Some poly, some kink, some other stuff ...

That will be the true polyamorous moment. We you all can meet, be warm and embracing, knowing the relationships involved.

I think kids do effect the movement to an alternative relationship, especially the desire on the part of both parents to make the best life they can for their children.

Yeah ... I'm hoping it'll all be good. I think I need to just approach it as though it WILL be good, and as if it's totally normal. Luckily I know both of them really well, so it's easy to help them both be OK with things. And I've been really careful about not pushing things with the BF - it's just an open invitation that he change his mind about at the last possible minute if he wants. That seems to have made it easier for him to say he might be there (instead of the flat-out 'no' that I got when I first suggested the idea a couple of months ago).
 
Yeah ... I'm hoping it'll all be good. I think I need to just approach it as though it WILL be good, and as if it's totally normal. Luckily I know both of them really well, so it's easy to help them both be OK with things. And I've been really careful about not pushing things with the BF - it's just an open invitation that he change his mind about at the last possible minute if he wants. That seems to have made it easier for him to say he might be there (instead of the flat-out 'no' that I got when I first suggested the idea a couple of months ago).

Yeah, I think it is definitely a case where "going easy" is the best approach. Intention matters in that arena. It's going to be a big step for everyone, but just approach it as if it is the most natural thing in the world, with optimism, and it will often come out that way.
 
Yeah, I think it is definitely a case where "going easy" is the best approach. Intention matters in that arena. It's going to be a big step for everyone, but just approach it as if it is the most natural thing in the world, with optimism, and it will often come out that way.

I'm learning to take that approach with most things ... a difficult lesson for Worst Case Scenario Girl, but one that's gotten easier as I seem to be moving into a point in my life where everything isn't one great big clusterfuck. I still wake up most mornings surprised that I live in the beautiful place I ended up in, and in a house that's my own. Sometimes it's worth making the difficult choices ... when we decided to break up, I never really envisaged being where I am now, I just knew I didn't want to be where I was then, even though that was a difficult decision to come to. But everyone is so much happier ... it was totally worth it.
 
I'm learning to take that approach with most things ... a difficult lesson for Worst Case Scenario Girl, but one that's gotten easier as I seem to be moving into a point in my life where everything isn't one great big clusterfuck. I still wake up most mornings surprised that I live in the beautiful place I ended up in, and in a house that's my own. Sometimes it's worth making the difficult choices ... when we decided to break up, I never really envisaged being where I am now, I just knew I didn't want to be where I was then, even though that was a difficult decision to come to. But everyone is so much happier ... it was totally worth it.

I tend to be "Best Case Scenario Guy". (I say I got there because I was so cynical I accidentally popped over onto the other side of the spectrum.) Most of the times in my life I've gone through difficult phases they would out better for me in the long run, usually because each one made me reassess and moved me closer to "me". I'm glad to hear you're moving into that place.
 
Post Christmas post

Well, that all went exceptionally well - weirdly completely not at all awkward. Everyone managed to maintain a sense of humour, we ate yummy food, and had an all round lovely day. I realised at the end of the day I'd spent Christmas with the three people I care most about, making delicious food for everyone, and having a lot of fun ... what more could one want really?

(Admittedly, having sex while my ex was sleeping the next room was a bit ... well, weird. But not so weird we didn't do it.)
 
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Well, that all went exceptionally well - weirdly completely not at all awkward. Everyone managed to maintain a sense of humour, we ate yummy food, and had an all round lovely day. I realised at the end of the day I'd spent Christmas with the three people I care most about, making delicious food for everyone, and having a lot of fun ... what more could one want really?

(Admittedly, having sex while my ex was sleeping the next room was a bit ... well, weird. But not so weird we didn't do it.)

So glad your dinner went well for all concerned. You sound like a wonderful hostess.
And a little bit of adventurous sex (albeit 'sotto voce' no doubt) for an extra dessert would make for an even more memorable day! No doubt with some restraint --
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Your life/relationship story is always interesting, thanks for sharing.
 
So glad your dinner went well for all concerned. You sound like a wonderful hostess.
And a little bit of adventurous sex (albeit 'sotto voce' no doubt) for an extra dessert would make for an even more memorable day! No doubt with some restraint --
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Your life/relationship story is always interesting, thanks for sharing.

It's been interesting how the sex shifts when there's other people around - he's now also here when I have the spawn with me, and that alters things a little ... although not for the 'worse', it's just different. We have some plans for when I have the house back to myself though ...

I was a little concerned that my ex had heard us, in spite of all the being-quiet, but I got up and had coffee with him in the morning before he went on an early run, and he was just happy and chatty like normal. I can always tell if he's not happy, so either he definitely didn't hear us ... or he did but didn't care.
 
It's been interesting how the sex shifts when there's other people around - he's now also here when I have the spawn with me, and that alters things a little ... although not for the 'worse', it's just different. We have some plans for when I have the house back to myself though ...

I was a little concerned that my ex had heard us, in spite of all the being-quiet, but I got up and had coffee with him in the morning before he went on an early run, and he was just happy and chatty like normal. I can always tell if he's not happy, so either he definitely didn't hear us ... or he did but didn't care.

I think either one is possible, depending on the house and the volume of the noise made. Glad to hear that the holiday went well - that first visit among exes or current lovers in an open or poly relationship can always be a little bit - weird. I've always approached it like I approach most things - just blaze straight ahead with openness and honesty and an eye for the well-being of all.
 
I hope the new year is off to a good start :)

It is! I've had the house full of visitors almost constantly since the beginning of the year, so less hot monkey sex than usual. (Also, we had a bit of a barney on New Years Day, and that took a while to sort out ... I did discover the satisfaction of being able to terminate an argument by saying 'Get out of my house!'. I probably shouldn't find that quite so pleasing ...)
We've had some moments though, and I think now the visiting season is quietening down a bit, things will pick up with the sex a bit more.
 
Arguments never are quite pleasing, however if you did get some satisfaction out of it then I guess it was a good result :p

the 🐒 sex made me grin!

Looking forward to the next chapter :)
 
After some years of this, I started a new job, and an ex-colleague from my previous workplace and I started chatting on Facebook. He'd always flirted with me a lot, but he flirted with everyone - it was just his MO - and I always laughed it off like everyone did. Other than that, we got on really well, so it was entirely normal for us to continue communicating when we stopped working together. But the messages got more and more flirty, and I found myself responding to this a bit more positively. After a while, he suggested I open a 'fake' email account so we could chat outside of our 'real' lives (he was always a bit paranoid about getting caught out) and we progressed from that pretty quickly into cybering ... which was awesome. He was pretty good with words and obviously had an active imagination. Like anyone who starts out doing that sort of thing, it all seemed a bit unlikely to me at first, but then I realised the potential. Most of our communication was when we were both at work ... but we started arriving at our respective jobs VERY early, or otherwise working VERY late.
Two things seemed slightly odd to me at the time - I didn't feel guilty about this at all, and I was suddenly interested in sex again, in a more general sense, but also with my husband. Not as a substitute for what I wasn't getting from this other guy - I just liked having sex again. Looking back on it now, six years later, I wonder if that was a first indication that I am fundamentally polyamorous, that I"m happiest with I'm having some sort of relationship with more than one person. None of this was diminishing my love for my husband - in fact, if anything, the fact that we resumed having sex made other aspects our marriage better. However, I never told my husband about any of this - he just assumed I'd gotten over whatever the problem was (and given that neither of us worked out why I mysteriously went off sex, suddenly wanting it again didn't really seem to need explanation either). I wonder if I should have said something to him, but it just never felt 'wrong', and I knew trying to explain the whole cyber thing to him would have been difficult, and also he knew the guy involved, so that would have been awkward as well. And everyone was happy.

But that was far from the end of things ...

Ha ha ha - I was just looking back at the beginning of this thread. I'd nearly forgotten about that first foray outside my marriage. Which is probably just as well, as that guy is now my boss. It's weird - we talk pretty much every day, have coffee two or three times a week, etc etc, but NEVER talk about that particular episode. However, he's one of the few RL people who have an inkling of the entirety of my last couple of years.
 
interesting to know that he is now your boss! would you mind him bring it up ? :p

I don't think so, although I don't really know what we'd say about it ... it was just a weird moment, and now it's gone. I'm not even slightly attracted to him any more.
 
who knows

LOL. Actual Kim Gordon would totally be hanging out on an online porn site, because she clearly has nothing better to do!

KG isn't my actual name. So no, I've never been in Sonic Youth.

when a band is on tour they have a lot of down time. thanks for reply.
 
I hope the V day was satisfying :) I know it's a cliché but and you do to need a special occasion but who doesn't like to dot the I and cross the T?
 
I hope the V day was satisfying :) I know it's a cliché but and you do to need a special occasion but who doesn't like to dot the I and cross the T?

I just realised I never responded to this. We're not really a couple who celebrates things like Valentine's Day ... we struggle to even really get it together for birthdays, although hopefully that'll change now that there's some space for that sort of thing. It is the BF's birthday in a couple of weeks, and the general consensus seems to be that we should spend the weekend at my place ... I'm guessing that'll mostly be in bed. I've been thinking a bit about the video he made of me giving him a blowjob a while back ... I'd like to have another go at that. And we've been talking about watching some porn together, or even just trawling Lit for inspiration photos. Maybe I'll track down a Wartenberg wheel for his present ... in fact, yes! I will do that!
 
That sounds like a plan for a playful evening!

Did you watch the video several times after he filmed it? Do you just want to try it out once more to make it look more professional :D or it's just a turn on during your play time?

Although I sidetracked you remembering your first foray outside your marriage, you never got around to describing how things progressed after your long days at work :p
 
That sounds like a plan for a playful evening!

Did you watch the video several times after he filmed it? Do you just want to try it out once more to make it look more professional :D or it's just a turn on during your play time?

Although I sidetracked you remembering your first foray outside your marriage, you never got around to describing how things progressed after your long days at work :p

HE watched it several times - I think I only saw it once. But I'd like to see if it can be improved on. I put a lot of thought in my blow jobs, and it was interesting to see what that actually looks like ... I think I developed a new understanding of why guys enjoy that so much. ;)
 
HE watched it several times - I think I only saw it once. But I'd like to see if it can be improved on. I put a lot of thought in my blow jobs, and it was interesting to see what that actually looks like ... I think I developed a new understanding of why guys enjoy that so much. ;)

Would be interested to know how you could improve something which I'm sure is already pretty good ;)
 
My proposed personal ad

It's been a while since I've really posted in here ... there's been a lot of stuff going on, most of which is super important, but not really of much interest to anyone outside my relationship with my BF.
But something that happened last week was that I had an epiphany. I realised that my marriage 'officially' ended nearly a year ago, but I'm still not actually living the life I wanted to have, and that really I've effectively just traded up my marriage, with all it's attendant pro's and cons, for the relationship I'm in now, with all it's attendant pro's and cons ... but that's been it. There's a lot of reasons for that, but they kind of boil down to not wanting to hurt him ... but I realised that I was still, on some level, not entirely happy, and that I couldn't stay like that in the interests of not hurting him. Being non-monogamous IS the life I want, and ultimately he can either be part of that life, or not.

So I'm going to again post an ad in the local dating site, but this time I'm actually going to date guys ... well, if any are interested.

So, now a bit of market research. I've written dating site ads in the past, so I know how these things go, but I'm interested if anyone has any advice, along the lines of 'it's really useful to know this' or 'saying something like this tends to put off people you might otherwise find interesting'. I'm going to try and draft something later on today ...
 
It's been a while since I've really posted in here ... there's been a lot of stuff going on, most of which is super important, but not really of much interest to anyone outside my relationship with my BF.
But something that happened last week was that I had an epiphany. I realised that my marriage 'officially' ended nearly a year ago, but I'm still not actually living the life I wanted to have, and that really I've effectively just traded up my marriage, with all it's attendant pro's and cons, for the relationship I'm in now, with all it's attendant pro's and cons ... but that's been it. There's a lot of reasons for that, but they kind of boil down to not wanting to hurt him ... but I realised that I was still, on some level, not entirely happy, and that I couldn't stay like that in the interests of not hurting him. Being non-monogamous IS the life I want, and ultimately he can either be part of that life, or not.

So I'm going to again post an ad in the local dating site, but this time I'm actually going to date guys ... well, if any are interested.

So, now a bit of market research. I've written dating site ads in the past, so I know how these things go, but I'm interested if anyone has any advice, along the lines of 'it's really useful to know this' or 'saying something like this tends to put off people you might otherwise find interesting'. I'm going to try and draft something later on today ...

With dating sites, it is obviously a question of having sex with a few frogs before you fuck your prince. However, polyamory is more of a problem, since we men can be very possessive and are easily made jealous so it is a multi-dimensional problem -- finding the right guy who doesn't find you enjoying yourself with other guys hard to take.

If your existing guy friend can be trained to accept you having other friends too that would be a great solution. But it may not be possible
 
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