When your feminist stories get rejected on Lit

LJ_Reloaded said:

You obviously missed the entire point of what she was saying. Those boys she was talking about in school aren't men in power. And the problem is still going on. What is this website's obsession with the age of an article anyway?

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Domestic violence: Not always one sided

Mention of domestic violence immediately brings to mind an intimidating male batterer. But a 2007 article shows that the problem — also called intimate partner violence — is often more complicated and may involve both women and men as perpetrators.

Nearly 11,000 men and women, a representative sample of the American population ages 18 to 28, participated in a national survey. They were asked the following questions about their most important recent sexual or romantic relationship:

How often in the past year have you threatened your partner with violence, pushed him or her, or thrown something at him or her that could hurt, and how often has your partner done that to you?
How often in the past year have you hit, slapped, or kicked your partner, and how often has your partner done that to you?
If there has been any violence in your relationship, how often has either partner suffered an injury, such as a sprain, bruise, or cut?
Almost 25% of the people surveyed — 28% of women and 19% of men — said there was some violence in their relationship. Women admitted perpetrating more violence (25% versus 11%) as well as being victimized more by violence (19% versus 16%) than men did. According to both men and women, 50% of this violence was reciprocal, that is, involved both parties, and in those cases the woman was more likely to have been the first to strike.

Violence was more frequent when both partners were involved, and so was injury — to either partner. In these relationships, men were more likely than women to inflict injury (29% versus 19%).

When the violence was one-sided, both women and men said that women were the perpetrators about 70% of the time. Men were more likely to be injured in reciprocally violent relationships (25%) than were women when the violence was one-sided (20%).

That means both men and women agreed that men were not more responsible than women for intimate partner violence. The findings cannot be explained by men’s being ashamed to admit hitting women, because women agreed with men on this point.

The authors say they have no intention of minimizing the very real problem of serious domestic violence — the classic male batterer. The survey did not cover the use of knives, guns, choking, or burning, and it was not concerned with the kind of situation that can drive a woman to seek shelter outside the home. The view of the authors is that most intimate partner violence should not be equated with severe battering. Domestic disputes that turn physical because of retaliation and escalation do not have the same causes or the same consequences as male battering. Couples counseling is generally regarded as ineffective for batterers, but if the violence is moderate and the injuries are minor, both partners are involved, and they want to stay together, it makes sense for a therapist to work with both of them.

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What is lesbian partner violence?
Partner violence in lesbian (and gay) relationships recently has been identified as an important social problem. Partner or domestic violence among lesbians has been defined as including physical, sexual and psychological abuse, although researchers have most often studied physical violence.

How common is lesbian partner violence?
About 17-45% of lesbians report having been the victim of a least one act of physical violence perpetrated by a lesbian partner (1,5,6,13). Types of physical abuse named by more than 10% of participants in one study included:
Disrupting other�s eating or sleeping habits
Pushing or shoving, driving recklessly to punish, and slapping, kicking, hitting, or biting (11).
Sexual abuse by a woman partner has been reported by up to 50% of lesbians (12).
Psychological abuse has been reported as occurring at least one time by 24% to 90% of lesbians (1,5,6,11,14).
The research usually has been done with mostly white, middle-class lesbians who are sufficiently open about their sexual orientation to have met researchers seeking participants in the lesbian community. Subsequently, these findings may not apply to women who are less open, less educated, or of other ethnic backgrounds.

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By Katy
© Pandora's Aquarium

There is a belief that women are the “gentle” sex. We are nurturing, kind, tolerant, compassionate, understanding, accepting, caring….and so, with that in mind, surely lesbian relationships are always founded on mutual love and respect for one another. Right?

Wrong! Whilst the vast majority of lesbian partnerships are positive, life-affirming experiences, there is a darker issue that is seldom talked about, even by those within the lesbian community itself. I’m talking, of course, about domestic abuse and sexual assault.

Myth: DV and SA does not occur within lesbian relationships.

Perhaps surprisingly, statistics have shown that lesbian people experience domestic violence at a very similar rate to that of heterosexual women (Waldner-Haygrud, 1997; AVP, 1992). It has been estimated that between 17-45% of lesbians have been the victim of at least one act of violence perpetrated by a female partner (Burke et al, 1999; Lie et al, 1991), and that 30% of lesbians have reported sexual assault / rape by another woman (Renzetti, 1992). Considering the lack of discussion that takes place regarding lesbian domestic violence and sexual assault, I find these figures staggering.

How does domestic / sexual violence manifest in lesbian relationships?

Hart (1986) defines lesbian domestic violence as “That pattern of violent and coercive behaviours whereby a lesbian seeks to control the thoughts, beliefs, or conduct of her intimate partner or to punish the intimate for resisting the perpetrator's control over her”.

Domestic violence occurs when a partner / significant other, attempts to physically or psychologically dominate another. It can take the form of:

- Physical violence: hitting, punching, kicking, biting etc.
- Emotional abuse: constantly putting down, humiliating, embarrassing, frightening, threatening. etc.
- Isolating: Controlling contact with others, restricting freedom.
- Financial control: Fostering dependency, controlling money, property rights.
- “Outing” – threatening to “out” you.

Myth: DV in lesbian relationships is not as serious as that experienced in heterosexual relationships because its woman Vs. woman.

Even if two women have equal physical strength (which is unlikely), it does not mean that the distribution of power within that relationship is equal. DV is about power, and when there is a power differential, there is the potential for abuse. This “power” need not be determined by physical strength.

For example:
- A partner that has more money, may have power over a partner with less money because they may pay the bills, own the house etc.
- A partner who is not “out” to family and friends by be threatened with being out-ed if they don’t do as they are told.
- A partner who is the “birth mother” of any children may threaten to take the children away.

Myth: A woman cannot really rape / sexually assault another woman.
Many of us have been bought up to believe that rape / sexual assault requires penile penetration – and so when it comes to women-on-women sexual violence, some dismiss that sexual assault can even occur between lesbians. This is a falsehood.

Sexual assault between women can include:
- Forced vaginal / anal penetration with digits or objects;
- Forced sexual touching;
- Forced oral sex.

DV and SA perpetrated by a woman, on a woman, is every bit as wrong and serious as DV and SA that occurs in heterosexual relationships. The gender of the perpetrator or the victim is immaterial. There is a move to make more laws regarding sexual assault and domestic violence more gender neutral.

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After attending a training about intimate partner violence from my agency, staff at a local doctor’s office found themselves calling our hotline. They had a lesbian woman in their exam room who was terrified of her highly agitated abusive partner sitting in their waiting room. There had been significant emotional and physical abuse in their relationship.

When it was over, the survivor would be secretly ushered out the back door into a waiting cab to bring her to shelter, and law enforcement would become involved.

Of course, we then had to warn crisis line advocates who approve people for shelter to be extra cautious when screening. You see, some lesbian abusers have pretended to be victims of intimate partner violence so that they could gain entry into shelters and find their partner.

Cunning, isn’t it? Hard to believe?

The idea that intimate partner violence occurs in lesbian relationships may seem ridiculous. I mean, intimate partner violence only happens in heterosexual relationships, right?

A lesbian can’t hold societal power over her partner like a man. She, too, is oppressed by society. People couldn’t care less about her or her relationship when it comes to discussing potential power imbalances.

Well, what if I told you that one of the reasons why a woman can get away with abusing her same-sex partner is precisely because of that invisibility?

This belief can prevent lesbians from seeking help when they are in an abusive relationship. After all, who’s going to believe them?

And this is precisely why we need to be having this conversation.

As is a basic tenet of intersectionality, oppression affects people of intersecting identities differently – and as such, women in same-gender relationships experience multiple layers of oppression, and therefore experience intimate partner violence in unique ways.

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edwalu2 said:

No, I managed to comprehend her point quite well, thanks. I am extremely literate!

The 'obsession with the age of an article' is, presumably, that:

1) If the article is not contemporary, we have no reason to believe that the situation is the same - if in fact it was ever as Lessing perceived. It need not be pointed out that her view is entirely subjective, I'm sure. Whatever the actuality, things tend to change an awful lot over time, and fourteen years is a significant amount of time.

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2) You seem to think that there is a worldwide acceptance of this disastrous state of pro-radical feminist affairs that you 'observe'. If that were the case, then you would be able to find many examples of Lessing's view from contemporary sources. Which would hold more credibility. So there would be no need to drag up an interview from fourteen years ago where an author gives her subjective view.

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By the way, what do you like about Doris Lessing's work?

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Swilly said:

I know I said I was done, but I thought I'd share something I overheard in the gym today. It's about this news item:

http://gawker.com/penn-state-frat-guy-incoherently-defends-sketchy-facebo-1692357430

So I'm squatting, and these two guys are fucking around on the Smith machine next to my squat rack. One guy, about 50, says to his buddy: "What's the difference between these Penn State pictures and when a woman poses for Playboy?"

His forty year oldish buddy looks at him with shock. "Consent," he says. "The woman posing for Playboy has given her consent, and is old enough to do it. She isn't passed out drunk and unaware that her picture is being taken and will be posted to the internet."

And THAT, boys and girls, is why we have these problems. There are people out there...men and women both, LJ, that actually can't understand such a distinction. How can that be? I don't know, but it is. And that is frightening.

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Swilly said:

I know I said I was done, but I thought I'd share something I overheard in the gym today. It's about this news item:

http://gawker.com/penn-state-frat-guy-incoherently-defends-sketchy-facebo-1692357430

So I'm squatting, and these two guys are fucking around on the Smith machine next to my squat rack. One guy, about 50, says to his buddy: "What's the difference between these Penn State pictures and when a woman poses for Playboy?"

His forty year oldish buddy looks at him with shock. "Consent," he says. "The woman posing for Playboy has given her consent, and is old enough to do it. She isn't passed out drunk and unaware that her picture is being taken and will be posted to the internet."

And THAT, boys and girls, is why we have these problems. There are people out there...men and women both, LJ, that actually can't understand such a distinction. How can that be? I don't know, but it is. And that is frightening.

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Mattswanders said:

Maybe you are a Men's Rights Activist who isn't a mysognist and a patriarch. But, you're a lot like a someone flying a Confederate flag on their lawn saying they aren't a racist. You are asking people to see your point or sympathize with your motives, but you're standing up beside human scum.

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Mattswanders said:

Maybe you are a Men's Rights Activist who isn't a mysognist and a patriarch. But, you're a lot like a someone flying a Confederate flag on their lawn saying they aren't a racist. You are asking people to see your point or sympathize with your motives, but you're standing up beside human scum.

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lovecraft68 said:

Nice point....you are judged by the company you keep.

Calling LJ a rapist is me getting his hair up, just like when he tries to make it sound like I'm some whipped pussy.

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In reality I don't think LJ would hurt a woman and I think for a variety of reasons he and I hate the entitled patriarchs. In fact if you took away the feminist debate, LJ and I have similar views and more in common than one might think.

But...his way of going about trying to make his points is glorifying misogyny and things of that nature so its the image he is projecting here.

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