A question on safety protocols

I had some questions about the story found here: https://www.literotica.com/s/persephone-3

Before I begin, I want to point out that like most of the commenters, I found the story to be hot, and I have no complaints about the story as a story. However, I also have no first-hand experience in BDSM or nonconsensual fantasy roleplay, and I want to make sure I properly understand how safety protocols should go in such cases.

If this story were to be taken as an account of an encounter that actually happened in real life, then am I correct in assessing the following as safety failures?

The Submissive:
1) Failing to choose a safeword that she could actually remember.

2) Failing to point out at the end of play that she didn't use the safeword because she didn't remember it. (If the dominant made these mistakes this time, he could very well make those same mistakes again with the next submissive.)

The Dominant:
1) Failing to verify what the safeword was at the start of play. (Note that in the story, the safeword was chosen the day before play.)

2) Failing to arrange a safesignal to substitute for the safeword. I'm assuming that this isn't a problem as long as the submissive can always speak, but in this story this is combined with...

3) ...restricting the submissive's speech in the absence of a safesignal.

4) Failure to interpret incorrect safewords as desperate attempts to remember the correct safeword.

5) Failure to occasionally check with the submissive "Do you still remember your safeword?"

Were there any other safety failures that I missed here? Granted, it's a work of fiction, so some liberties and departures from reality are going to be taken for the sake of the story. However, I would like to make sure that I have a correct and realistic understanding of how noncon fantasy roleplay should actually be handled, should the opportunity ever come up for me to engage in it.

Thank you all in advance!

For starters it's in the non con/reluctant category, so there's going to be lots of behavior you certainly don't want to emulate in real life unless explicitly talked about ahead of time. I'll go read the story and see if you missed anything...

P.s. if you're looking to get into bdsm safely, I'd avoid the non con stuff for now...

Yup, yup, agreed on both points. If I do ever get the chance to put anything into practice, then I don't want to dive in right on the deep end. I just wanted to make sure that my understanding of theory is sound.

Thank you for taking the time, by the way!

safewords are a joke.

a feel good joke that is popular to talk about. but in the end is dangerous for everyone.

Think about it, say your being suspended and you can feel your shoulder is being dislocated. Most likely, and authors of actual articles agree, that you WONT remember to start screaming your safety phrase of "pink puffy polkadots"

but your ass can still scream STOP.

Stop/no are the only acceptable safe words or phrases. If your with a submissive or just bottom/play partner that REFUSES to just say no, or even a simple "this hurts" then you cannot play with them.

And if you cant remember their fancy safeword, everyone screws up.

Posts like the one above remind me to caution that not everyone here is an expert. Safewords are not “a joke.” The most important safety protocol you can utilize is communication - talk about everything, talk about safewords, talk about worrying about forgetting safewords (if that describes you), talk about limits and desires and goals. Talk, don’t assume. Doms aren’t psychic, and neither are submissives. Talk.

Pocketshaver said:

Think about it, say your being suspended and you can feel your shoulder is being dislocated. Most likely, and authors of actual articles agree, that you WONT remember to start screaming your safety phrase of "pink puffy polkadots"
...
And if you cant remember their fancy safeword, everyone screws up.

Click to expand...

Nobody in this thread is advocating stupidly elaborate safewords like "pink puffy polkadots", so maybe chill out?

Bramblethorn said:

Nobody in this thread is advocating stupidly elaborate safewords like "pink puffy polkadots", so maybe chill out?

Click to expand...

its just an example, when someone is suspended upside down and starting to pass out, they can usually get help or stop out. but trying to remember something like unicorn when an arm is getting ripped out of its socket is not going to happen.

I hope you aren't engaging in bondage if you cant under the concept of "keep it simple stupid"

Pocketshaver said:

its just an example, when someone is suspended upside down and starting to pass out, they can usually get help or stop out. but trying to remember something like unicorn when an arm is getting ripped out of its socket is not going to happen.

I hope you aren't engaging in bondage if you cant under the concept of "keep it simple stupid"

Click to expand...

Keep it simple? I'm not the one who defaulted to "pink puffy polkadots" as a safeword.

If you're doing purely bondage without a CNC angle to it, "stop" is a perfectly good safeword. It's only for situations when somebody wants to be able to yell "stop" without the PYL actually stopping that something different is required.

If you're jumping into inverted suspension combined with CNC play with a partner who's too inexperienced to remember something like "red", and you're relying solely on the safeword instead of paying attention to other cues (and maybe checking in to see if they're okay), then yes, that's fucking stupid.

But I'm happy to say that I don't play with people who are that kind of stupid. Do you?

Simple and effective. but not an excuse not to watch for other signs and ensure that your partner understands that it is not a weakness or a disappointment to use the safe word. Communication is the key.

we were only talking about verbal cues.

And at the same time, not everyone has the same physical tells.

Pocketshaver said:

we were only talking about verbal cues.

Click to expand...

Not really, though? OP specifically pointed out that one of the mistakes was failing to arrange a nonverbal signal to substitute for the safeword when the victim was gagged.

She also mentioned a couple of things the dom could and should have done that would've mitigated the consequences of the forgotten safeword. Nobody here is suggesting that a safeword on its own is infallible risk protection.

And at the same time, not everyone has the same physical tells.

Click to expand...

Absolutely true, and an excellent reason not to go leaping straight into something like suspension bondage with a brand-new partner.

Communication is truly key to any real scene. All the rules are dictated and repeated by all parties. In situations where speaking was not permitted/possible, I was given a small bell that could fit my fist to ring or drop if in distress. However, anytime there are non-verbal cues, my Dominants frequently paused to check on my well being. The key is to have a plan, communicate it properly, and ensure understanding/ask questions. Hope it helps!

When choosing safe words, some people enjoy saying "no" or "stop" or other things as if they are being forced against their will to participate in the scene, but in actuality are enjoying the whole thing.

They like feeling overwhelmed or overpowered and to stay in character, acting the part by saying "no" and "please stop" or any other such phrase is all part of that. Having a safe word of "NO" would be counter productive for people like this.

It's usually best to have a safe word system which includes words that you wouldn't normally associate with the scene at all, or to have a standard system such as the red, yellow, green system that is pretty familiar with everybody.

As always, talk this out before you start anything, because if you are new to your partner, the safe word system you choose is your key to communication. Choosing "No" as your stop word, when you like to act like you're overwhelmed and play like you're being forced probably wouldn't work very well. Your dom could be wondering "is that 'No' a real one, or is she just enjoying her submissive role?"

Pocketshaver said:

safewords are a joke.

a feel good joke that is popular to talk about. but in the end is dangerous for everyone.

Think about it, say your being suspended and you can feel your shoulder is being dislocated. Most likely, and authors of actual articles agree, that you WONT remember to start screaming your safety phrase of "pink puffy polkadots"

but your ass can still scream STOP.

Stop/no are the only acceptable safe words or phrases. If your with a submissive or just bottom/play partner that REFUSES to just say no, or even a simple "this hurts" then you cannot play with them.

And if you cant remember their fancy safeword, everyone screws up.

Click to expand...

While I understand and agree with some of this, I think you are going a bit too far with your analogy. Sure, someone in extreme pain isn't likely to say "pink puffy polka dots" but who in their right mind will even consider that as their stop phrase?

New players do have to think about and agree on a good safe word system, because they don't have a background to fall back on. The more you get acquainted with someone, the more you're going to understand they are in pain, if they say certain words or phrases.

Now, if someone were to say "ouch" I wouldn't think they are trying to get me to stop. But if they were to say "you better stop, you fucking asshole", I think I'll get the hint. Similar phrases like, "stop, stop, stop" or even a more common "my leg is cramping, asshole" would be a tell tail phrase that would get my attention.

Also, anybody who is suspending someone from the ceiling would or should be acutely aware of more things that could go wrong than someone with a sweet submissive draped over his knee and getting her ass paddled.

But to say safe words are a joke reeks of a lack of experience and even naivete. Safe words boil down to common sense. If you're going to engage in things like suspension, your safe word system should maybe be more elaborate than someone just getting spanked.