimate chicken and the egg thing. It takes motivation to exercise but depression takes that away....to paraphrase an old expression, they are telling you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps when you don't have the bootstraps to pull...
 
I agree with this. I would love a sincere apology that signaled a healthier way of interacting with some of my loved ones. From an ex though, I wouldn't want to get more than a letter or e-mail.

:rose:

graceanne said:
I think that if you owe someone an apology you should give it, whether it's going to fix things or not. And if things are really screwed up you need to know that an apology won't instantly fix things, that forgiveness is a process. Either way, you need to apologize, for YOU, because it's the right thing to do. The rest is in their field and all that.

That said, if you think this person doesn't want to see you or talk to you, make it a letter or email - it's less invasive and allows them to decide whether they want to see you.
Click to expand...
 
Bunny, my opinion is slightly different from the rest... Apologies, with a caveat.

The [bi polar/BPD/mentally ill] person who most wronged me in life was my biological mother. I watched her con, convince, charm and finagle her way through doctors, therapists, school counselors, etc... Then turn right around and go right back to her "old [abusive] ways".

So the jaded, hurt, suspicious, victim in me says to apologize... But be ready willing and able to back it up (track record if therapy, meds, etc).
 
Thanks to everybody who responded to my question. Your answers surprised me, actually, because I'd half-convinced myself that apologizing was a bad idea.

But I really appreciate it because I genuinely had no idea what to do.

My intention is to do it. Soon, before I lose all my nerve. I had already decided that if I was going to, it would be in a non-intrusive way, like Gracie said. I'm not going to be a selfish fuck, inflicting myself on someone who may not give three shits about me and my apology and might be more hurt by me barging in than by me not doing anything at all. It's not about me, after all.

I expect nothing. It would be stupid of me to do so. I'm not asking to be allowed back into this person's life. I just want it to be known that I know I was wrong, that I am sorry for the pain I caused, and that the things that I did to this person were completely undeserved.

Anything that happens after that is entirely up to the other person. I expect it to be our last communication, and I want it to be known that I am truly sorry because I fucked up tremendously. That's all.
 
graceanne said:
See, this continues to confuse me. Exercise NEVER makes me feel better. I don't EVER get a high or anything from exercise by exhaustion and a sore back. I hear rumor of an endorphin high and stuff, but I think it's just something that skinny people make up to try and get the rest of us to work out. *sigh*

I wanna endorphin high when I exercise. :(
Click to expand...

It took me about 11 false starts before I got the high. Now I'm stoopid high after about 20 minutes in.

I have no idea why this is. I'm still a pudgy little twerp, but I row like a viking oarsman.
 
BiBunny said:
Thanks to everybody who responded to my question. Your answers surprised me, actually, because I'd half-convinced myself that apologizing was a bad idea.

But I really appreciate it because I genuinely had no idea what to do.

My intention is to do it. Soon, before I lose all my nerve. I had already decided that if I was going to, it would be in a non-intrusive way, like Gracie said. I'm not going to be a selfish fuck, inflicting myself on someone who may not give three shits about me and my apology and might be more hurt by me barging in than by me not doing anything at all. It's not about me, after all.

I expect nothing. It would be stupid of me to do so. I'm not asking to be allowed back into this person's life. I just want it to be known that I know I was wrong, that I am sorry for the pain I caused, and that the things that I did to this person were completely undeserved.

Anything that happens after that is entirely up to the other person. I expect it to be our last communication, and I want it to be known that I am truly sorry because I fucked up tremendously. That's all.
Click to expand...

Good for you and good luck. I hope it works out well for you.
 
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