Coworker

I have this female coworker that I'm getting mixed signals from and I'm wondering if anyone has any pointers for me. She's flirty at times then very passive also. I'm just wondering how to go about finding out without getting fired for sexual harassment if I'm wrong.

Neverstopchasin87 said:

I have this female coworker that I'm getting mixed signals from and I'm wondering if anyone has any pointers for me. She's flirty at times then very passive also. I'm just wondering how to go about finding out without getting fired for sexual harassment if I'm wrong.

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Some people are just naturally flirty. What I did in a case like that was to go out after work with a group of people and invite that person to come along. That way it won't look like you are hitting on her and you can see how she acts outside of work.

We're both married ( neither in a great relationship) and know each other out of work also. There had just always seemed to be some chemistry there I believe but I'm scared of being wrong but believe she's feeling the same way. Sometimes she will totally eye fuck the hell outta me or just send me random text about dumb shit just to start a convo. Maybe time will tell.

I think you should just ask her how she feels. You can't be fired for asking.

ericrodman101 said:

I think you should just ask her how she feels. You can't be fired for asking.

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Be careful about that. It's one thing to say "Correct me if I'm wrong ... I think I'm getting these signals from you, and I need to know if I'm interpreting them correctly" (probably OK) and quite another to ask "How about us taking things a little farther" (not OK).

Anyway, I discourage relations with co-workers. It's too messy when the break-up happens.

She clearly has the hots for you but she is too shy herself to make the first move. Better make the move. Just make it casual. Invite her for coffee or drinks after work, something like that.

I would suggest erring on the side of caution. You're both married. You both work together. If something goes south you are looking to lose both your family and your living. That is an awful lot of risk to take on because you're feeling attracted.

Is pursuing this (or even finding out of it is a mutual feeling) worth the sort of disruption it would cause? If it is (and it could be!), are you prepared to change your job to be with them? Are you willing to end your marriage for this even if things don't work?

If you know her outside of work, then if you must ask, do it OUTSIDE of work. If you did ask inside of work, you most certainly CAN be fired (sorry, ericrodman101.... this is at least true in my country/USA). No work email. No work phone. You can ask if you have a personal relationship and if you're willing to risk the personal fallout from getting it wrong.

I know this isn't helpful in the "how" part of your question. I figured I might as well play the "Jiminy Cricket" part as it hadn't been picked up yet. Best of luck!

I can see this coming to a bad end. When things go south for any of the various reasons that relationships do, you still have to work with her. I'd suggest steering clear of this temptation.

mmmscurious said:

I can see this coming to a bad end. When things go south for any of the various reasons that relationships do, you still have to work with her. I'd suggest steering clear of this temptation.

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It can go various ways. An amicable breakup may be no big thang -- but that may depend on a firm's size. Little leeway in small shops. An angry breakup might prompt a career change. But who knows, you may be right for each other!

My advice: Ignore signals; just talk. If you click, great. If not, don't push it.

I once had a co-worker who asked me out. We went out once and I wasn't interested afterwards. Things were super awkward afterwards and her group of work friends were rude to me. Point is, even minor work flings can mess things up. Considering your married life is not great, do you really want to mess up your work environment too? An actual relationship would require a new job if I was in your shoes.

If you are going to put forth the effort to understand what a woman wants,why are you not doing it with your wife?

I wouldn't risk. Present for a moment if you just are mistaken. Here give advice, after work in cafe. Present if it is valid a mistake. Even if the offer will be rejected, or in cafe she at best will just tell you that it is a mistake or will just refuse. To you after that to work further! And then, even this innocent mistake will be as a sword of Damocles over you. Such we have times. Are guilty of it thanks to this pseudo-democracy.

mmmscurious said:

I can see this coming to a bad end.

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I couldn’t agree more. You are crazy if you take this any further. Unless you deliberately want to ruin your life.