COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

What's Your Relationship?

KoPilot said:
I actually identify someplace along the aromantic spectrum-- I really prefer to think of my marriage like a legally binding partnership between two friends with a common sense of humor, political leanings, and life goals. It's just plain handy to have someone around 24/7 that you can talk to about anything, get a second opinion from, help you win an argument, or loan you a few bucks.

We've been long distance for 5 years and counting, and the last time I visited we didn't even share the same bed because I don't like his mattress. It felt like a sleepover and was way more fun (not to mention we both got better sleep).

Moving in together, whenever that happens, will be a financially strategic move more than anything. His city is an expensive place to live, and in an ideal world we'd have our own apartments. We just aren't all that interested in co-habiting.

I don't like sappy shit. I don't like lovey-dovey shit. Our idea of celebrating our anniversary is going shopping together and buying stuff for ourselves, not even each other.

Sure, I have a spouse and life partner. But we're not what I would call "romantically involved". And no, nothing's missing. Trying to force ourselves into a relationship framework that neither of our brains really understand was really dumb, and asking if something's missing from our lives without romance is like asking someone if something's missing from their life because they're vanilla.
Click to expand...

That sounds pretty awesome to me. :)

KoPilot said:
Being aromantic isn't a lifestyle choice-- it's just who you are.
Click to expand...

Yes, this. All this.

Again, being aro is (somewhat) analogous to being ace. Would you ask an ace if they feel something is "missing" from their lives because they don't engage in sex--a behavior that they have no interest in?
 
I agree, well said KoPilot. d(^_^o) I'm happy to see this thread going well.
 
KoPilot said:
I actually identify someplace along the aromantic spectrum-- I really prefer to think of my marriage like a legally binding partnership between two friends with a common sense of humor, political leanings, and life goals. It's just plain handy to have someone around 24/7 that you can talk to about anything, get a second opinion from, help you win an argument, or loan you a few bucks.

We've been long distance for 5 years and counting, and the last time I visited we didn't even share the same bed because I don't like his mattress. It felt like a sleepover and was way more fun (not to mention we both got better sleep).

Moving in together, whenever that happens, will be a financially strategic move more than anything. His city is an expensive place to live, and in an ideal world we'd have our own apartments. We just aren't all that interested in co-habiting.

I don't like sappy shit. I don't like lovey-dovey shit. Our idea of celebrating our anniversary is going shopping together and buying stuff for ourselves, not even each other.

Sure, I have a spouse and life partner. But we're not what I would call "romantically involved". And no, nothing's missing. Trying to force ourselves into a relationship framework that neither of our brains really understand was really dumb, and asking if something's missing from our lives without romance is like asking someone if something's missing from their life because they're vanilla.

Being aromantic isn't a lifestyle choice-- it's just who you are.
Click to expand...

I can definitely relate to you when it comes to your views on marriage. For the people who are already in a good relationship, it's just a piece of paper, regardless of how other people feel about it.

As for your thoughts on having someone around 24/7, I've been on both sides of that spectrum, and the difference for me was pretty extreme. It's one thing to be able to call the person any time you need to, but it's a completely different thing to actually live with that same person. A lot of things become far easier once you are able to make it work.

I definitely agree with your views on trying to force it though. I've was a bit too hasty on a move with somebody, expecting a d's relationship right from the start, because that's what we'd talked about for a long while. Once I finally moved in with that person though, things just didn't come together, like at all. So again, I definitely agree with you. Trying to force something as complicated as a relationship, be it d's or vanilla, is just destined for failure.
 
The other night my husband and I were cooking a meal together and I brought up the subject of kink. I'm a very anxious person and I always worry about people around me. I asked him, for the millionth time, if he was really ok with the things I prefer. He looked at me and said, "are you kidding me? I love that you want to try new things!" He went on to say that if it weren't for me we'd still be doing the same boring stuff.

:eek: It made me happy.
 
Nothing wrong with trying new things ;). There is only one way to know whether or not you like something, lol, and that is to give it a try and see how it goes.
 
MeekMe said:
... I want to hear about what you identify as and how it works for you.
Click to expand...

I am a sadist. I inflict pain on other people consensually. I identify primarily as a Top, and as a Leatherman.

If you have a relationship, how does it work? Do you like it the way it is? Do you want it to change?
Click to expand...

I am partnered with Tori, she is a Dominant in her own right, and identifies as a sadomasochist. She primarily finds pleasure as a Top, but discovered that she enjoyed bottoming to me, and submitting to me.

I am Tori's Master in that she is my student and she submits to my will and authority. It works for us. I don't really see a need for substantive change in the foreseeable future, but one never knows where one's path will lead as time goes by. It is possible we may find (a) very compatible service oriented submissive(s) or slave(s) that will become part of our household/family.
 
I would class myself as a sadomasochist.
I am an owned sub, that's true, but I will only submit to him in the full sense of the word.
We currently live apart, but are looking to be together at some point in the not too distant future.

I occasionally rope bottom for a couple of trusted riggers. Something I really enjoy and find a very peaceful headspace in doing.

There is a very sadistic Top in me, but not a Domme.
Dominating someone holds absolutely no interest for me, but I love impact Topping (comes in handy being a flogger maker)

He is a sensual Dom, with a growing sadistic streak (my fault entirely) I have encouraged the growing sadist and given myself as his guinea pig for many new plays.
We are enjoying the dynamic of discovery. We are bringing out different sides of each other and doing lots of experimenting. At the moment knives, electricity and con/noncon are on our list of favourite things.

Very occasionally, Master will place himself at my mercy. It is usually when we have new toys to test, as he strongly believes that anything he uses on me, he should have some knowledge of how they work and act.
It is a very rare event, but he gets an insight into how I would like a toy used on me and some very different ideas of how to put existing toys to different use.

I have a couple of regular people who I flog. I did at one point flog anyone who asked, but found it to be emotionally very empty.
I absolutely need a connection to play.
 
Last edited:
In my case it's largely lack thereof.

I have a great vanilla relationship with my wife. A few years ago she would strapon fuck me, and I occasionally get dildo action from her, but it's nothing like as submissive as I'd like to be with her.
 
^_^ I know I haven't replied to everyone individually, but I appreciate all the comments. I hope this goes to show those who are new that there isn't just one way to do things.
 
I'm clearly the one in charge, in all aspects. We don't have limits. He trusts that I will make the right decision for him. I dabbled in submissiveness many years ago. It wasn't for me. I'm clearly the more dominant partner and a dominant person. My male sub has been serving me for nearly 3 years. It's always so fulfilling to see him continually growing.
 
I am a consensual slave to a married couple. Both are dominant with me. I am very secure and content in our relationship. They are in their mid 30s I am 24.
 
MistressBlaze said:
I've been single for several years now. Two marriages and while both were fairly long term I was never really satisfied in either one. It wasn't until the last couple of years that I've realized why. Currently I have a slave/pet (long distance - online). We've been together for about 6 years now. He shivers when I pet him and I love having all of the control in our relationship. I've also recently found a Dom of my own (again long distance - phone). With Him I am completely submissive. All it takes is one hello from Him and I am at His feet needing only to please Him. Our relationship is still fairly new and we are still learning how we fit together. He sometimes finds it hard to believe I can be dom since I am so submissive to him, and yes he knows about my pet. While someday I would like to have relationships like these in my "real life" I have never felt as complete as I do right now. Both sides of my personality are being satisfied at the same time and I'm in heaven!
Click to expand...

Wow. That's amazing. I sometimes wondered if my ex online Mistress left her subs to cater for a Dom.
 
My partner and I never really put a name to what we are. I'm an extremely submissive person, but he tops me because he enjoys my reaction to it, not because topping was on his mind when we began our relationship. He actually prefers to bottom, but his goal is always to make me orgasm as many times as he can, and the best way to do that is through bondage, roughness, and pain. So that's what he does. If I wanted tender loving or to top him or have him fuck me with a cumber, he'd do that too. He's got a pretty wide streak of sadist in him, and when he says he likes to hurt me and is satisfied with the way we do things, I believe him. That being said, when we occasionally switch I can tell he really like to be on the receiving end. Neither one of us has had much of a chance to experience this kind of sex before and we're enjoying ourselves very much. I think we kind of defy labels because we're still evolving, and still learning.
 
Some interesting replies so far. I'm happy to see those that use labels and have their own definitions, and those that have no labels, but still have a strong understanding of where they are and what they want. It's refreshing to see.

:rose:
 
I'm just out of a Mistress/pet online relationship. It broke my heart that I wasn't wanted in that role anymore but accepting it takes strength. From the experience & it was wonderful & she still is to me, one learns to reflect & rise & place more value on themselves rather then less.
I can't believe I'm saying this but even the strongest dominant woman of my dreams couldn't have me at this point in my life. My submission is a gift I'll never give lightly now, if at all. I feel it's time to be just me for awhile & find myself.
Is it possible for a submissive to change like this or is it possible I wasn't truly submissive after all.
 
Last edited:
gregy70 said:
I'm just out of a Mistress/pet online relationship. It broke my heart that I wasn't wanted in that role anymore but accepting it takes strength. From the experience & it was wonderful & she still is to me, one learns to reflect & rise & place more value on themselves rather then less.
I can't believe I'm saying this but even the strongest dominant woman of my dreams couldn't have me at this point in my life. My submission is a gift I'll never give lightly now, if at all. I feel it's time to be just me for awhile & find myself.
Is it possible for a submissive to change like this or is it possible I wasn't truly submissive after all.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry things didn't work out.:rose:

There's nothing wrong with stepping back and getting to know yourself, again. That doesn't make you less of anything. Just looking through this thread you can see that dominance and submission take different forms for different people. That person may not have been compatible with you, but maybe you'll have narrowed down what you want/need for the next person and they will be that much more compatible.:)
 
I am a masochistic submissive to a dominant partner with a burgeoning sadistic streak.

I also harbour desires to (consensually) inflict pain, but whether that makes me a sadomasochist I don't know, I have a tendency to try to distance myself from labelling or being labelled as I find it a little restrictive. I think (maybe) labels help others to place me more than they are of any use to me personally.

I'm a sensation junkie, I also enjoy the cerebral aspect of submission and find that I gravitate towards needing the D/s more than I need the kink.
 
butterfly_flip said:
I am a masochistic submissive to a dominant partner with a burgeoning sadistic streak.

I also harbour desires to (consensually) inflict pain, but whether that makes me a sadomasochist I don't know, I have a tendency to try to distance myself from labelling or being labelled as I find it a little restrictive. I think (maybe) labels help others to place me more than they are of any use to me personally.

I'm a sensation junkie, I also enjoy the cerebral aspect of submission and find that I gravitate towards needing the D/s more than I need the kink.
Click to expand...

The bolded is how I see it too.
 
I am too not long out of an online relationship of several months. It was very loosely structured as far as D/s, in part due to lack of time. But the D/s dynamic was there from the beginning--effortlessly, it seemed. We were a good fit from day one and we picked up the ball and ran with it. Well, he did. :eek: I was reluctant to make it official, being yet brand-new to the idea, and he promised never to ask. We did get there eventually, though I don't recall when or how--it just flowed very naturally, and as trust grew over time--on both sides--it seemed less a choice and more a foregone conclusion.

I miss it, and I miss him--some days, desperately. But I know better than to rush into the next relationship for the wrong reasons. So I'm taking this "meanwhile" time to learn more...about D/s, about myself, about relationships in general. I want to go into the next one because I am good and ready, and not because I just couldn't stand to wait any longer.
 
I'm single, which I'm happy with. If I ever got involved again, he'd have to be able to keep up with me and wear many hats. He's got to be Dom to my sub and sub to my Dom. A Sadist to my masochist and a masochist to my Sadist. I need a Daddy to my Little/Middle/Babygirl. Those are just a few things I need.

About me? Well, I identify as many, many things. Mainly a Switch. But also, a babygirl, a middle, a little, a sadist, and a masochist. Just to name a few.
 
Single, Been single over 2 years,Had a very casual FWB's that was anything but fulfilling, No one in the last two years peaked my interest enough for more than a glance. I've been tippy toeing outside of my safe box.A step at a time.And slowly finding myself again has had some very interesting facets of myself revealed. Things deep down I knew were there. But never had a decent chance to explore so I may have a solid knowledge of what I was searching for.Now I know
 
Love the thread and the posts, thanks for starting, thanks for contributing, knowing the variety is helpful and reassuring.

Top is probably a best description, though an FWB has recently suggested we switch. Not sure yet how I feel, but life is about exploring so maybe. RL vanilla long term does nothing to satisfy, and does not understand the need Lit and other sites, and the people met through them, meet in me.

Have had some online Top/sub relationships, longest lasting 6+ months before she found a RL closer to home man to take my place. Have some FWBs to meet and share NSA fun with, including a bottom who loves her bottom spanked in just the way I love to spank it!

Its not perfect, but life isn't, and a great online sub I thought was doing well and really getting something (as I was) out of our games suddenly called the end word, and went... And this is the great joy of this - the sub has as much is not more control in reality...

:)
 
I'm happy so many people shared their experiences. :rose:

In my relationship, we don't do 'tasks' or anything like that (nothing sexual either). We have agreed that there are things that need to be done and when he comes home, things are already done. It means he doesn't have to worry about it. Which is fine with me, because the home is where I do my best work. Well, if there's something he needs faster than the weekly plan, I'll drop something and do that thing first.

I've seen some discussions come up about the top halves needing ideas and inspiration for tasks. I can't help but think, "just have them do the things that need to be done. Add a kinky twist if you like, but the end result is to gain something from it, right? What is it that needs to be done?" That's a bit narrow, and certainly based on my own experience. Perhaps they'd rather do things that don't "need" to be done? I wonder...

Do you do tasks? Or something like a weekly plan? Maybe you don't call them tasks? Are they chore oriented? Kinky fuckery oriented? Are they given 'because I felt like it?' Let's hear it!

(^_^)/
 
Sometimes Mistress tasks me to write erotic short stories or to draft role playing scenarios within a specified set of parameters. I consider these to be tasks because they almost always come with a deadline. If I make the deadline, I am rewarded. If I don't, then I am punished in the not-fun way. Since I'm just the "sexy muse" or diversion, I don't really have responsibilities. She has a slave who sees to those things that need done.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

M
Diving into bdsm whithout damaging a relationship
Replies
14
Views
412
Bella857Donna
B
A
For Subbies seeking Dommes.
Replies
2
Views
811
artslut86
A
S
Are F/m D/s Collabs Possible for sub author? If so, how?
Replies
4
Views
150
HottieOlwen
HottieOlwen
Showmewhatchugot84
Question for women in FLRs
Replies
12
Views
445
sweettalk4u
S
K
How to get into BDSM/ sexual relationship
2 3
Replies
56
Views
2K
Howardstark1910
H
Back
Top