Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

The last couple of years I've used meditation, aromatherapy, listening to nature sounds CDs, among other things to combat my depression. For the most part it does work; with a few exceptions I've done pretty well the last year or so. That said, the last few weeks I've been in a really deep blue funk that I haven't been able to snap out of regardless of what I've tried. It's not the first time it's happened; it just gets annoying as fuck, as it makes me feel really shitty to the point where I don't want to deal with anyone or anything. If I didn't have to work to pay the bills I'd probably be spending all day in bed. Glad there's at least some responsibility left in me.

LadyJS said:

The last couple of years I've used meditation, aromatherapy, listening to nature sounds CDs, among other things to combat my depression. For the most part it does work; with a few exceptions I've done pretty well the last year or so. That said, the last few weeks I've been in a really deep blue funk that I haven't been able to snap out of regardless of what I've tried. It's not the first time it's happened; it just gets annoying as fuck, as it makes me feel really shitty to the point where I don't want to deal with anyone or anything. If I didn't have to work to pay the bills I'd probably be spending all day in bed. Glad there's at least some responsibility left in me.

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i was going to reply with my deepest condolences till I read your profile.
I would have replied in private being the sensitive nature but you don't have contact info and your "none of your fucking business" statements doesn't pass on a sympathetic responxw.

xxxpaulzzz said:

i was going to reply with my deepest condolences till I read your profile.
I would have replied in private being the sensitive nature but you don't have contact info and your "none of your fucking business" statements doesn't pass on a sympathetic responxw.

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Then it's a fucking good thing that I don't need your sympathy!

I recall once upon a time while at an ACOA retreat we all were discussing "Hell Days" know to most of the world as "Holidays" and all the pain and misery and bad memories that went along with it when I realized that a very Dark cloud had settled upon us all and was messing with the serenity.

I slowly rose to my feet and copied from some comedian somewhere very
dramatically announced... AND THEN DEPRESSION SET IN!

Got hit with pillows and cushions and books.

Help break up the doom and gloom and remind us that today and tomorrow doesn't Have to be like yesterday.

Yeah I know...

It feels like a blanket, a knitted blanket, where little spaces between the threads let me see blurry glimpses of parts of the world. I shared my book publicly, last night. I had lots of anxiety going into it but, as it unfolded, I felt better and better. I feel like I chickened out a little, and didn't share some of the harder pieces. Still... It was a small (huge) victory for me.

Reading through the last few most recent pages of this thread makes me want to say something....anything really, that would just make it all go away for everyone hurting. However, having spent a good portion of my younger life in depression, I know that words and advice rarely effect any healing. All of the suggestions given in the last several posts are both valid and helpful, but depression is somewhat like a love affair with someone you despise but just can't kick out of the house. I think I loved to plumb the depths of my pain, and resented the "help" of others...leave me alone, I'm enjoying my misery!

So, I offer this. A simple bit of nothing perhaps; The trails of our mind are carved out by the thoughts who travel there. And like earthen trails, they often follow the path of least resistance, even when there is a shorter but more difficult way. So, year after year I walk the same trail until it becomes an old friend dug deep over the course of time. Yes, the trail is now boring and I wish for another path to travel. But this one is so easy, I could pass this way in my sleep I think. In my boredom while walking my old trail, my thoughts begin to drift...sometimes they drift backwards into the 'I wish I would have done it different' place...but just as often they jump forward to the new and exciting 'one of these days' places...that magical place where everything that hurts cannot follow. I like to visit these exotic places because anything must be better than this actual moment I'm experiencing, so dull and routine. Yes, one of these days I'm going to get off this boring, hurtful old trail...the trail of tears I have been on for so long...maybe tomorrow, I'll do it.

Please know, as I write this I'm not even sure if I will hit the submit button. Not that I feel the words are wrong, but because I do not want to push anyone's boundary - even with words intended for good. But if you are reading this I obviously hit the submit button, so this is the moral as I see it; I wasted too many days and nights living in the past or the future. For me, meditation helped me to grasp the expansiveness and fullness of every moment, the precise moment in time in which I truly exist. When the past and it's regrets are banished by force of will, and the fantasies of a future paradise are only handled occasional as a pleasant daydream...then the moment I now reside in turns out to be not such a bad moment after all. In that tiny moment I have time to observe that I exist and wonder at the improbabilities of that being possible at all...I notice the complexities of the created world all around me...I can ponder the tiny universes of atomic particles I know are there... but I cannot see them and I wonder what little creatures might dwell there? The expanse of the universe outward is equally impossible for me to explore. And in it all I am...I exist. I exist in this moment only, not in the illusions of the past or the future. And it seems that it is easier to live life in these smaller moments...after all, it would have to be something extraordinarily bad to fit into such a small moment in eternity.

I know this is vague and perhaps meaningless, but if just one person sees some light from this, it is enough.

Fflow said:

I'm still struggling with the truth of my story, and feelings of shame. Maybe, one day, I'll share it here.

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Ha - I remembered this - so good on you for getting those words written up. So hope the process and ongoing return on that emotional investment offers a catharsis.

Must have taken great courage to just even start let alone see it through.

I think it so important for those who experience life with heightened sensitivity to have a release. Writing, music, painting - to have a passion that is much for self as it is for offering.

Music and performance was a massive part of my life - after 10 years or more since it fell away I am only now realising how much a self medication it was for me. So my suggestion for you, Fflow, is that the publishing of your words is not the end of a journey but a beginning. Keep writing.

Congratulations.

yukonnights said:

but depression is somewhat like a love affair with someone you despise but just can't kick out of the house.

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I recently heard someone talk of dealing with their depression "I now treat depression as my friend and I say to it "hello friend, you have come to visit again". When my friend comes to visit I treat it with kindness. Be kind to your friend." This was her process of coming to terms and coping with the visits - she took the anger away.

I have also spoken here before of getting to know the cycle - I have witnessed this in others and experienced it for myself. Unfortunately there is no shortcut to this understanding, but it does tie in with what I wrote in the previous paragraph. When you learn the cycle you can recognise the warning signs and you can prepare. A bit like "oh there is a bad winter coming, I better stock up on fire wood so I can keep warm" - Take a deep breath and say "I know this journey well. I know the beginning, the middle and I know that I will climb out the other side, as I have done every time before". In knowing the cycle it is possible to take away the fear of the unknown (that is very important) and you can take away the anger and hurt - well reduce it significantly.

It is that fear of the unknown that can be scary as all hell and produce such an emotional crippling feeling or call it anxiety where you don't know the depths of where it will go. But if you have been through it many times - you do learn the cycle and you don't have to be fearful - just this can make the journey so much easier to travel - sure - still difficult, still annoying as hell, but much easier.

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to the rest of your writing yukonnights I think they are wonderful words and I sense elements of mindfulness and Buddhism - though I am not greatly familiar with either except to have them on the "I must investigate more" list.

yukonnights said:

but if just one person sees some light from this, it is enough

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and it is, because that one person can share it with another...

NightL said:

I recently heard someone talk of dealing with their depression "I now treat depression as my friend and I say to it "hello friend, you have come to visit again". When my friend comes to visit I treat it with kindness. Be kind to your friend." This was her process of coming to terms and coping with the visits - she took the anger away.

I have also spoken here before of getting to know the cycle - I have witnessed this in others and experienced it for myself. Unfortunately there is no shortcut to this understanding, but it does tie in with what I wrote in the previous paragraph. When you learn the cycle you can recognise the warning signs and you can prepare. A bit like "oh there is a bad winter coming, I better stock up on fire wood so I can keep warm" - Take a deep breath and say "I know this journey well. I know the beginning, the middle and I know that I will climb out the other side, as I have done every time before". In knowing the cycle it is possible to take away the fear of the unknown (that is very important) and you can take away the anger and hurt - well reduce it significantly.

It is that fear of the unknown that can be scary as all hell and produce such an emotional crippling feeling or call it anxiety where you don't know the depths of where it will go. But if you have been through it many times - you do learn the cycle and you don't have to be fearful - just this can make the journey so much easier to travel - sure - still difficult, still annoying as hell, but much easier.

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to the rest of your writing yukonnights I think they are wonderful words and I sense elements of mindfulness and Buddhism - though I am not greatly familiar with either except to have them on the "I must investigate more" list.

and it is, because that one person can share it with another...

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Thank you for the kind words NightL.

I wrote something very similar not long ago about our "old friend". Even though he usually comes with some pain for us, it has been my experience that I can learn important new truths sitting at his side. However, I recall how so many times the "old chap" just simply overstayed the welcome. I very rarely see him anymore, his disappearance seems more like magic than any one thing I can put my finger on. One thing his friendship did do though, is give me a great appreciation for solitude. Time for thinking and trying to fit the confusing pieces of life together in an orderly painting. The other thing he left for me was a deep empathy for anyone who suffers in any way, not sure why he chose that gift to leave but I am thankful for it most every day.

I wish I had read your words years ago about preparing at the first sign of "cold weather" approaching. I agree wholeheartedly that the strategy of "forewarned is forearmed". Knowing that dawn always comes helps ease the fears of the dark night!

There is no 'one' answer for all. That's probably the most frustrating thing about this. But your words are very helpful.

NightL said:

Ha - I remembered this - so good on you for getting those words written up. So hope the process and ongoing return on that emotional investment offers a catharsis.

Must have taken great courage to just even start let alone see it through.

I think it so important for those who experience life with heightened sensitivity to have a release. Writing, music, painting - to have a passion that is much for self as it is for offering.

Music and performance was a massive part of my life - after 10 years or more since it fell away I am only now realising how much a self medication it was for me. So my suggestion for you, Fflow, is that the publishing of your words is not the end of a journey but a beginning. Keep writing.

Congratulations.

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Thank you. I see now that one can always go deeper. I'm trying.

I'm finding that the closer the holidays come, Christmas and New Year's, my blues just get deeper and more intense. I'm still functional and can hide my depression pretty good, but it's a chore. If I could do an intravenous feed of chocolate ice cream I'm sure I could a much more happy camper than I am (though I'd then get depressed over my ever expanding waist line ). I find that listening to music and watching not-so-serious television (no holiday movies!) does help my mood. I'm thinking once the first of January has passed I should be back to my normal, bitchy self Until then, I'll just have to suffer with my abnormal, bitch self

LadyJS said:

I'm finding that the closer the holidays come, Christmas and New Year's, my blues just get deeper and more intense. I'm still functional and can hide my depression pretty good, but it's a chore. If I could do an intravenous feed of chocolate ice cream I'm sure I could a much more happy camper than I am (though I'd then get depressed over my ever expanding waist line ). I find that listening to music and watching not-so-serious television (no holiday movies!) does help my mood. I'm thinking once the first of January has passed I should be back to my normal, bitchy self Until then, I'll just have to suffer with my abnormal, bitch self

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Found myself wondering about in this “read only” environment, cultivating thoughts, and came across a seed that might be in need of some water. ...and so, I break my silence to bring you this:

go on...click it already-

The obvious, and less than helpful, “things could be worse” viewpoint of this video is not my intended message. It's more so the song and one quote, “It's not a matter of enjoying it more or less. It's about enjoying it differently.”

Stay surly Lady!

(Or whatever suits your mood )

John_Q_Public said:

Found myself wondering about in this “read only” environment, cultivating thoughts, and came across a seed that might be in need of some water. ...and so, I break my silence to bring you this:

go on...click it already-

The obvious, and less than helpful, “things could be worse” viewpoint of this video is not my intended message. It's more so the song and one quote, “It's not a matter of enjoying it more or less. It's about enjoying it differently.”

Stay surly Lady!

(Or whatever suits your mood )

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Thank you JQP, I really appreciated this Don't be a stranger, okay?

Okay, so it's New Year's Day. The world didn't end (at least not for me), and Christmas was tolerable. And I didn't get shit-faced last night, even though I had plenty available drink. I'm trying to be optimistic about the year to come. I'm my own worst enemy, of that I'll admit. So if my year sucks, then I'll most certainly will have had a hand in it. Let's see how things go, and maybe I'll have something positive to report here.

LadyJS said:

I'm finding that the closer the holidays come, Christmas and New Year's, my blues just get deeper and more intense. I'm still functional and can hide my depression pretty good, but it's a chore. If I could do an intravenous feed of chocolate ice cream I'm sure I could a much more happy camper than I am (though I'd then get depressed over my ever expanding waist line ). I find that listening to music and watching not-so-serious television (no holiday movies!) does help my mood. I'm thinking once the first of January has passed I should be back to my normal, bitchy self Until then, I'll just have to suffer with my abnormal, bitch self

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LadyJS said:

Okay, so it's New Year's Day. The world didn't end (at least not for me), and Christmas was tolerable. And I didn't get shit-faced last night, even though I had plenty available drink. I'm trying to be optimistic about the year to come. I'm my own worst enemy, of that I'll admit. So if my year sucks, then I'll most certainly will have had a hand in it. Let's see how things go, and maybe I'll have something positive to report here.

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“Music can minister to minds diseased, pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow, raze out the written troubles of the brain, and with its sweet oblivious antidote, cleanse the full bosom of all perilous stuff that weighs upon the heart.”
~William Shakespeare

And so, here's a song....

Rest your mind Lady. Remember, we become what we think about.

NightL said:

I recently heard someone talk of dealing with their depression "I now treat depression as my friend and I say to it "hello friend, you have come to visit again". When my friend comes to visit I treat it with kindness. Be kind to your friend." This was her process of coming to terms and coping with the visits - she took the anger away.

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I have heard of this approach before from a few self help books. I tried it but it was not as effective for me. I suppose it could be because I hold more on to shame and guilt than I do anger. I view my anxiety and depression as something horrendous that I have brought on myself so I try to hide it as best I can. The only reason I can mention it here is due to the anonymity and the fact that I am going to hit the submit button very fast before I have a chance to read over my words and delete my whole post.

SquishyBits said:

I suppose it could be because I hold more on to shame and guilt than I do anger. I view my anxiety and depression as something horrendous that I have brought on myself so I try to hide it as best I can. The only reason I can mention it here is due to the anonymity and the fact that I am going to hit the submit button very fast before I have a chance to read over my words and delete my whole post.

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You did mention it here and I am guessing nothing bad or negative happened. I am not suggesting miraculous wonders or even the slightest improvement, but the most important thing is to realise you did speak of it and it was OK. So you can do it again.

Now think of how you would respond if a friend came to you and said exactly what you wrote above. How would you respond? Maybe something like "I actually understand how you feel. You are not on your own, I sometimes go through that as well". I think that may instantly remove some of the feelings of "shame and guilt" felt by your friend - and equally for yourself.

I can't address why you feel depressed or really even how to deal with that. I am not trained or have any justification to have an opinion. I can, however, suggest looking at the things you do have control over. The stuff we dump on ourselves as extra luggage for the journey.

So yes - I understand how you feel about sense of shame and guilt. Anxiety over concern for not being able to hide it. Being scared of what will come tomorrow. Self anger for not being in control. So think about it this way, you have just recognised a whole lot of stuff you can understand, accept and step toward having some control over - the excess baggage that adds extra weight to the stuff we may not have control over.

Maybe start facing the mirror and telling yourself "Hi, I suffer through periods of depression from time to time and to be honest it annoys the hell out of me. Look, I am aware of when it is creeping in so if I think it is a problem I will let you know in advance. It affects me a,b,c ways but I want to assure you it does not stop me from e,d & f. I have been through this many times and yes - I always come out the other side."

So I am suggesting as you get used to telling yourself this, you may try it out on close friends and family. The aim is to stop trying to hide it - be honest with yourself and with others and the excess baggage starts to lift. Totally not talking of why, how or whatever of the depression - it may just help to lift away the excess stuff.

I certainly have noticed since I have started speaking up more of my own experiences I get responses of "yeah, I go through shit like that as well".

Try to open up about it to others. It really lifts so much off your shoulders.

The other excess baggage you do have control over is helped by understanding the steps of the journey. The more you know the less scary it becomes. You remove that fear off "I don't know what will happen next". If you have gone through frequent episodes try to reflect on the steps. You can recognise the stages - I am not saying you can control them or change them, but just understanding them can help remove the fear - help remove the associated anxiety. Maybe through these suggestions you can move toward "hello my old friend, I will treat you with kindness".

NightL said:

Maybe start facing the mirror and telling yourself "Hi, I suffer through periods of depression from time to time and to be honest it annoys the hell out of me. Look, I am aware of when it is creeping in so if I think it is a problem I will let you know in advance. It affects me a,b,c ways but I want to assure you it does not stop me from e,d & f.

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Thank you for this NightL. I have been practicing (in very slow small increments) to embrace my diagnosis. I can say it aloud to myself and a few family members. Next step is to let friends know that I am not trying to avoid them, I have anxiety and need to hide sometimes.

So another Valentine's' Day has come and gone. Being currently single and not in a relationship, it's a rather depressing holiday. And it was probably not a good idea to buy six boxes of 50% off candy the day after Valentine's Day and proceed to slowly eat through them (two boxes knocked off already). I admittedly isolated myself for the week. Outside of work I didn't go anyplace or do anything (outside of my candy run). I didn't even turn my computer on until Friday night.

I didn't get totally bummed out, at least not as badly as I thought that I would. And I didn't have a panic attack. I actually haven't had in the last couple of weeks, so I guess that's good. I try to be on guard for them, not that it does me a lot of good.

But all in all I'm feeling pretty good, not quite as moody as yesterday. It probably has something to do with the six cups of coffee I've had today

LadyJS said:

So another Valentine's' Day has come and gone. Being currently single and not in a relationship, it's a rather depressing holiday. And it was probably not a good idea to buy six boxes of 50% off candy the day after Valentine's Day and proceed to slowly eat through them (two boxes knocked off already). I admittedly isolated myself for the week. Outside of work I didn't go anyplace or do anything (outside of my candy run). I didn't even turn my computer on until Friday night.

I didn't get totally bummed out, at least not as badly as I thought that I would. And I didn't have a panic attack. I actually haven't had in the last couple of weeks, so I guess that's good. I try to be on guard for them, not that it does me a lot of good.

But all in all I'm feeling pretty good, not quite as moody as yesterday. It probably has something to do with the six cups of coffee I've had today

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Valentine's Day came and went without me knowing...or caring. It sounds like you survived, despite the "candy run" Panic attacks are very crippling. I knew someone who experienced them, and they are very difficult to stop/control. Since I do not know you, nor do I presume to know all you have tried, I will offer what little input I can that might help in some small way.

From what I can understand, both panic attacks and depression are the result of both "mental+physical" causes (and the line between the two is very indistinct). I have read quite a few research based articles about the link between our thoughts/emotions and the neurological links to "brain chemicals" and other "inputs" like medications and even foods,etc. (see link below for more on this) What we feed either our minds or our bodies can impact both for either good or bad outcomes. Thus, it behooves us to not let the self-destructive impetuses of depression take control of our better intentions...even just a little resistance at a time helps us grow stronger for the next attack.

In the end, we all know deep down the things we should do...the trouble is in the doing of those things. The break-point is our will...in the end, we actually do exactly what we desire to do. And this brings us to the question of changing what I desire to do by whatever method work best for 'me'.

In the meantime, hugs are good too

Link to Harvard Health Publications: http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression

Rough time

I haven't posted here in awhile, partly because I've been going on a major downward spiral for the last few years. It's been worse than anything I've had before and I'm really struggling to get help and pull myself out. I've been in therapy, both private and group, and the group therapy in particular is helping a lot, and have been trying to find medication that helps.

The problem is that the three different SSRIs that I've tried over the years just make me EXTREMELY tired, which just makes me feel worse. I didn't have the desire or motivation to do much outside of work for the last year, but after starting the most recent SSRI a few months ago, I haven't had the desire, motivation, or energy to do anything outside of work, and have only been able to give about 40% while at work.

My work has really started suffering, which makes me doubly anxious from worrying that I'm going to get fired, and I haven't been able to do 95% of the typical daily living activities that I need to do to start feeling better (like showering regularly, eating more than a bag of chips or a pint of ice cream for dinner, exercising, doing laundry, keeping up with bills, etc.). Yet when I went to my psychiatrist this morning to pretty much beg her to approve me to take time off from work, she refused saying that I need the structure of work because I'm on a "slippery slope" and will just end up staying in bed and isolating myself if I'm not working.

Has anyone experienced something like this - knowing that you need to take time off work for depression/anxiety, but not being able to get approval? Or were you able to get approval and the time off helped?

cheekygirl75 said:

I haven't posted here in awhile, partly because I've been going on a major downward spiral for the last few years. It's been worse than anything I've had before and I'm really struggling to get help and pull myself out. I've been in therapy, both private and group, and the group therapy in particular is helping a lot, and have been trying to find medication that helps.

The problem is that the three different SSRIs that I've tried over the years just make me EXTREMELY tired, which just makes me feel worse. I didn't have the desire or motivation to do much outside of work for the last year, but after starting the most recent SSRI a few months ago, I haven't had the desire, motivation, or energy to do anything outside of work, and have only been able to give about 40% while at work.

My work has really started suffering, which makes me doubly anxious from worrying that I'm going to get fired, and I haven't been able to do 95% of the typical daily living activities that I need to do to start feeling better (like showering regularly, eating more than a bag of chips or a pint of ice cream for dinner, exercising, doing laundry, keeping up with bills, etc.). Yet when I went to my psychiatrist this morning to pretty much beg her to approve me to take time off from work, she refused saying that I need the structure of work because I'm on a "slippery slope" and will just end up staying in bed and isolating myself if I'm not working.

Has anyone experienced something like this - knowing that you need to take time off work for depression/anxiety, but not being able to get approval? Or were you able to get approval and the time off helped?

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This isn't what you asked, and probably not what you want to hear...but: I hope you can hear the wisdom to what your Doc said to you. It's too easy to pull the shades and just go deeper into the darkness. Another thought; perhaps instead of letting that list of "need to do" items bury you, perhaps just pick one and do that. Maybe force yourself to get out for a walk, or force yourself to go out for a nourishing meal...you know, just start somewhere and maybe you will gain some strength to start thinking about the next thing on the 'need to do' list.

Words are not of much help, hugs are better...but sadly I can only share words here. But remember, the desire to hug prompted the words

yukonnights said:

Another thought; perhaps instead of letting that list of "need to do" items bury you, perhaps just pick one and do that. Maybe force yourself to get out for a walk, or force yourself to go out for a nourishing meal...you know, just start somewhere and maybe you will gain some strength to start thinking about the next thing on the 'need to do' list.

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Oh gee, I never thought of just trying to do the things I can't do, this solved it all! Giving you the benefit of the doubt that this is *probably* coming from a good place, but this is seriously one of the least helpful, most destructive things to say to someone with depression.

It's like telling someone who's pinned under an 18-wheel truck to just keep trying to lift it off, because eventually you'll get strong enough to do it! And yes, maybe trying to lift it will increase that person's strength somewhat, but they're still going to have a truck on them because there's no way that it's going to increase that much.

Debbie said:

Have any of you tried self hypnosis or Yoga for your panic attacks?

I had a friend who was practically housebound and having frequent panic attacks till she tried Yoga and self hypnosis to relieve some of the worst panic attacks.

Learning to breathe properly helped her too.

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Anxiety/panicplace/alternative.asp

At her Drs and therapists suggestion she tried these things.
Next port of call was meds.



It worked wonders for her.

But always consult your Dr and discuss with them what is going on.
We all need a bit of help every now and then.

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Hi Debbie,

Hatha Yoga has helped me massively with anxiety. There is the mental side and physical consequences of anxiety and yoga helps me with both.

There are other things as well such as the deep breathing you learn in Yoga with tapping as your concentration moves to breathing to tapping. The tapping for me is just both wrists or two fingers tapping the side of my fist for 7 to 10 counts.

With yoga its suppose to mimic real life stress cycles so generally you will go from doing something quite intense such as a sequence to recovering in child's pose.

My other tip has made a substantial difference and that's for the final 30 seconds of my shower I turn the temperature to as cold as it will go- mimicking swimmers euphoria.

Final suggestions are reducing sugary foods including carbs that cause sugar spikes and taking a very good Vitamin B complex supplement or something like "nutricalm"

Caffeine reduction and adrenal cleansing are also great things to do as having a body that is chemically calm will help you cope.

xxxx

cheekygirl75 said:

Oh gee, I never thought of just trying to do the things I can't do, this solved it all! Giving you the benefit of the doubt that this is *probably* coming from a good place, but this is seriously one of the least helpful, most destructive things to say to someone with depression.

It's like telling someone who's pinned under an 18-wheel truck to just keep trying to lift it off, because eventually you'll get strong enough to do it! And yes, maybe trying to lift it will increase that person's strength somewhat, but they're still going to have a truck on them because there's no way that it's going to increase that much.

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Sorry if this didn't resonate well with you. But you err in thinking you are the only one who has ever faced these difficulties. The bottom line is, you either fight it with whatever seems to work...or you crawl under a blanket and wait to die. The analogy to lifting an 18-wheeler is just hyperbole, I doubt doing one of the small tasks on your list would end up being as hard as trying to lift a truck

I never said to do all of the "things" you have difficulty facing...I suggested trying to just do one thing. But, sadly I hear in your words a refusal to accept the responsibility of doing your part in this hoped for recovery. Since you've been in counseling this may be something you've already been told. Nonetheless, my intention is to help and not stir-up anxiety...thus, I will leave it to others who may have better and more helpful words.

Best Wishes ~