Looking to Talk to a Dominant Male about what it takes to be submissive

I just need to find out if I am truly submissive to a male and if I need cock which I have never had

smallbuthard said:

I just need to find out if I am truly submissive to a male and if I need cock which I have never had

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"True submissive" isn't a real thing. There is no one true way to do D/s. Given that everyone is different, it comes down to compatibility between partners. I don't think anyone can answer if you "need" cock. You're the only one that can answer that.

Actually, you're the only one that can answer any of this.

You need to do some of your own research to figure that out. Start by familiarizing yourself with the BDSM basics. Also, if you are unsure about your sexuality you may want to explore that so you have a better idea of what Dom characteristics you'd be most compatible with. Hope that makes sense! Wish I had more advice, but MeekMe hit the nail on the head.

Someone please put me in touch with a chef.
I need to find out if I'm hungry.

I have been in both roles that you ask about. I will tell you that Fantasy is NOT reality. It never flows the way you want it to as a submissive. So you have to be open, wide open to new things that your Dom might throw at you.

Talk. Talk a lot with the man you want to do things with. If he is overly forceful, he's not for you. If he's sheepish and asks about everything YOU want...again, he's not for you, as he's not a real Dom.

A real Dom will ask your interests and then try to push more secret info from you.. He will not want to "claim" you on the first date, but rather get to know you better. He will be confident in his approach, and still listen to your needs and wants.

A true Dom will tell you flat out "You aren't ready for Lifestyle". They are very picky about subs and slaves.

Are you ready? Well answer this. have you considered uncomfortable pain in your fantasies? All first timers will feel pain.
Do you think about safety? No matter what you are doing, you must always protect yourself....yes the act of condoms ruin spontaneity, but it is your body at risk.

Remember that the first explorations will bring some disappointment. one must not give up because of a few failed endeavors. Find what fits YOU. then move on.

Hope that helps.

Sungmehetu said:

I have been in both roles that you ask about. I will tell you that Fantasy is NOT reality. It never flows the way you want it to as a submissive. So you have to be open, wide open to new things that your Dom might throw at you.

Talk. Talk a lot with the man you want to do things with. If he is overly forceful, he's not for you. If he's sheepish and asks about everything YOU want...again, he's not for you, as he's not a real Dom.

A real Dom will ask your interests and then try to push more secret info from you.. He will not want to "claim" you on the first date, but rather get to know you better. He will be confident in his approach, and still listen to your needs and wants.

A true Dom will tell you flat out "You aren't ready for Lifestyle". They are very picky about subs and slaves.

Are you ready? Well answer this. have you considered uncomfortable pain in your fantasies? All first timers will feel pain.
Do you think about safety? No matter what you are doing, you must always protect yourself....yes the act of condoms ruin spontaneity, but it is your body at risk.

Remember that the first explorations will bring some disappointment. one must not give up because of a few failed endeavors. Find what fits YOU. then move on.

Hope that helps.

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Holy crap is this terrible advice! >.<

The concept of a "real dom" is just silly. Just like the concept of a "real sub." Seriously, nobody can tell another person what they are or what they are not. The only person who can decide that is THAT person.

You can't decided if someone "is not for you" for them. If two or more people are compatible, it's up to them.

All first timers will feel pain, huh? Where the hell did you get that statistic? A person is responsible for finding someone compatible with them, if pain isn't on the menu (which a lot of D/s doesn't include pain) then, no, they don't have to be prepared to receive pain.

The only decent advice here was the bit about protecting ones self. Though, that goes way beyond just using condoms.

You should have some feelings about submission already. It's not something you just become. You usually have feelings or desires to submit to someone. Many submissives are selective in who they can submit to, so if you don't feel submissive towards all men, don't worry about it. But, you should have fantasies about submitting or maybe dreams about it. The type of man you would submit to is in the fantasy and he does things to you that you'd like a real man to do to you.

If you don't have these submissive desires, you still might be submissive. You should read stories and watch videos to find out if you enjoy them. There are various ways to submit so do a lot of reading and watching, to find just what you might enjoy. Once you find something you enjoy about submission, you need to find a man or woman that fits that dom in your fantasies.

If you don't have fantasies and no submissive stories or videos excite you, you might not have the desire to be a submissive. It's not an exact science, but that desire will be burning inside of you. You might not understand what it is, but after reading stories and watching those videos, you should start to understand that inner desire you have.

Communication. You have to communicate your desires to anybody you feel you may be submissive to. That's how you find out what they are interested in. Of course, it's best to find out if they have a dominant personality before you open up with your desires. Going to munches and meeting others interested in D/s is the best way to get started in meeting like minded people in your area.

Don't trust just anybody who says he's a dom. Many will be fakers and looking for some cheap sex. You being a novice submissive can sometimes be fooled by these people and you'll end up with a warped idea of submission. This is another reason to go to munches to meet others like you. Organized groups are welcoming and will usually help a newbie with understanding their new found desires. Make friends with other submissives in the group. They are the best barometer of the doms in the group.

Go slow. Don't jump into anything without thinking it through in your mind. Many guys who are just looking for cheap sex will misunderstand the dom role and you need to know what the red flags are. This is another reason to join up with a local group. It's a very good way to learn about fakers, liars, wannabees and other creeps.

And keep coming back here to the Main forum with questions if you want. We've been where you are and you can learn from our experiences so you won't make the same mistakes.

i always feel i need to be taken

and forced into it where i can't turn back and experience the strong hands of a woman using me or making me serve her male ... or a male just deciding it time for me to be used

What does it take to be submissive?

Submitting. Obedience.

No more, no less. You will either follow the will of another or you won't.

If you can't own your own sexuality and take responsibility for getting what you want & need, you don't need a Dominant, you don't need to submit, you need to figure out who you are, what you want and need, and then learn how to communicate that.

You want to be taken by someone who thinks you need their dick?

Hang out at a bar looking for people that make you think "Oh, what a creepy, stalker-ish, non-consensual, asshole!" And hook up.

Responsible Tops aren't fetish delivery systems for strangers, to be conjured up because YOU want one. That's not submission, that's looking for kinky sex your way.

There's nothing wrong with that, mind you, but don't confuse wanting kinky sex and a fetish for "forced bisexuality" with Domination/submission.