Eternal sexual frustration

Tatyana said:

So here's my pickle...I'm happily married, wonderful hubby, got all my fucking ducks in a row BUT I'm about two coffees away from smashing everything within sight with my vibrator because I feel so sexually frustrated!!!!

We were best friends before dating and he was the only guy I've ever been with...married quite young and now it's like I see him only as my best friend again, not some one I want to sleep with.

I feel like having an affair but don't think I can live with the guilt...Instead I keep fantasizing about fucking other men..
Is there no end to this madness?

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Georgia Ivey Green has a book, "A Keyholders Guide". You can get it on Amazon. Get it. Read it. Do what it says.. Let me know in two weeks how your sex life is!

Asshungry said:

Try bringing up the subject if swinging. Not necessarily to swap partners but more to watch and be watched. If he has an interest it might progress to swapping.

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As out there as it may seem I think Asshungry's advice may be the best! Just lay it on the line and talk about it! It sounds like your relationship is solid enough to get into swinging!

I would try to have fun with my partner and at least talk about sex in an amusing, curious way. Maybe you should explore his sex drive more. If he doesn't have much sex drive or just bores you then perhaps you could experiment with using this site. I also question if coming to this site and fantasizing just makes it worse.

I am fairly satisfied with my sex life, but I just love fantasizing about other women and teasing and flirting on this site. Sometimes I think, if I would never actually have any physical intimacy with another person then what's the point? Then there is the fact that sometimes I get obsessed and somewhat addicted and have to pull back all together.

Tatyana said:

But what about the consequences? I don't ever want to hurt his feelings...if he finds out he'll be crushed and I'll be miserable if I do something that can't be undone

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Is your issue no sexual connection to him or in your desires vs his? Are you looking to be pursued and taken in a raw hot mess? I ask due to your mentioned submissive side. Are you wanting spicy vs vanilla?

i'm frustrated as well. I come to Lit to escape my frustrations. My marriage lacks intimacy. We've become really good room mates. So I know how you feel.

I agree

quietlylooking said:

I can empathize. I adore my husband, he's the best friend possible, but I do crave other men sexually.

I didn't marry until my later 30's, so I did have a number of serious relationships and some shorter ones. Generally after a year or so, the intense sexual desire for that specific man faded. I still enjoyed sex with that person, but I began fantasizing about others. I still loved and cared about these men, maybe even more so over time, but the sexual intensity faded. Efforts to reclaim the spark were fun, and kept the relationships happy, but were unsuccessful in their main goal.

Oddly, my past relationships that were LESS happy and had more conflict and were less "secure" seemed to maintain the passion longer.

You have to balance your needs with your desire for maintaining your marriage. It helped me to realize that any relationship I would want to be in would eventually lose its sexual intensity. It hasn't stopped me from wanting more, though, and from doing things of which I'm not always proud.

I used to beat myself up about this, but I think... it is probably fairly normal and makes sense biologically.

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You'll know what's right. Sometimes, you'll come across someone that,,, fits the need. With little stress and much understanding. They,,, just work. And maybe that will be enough to see your man in a new light.

Perhaps common

I think that with time comes monotony. After years of being with one person (I've been married 15 years, with my wife for 19) things seem to simmer down. Sex seems to fade. It is then that we question what happened. Then you can try and approach your partner on new things you could do to reclaim that excitement.

I talk to people on PM's and stuff, even done a little RP. The wife knows, says, "It's not like you're really with her, do it."

But, sometimes PMing on here can be rather scary too. Weigh your options. There are many things you can do, but, you have to find a way to approach them. (Cyber, Roleplay with him, dirty texts to each other, etc)

I wish you the best.

Another book I had was "Kosher Adultery"....interesting idea.
My wife wasnt able to see beyond the title..

quietlylooking said:

I can empathize. I adore my husband, he's the best friend possible, but I do crave other men sexually.

I didn't marry until my later 30's, so I did have a number of serious relationships and some shorter ones. Generally after a year or so, the intense sexual desire for that specific man faded. I still enjoyed sex with that person, but I began fantasizing about others. I still loved and cared about these men, maybe even more so over time, but the sexual intensity faded. Efforts to reclaim the spark were fun, and kept the relationships happy, but were unsuccessful in their main goal.

Oddly, my past relationships that were LESS happy and had more conflict and were less "secure" seemed to maintain the passion longer.

You have to balance your needs with your desire for maintaining your marriage. It helped me to realize that any relationship I would want to be in would eventually lose its sexual intensity. It hasn't stopped me from wanting more, though, and from doing things of which I'm not always proud.

I used to beat myself up about this, but I think... it is probably fairly normal and makes sense biologically.

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This is so well written. I can relate to some of this.

I've been with my wife for 15 years now, and the initial sexual intensity in the first couple of years has faded. I still love her just as much and we have a strong emotional connection. I feel completely emotionally fulfilled. We do occasionally have sex or oral sex or other kinds of sexy activity and sometimes it is very sexually fulfilling. We do have a fairly open sexual communication.

But at the same time, my sexual interest is significantly higher than hers. I have to be honest to myself about my sexual needs and desires. I have a much stronger sexual desire overall and have sexual urges to be with other women. I've never had a physical sexual relationship outside our marriage, but I have on occasion does some things online which I really enjoyed (mutually enjoyed actually). But honestly I love my wife too much to tell her. I don't want to hurt her.

One reason I feel safe sharing that here on this forum is because I get the sense that there are quite a few of us here with a similar situation.

enjoy the fantasies and leave the guilt behind, with fantasies anything can happen.

Sexless Marriage

I can relate to the OP and others. Had two marriages where the sexual part ended after a few years. Lots of complicated reasons. First marriage I/we stuck it out for the sake of the kids. Somewhat the same in marriage two, but didn't stray for moral reasons. Even after 'couples counseling' the intimacy never returned. Doesn't really matter whose 'fault' it was.

It's hard to give time and energy priority to the intimacy, but without it the marriage will eventually fail.

Now that I am age 79, and divorced since 2004, my sexual fervor is more intense and energized than anything of those days. I attribute this mainly to just plain awareness. Literotica stories, images, and Tumblr images have been eye-opening. Another factor has been discontinuing some of the anti-depressant medications I took for many years, which really suppressed my sex drive. Times change.

I guess my advice to myself looking back would have been: find an honorable way to get out of the marriage and seek a better relationship. And be open with the new partner from the get-go about what your respective deal breaker(s) are in the intimacy department. Easy to say.

Tatyana said:

So here's my pickle...I'm happily married, wonderful hubby, got all my fucking ducks in a row BUT I'm about two coffees away from smashing everything within sight with my vibrator because I feel so sexually frustrated!!!!

We were best friends before dating and he was the only guy I've ever been with...married quite young and now it's like I see him only as my best friend again, not some one I want to sleep with.

I feel like having an affair but don't think I can live with the guilt...Instead I keep fantasizing about fucking other men..
Is there no end to this madness?

Click to expand...

Most of us here are in similar positions. Sex is a very important part of a relationship