Are we just smarter?

I wouldn't say we are necessarily smarter, but I would say intelligence is one of the things a person into the BDSM scene would aspire to. The same most likely applies to any group of people who's activities involve imaginative thinking on some level so that would go for scientists, artists, writers or anything where what you do needs to be distinctive.
I agree there is a somewhat prescribed aesthetic and behavioural code for the scene. However I've never seen anyone turning up to a BDSM event dressed and acting exactly the same as someone else. Everyone does want to put their own twist on a common interest and that's where you need you're brains.

midwestyankee said:

When was the last time you saw a dominant male wear a yellow shirt at a scene event?

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Yellow is a bad shirt colour for me. About the closest I can do is my Penguins jersey, as it is mostly white.

Colours I have worn to events - light blue, kelly green, black, grey, white, maroon, dark blue, tan, etc

A shirt is a shirt. I worry a little bit more when I'm going to a club with a dress code, but that's about it.


ETA - I'm not trying to say that you are wrong. You aren't. I just don't personally follow the "black pants, black shirt" unwritten rule.

Homburg said:

Yellow is a bad shirt colour for me. About the closest I can do is my Penguins jersey, as it is mostly white.

Colours I have worn to events - light blue, kelly green, black, grey, white, maroon, dark blue, tan, etc

A shirt is a shirt. I worry a little bit more when I'm going to a club with a dress code, but that's about it.


ETA - I'm not trying to say that you are wrong. You aren't. I just don't personally follow the "black pants, black shirt" unwritten rule.

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That's probably cause you don't care what other people think of your clothes.

I personally hate cliche, if I were to go to a play party I'd be very tempted to wear hot pink or a yellow smilie face. Besides, I think a guy in ripped up jeans and a tshirt is way hotter than a guy all in black. I like the 'didn't put a lot of effort into my appearance' look.

graceanne said:

That's probably cause you don't care what other people think of your clothes.

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Pretty much. So far as I am concerned, people their are watching my bottom, and what I'm doing, not how I'm dressed.

Homburg said:

Yellow is a bad shirt colour for me. About the closest I can do is my Penguins jersey, as it is mostly white.

Colours I have worn to events - light blue, kelly green, black, grey, white, maroon, dark blue, tan, etc

A shirt is a shirt. I worry a little bit more when I'm going to a club with a dress code, but that's about it.


ETA - I'm not trying to say that you are wrong. You aren't. I just don't personally follow the "black pants, black shirt" unwritten rule.

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And you, my friend, are also not typical.

People like to have a feeling of belonging and often that feeling is enhanced when members of a group tend to dress alike. Think preppies and their Izods, goths and their black, and so on. The more or less standard kinky dress codes assist people who are into the public scene in thinking of themselves as being outside the mainstream.

Homburg said:

Pretty much. So far as I am concerned, people their are watching my bottom, and what I'm doing, not how I'm dressed.

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Every time I read this, I just get the wrong idea . . . My bad.

eastern sun said:

Every time I read this, I just get the wrong idea . . . My bad.

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it took you quoting this for me to really get what he was trying to say.

*quietly subscribes to thread*

So which of these groups is the most "original"? The most imaginative? The most intelligent?

midwestyankee said:

And you, my friend, are also not typical.

People like to have a feeling of belonging and often that feeling is enhanced when members of a group tend to dress alike. Think preppies and their Izods, goths and their black, and so on. The more or less standard kinky dress codes assist people who are into the public scene in thinking of themselves as being outside the mainstream.

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Oh, certainly. As I said, I don't think you are wrong. There is that bog standard look. Oddly enough, very, very few people in the group that I occasionally deal with dress that way. Most people are in jeans and a t-shirt. I don't particularly stick out as a result.

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eastern sun said:

Every time I read this, I just get the wrong idea . . . My bad.

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I was told today that I have a nice ass.

I did get a laugh reading that though.

Note: I do not think I have a nice ass. I have been told that, but I don't particularly think my big ass is nice

Smarter? I think you are in tune with what you feel. It doesn't mean you are smarter, it's just what you are aware of and understand. With repetition, we grow.

DeepGreenEyes said:

A Lit friend who occasionally lurks on these boards sent me an observation recently:

"The one thing I will say for those I have seen on the BDSM scene here is that they seem like a pretty intelligent and well-spoken group overall. It's actually made me curious whether this is just my impression, a coincidence with the people who post here, or fairly accurate for the community as a whole... and if so, what is it about domination and submission that would draw those of above average intelligence to it?"

I recently posted a Dan Savage podcast where the discussion at about the 35-minute mark was about the "nerd/kink" connection. The Domme's take is that nerds, in part, like to make things as complicated as possible, and love to overthink everything: "What can I do to make this more interesting? What can I do to make this different?" It's an interesting segment.

Are we smarter? Is the rest of Litdom dumber? Or is it just that those who are wired for BDSM are OCD enough to double check their grammar and google questionable spelling?

In any event, I asked my friend if I could post her questions anonymously here, and see what happens. Thoughts, smarty pants?

Or is that smarty pantses?

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Definitely more interesting. In general more interesting people are more intelligent as well. Based on people I talk with the argument stands.

DeepGreenEyes said:

A Lit friend who occasionally lurks on these boards sent me an observation recently:

"The one thing I will say for those I have seen on the BDSM scene here is that they seem like a pretty intelligent and well-spoken group overall. It's actually made me curious whether this is just my impression, a coincidence with the people who post here, or fairly accurate for the community as a whole... and if so, what is it about domination and submission that would draw those of above average intelligence to it?"

I recently posted a Dan Savage podcast where the discussion at about the 35-minute mark was about the "nerd/kink" connection. The Domme's take is that nerds, in part, like to make things as complicated as possible, and love to overthink everything: "What can I do to make this more interesting? What can I do to make this different?" It's an interesting segment.

Are we smarter? Is the rest of Litdom dumber? Or is it just that those who are wired for BDSM are OCD enough to double check their grammar and google questionable spelling?

In any event, I asked my friend if I could post her questions anonymously here, and see what happens. Thoughts, smarty pants?

Or is that smarty pantses?

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* * * *

So, my pal arrives in less than 3 whole days. He's flying in from 3500 miles away and I have the choice to meet him and go forward with this .. or not.

At the moment, I am severely and sincerely questioning my intelligence and my mouth. It was my 'mouth' that got me into this, along with my mind and I am definitely guilty of 'over-thinking' things at the moment.

I am reminded of the old D&D games and I have a feeling that whilst I have rolled an 18 in the intelligence field, I only managed a 5 in the wisdom. Or maybe I have it back to front. I only know that the duality between my thoughts, feelings and emotions are completely bizarre whilst he appears to be completely calm.

I don't know if I'm 'smarter' or just 'OCD', but I know that if I'm going to go down, I'll do it in a blaze of glory with correct grammar, and proper spelling. I mean, after all, I may as well -look- nice.

tairaruth said:

* * * *

....I don't know if I'm 'smarter' or just 'OCD', but I know that if I'm going to go down, I'll do it in a blaze of glory with correct grammar, and proper spelling. I mean, after all, I may as well -look- nice.

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Now, this ^^^ seems like an example of an intelligent thing to say

After reading some of the many interesting thoughts on this thread, I lean toward the idea of 'curiosity' and an 'exploratory nature' being the key drivers of 'kinky personalities'. Since curiosity dwells in the mind, it follows that 'kink' finds her origins there...and since actions follow mind, etc. However, there can never be absolute statements when discussing any human trait, since one can invariably find outliers to anything. However, I notice that my own little BDSM test ranks "Experimentalist" at 85%, so I may be biased to that view ???

I don't know if I'd say smarter maybe more observant

I know that at least in my opinion whether you are a Dom or a sub it's a different connect than most other relationships a sub has to pay close attention to their Dom to learn what pleases them and what doesn't while a Dom has to pay close attention to their sub to one learn what they like and two to make sure they don't go too far. A sub in subspace might be less willing to say slow down because it's a euphoric experience and sort of blurs the normal limits (again I'm not saying it's like that for everyone but that's my experience as a sub) and I think that heightened perception can carry over into everyday life making us a bit more aware of how we speak or in this case type. Plus its easier get into the mindset to be more precise with words after all a scene starts in the mindscape feeling the excitement of what is to come. A sub kneels before their Dom knowing they are about to play but not sure of what how their Dom has decided to play with them. Before the first touch they are already excited. The way we communicate can carry over outside of a scene and I think that's why the BDSM forums seem a bit more articulate than most. I hope I didn't offend anyone as I know every relationship is different. I've never been a Dom so I could only speak of what I knew from observing as a sub.
-luna

Not smarter; more imaginative.