My Incest story

RelentlessOnanism

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I don't know if it's the 'best' father/daughter story, but I co-wrote the following, and it's the first story I've contributed to on Literotica. So please feel free to enjoy (and give a high score to) 'A Dangerous Game'...

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-dangerous-game-6

It was co-written with Carnal_Flower, a long established incest/taboo author. It's about a military man who discovers that his teenage daughter shares in his predilection for hot, nasty sex. I'm really proud of it.
 
Just for clarity's sake, some of you may have noticed I have already posted about this story in this section. This second post has been moved to this section (by one of the moderators I assume) from another section. I didn't just post about the same story in the same section twice.
 
I didn't care for it. The dad is a total asshole - has a huge ego and constantly cheats on his wife. He's looking for another conquest and that's all his daughter is to him. I read the first page and a half, and his kids only seem to exist to pump up his ego some more. There wasn't a single moment of parental concern.

Jen's just a body in the story, and that could be because that's all the dad views her as. She doesn't seem to have much of a relationship with her dad. The dad thinks she's okay with him constantly cheating on her mother, which should be upsetting to a normal person. Even though she should have her pick of guys, she's just hanging out, waiting for her dad to seduce her.

To me, incest stories should be all about guilt and shame. There's no guilt in this story. It's about two immoral people deciding to betray those closest to them just to get another notch on their belts. There isn't any "fun" to the story. If I was reading this to get off, I'd skip over pages 2 and 3 and go straight to the sex.
 
Interesting take.

I can see if guilt and shame is important to you in an incest story you would not like this one. It is about two perverts, two immoral people, but then, it's meant to be.



I didn't care for it. The dad is a total asshole - has a huge ego and constantly cheats on his wife. He's looking for another conquest and that's all his daughter is to him. I read the first page and a half, and his kids only seem to exist to pump up his ego some more. There wasn't a single moment of parental concern.

Jen's just a body in the story, and that could be because that's all the dad views her as. She doesn't seem to have much of a relationship with her dad. The dad thinks she's okay with him constantly cheating on her mother, which should be upsetting to a normal person. Even though she should have her pick of guys, she's just hanging out, waiting for her dad to seduce her.

To me, incest stories should be all about guilt and shame. There's no guilt in this story. It's about two immoral people deciding to betray those closest to them just to get another notch on their belts. There isn't any "fun" to the story. If I was reading this to get off, I'd skip over pages 2 and 3 and go straight to the sex.
 
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Well, um...that's embarrassing.

My intention was to stake out the most critical assessment of the story with the expectation that others would come along and respond to my post with much more positive assessments. Sadly, nobody has and your story deserves better feedback than one critical take.

Here are things I liked about the story:
* The writing was very clean; enjoyable to read
* I'm not a fan of a lot of narrative summary at the start of a story. I liked your approach of having the narrator address the reader directly. It got a lot of information over to me without it feeling like a data dump
* I thought you did a great job of painting scenes, in particular the pool party and the pool scene. I could picture them in my head
 
I thought your response was cruel, contemptuous, dismissive, arrogant, and wrong-headed. Personally I don't care, but I cared for my co-writer who hasn't developed the thick skin I have.

it's fine if you didn't like the story; of course not everyone will, but (aside from your nasty tone) you don't support your views well.

--the Dad (Craig) is not "looking for a conquest." He's as surprised as she is. neither of them went looking for it or pursued the other. All of a sudden they feel an attraction; it's right on p.1.

--His relationships with other women are NOT portrayed as meaningless "conquests." They are described a "mutually fulfilling" affairs with "women who know what they want" and that he likes to "please" women most of all.

I can only gather you had a personal issue with adultery has skewed your view of the character. Obviously you loathe cheating and you projected your own feelings onto the character.


--Jen does not "lay around waiting for him to seduce her." Not in any way. She makes the first move on him = takes an active role. But I didn't want her to be the typical unrealistic horny slut who relentlessly pursues Daddy so I had her refuse to do anything more because she was "too proud" to. I also describe her as being "bored". She's not passively waiting around; if anything she's ready to just ditch him if he doesn't man up and do something.

--Is Jen "just a body?" I don't know, I think their loving, affectionate relationship is clear from the beginning. "I loved her more than my wife."

--The Dad accepts Jen's feelings about his cheating as "normal" because she tells him so. She says, "I was so fucking happy." Quibble if you want, but she's the one who comes out and says how she feels about it in no uncertain terms.

--True, the Dad doesn't play much of a parental role, but then, that's kind of missing the entire tone of the piece right from the get go, which is presented as his confessions of a dirty, sordid affair he just couldn't help. It's also a bit tongue-in-cheek. It seems like you wanted a very realistic incest story (such as you would want to write), which he was NOT. This was exaggerated fantasy, deliberately so.

--I don't know what you mean about them both "just wanting another notch on their belt." I don't think that's supported it all. But then, it says right in the 2nd paragraph: this is not a romantic story. It was not meant to be. They have a loving relationship, but it is a story about lust.

--Just because you wanted to find some guilt and didn't doesn't reflect on the merits of the story, just your taste.

By all means, loathe the story if you want, I don't care, but I don't think any of your reasons are valid, except one--I do agree there is a disconnect between the first half of the story and the second. I really struggled with the first 3 pages writing them over and over and just didn't seem to get the effect I wanted. Oh well.




Well, um...that's embarrassing.

My intention was to stake out the most critical assessment of the story with the expectation that others would come along and respond to my post with much more positive assessments. Sadly, nobody has and your story deserves better feedback than one critical take.

Here are things I liked about the story:
* The writing was very clean; enjoyable to read
* I'm not a fan of a lot of narrative summary at the start of a story. I liked your approach of having the narrator address the reader directly. It got a lot of information over to me without it feeling like a data dump
* I thought you did a great job of painting scenes, in particular the pool party and the pool scene. I could picture them in my head
 
I can only gather you had a personal issue with adultery has skewed your view of the character. Obviously you loathe cheating and you projected your own feelings onto the character.
I saw a poll recently where Americans were asked their thoughts on various "bad" behaviors. The one behavior that was disapproved of the most (and by a wide margin) was cheating on your spouse. So I don't think I'm the only who loathes cheating.
 
I saw a poll recently where Americans were asked their thoughts on various "bad" behaviors. The one behavior that was disapproved of the most (and by a wide margin) was cheating on your spouse. So I don't think I'm the only who loathes cheating.

Irrespective of this particular story, I have to say I find cheating/adultery to be a big turn on in stories. Obviously, it's a pretty shitty thing to do in real life, but in a fictional setting I like it a lot.

Different strokes for different folks, clearly...
 
Irrespective of this particular story, I have to say I find cheating/adultery to be a big turn on in stories. Obviously, it's a pretty shitty thing to do in real life, but in a fictional setting I like it a lot.

Different strokes for different folks, clearly...
I get that you find a powerful, handsome man who's open to cheating incredibly sexy. If that's the type of story you want to write, go for it. There's an audience on LitE for that type of story.
 
lmao

you seem really quite bitter about the whole cheatin' dad thing, 8letters.

Just fyi, RO is male and not gay, so, another misplaced and wrong nasty comment.

The Dad is all my character. If I don't have the mom out of the picture through death or divorce, I always make the Dad a "cheater." It's important to me, not because I find it more sexy, but because it's how I like to write D/d incest.

I deliberately write exaggerated, powerful, handsome, uber-sexed fathers because it removes it to the realm of fantasy, not some sleazebag middle aged Dad scoping out his daughter. Anything else makes it too realistic and gross, imo. I need the dad to have his pick of women; otherwise it could veer too easily into Oh I'm hard up so I'm checking out my vulnerable daughter. I make no pretense of the fact that I write FANTASY. These are fantasy fathers and fantasy daughters.

The easiest thing is to just make it a Dad and daughter alone, but that gets old. Sometimes you want a mother in the picture, but what I don't want is some sad sap feeling all guilty about cheating on his wife. I don't want a real, heartfelt marriage. I don't want the mother to be hurt, so there's always something "off"--a politician who's basically in an arranged marriage; a workaholic wife who just doesn't have time for sex; an uber-religious mother, something. That way I get around having to write a "real" adultery/betrayal situation. What's the fun in that? I don't find guilt fun.

You'll notice in this story I imply that his wife is a bit shallow, and very much a social climber who loves having her husband as a trophy, and loves the social status as much as him. It's a functional marriage. It's not a marriage based solely on "love," I say so.

The grossest thing to me is a Dad who would turn to his daughter because he can't get sex anywhere else--i.e. anything remotely close to actual incest situations. The situation of the dad having a robust sex life with his wife doesn't appeal to me, either. It's really for plot purposes more than anything that I make them cheaters. Plus it's a total fantasy erotic story, so who cares.


I get that you find a powerful, handsome man who's open to cheating incredibly sexy. If that's the type of story you want to write, go for it. There's an audience on LitE for that type of story.
 
I get that you find a powerful, handsome man who's open to cheating incredibly sexy. If that's the type of story you want to write, go for it. There's an audience on LitE for that type of story.

And hopefully you won't give it "constructive" criticism, because reviewing a story in a category you look down on, although it is accepted for publishing here and has interested readers, isn't constructive right off the top. This is something you just won't understand no matter how many times it's noted on the board.

If the story is in a category you don't like to read, well beyond just not reading it, don't write a critical review of it. Constructive criticism starts off accepting the author's frame of reference and helping the author present the author's story, not substituting a story and preferences of your own. But you've been told that before.
 
I didn't realize that this was a thread for how awesome your story is. My mistake.

Write what you want. There's an audience for your type of story at LitE.
 
There is, just like there's an audience for overly long, boring, melodramatic sibcest. What are you gonna do.

I didn't realize that this was a thread for how awesome your story is. My mistake.

Write what you want. There's an audience for your type of story at LitE.
 
I didn't realize that this was a thread for how awesome your story is. My mistake.
That's a bit rich from the man who regularly starts self-indulgent threads here about his extended story notes, look at me, here's how I write my brilliant stories.

Don't fool yourself 8letters, of course folk come here to say look at my awesome story. You do it, I do it, we all do it. It's what we do, we just all do it in different ways.

But we don't all slide in on a moral superiority like you're doing here - cheating is terrible, but shagging my sister is okay? Really? You, I think, pride yourself on making your stories credible, as nearly real as you can make them, with motivation and conflict, blah blah blah, but why is lusting after a credible fictional sister "better" than Carnal's incredible alpha male with an equally incredible predatory alpha daughter. It's not.

There's powerful fantasy in incest, sure, but there's borderline sleaze too. To draw a line and claim you're on the high side of it is the start of a slippery slope.
 
But we don't all slide in on a moral superiority like you're doing here - cheating is terrible, but shagging my sister is okay? Really? You, I think, pride yourself on making your stories credible, as nearly real as you can make them, with motivation and conflict, blah blah blah, but why is lusting after a credible fictional sister "better" than Carnal's incredible alpha male with an equally incredible predatory alpha daughter. It's not.
You're missing my point entirely. Thomas in my story "Cruise Doubledate With My Sister" doesn't get angry when he has ever reason to. A lot of the initial comments called him a pussy or a wimp (I didn't delete those comments but apparently the site did at some point). If I asked for someone to give me feedback on that story and they said they didn't like it because Thomas was such a wimp, that'd be a perfectly valid critique. I wouldn't get upset about it. Similarly, I was turned off by the dad being a cheating narcissist and it ruined the story for me. Why pretend otherwise? But that's just me. There are lots of other people who found the cheating narcissist appealing. But they aren't taking the time to provide feedback to Carnal_Flower's story on this forum.
 
All of the above discussion aside...

I've tried to read this story twice now, and I just can't. I won't try again.
 
All of the above discussion aside...

I've tried to read this story twice now, and I just can't. I won't try again.

But you're going to write a "constructive" review about it anyway, aren't you? :D
 
Well. Since you asked...
I've been a fan of incest stories as long as I've been reading, and never was asked to comment from a literary viewpoint..
I felt the story was lacking a little in the buildup phase; it seemed to me a little too cut-and-dried, and I didn't really FEEL the characters like I do with others. I don't like to dwell on the effects of incest in society; I can get that in the newspaper at least once a week with child-porn and abuse stories almost daily, it seems.
The military angle is a problem. Officer Dad is used to making decisions and giving orders, so the 'we-fell-down-a-rathole' theme is going to be a central part of their lives for a long, long time, maybe even fatally.
What I'd LIKE to see is a scenario where Jennifer becomes the Colonel's Lady and is more accepted because Wife had a tragic accident or illness, and Officer Dad needs a hostess, and who else but...
...OR, make it totally fantasy where the wife and son join in for Family Fun Nites. Granted, that would be a disaster in the making in on-base Officers Quarters, because, you know, people talk...and Daddy spends life in Leavenworth while poor little Jen has to go on welfare to support herself and her baby because they lost benefits when Daddy was convicted.
The Sister Bakes Cookies story develops much more naturally, I thought.
 
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I agree.

I see plenty of flaws in the story.

thanks for expressing yourself considerately and politely. That's how you write helpful, respectful feedback.



Well. Since you asked...
I've been a fan of incest stories as long as I've been reading, and never was asked to comment from a literary viewpoint..
I felt the story was lacking a little in the buildup phase; it seemed to me a little too cut-and-dried, and I didn't really FEEL the characters like I do with others. I don't like to dwell on the effects of incest in society; I can get that in the newspaper at least once a week with child-porn and abuse stories almost daily, it seems.
The military angle is a problem. Officer Dad is used to making decisions and giving orders, so the 'we-fell-down-a-rathole' theme is going to be a central part of their lives for a long, long time, maybe even fatally.
What I'd LIKE to see is a scenario where Jennifer becomes the Colonel's Lady and is more accepted because Wife had a tragic accident or illness, and Officer Dad needs a hostess, and who else but...
...OR, make it totally fantasy where the wife and son join in for Family Fun Nites. Granted, that would be a disaster in the making in on-base Officers Quarters, because, you know, people talk...and Daddy spends life in Leavenworth while poor little Jen has to go on welfare to support herself and her baby because they lost benefits when Daddy was convicted.
The Sister Bakes Cookies story develops much more naturally, I thought.
 
I thought the writing in this story was much better than what one usually reads in this category. The word choice and the level of detail were excellent, and, to me, heightened the eroticism. The words bring all the senses into play and intermingle them with the narrator's internal feelings, which are more interesting than the introduction would have the reader believe (more on that below).

Technically, the story is excellent. No grammar mistakes. Clearly executed dialogue.

Usually, I agree with 8letters that the key elements of a good incest story are guilt, shame, and reluctance. But that's not what you intended to write, and I thought you did an excellent job working with different motivations. The dramatic tension arises not from guilt and shame but from the circumstances -- his military background and duties, his marriage, the need to sneak around with his daughter so no one sees them. Dad and Jen have a bond in their shared lustiness. They're different from the others in the family. I thought it worked.

I didn't have a problem with dad being selfish or a jerk. He came on a little too much that way at the beginning, I thought, but reading the whole story reveals a somewhat more rounded persona, and one that matches that of his daughter.

You don't dwell on the daughter's personality or motivations as much as the father's, as 8letters points out, but since the story is told from dad's first person POV, I don't see this as a big problem. I saw Jen as being like her dad, and that's what drew them together.

There's really only one thing about this story with which I have a significant criticism, and that is the introduction, in which you make two artistic choices that I'm not sure enhance the story. One is making dad, in his narration, sound a little more jerky and selfish than he needs to, and than he comes across later in the story. The other is tipping the reader off about what's going to happen before it's happened. That deflates somewhat the dramatic tension of the story. I was put off a bit by the introduction, but then I was quickly drawn back into the story once it started in earnest. I'm curious why you chose to tell it that way.

If you had dispensed with the introduction, the reader would not be put off by the dad's up-front description of his need right from the get go. Instead, his desire for his daughter would have been revealed in stages, in a more dramatic and, I think, erotic way. But maybe you wanted the dad's overpowering desire to be front and center from the beginning. That desire is repellant at first, but the story makes some sense of it.

You seem to have left open the possibility of continuing the story. Do you intend to do that?
 
I don't know if it will continue, maybe.

I'd just like to thank you VERY MUCH for writing respectful, helpful feedback.

I hadn't thought about the intro too much, but it apparently has turned some readers off. That's something we probably should have caught if we sent it out to more beta readers. It was written early on, just as a way to get started. Clearly it needed to be changed. ("repellant"). Honestly had no clue he came off that way.

I guess I wrote it that way because I always write very romantic, loving, developed relationships between father and daughter and I just wanted to do something different that was NOT that. I was sick of it. I wanted to change things up. I hate repeating myself. But as the story progressed it inevitably turned more loving and personal, so I should have gone back and changed the introduction.

Thanks for the insight!


I thought the writing in this story was much better than what one usually reads in this category. The word choice and the level of detail were excellent, and, to me, heightened the eroticism. The words bring all the senses into play and intermingle them with the narrator's internal feelings, which are more interesting than the introduction would have the reader believe (more on that below).

Technically, the story is excellent. No grammar mistakes. Clearly executed dialogue.

Usually, I agree with 8letters that the key elements of a good incest story are guilt, shame, and reluctance. But that's not what you intended to write, and I thought you did an excellent job working with different motivations. The dramatic tension arises not from guilt and shame but from the circumstances -- his military background and duties, his marriage, the need to sneak around with his daughter so no one sees them. Dad and Jen have a bond in their shared lustiness. They're different from the others in the family. I thought it worked.

I didn't have a problem with dad being selfish or a jerk. He came on a little too much that way at the beginning, I thought, but reading the whole story reveals a somewhat more rounded persona, and one that matches that of his daughter.

You don't dwell on the daughter's personality or motivations as much as the father's, as 8letters points out, but since the story is told from dad's first person POV, I don't see this as a big problem. I saw Jen as being like her dad, and that's what drew them together.

There's really only one thing about this story with which I have a significant criticism, and that is the introduction, in which you make two artistic choices that I'm not sure enhance the story. One is making dad, in his narration, sound a little more jerky and selfish than he needs to, and than he comes across later in the story. The other is tipping the reader off about what's going to happen before it's happened. That deflates somewhat the dramatic tension of the story. I was put off a bit by the introduction, but then I was quickly drawn back into the story once it started in earnest. I'm curious why you chose to tell it that way.

If you had dispensed with the introduction
, the reader would not be put off by the dad's up-front description of his need right from the get go. Instead, his desire for his daughter would have been revealed in stages, in a more dramatic and, I think, erotic way. But maybe you wanted the dad's overpowering desire to be front and center from the beginning. That desire is repellant at first, but the story makes some sense of it.

You seem to have left open the possibility of continuing the story. Do you intend to do that?
 
I thought the writing in this story was much better than what one usually reads in this category. The word choice and the level of detail were excellent, and, to me, heightened the eroticism. The words bring all the senses into play and intermingle them with the narrator's internal feelings, which are more interesting than the introduction would have the reader believe (more on that below).

Technically, the story is excellent. No grammar mistakes. Clearly executed dialogue.

Usually, I agree with 8letters that the key elements of a good incest story are guilt, shame, and reluctance. But that's not what you intended to write, and I thought you did an excellent job working with different motivations. The dramatic tension arises not from guilt and shame but from the circumstances -- his military background and duties, his marriage, the need to sneak around with his daughter so no one sees them. Dad and Jen have a bond in their shared lustiness. They're different from the others in the family. I thought it worked.

I didn't have a problem with dad being selfish or a jerk. He came on a little too much that way at the beginning, I thought, but reading the whole story reveals a somewhat more rounded persona, and one that matches that of his daughter.

You don't dwell on the daughter's personality or motivations as much as the father's, as 8letters points out, but since the story is told from dad's first person POV, I don't see this as a big problem. I saw Jen as being like her dad, and that's what drew them together.

There's really only one thing about this story with which I have a significant criticism, and that is the introduction, in which you make two artistic choices that I'm not sure enhance the story. One is making dad, in his narration, sound a little more jerky and selfish than he needs to, and than he comes across later in the story. The other is tipping the reader off about what's going to happen before it's happened. That deflates somewhat the dramatic tension of the story. I was put off a bit by the introduction, but then I was quickly drawn back into the story once it started in earnest. I'm curious why you chose to tell it that way.

If you had dispensed with the introduction, the reader would not be put off by the dad's up-front description of his need right from the get go. Instead, his desire for his daughter would have been revealed in stages, in a more dramatic and, I think, erotic way. But maybe you wanted the dad's overpowering desire to be front and center from the beginning. That desire is repellant at first, but the story makes some sense of it.

You seem to have left open the possibility of continuing the story. Do you intend to do that?

Thanks for your feedback.

We have spoken to each other about the possibility of a second chapter, but obviously it's dependent on other factors. There's two of us writing together on this story, which slightly complicates things, as you can imagine. There's no timeframe involved at the moment. Beyond the sharing of a few tentative, initial ideas, nothing has yet been written, so I couldn't even hazard a guess as to when (or if) a sequel emerges. It's entirely possible there won't be a part two, but I know we'd like to explore the themes, characters, ideas further.

I think the fact this was an 'origin' story came slightly as a surprise to both of us. I'm not sure that's what we originally set out to do. The nature of the incestuous relationship has now been established, so part two (if it happens) will be a somewhat different animal, I suspect. To put it bluntly, there'll be a lot more shagging and fucking around, I imagine. And the adultery aspect will be fairly prominent too. But, I can't be too definitive since it was written as a partnership and the sequel would be created the same way.
 
the key elements of a good incest story are guilt, shame, and reluctance.

This is a crux of what disturbs me about some of the exchanging here. To go into writing an incest story with the thought that it has to be approached by "guilt, shame, and reluctance" to be good is starting off with condemnation of the category, I think. It's actually the same way some approach writing a Gay Male story. That's pretty defeatist and, to me, means you probably shouldn't even start writing the story. You've already rejected the category.

I've written a few incest stories for Lit. (under sr71plt), because I like to try writing in all categories. I wrote them from a more positive attitude, though--from what's beyond or instead of "guilt, shame, and reluctance." It's also where I began with the Loving Wife stories I've written. If I'd thought they ipso facto could not be "good" stories because I haven't accepted the category already as one of "guilt, shame, and reluctance," I wouldn't have bothered to write them. I think writing a "good" story for these categories can include stories that are coherent and make sense without giving up on the category from the start.
 
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