First story: Duck Hunt

I don't usually read that kind of story, but took a look at it simply to critique it as a piece of writing.

I liked it. I liked it quite a bit.

I see that some of the commenters complained about the "lack of dialogue". But it doesn't lack dialogue, it just presents it in an unorthodox style. The tone of the narration, including the "Then she told me, blah blah blah" dialogue, put me in mind of a hard boiled detective novel, and for this story, that worked.

Those commenters. Wow.
 
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Thanks MB. Appreciate your take - you are a writer so in touch with her own feelings. That’s easy to type but hard to live out. Any advice you can given I’d appreciate. Hope we can compare notes on each other’s work soon.
 
Follow-up

After a disastrous first day (at one point sub-2.0) it has been gratifying to see the story (and its companion piece Dave) find more of a receptive audience. It’s been especially nice to get emails about the story and talk more about it one on one. Loving Wives is by far my favorite genre, but the commenters are pretty visceral. And I say that as a compliment!
 
It's stylistically excellent. The writing is taut and economical, judicial in its choice of details and imagery. I found this a very natural read. I'll be reading others from you after this.
 
It's stylistically excellent. The writing is taut and economical, judicial in its choice of details and imagery. I found this a very natural read. I'll be reading others from you after this.
On the strength of this commendation, I checked out the story... wow. That's crackling good writing, and ignore the grammar pedants who didn't get what you were doing.

No punctuation was good enough for parts of Hubert Selby's Last Exit to Brooklyn - this piece reminded me of that book - and it works here. Adventurous writing, cudos.
 
Thank You!

thewinedarksea & electricblue66, thanks so much for your kind words. I had a lot of fun playing with it (and it's companion piece, Dave.)

I was a little surprised how strongly some people react to the lack of quotation marks, and I hate that it distracts some from the story. But that's what's fun about writing: you can play with stuff and see what works.

I'm working on a longer piece that should be ready fairly soon, and I submitted for the Summer Lovin contest :)

Thanks again. I'll find time to learn more about your writings this week!:)
 
I'm not surprised that people complained about the lack of quotation marks. Anything that strains conventions will upset readers who purely want an easily digestible story. I get shit just for writing in the present tense; I shudder to think what would happen if I ditched quotation marks too.

Readers with open minds, or those who've read some Cormac McCarthy, will appreciate the stylistic choice you made. It's quite clear you know what you're doing, and the style works for the story.

By the way, the possessive of "who" is "whose," not "who's" ;)
 
I get shit just for writing in the present tense.
Tell the style nazis that if present tense is good enough for John Le Carre, it's good enough for you - his Absolute Friends is present tense, even in flashbacks (which I grant you, stretches a friendship a bit...).
 
Readers with open minds, or those who've read some Cormac McCarthy, will appreciate the stylistic choice you made.

It’s funny: everytime I get negative feedback over the lack of quotation marks I wonder if they think the same thing about McCarthy. You close yourself off if you’ll only read stories written in a certain way.

Embarrassed about who’s/whose. :caning:
 
Tell the style nazis that if present tense is good enough for John Le Carre, it's good enough for you - his Absolute Friends is present tense, even in flashbacks (which I grant you, stretches a friendship a bit...).

To me present tense gives an immediacy that erotica desperately needs. Appreciate the kind words!
 
It’s funny: everytime I get negative feedback over the lack of quotation marks I wonder if they think the same thing about McCarthy. You close yourself off if you’ll only read stories written in a certain way.

Embarrassed about who’s/whose. :caning:

Yes, McCarthy gets criticized and loses readers for putting his quirks above comfortable reader comprehension. He obviously is content with the readers he does get, though. If you want to put yourself above the readers and make them do unnecessary work to comprehend you, that's certainly your choice. For some authors it is all about them. This is an example of that.
 
If you want to put yourself above the readers and make them do unnecessary work to comprehend you, that's certainly your choice. For some authors it is all about them. This is an example of that.

I appreciate your viewpoint but don’t agree. How you tell a story is the story. I get that in some stories quotation marks work just fine. But in some stories, particularly first-person, they can be a little off-putting. It’s easier for me to write realistic dialogue outside of that constraint. It’s not a case of “putting myself” above the reader. It’s just telling a story in a different way.
Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate you taking the time. I’ll be sure to check out your stuff.
 
As I noted, for some authors it's all about them. Standard conventions are for reader understanding. To the extent you don't use them, you are putting yourself above the reader. *shrug*

I'm a reader and I don't bother reading McCarthy as being unnecessarily intrusive in my read and thereby disrespectful of me, as a reader. As I said, he probably has all the readers he needs. I'm not one of them.
 
McCarthy is on record about his approach to punctuation and it has nothing to do with contempt for the reader or his own self-regard.
 
It's not a case of what I think, he's given interviews about it. Google his Oprah interview, for example.
 
It's not a case of what I think, he's given interviews about it. Google his Oprah interview, for example.

I don't have to. It's obvious to me that he's putting himself above the reader. I'm sure there are some readers willing (even anxious) to take a subservient position. Fine for them. I'm not. There's no shortage of readable, unaffected, authors.
 
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It's obvious to me that he's putting himself above the reader.

I think it’s a difficult argument to make that if an author doesn’t meet your exact expectations then they are putting themselves first. Most great authors brought some innovation to their work, and that means taking readers someplace they aren’t comfortable.
I think to say we can’t challenge readers is an insult to readers.
 
Avoiding basic grammar and punctuation standards just to be yourself is not calling for my "exact expectations." And there's a big difference between taking readers someplace uncomfortable with content than making them wade through nonstandard grammar and punctuation to get to the read. That most certainly is the author asserting aggressive dominance in the partnership.

Enough of this.
 
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I'm trying to understand you, KeithD. Is poetry just a big exercise in asserting dominance, then?
 
I'm trying to understand you, KeithD. Is poetry just a big exercise in asserting dominance, then?

I take my poetry with cadence, rhyme, and punctuation. So, I see the stripping out of grammar and punctuation there as just trying to be cute and artsy for little reason at all. These aren't the same modes at all, though.
 
I see the stripping out of grammar and punctuation there as just trying to be cute and artsy for little reason at all.

And that’s where we differ. To me:

“How are you,” she asked.
“Fine,” he responded.
“Good,” she said.

Has a whole different feel than:

She asked how I was.
Fine.
She says good.
 
And that’s where we differ. To me:

“How are you,” she asked.
“Fine,” he responded.
“Good,” she said.

Has a whole different feel than:

She asked how I was.
Fine.
She says good.

There was only one line there that is nonstandard in grammar or punctuation and there's no rationale at all beyond "its memememe" for not putting the "Fine" in quotes. You haven't clearly conveyed that the "Fine" was spoken rather than just thought or just hanging there as a "not challenged," and a reader can certainly not be blamed for interrupting the read to determine whether or not it was spoken. (Of course, if there's a whole book of this, the reader can figure it out. But the reader is more likely to need a nap after that than if standard grammar and punctuation were used baring a good rationale not to--like dialogue or narration in some dialect, which is also very tiring in more than minimal volume).

And THAT is enough. I'm a professional book editor and I wouldn't take an editing job that requires the reader to do needless work to follow the read just because the author wants to be different and in charge of the partnership. If I can get out of working with "it's all about me" authors, I run for the exit.

I think I've been clear and I haven't asked you or anyone else to agree with me, so that's enough. I've acknowledged that authors like McCarthy have fans. There are also plenty of willing submissives around for aggressive dominators. I'm just not that impressed with writers who feel they need to employ a gimmick to be standing in the front row.
 
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