COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

"She smiled." vs "She said with a smile."

BuckyDuckman

BuckyDuckman

Literotica Guru
Joined
Sep 18, 2011
Posts
3,256
Okay Grammar-Nazi's, help me out. Which is right?

"Sounds delicious," she smiled.

Or,

"Sounds delicious," she said with a smile.

Or maybe it should be:

"Sounds delicious." She smiled.

To my eyes, both seem to work equally well. I know I can smile and talk at the same time. To me, saying ". . .she smiled." infers that she is speaking and avoids repeating yet again "she said."

I'm chasing my tail here, so what say you?
 
Either works and as you said the longer one breaks up the monotonous she said

You can toss in a "she smiled as she spoke" for some varity as well.
 
BuckyDuckman said:
Okay Grammar-Nazi's, help me out. Which is right?

"Sounds delicious," she smiled.

Or,

"Sounds delicious," she said with a smile.

Or maybe it should be:

"Sounds delicious." She smiled.

To my eyes, both seem to work equally well. I know I can smile and talk at the same time. To me, saying ". . .she smiled." infers that she is speaking and avoids repeating yet again "she said."

I'm chasing my tail here, so what say you?
Click to expand...

Poetry in motion, listen to the meter of it. It's all just a matter of style. Sometimes with dialogue it's good to read it out loud to hear if it sound real or forced.
 
She smiled. "It sounds delicious."

Italicizing "sounds" could be an additional option.
 
You don't get a sound out of a smile, so it's not a good verbalizing slug. So,

"Sounds delicious," she said with a smile.

Or

"Sounds delicious." She smiled.

are what won't be "fingernails on the blackboard" time for an experienced reader.
 
I find...

"Sounds delicious," she said with a smile.

to be easier to read, and much more erotic. We are writing erotica here aren't we?
 
The first one plants an image of her saying it and smiling afterwards.

The next one plants an image of her saying it with a smile on her face.

You decide what you want to see in the scene.

Personally speaking, they don't feel the same to me. I'd prefer using the first one because it uses fewer words to convey the general emotion. It's a small thing. I don't think you'd drive readers up the wall for this.
 
I'm with pilot. You can't speak a smile, so I wouldn't recommend the first one.

I prefer the second option. Number three is too abrupt.
 
I agree with SR. Compare these sentences:

She said that her phone number was 8675309.
She smiled that her phone number was 8675309.

The first works; the second one doesn't, because you can't smile that sort of thing. So it doesn't work as a speech tag.
 
Bramblethorn said:
I agree with SR. Compare these sentences:

She said that her phone number was 8675309.
She smiled that her phone number was 8675309.

The first works; the second one doesn't, because you can't smile that sort of thing. So it doesn't work as a speech tag.
Click to expand...

I believe Pilot brings up a valid observation and as well as a potential test.

Does a verbalization descriptor have a sound?

So, I believe this would work:
"Let's go," she sighed.

Where as:
"Let's go," she said with a sigh.
Could be just as valid and convey similar meaning.

Conveying meaning, of course, is the entire point. However, I find both of these new examples comparable.

Which leads me to think she could gasp, sigh, and even cry (though that word can be a bit nebulous), because each of these suggest a sound or tone. However, "She smiled." describes an action and not a sound modifier.

Thank you one and all for your input.
 
Sighed does have a sound and at least approaches being a legitimate dialogue slug. The problem is that those readers who are sensitive to this probably will stop reading to make up their mind whether "sighed" is acceptable. And you usually don't want readers to stop and think of anything else but the flow of your story. So, even here "with a sigh" is the safer bet. "Gasped" is another word on the edge of acceptability. "Cried" is fine.

Incidentally, those who wanted to make a choice between the two versions that were grammatically correct don't really have enough of the context of the story to be saying which works best in the specific context. It depends on what else is going on around that phrase and the rhythm of the nearby sentences.
 
Last edited:
I'm a hardcore "said"-stivist. Nobody ever smiles, laughs, or sighs a sentence. You can do those things while you talk, sure, but when words leave your mouth it's because you're saying them. I don't think this is one of those things that's up to a personal style. I don't think it's even a 90 percent rule, like most of them are. This is one of those hard, bright lines. Virtually any editor will agree. You don't have to listen to them, but I think it's a strong case.
 
We were always taught that dialogue tags were the work of the devil, to be avoided like the plague unless the sense of clarity of speaker needed it. Then use, 'said X'.

In the OP's example, wouldn't, 'she said smiling' work OK?
 
elfin_odalisque said:
We were always taught that dialogue tags were the work of the devil, to be avoided like the plague unless the sense of clarity of speaker needed it. Then use, 'said X'.

In the OP's example, wouldn't, 'she said smiling' work OK?
Click to expand...


she said, smiling
perhaps ?
 
Handley_Page said:
she said, smiling
perhaps ?
Click to expand...

Yeah, that comma is needed there.

PS - if it were me, I'd consider just dropping the "she smiled" bit altogether. When writing dialogue, my rule of thumb is that if something's already conveyed in the dialogue then I don't need to re-convey it in the supporting text.

If somebody says "Sounds delicious", it usually goes without saying that they're smiling. (If they're not smiling, e.g. she's being sarcastic, then that's worth noting.)

But that's a personal stylistic preference, not a grammatical rule.
 
It strikes me that all of the examples quoted and suggested all lack some 'explanation' (I doubt it is the right word, but for now, it will do). The language has the ability to lend a certain 'detail' to the action, marked only by the odd apostrophe, comma or whatever. I think it can say as much about the character as a full-on description.


Bramblethorn said:
. Compare these sentences:

She said that her phone number was 8675309.
She smiled that her phone number was 8675309.

The first works; the second one doesn't, because you can't smile that sort of thing. So it doesn't work as a speech tag.
Click to expand...

The first one works for where she answered a Policeman or Clerk. It's cold and gives nothing away.
The second, I think, missed a bit:

She smiled, and replied that her phone number was 8675309.

I think this says something about her; one can almost put a face or feeling to her.


BuckyDuckman said:
I believe Pilot brings up a valid observation and as well as a potential test.
Does a verbalization descriptor have a sound?

So, I believe this would work:
"Let's go," she sighed.

Where as:
"Let's go," she said with a sigh.
Could be just as valid and convey similar meaning.

Conveying meaning, of course, is the entire point. However, I find both of these new examples comparable.

Which leads me to think she could gasp, sigh, and even cry (though that word can be a bit nebulous), because each of these suggest a sound or tone. However, "She smiled." describes an action and not a sound modifier.

Thank you one and all for your input.
Click to expand...

I feel it might be assumed that a sigh does not imply 'gladness'; rather 'accepance'.
However, in the first instance, it may indicate an aspect of tiredness.

Of course, my thoughts could merely be the result of being old and English. . .
 
Handley_Page said:
It strikes me that all of the examples quoted and suggested all lack some 'explanation' (I doubt it is the right word, but for now, it will do). The language has the ability to lend a certain 'detail' to the action, marked only by the odd apostrophe, comma or whatever. I think it can say as much about the character as a full-on description.
Click to expand...

It's certainly possible for supporting text to add detail to the dialogue - e.g. if I need to convey that a character is very agitated, I might mention that they're waving their hands as they speak.

But I try to ask myself - does this add to what's already conveyed through the dialogue?

"GET OFF MY LAWN!" he shouted.
"I miss you like a desert misses the rain," she said longingly.

Those are cases where the extra description isn't telling us anything we couldn't already get from the dialogue. My preference there is to snip the redundant words. For me, ' "Sounds delicious," she smiled' is getting into the same territory.

The first one works for where she answered a Policeman or Clerk. It's cold and gives nothing away.
The second, I think, missed a bit:

She smiled, and replied that her phone number was 8675309.

I think this says something about her; one can almost put a face or feeling to her.
Click to expand...

The missingness was intentional - I offered that second sentence as an example of something that doesn't work grammatically, to illustrate why "smiled" can't be used in place of "said" for speech attribution.
 
"'Sounds delicious,' she smiled" simply isn't grammatical--you can't verbalize a smile--so it's not really up for a vote. Sure, an author can write it, but they are being ungrammatical, and if a reader's read is interrupted by noting that the author is being ungrammatical that's just the author's hardheaded "too bad."
 
BuckyDuckman said:
Okay Grammar-Nazi's, help me out. Which is right?

"Sounds delicious," she smiled.

Or,

"Sounds delicious," she said with a smile.

Or maybe it should be:

"Sounds delicious." She smiled.

To my eyes, both seem to work equally well. I know I can smile and talk at the same time. To me, saying ". . .she smiled." infers that she is speaking and avoids repeating yet again "she said."

I'm chasing my tail here, so what say you?
Click to expand...

The first one doesn't work because a smile is not dialogue. The second is alright, but this form should be used sparingly, because it otherwise sounds akin to a series of Tom Swifties. The last one is good, if there is another quoted sentence added, such as: "Sounds delicious." She smiled. "I've always been a big chocolate freak."
 
Bramblethorn said:
Yeah, that comma is needed there.

PS - if it were me, I'd consider just dropping the "she smiled" bit altogether. When writing dialogue, my rule of thumb is that if something's already conveyed in the dialogue then I don't need to re-convey it in the supporting text.

If somebody says "Sounds delicious", it usually goes without saying that they're smiling. (If they're not smiling, e.g. she's being sarcastic, then that's worth noting.)

But that's a personal stylistic preference, not a grammatical rule.
Click to expand...


My rule is: if it slows down the reader, (unless intentionally) it goes out. I like, "Smiling, she said", but as several have said, It depends upon the flow of the story. Sometimes one doesn't need a tag at all (best I think).
 
If you're going to write

"Sounds delicious," she smiled.

then you may just as well add

"That tickles," she wiggled.

or

"Your cock is so long," she stroked.


Smiling is not making sounds. Writing it this way almost gives the impression of her mouthing the words instead of saying them, and smiling would make it all the harder for her conversation-mate to decipher what it is she's mouthing.
 
sr71plt said:
"'Sounds delicious,' she smiled" simply isn't grammatical--you can't verbalize a smile--so it's not really up for a vote. Sure, an author can write it, but they are being ungrammatical, and if a reader's read is interrupted by noting that the author is being ungrammatical that's just the author's hardheaded "too bad."
Click to expand...

Oops, I had the wrong sentence there. I agree with you 100% on grammar here.

What I was trying to say, before my fingers betrayed me, was that things like ' "Sounds delicious," she said with a smile' will often benefit from pruning. That one isn't grammatically wrong but it's redundant.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Altissimus
Style guide - the AH way.
2
Replies
46
Views
781
Altissimus
Altissimus
ctarrantella
Ways to say things for a story (specific to a current story)
Replies
9
Views
248
ctarrantella
ctarrantella
madelinemasoch
Character-Psyche Relations
2
Replies
26
Views
469
MillieDynamite
MillieDynamite
AwkwardlySet
Such a curious thing...
Replies
8
Views
252
jasperrocks51
J
EmilyMiller
Most egregious pop culture reference in one of your stories
2 3
Replies
53
Views
935
Unblemished
U
Back
Top