Feedback on a lesbian story

Hey LaRascasse,

I didn't want your thread to go unanswered and I took a read, and am glad I did!

Your writing is brilliant and the story is very well done! I'm not usually a fan of romance stories, but it kept me interested and hungering for the ending. Great characterizations and nice descriptions. I'm not a cricket fan either, but I endured.

-Davy
 
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Thanks for the read. Yeah, there was much cricket and cricket practice, but I curated an immensely complex game down to see-ball hit-ball which is universally understandable. Was it still too much?

I'm glad you liked the characters. I may have taken a couple of templates of real life cricketers, but I wanted to give them an engaging enough story to keep the reader invested till the end.
 
No the cricket amount was bearable for a non-fan! I never felt confused about it and was glad you kept away from any intricacies!

Honestly, I rarely read romance stories, and I finished this one with no problem... so you did a good job keeping me entertained despite two strikes (not sure the cricket equivalent to that baseball term) against my normal interests!

*Edited - I forgot to mention I am currently writing a tennis themed series, with two parts up right now. So I actually paid attention to how much cricket you brought into the story and liked the balance you struck!
 
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I only got through the first page before I ran out of time but what I read was excellent. Some real writing talent. Lesbian isn't my thing and romances only once in a while so to keep me reading means it captured my interest despite it not being my genre.

I'll come back and finish it later today but so far.... good job! :)
 
So I can't believe I just read a Lesbian/romance story, but it drew me in and I had to finish. Awesome writing. 5*

I will reflect a couple of comments in that I too would have liked to hear about their second game and the parents reaction. Definitely a story there.

It bothered me a bit because I know absolutely nothing about cricket and wasn't able to follow the ins and outs of it. But that was my lack and not yours.
 
Thanks for getting through the story. Yeah, cricket can be a bit much for someone without exposure to the game. The subtle nuances take years of watching to appreciate. As I mentioned above, I tried to simplify it so anyone to follow along. Was it still a bit much?

I think the one consistent comment I'm getting both on the forum and the story comments section is how I left multiple threads unresolved - Chantal coming out to her parents, Ellie's fractious relationship with her sister, even the rest of the WBBL (where each team plays a minimum of 14 matches). I'd like to think of it more as "open ended" than "unresolved" as I generally like to give the readers a chance to make their own futures for my characters. I can write one future which I feel would fit - but if I leave it to the reader, each can make their own unique end to the story and no one feels shortchanged that things did not turn out the way they had hoped. Is that not better?

Of course, in this case, there was an element of the contest deadline only allowing for how-much-ever made it to the submission. Even if I wanted to, I didn't have the time to take all the threads to closure. As a reader, I always prefer Happy-For-Now over Happily-Ever-After.

What is your take on this?
 
Leaving things at a point where readers beg for a sequel is a perfect plot. As long as it's resolved enough to satisfy them for now. I'd say you accomplished that.

And you have cannon fodder for future stories about the characters.

The cricket gave me enough details to raise some interest in the game and I've added it to my bucket list of things to learn about. So that was successful too. It may not have been enough for someone who understands cricket, but that's not something I would know. It seems all the commenters thought you included a sufficient amount.

I know the temptation with stories is to edit and polish forever. I have stuff years old I'm still not ready to submit. "Crash" the story I submitted for Sunburnt was only written in about a week spread over two months. The ending (not the original btw) went really dark and that along with the LW category cost me. It definitely did not fit the Happy-For-Now or Forever ending.

I try put the event stories in the fun category. Whatever comes, it's for shit and giggles.
 
Thanks for the read. Yeah, there was much cricket and cricket practice, but I curated an immensely complex game down to see-ball hit-ball which is universally understandable. Was it still too much?

Honestly the only thing I would've added is a little bit more explanation of cricket. I got an idea of the emotional stakes regarding Chantel's missed catch... but as someone who doesn't understand Cricket at all, I got a lot a little lost at times.

That said, I also greatly enjoyed this story. I like that the some of the tension and reluctance was well illustrated between Chantel and Ellie. The divorce decision was particularly poignant.
 
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