Why do you like pain?

To those of you who like to receive pain and/or torture, what do you think makes you want it and why do you associate it with sexual pleasure?

I had a gf who was very much into pain. She wanted to see how much she could take - and she could take a lot. I never fully understood and I would like to.

georgeblack said:

To those of you who like to receive pain and/or torture, what do you think makes you want it and why do you associate it with sexual pleasure?

I had a gf who was very much into pain. She wanted to see how much she could take - and she could take a lot. I never fully understood and I would like to.

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Pain isn't really my goal. I have had instances of wanting to do something no matter how bad it got. When I turned 20 I joined a gymnastics gym that luckily accepted adults (the insurance is more expensive so most gyms don't do over 18). I had a friend who had experience with tumbling and wanted to do it again. I on the other hand had no experience. I dreamed of it, though. I wanted it so badly. I excelled for my age having never been trained.

I kept going even though the skin on my palms was ripped off from the uneven bars, my wrists were shot from tumbling and my hips were bruised and so swollen the skin broke. My boss was always weary when limped into work with my wrist wrapped up to make sure it wouldn't move. I wanted it. Shin splints didn't stop me from attempting a front tuck. I ignored pain signals just because I wanted to do more.

Sometimes you just want to prove something. Sometimes you enjoy it. I had both. I loved the strength and flexibility. I was beastly, my shoulders were like that of a pit bull. The pain didn't matter as long as I was getting better and doing more.

As I said, I don't go looking for pain. I will, however, try to outdo myself. It's possible I have a short person complex. When it comes to pain, I don't seek it out, but I will rise to the occasion. Also, any bit of pain I feel just accentuates the pleasure. I might be a bit masochistic, I suppose I'll know for sure with time.

Edit to add: I was proud of that pain. I showed off my ripped hands and busted hips like they were prizes. I suppose, sometimes receiving pain for pleasure is a little like that. In some cases I've taken the pain just because it proved I could do it.

Endorphins feel good.

Endorphins are better than sex, actually. Tattoo > intercourse.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/10/061019094148.htm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/1694109.stm

http://www.forskningsradet.no/en/Newsarticle/Pain_can_be_a_relief/1253983915892?lang=en

Pain and pleasure are not that different from each other and how we interpret and process them is highly subjective.

Other than the kind that gives an endorphin rush that KoPilot and Iris speak of, for me, I find the arousal that the pain inflictor feels to be my biggest reason for enjoying pain. To word that more simply - I get off on the fact that someone else is getting off because I'm hurting. Why I'm like this, I don't really know.

I do think that there is definitely no one size fits all answer to this question. I know it took me a number of years to understand what it was that I specifically liked about receiving pain but to be honest knowing why really hasn't changed anything. I really don't understand some of my other kinks or the motivations behind them but that's ok too.

Endorphins are part of it. So is the "I dare you to..." challenge.

I enjoy giving myself pain. (Less so now than in the past.) When I'm wearing nipple clamps under my dress, I get off on how men might be aroused if they could see them or know what I'm feeling at that moment. It's my secret.

But with a very few exceptions, I do not enjoy others giving me pain.

It's complicated.

Endorphins, absolutely. And the control that comes with it. It's a beautiful harmony that gets me wetter and hotter than any 'plain & simple' sexual contact can.

Letting my wife give me what she thinks I deserve, and me giving it back to her when it's my turn. Taking it willingly to satisfy each other.

I'm still exploring this concept for myself, because it is exceedingly complex. I like the endorphins ... once they come. For me, that takes forever. I love the challenge of it. I gave birth with no drugs and once at home, so I have a history of facing pain head on and trying to conquer it. I really, really like that. I like how my body responds differently ever single time. Sometimes I can take anything he dishes out, other times I whimper from the first sting of the whip. Last night, for the first time, I cried while being whipped. It was a public scene and I still didn't really let go and get upset, but it was all I could do to keep it inside and not make a spectacle of myself. Even crying at all is a majorly different thing for me and I am still processing it today, and probably for a long time to come. I think, for me, I am going to need to be in relative privacy or with those I am very, very comfortable with to actually let go and let it all out. Hopefully someday I will get the chance for that.

So, I love the endorphins, I love the challenge to myself, and I love the challenge he gives me, and I try to go and go and go as long as he can. Sometimes I feel very competitive with him, an "I dare you to try to make me give up" mentality. And he gets so freakin' happy, I love being in the pain he dishes out just because he is so happy. I love to make him happy.

I never expected, when I started this journey, that pain would be part of what I like. I still don't consider myself a masochist, but I am working my way through realizing that the pain, the challenge, the conquering of it, is all very good for my psyche. I have never felt so psychologically well in my entire life as I have since starting BDSM/pain activities.

I thought an old [old old old] thread might offer some interesting insights

Pain, a facet-nating (msp intended) thing

To the folks who "want to take it" or submit for the pleasure of your partner, does that also apply to fetishes in general? Or is it just pain. For example if he wanted to pee on you and you found it repulsive, would you do it any way like you take the pain?

georgeblack said:

To the folks who "want to take it" or submit for the pleasure of your partner, does that also apply to fetishes in general? Or is it just pain. For example if he wanted to pee on you and you found it repulsive, would you do it any way like you take the pain?

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Everyone has different limits as to how far they are willing or can take things. I personally have learned as I have experimented that I need to keep an open mind, discuss why my partner wants a given activity, what it symbolizes or gives to him, what might come to me from it, etc. Then I usually decide to try the activity. Keeping an open mind to things has brought me a lot of new things to do that I swore I would never, ever try. I have a BDSM spreadsheet someone gave me to fill out a couple of years ago and I know if I went back and looked at it I would laugh my ass off at the stuff I said I wouldn't do but have ended up loving.

The water sports is a good example. I have never done it, and don't have a relationship where I would even consider it right now. But, if I was in a loving D/s relationship, I would consider it if it's something my Dom really wanted or needed. I heard someone describe it as "marking his territory" and that's really primal, and for me, primal almost always equals "fucking hot". So, would I try it? Yes, with someone special. Would I keep doing it? It depends on how it goes that first time. My inclination about me, personally, is that if it's something my lover wanted, I would want to do it.

I'm into sensations, pain is but one of them. I have a very high pain threshold. It helps even more if a sensation is part of sensual experience.

It also helps my ridiculous guilt and "I don't want to be in charge but work and life requires it" levels when I'm spanked and so on.

FF

To explain why I have some like for pain (I'm not a pure masochist), first I'll say that I like variation. I think most people do, just some to greater extents than others -- for example, you might absolutely love one type of food and eat it more frequently than any other. However, if you eat only one specific kind of dish, you're likely to get tired of it after awhile to the point that you lose enjoyment of it. This, to me, also explains why I enjoy being submissive so much -- it is more rewarding to me to be limited by a Dominant's control in how much or how often I can do something I enjoy, much the same way I enjoy vacation much more after I've had a grueling few months of school or work.

So, pain. To me it emphasizes pleasure. It accessorizes pleasure, much the same way a beautiful bracelet, belt, or pair of earrings might complement the outfit. These things do not themselves make the outfit, but together with it they enhance the overall look and make it that much more notable.

Don't get me wrong, pleasure without pain is still lovely, but there's something about pain added to it that gives it that variety, amps up the rewarding sensation of the pleasure (and the endorphins, of course -- pleasure chemicals drive people in oh so many ways).

For totally different reasons, sometimes pain without pleasure can be stimulating in its own right -- after all, pleasure can sometimes get so extreme for me that it becomes painful in its own way. I'm beginning to find that some types of pain (such as spanking) sort of mirror that pleasure-pain, and I enjoy them on their own.

However, I have my limits. While I have decent pain tolerance, there's a level of pain that is endurable for me that also supersedes pleasure. Some of that is endurable for the sake of my Dom (ie, I'm okay experiencing it even though I get no pleasure out of it), but there is a level where I shut off, I think, and at that point I'm more focused on my body's screaming at me that something is injured/in the process of getting injured than I am on anything else. Aaaand, going by previous injuries (whiplash and incorrectly doing lunges with weights while tired), usually at that point something is getting injured in a not-good way and it's time to stop (because, believe me, injuring muscles is awful and tends to result in permanent damage).

The rush, the endorphins, letting him take over and do what he pleases with me and to me, all this knowing I'm still safe in his hands.

The first few lashes or slaps, make me smile, sometimes even giggle. I know I'm in for it and that when I'm allowed to cum later, it will be severely intense.

If it's pussy slapping...he also stops and gives me some gentle touches or licks, and that soft sensation makes me melt and get even wetter.

Overall, while all of this is going on, my mind is focused on nothing else, fully aroused, awaiting his next touch. Will it be a slap, a kiss, a nipple bite? The arousal and excitement and anxiousness take me beyond the limits of my control.

He takes me to paradise

georgeblack said:

To those of you who like to receive pain and/or torture, what do you think makes you want it and why do you associate it with sexual pleasure?

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Personally I only enjoy pain when I'm sexually aroused, and the more aroused I am the more pain I like. There seems to be some sort of neurological connection between pleasure and pain in which the pain amplifies or adds to the pleasure. An orgasm with a sufficient amount of pain is much stronger and more intense than without, but I don't know if it's neurological or just psychological.

I think that for me it is about the endorphin rushing of indulging in contrasts to make each of the experiences more explicit. The experience of pleasure gets so crisp and clear when held so closely next to pain. The endurance of pain can bring the pleasure of accomplishment or the relief from pain can be a brain high that is like no other. Knowing one better deepens the understanding and experience of the other. I wonder sometimes if this is similar to the education you can get switching roles in a dynamic when you would not really identify as a switch. It is curious how masochist means you like pain, but doesn't really speak to pleasure.

Anyways, I guess I just love the captivating dance of 2 opposing forces coming together to fight or play. I think that I just need both to be sated. Or maybe I am just deeply indecisive and lazy and am relieved by any opportunity that allows me some "and".

Yes, well put. I just this morning read an article that dopamine is created by both pain and pleasure, which according to the article was a surprising finding. I just wonder why everyone doesn't enjoy a little pain with their pleasure, or maybe it's just something most people haven't discovered.

P.S.
Question for moderators: Why doesn't my avatar show up? Thank you.

Is it a control thing for both people? For the person receiving, if they can endure the pain without "breaking", they may still feel in control - of their life, of their emotions, of their partner.

For the person giving is there some control in that I can dish out this pain and the other person still loves me, still wants to have me sexually?

And of course I am only talking about pain in the context of a loving, consensual relationship. I am not talking about real abuse which is never OK for either person.

I can only speak for myself, but it has very little to do with control. I enjoy a little pain even though I have to instruct my partner what to do and how hard to do it (without bondage, because I've never met a woman interested in being a Dom), but I will admit that the fantasy of not being able to resist is very tantalizing and I think would add immeasurably to the pleasure. Unfortunately I've never had a sex partner who understands that what they think of as inflicting pain (up to a point of course), is actually pleasurable for me.

You speak of "enduring the pain without 'breaking'", but it's not a matter of enduring anything because instead of inflicting pain you are actually inflicting more intense pleasure for me. Maybe it's a difficult concept for those who don't experience the same feeling to understand, but below the "Red Light" threshold you may be inflicting what you think is pain, but to me it's pleasure. Maybe it's one of those things that are impossible to explain unless you can experience it yourself. I love vaping cannabis because of the change in perspective it provides (I'm legal and have a government permit for it), but most people (especially women) don't seem to get anything from it at all, or even find it unpleasant. To each his/her own I guess.

It doesn't have to be about control, but it can be.

I think it's erotic to be in a place where you can hand the line of your pain tolerance to someone you trust and watch and feel what they do with it. That place where "I can't" meets head on with "I did" is rather compelling.

That said, denial of the painful things you crave as a masochist can be part of the dance of power as well and probably deserves a mention here as well.

georgeblack said:

To the folks who "want to take it" or submit for the pleasure of your partner, does that also apply to fetishes in general? Or is it just pain. For example if he wanted to pee on you and you found it repulsive, would you do it any way like you take the pain?

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I endeavor to submit to whatever Master wishes, though I don't always succeed. We both have a list of "nope, not happening" things which match pretty well, but there are other things which one or the other of us isn't as keen on. For those things he wants, even if I don't love them, I try my best to follow his wishes because it pleases him and that's generally in my best interest.

georgeblack said:

Is it a control thing for both people? For the person receiving, if they can endure the pain without "breaking", they may still feel in control - of their life, of their emotions, of their partner.

For the person giving is there some control in that I can dish out this pain and the other person still loves me, still wants to have me sexually?

And of course I am only talking about pain in the context of a loving, consensual relationship. I am not talking about real abuse which is never OK for either person.

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Well, I kind of relish that breaking point. It's like a reset button for me, when he takes me beyond arousal to orgasm to, well, what feels like disintegration for me. He makes me surrender and, eventually, I'm virtually reborn and whatever stuff I've had pent up just goes away and I'm relaxed and refreshed. These words aren't quite right, but I don't know how else to explain it.

Master would have to speak for his part of it.

For me, there are very few things that I absolutely won't do if my partner loves them. If my partner found it really hot to pee on me, the humiliation of taking it and the pleasure of pleasing him would both be huge turn-ons for me. Conversely, if my partner really didn't enjoy something that I loved (for example, flogging me), I couldn't enjoy it as much.

The scenes where I endure the pain without breaking aren't D/s related for me; they're ego boosts. The ones where I try to endure it, but my partner breaks me anyway are the really good ones, where I'm completely emotionally exposed. I wouldn't say that I like it, per se. It's too intense and raw to like, since being broken isn't really a fun experience. I would say that it gives me a sense of complete freedom and vulnerability, and that something inside me needs and craves that.

On the lighter side of things, I enjoy the endorphin rush I get from a flogging or thuddy spanking, and the humiliation I get from being slapped or thrown over someone's knee. There's a huge difference between the "yay endorphins and humiliation!" scenes and the "I'm so broken, I don't even know what my name is" scenes.

By "being broken" do you mean having to use the safe word?

With the little experience I've had, I tried to guide my lady partner to the "edge" of my pain threshold by simply telling her whether I wanted more or less. At that time I'd never heard of "safe words" like green, orange, and red and although she was a psychopath she wasn't into B&D.

By "pain threshold" I mean the point at which the pain becomes unpleasant instead of pleasant and breaks the "spell" so to speak. Your motives seem to be much deeper and more complex than my fantasies. I only wish I had someone like you to teach me what this is really all about when I was younger.

HurtsSoGood said:

By "being broken" do you mean having to use the safe word?

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I'm not sure who you're asking. Personally, I mean being overwhelmed physically, mentally, and emotionally. It isn't just about the pain, it's also about the situation, the energy between me and the other person, and whatever they're doing to me psychologically as they're hurting me. It doesn't have anything to do with safe words. It's more about being in a place where I can no longer function, where all my inhibitions and boundaries have been stripped away, and I'm just a ball of raw Kyla-ness. That's the best way I can describe it. Someone else could probably describe it better.

Tip on showing someone your pain thresholds: sometimes when you're first playing with someone, it's a good idea to rate how much pain they're giving you on a 1-10 scale so they know where you are. Keep in mind that the rating will change as the endorphins go up.