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Old 07-25-2017, 05:03 PM   #1
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How to Encourage Partner to Take Charge during Sex

I've been married for 20 something years, and our sex life has been almost non-existent up until this year.

Now that romance and our connection is getting better, how do I ask my husband that I want him to take charge during sex. It is not something that we've talked about, and I have this huge wall that is stopping me from asking him, but it is something that I kind of think about.

What are some "messages" that I can give him that lets him know this is what I desire? I am afraid that he will laugh if I just come out and say it...I know he probably won't but, what do you think?

Thanks for your replies.
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Old 07-25-2017, 06:23 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToSatisfyMyHusband View Post
I've been married for 20 something years, and our sex life has been almost non-existent up until this year.

Now that romance and our connection is getting better, how do I ask my husband that I want him to take charge during sex. It is not something that we've talked about, and I have this huge wall that is stopping me from asking him, but it is something that I kind of think about.

What are some "messages" that I can give him that lets him know this is what I desire? I am afraid that he will laugh if I just come out and say it...I know he probably won't but, what do you think?

Thanks for your replies.
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Old 07-25-2017, 07:46 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToSatisfyMyHusband View Post
I've been married for 20 something years, and our sex life has been almost non-existent up until this year.

Now that romance and our connection is getting better, how do I ask my husband that I want him to take charge during sex. It is not something that we've talked about, and I have this huge wall that is stopping me from asking him, but it is something that I kind of think about.

What are some "messages" that I can give him that lets him know this is what I desire? I am afraid that he will laugh if I just come out and say it...I know he probably won't but, what do you think?

Thanks for your replies.
Just do it. my wife of 27-years just last week while we were in the midst of making love, asked me to take her ass and ravish it. She said that she has wanted it for a long time and finally just asked. Oh I was taken aback for a minute, but then told her that i wanted it for probably as long if not lnger. so we both admitted that we thought the other would think we were a pervert or something and now that it is out in the open, we have had a wonderful past week just playing off that and trying to make it happen. We actually did succeed once so far and oh my god it was wonderful. she is out of town this week, and i can wait to get back in her back door and enjoy it all over and over again.
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Old 07-25-2017, 08:41 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by osodown View Post
Just do it. my wife of 27-years just last week while we were in the midst of making love, asked me to take her ass and ravish it. She said that she has wanted it for a long time and finally just asked. Oh I was taken aback for a minute, but then told her that i wanted it for probably as long if not lnger. so we both admitted that we thought the other would think we were a pervert or something and now that it is out in the open, we have had a wonderful past week just playing off that and trying to make it happen. We actually did succeed once so far and oh my god it was wonderful. she is out of town this week, and i can wait to get back in her back door and enjoy it all over and over again.
That's nice that you were actually thinking the same thing. I wonder if my husband is thinking the same things about our intimacy as I am.

Thanks for sharing!
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Old 07-26-2017, 01:40 AM   #5
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I was always told that communication was important in marriage. The most he can do is tell you 'no'. One girlfriend and I discussed our fantasies which turned out to be the same. Boy was that fun.
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Old 07-26-2017, 02:31 AM   #6
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many women expect their men to know automatically how to pleasure us. They don't. They are dumb on that score. Even when they want to, they don't know how. We have to train our men. When they are near our buttons but not quite hitting the mark, explain what you want, how hard, soft, how gentle, how rough, where to move and not move. WE guide them to pleasure us. Communication is everything. So we need to take charge of our own pleasure, but let the guys THINK they are in control. Practice makes perfect!
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Old 07-26-2017, 03:30 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Tigersman View Post
I was always told that communication was important in marriage. The most he can do is tell you 'no'. One girlfriend and I discussed our fantasies which turned out to be the same. Boy was that fun.
That must have been exciting to have the same fantasies.
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Old 07-26-2017, 03:34 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by LindaSue View Post
many women expect their men to know automatically how to pleasure us. They don't. They are dumb on that score. Even when they want to, they don't know how. We have to train our men. When they are near our buttons but not quite hitting the mark, explain what you want, how hard, soft, how gentle, how rough, where to move and not move. WE guide them to pleasure us. Communication is everything. So we need to take charge of our own pleasure, but let the guys THINK they are in control. Practice makes perfect!
I love this one!! Thank you for this piece of advice, these have all been great.

Oh my, this might lead to more any more options....lol

Thanks again for your feedback!!

Have a great day!
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Old 07-27-2017, 02:58 AM   #9
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You can try being aggressive with your husband during sex. Use your nails, choke him a little, but not to death of course. Let your wild side come out to play. He might be a little shocked at first but when he realizes you are wanting something different in the bedroom, hopefully he'll start asking you questions which will help you communicate your needs to him.

This is all just my opinion of course. Good luck!
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Old 07-27-2017, 06:30 AM   #10
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The possibility exists that he wants you to take charge...some of us are wired that way.
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Old 07-27-2017, 06:47 AM   #11
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Dollie

My own family was in charge of my body before I ever considered actual sex.

My husband has always seemed to take charge ever since then. I will admit when younger and with certain friends I or several of us has been in charge, often while he slept. Or tried to sleep.
But mostly my husband takes charge and I love it that way. Just think of who I can blame if things happen I didn't want or if things go wrong.

As a couple you have to communicate to survive. If you want him to be in charge or to do something, speak up.
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Old 07-29-2017, 09:48 AM   #12
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Still working on this one.
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Old 07-31-2017, 08:17 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SherylSunshine View Post
You can try being aggressive with your husband during sex. Use your nails, choke him a little, but not to death of course. Let your wild side come out to play. He might be a little shocked at first but when he realizes you are wanting something different in the bedroom, hopefully he'll start asking you questions which will help you communicate your needs to him.

This is all just my opinion of course. Good luck!
Thank you, its been fun trying to get my hints across, and I promise, there's been no choking. Just some teasing.
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Old 07-31-2017, 08:18 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by twister947 View Post
The possibility exists that he wants you to take charge...some of us are wired that way.
That's what I'm afraid of and I'm not wire that way. I think we should just have a battle of the sexes...lol
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Old 07-31-2017, 08:19 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LIVINRFANTASIES View Post
My own family was in charge of my body before I ever considered actual sex.

My husband has always seemed to take charge ever since then. I will admit when younger and with certain friends I or several of us has been in charge, often while he slept. Or tried to sleep.
But mostly my husband takes charge and I love it that way. Just think of who I can blame if things happen I didn't want or if things go wrong.

As a couple you have to communicate to survive. If you want him to be in charge or to do something, speak up.
Thank you for your advice. We are doing much better!
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Old 08-01-2017, 02:55 PM   #16
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Amen!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LindaSue View Post
many women expect their men to know automatically how to pleasure us. They don't. They are dumb on that score. Even when they want to, they don't know how. We have to train our men. When they are near our buttons but not quite hitting the mark, explain what you want, how hard, soft, how gentle, how rough, where to move and not move. WE guide them to pleasure us. Communication is everything. So we need to take charge of our own pleasure, but let the guys THINK they are in control. Practice makes perfect!
You got it sister. Spread the word!!!!
Having said that, it seems that, for some folks, having to ask spoils their mood. Drat and dad gummit!!
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Old 08-01-2017, 03:06 PM   #17
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Try a naughty game - lots of dice and card versions out there.
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Old 08-02-2017, 11:02 PM   #18
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Communication is key.

Congrats on finding your MOJO. This may be a little long but I hope it gives some insight.

I have recently had this exact same problem, but from the other side. Recently after a very nice love making session where I was more 'demanding' than is typical, my wife confessed how much she enjoyed being "dominated by a big strong man".

Now, my wife is a strong, independent, capable woman. Which is in large part why I love her. She apparently loves me because amongst other things I'm a loving, supportive husband that treats her with respect and equality. Despite having a wonderful connection when we do have sex, historically however, our sex life was totally vanilla and infrequent. Once ever 3 or 4 months. Honestly, very frustrating for me. But I love and respect her so if she is not in the mood then it didn't happen. Anything else is rape, is it not?

Recently she has also found HER mojo. Good things do, eventually, come to those who wait. So, what to do about her 'confession'.

Consider the question... "what is the difference between a rewarding Dom/Sub relationship (of any intensity) and an abusive husband"

Answer; "Consent". You must communicate clearly with him. By all means begin slowly, feel him out rather than freak him out. But be clear. Do not assume he can read your mind.

I am in a peculiarly schizo reality. My wife firmly states she wants nobody else in our sex life but clearly needs more excitement now. Awesome. Except on the one hand I must be a loving, equality supportive PARTNER but, sometimes, just sometimes, I must be a dominant demanding BRUTE. This I can do with a little practice - it's difficult to change 14 years worth of behaviours. But knowing when to do so is the hard part. Only she can help with that.

But having to TELL your husband what you want each time can really spoil the spontaneity. Yes?

My solution was to have an initial discussion and pin her down a little on her desires and LIMITS. Then WE agreed on some subtle signals on how to get things started. When she is in the mood she says something like "You know honey, I'm feeling a little disobedient this evening". If I'm in a Dom' mood and wish to test her mood I will "gently take the hair at her nape in my fist and direct her lips to mine and kiss her passionately". In this case if she resists AT ALL, WE consider her NOT in THAT mood and I back off (usually with an "I love you" and a tender kiss). If she doesn't resist at THAT point then I "take charge" from then until HER safe word or I am done. She sometimes may resist after that point but that is just the game.

My personal favourite; I gifted her a small, soft, lace choker. Its cute, sexy and suits her long neck. It can be worn in company. But if she puts it on in my presence, we BOTH know that she is mine to toy with. Up to our agreed limits.

I love her new sexuality. I am privileged it is I to whom it is entrusted. But I need her communication and consent. For you to have what YOU want your husband needs yours. Be brave. If he is a caring, reasonable man you will reap the rewards.

No sane man ever knocked back a better sex life. He may take some time to become comfortable with the new dynamic but be patient.

If you made it this far, thanks for the length. May you have as much fun as we.

I look forward to a progress report. Best of luck.
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Old 08-03-2017, 09:33 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Powda69 View Post
Congrats on finding your MOJO. This may be a little long but I hope it gives some insight.


Recently she has also found HER mojo. Good things do, eventually, come to those who wait. So, what to do about her 'confession'.

Consider the question... "what is the difference between a rewarding Dom/Sub relationship (of any intensity) and an abusive husband"

Answer; "Consent". You must communicate clearly with him. By all means begin slowly, feel him out rather than freak him out. But be clear. Do not assume he can read your mind.

I am in a peculiarly schizo reality. My wife firmly states she wants nobody else in our sex life but clearly needs more excitement now. Awesome. Except on the one hand I must be a loving, equality supportive PARTNER but, sometimes, just sometimes, I must be a dominant demanding BRUTE. This I can do with a little practice - it's difficult to change 14 years worth of behaviours. But knowing when to do so is the hard part. Only she can help with that.

But having to TELL your husband what you want each time can really spoil the spontaneity. Yes?

My solution was to have an initial discussion and pin her down a little on her desires and LIMITS. Then WE agreed on some subtle signals on how to get things started. When she is in the mood she says something like "You know honey, I'm feeling a little disobedient this evening". If I'm in a Dom' mood and wish to test her mood I will "gently take the hair at her nape in my fist and direct her lips to mine and kiss her passionately". In this case if she resists AT ALL, WE consider her NOT in THAT mood and I back off (usually with an "I love you" and a tender kiss). If she doesn't resist at THAT point then I "take charge" from then until HER safe word or I am done. She sometimes may resist after that point but that is just the game.


I love her new sexuality. I am privileged it is I to whom it is entrusted. But I need her communication and consent. For you to have what YOU want your husband needs yours. Be brave. If he is a caring, reasonable man you will reap the rewards.

If you made it this far, thanks for the length. May you have as much fun as we.

I look forward to a progress report. Best of luck.
Thank you for replying,
I like your ideas. Our communication is getting better and I can tell that he is adapting the new MOJO. Recently I made some playing cards that added a few extra moves that we don't normally do.

Thanks again.
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Old 08-08-2017, 03:01 PM   #20
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You're welcome.

You're card trick sounds like fun. We will give it a try ourselves.
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Old 08-12-2017, 11:35 PM   #21
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I am kind of in the same boat, I'd like to talk to my partner about being more active and take more control.
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Old 08-16-2017, 03:55 AM   #22
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I agree, communication and consent are key.
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